Chapter Thirteen
The only other noteworthy factor, besides her surroundings, was Aspen.
Mo knew she hadn’t changed per se, but she was finally giving in to allow Aspen to take up space in her world without gripe.
Along the trail, Mo would attempt to look back at Aspen every chance she got.
It felt wonderful to finally allow herself the grace to see Aspen fully, without the negativity she had wrongly placed on her.
Even if Aspen didn’t feel the same, Mo knew she deserved better treatment than what she had been giving her.
And she wanted to make sure Aspen knew that.
“There should be another temporary bridge up ahead,” Aspen said suddenly. “I don’t know if the water has gone low enough for Betty’s team to install it, though.”
“Do they install a new bridge every year?” Mo stopped, confused as to why the bridge would need to be temporary.
“The water levels of Redwood Creek rise higher in the winter season,” Aspen explained happily, turning to point back to where they had previously crossed.
“Back there is where the trail ends for winter visitors due to the danger of crossing when the water is high. They remove the bridges around early November. May is usually when the water begins to lower, allowing the park rangers time to bring equipment out and put them back.”
“Oh, I get it. Makes the trail safer for everyone.”
“Exactly. Humans are known for overestimating their abilities, so even on a pretty flat trail like Redwood Creek, people have been known to hurt themselves and need rescuing.” Aspen smiled broadly up at Mo.
Mo noticed again just how irresistible Aspen’s smile was. “And that is why I am thankful you’re here with me. I might have ended up being one of those people.”
Aspen’s cheeks reddened under her compliment, and Mo watched her bite her lip before looking away and adding, “Maybe. Having me does lessen the danger, but it’s still there. I assume Annie was pretty experienced?”
“Yeah, I assume she was. Opal would probably agree since she learned all the stuff she knows about the outdoors from her. I was wondering, actually, if she ever met you at Dry Creek. Annie was also a big fan of beer…” Mo trailed off, moving down the path again.
“I doubt it. I’ve only been living in Orick for about five years,” Aspen said, walking slowly behind Mo’s tepid pace. “Unless I met her on the trail, but I doubt that.”
“Why so?”
“Kyle,” Aspen remarked, the lilt in her voice taking on an adverse tone.
“Kyle?” Mo turned to catch Aspen’s gaze.
“My ex-husband.” Aspen shrugged. “He was every rural girl’s dream. Tall, muscular, dark hair, blue eyes, played running back for our high school football team. We were run-of-the-mill high school sweethearts, married only a year after we graduated.”
“Were you in love with him?” Mo asked. Aspen stopped moving and Mo somehow sensed it, turning to stop with her. She studied Aspen’s contorted face, worried she had made a mistake in asking. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“No, no. Don’t worry.” Aspen chuckled. “It’s just…no one has ever asked me that.”
“Oh.” Mo laughed with her, watching as she moved both hiking poles into one hand in contemplation. “Glad to ask the hard hitters, then.”
“I think I was in love with the idea of him,” Aspen said, catching Mo’s eyes. “I don’t think I need to ask. You were definitely in love with Annie.”
Mo smiled wide. “Yeah, I guess that’s kind of obvious. Which might be why I asked about him, seeing as you are out now. Well, let me make that a little clearer—of course you’re allowed to be a lesbian and have been in love with him. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Aspen agreed, pointing back to the trail with her poles so they could continue. But instead of following behind her, she chose to walk beside Mo now. “Kyle initiated everything in our relationship except, well, the ending, obviously.”
Mo snorted at that, trying to imagine Aspen in a relationship with a man. “I’ll be honest, I can’t really see you with a guy.”
“Yeah, me either, actually. But looking back, I think I was in love with the stability he brought me. Even if he did treat me poorly, his lifestyle allowed me a lot of flexibility that I enjoyed. It lasted longer than I thought it would, because he was a traveling electrician, so I didn’t have to face my suppressed sexuality most of the week,” Aspen explained, the sound of her hiking poles hitting rocks calming Mo in a weird way.
“What did you do when he was gone?”
“Housework, mostly. He was every stereotypical blue-collar man you’ve ever met.
He wanted me to stay at home for when we had kids, a process that no matter how hard he wanted it, I rarely gave him the chance to do.
” Aspen’s voice was slightly lower now. “I thought I was broken…Come to figure out, I was just sleeping with the wrong gender.”
“How did you figure it out?” Mo asked, enjoying the closeness she felt to Aspen at this moment. “I kinda just knew at a young age. I’ve not really thought about how I’d figure it out in your situation.”
“Well, for me at least, it’s pretty similar to you.” Aspen reached out and touched Mo’s shoulder softly. “I always kind of knew. I just hid it out of fear, or maybe shame? And at some point, after years of being left alone in that house, it just kind of clicked.”
A smile spread over Mo’s face. “Like a light switch was turned on?”
“Yep. And I never wanted to turn it off again. It was so overwhelming that it was only a month or so before I finally found the courage to tell Kyle.”
“How did he take it?”
“Badly.” Aspen laughed softly. “I can laugh about it now because he’s gone, but he was pretty cruel.”
“Ah.”
“But I had Virginia and Salvador, who I had come out to a few weeks prior. And this…” Aspen twirled around, her arms spread out toward nature. “My half-baked life with Kyle didn’t compare.”
“I’m proud of you,” Mo said with earnest honesty, loving the twinkle of Aspen’s eyes in return. “You chose you.”
“I guess,” Aspen replied, clearly embarrassed.
“Kyle thought I was cheating on him and used being a lesbian as an excuse so he wouldn’t figure out who the ‘guy’ was.
After I processed everything he said to me during that time, I think I figured out his true motives.
It seemed as though he thought that he had saved me and was owed some sort of reward for doing so. ”
“Saved you?”
“From my parents. My childhood.” Aspen’s voice was smaller than Mo had ever heard it. “Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Mo asked as Aspen looked toward her feet, avoiding her gaze.
After a few long, sullen moments, Aspen answered. “I didn’t mean to make some of Annie’s trip about me.”
Mo laughed heartily at that, which brought Aspen’s eyes back up to hers. “That might be the end goal here, Aspen, but you are allowed to share. I want you to share. This trip can be about more than Annie.”
“Yeah, but Kyle is ancient history.” Aspen matched her energy, quickly wiping away any of the insecurity she had just shown Mo.
“Speaking of him…you aren’t a reward, you know?” Mo slid her thumbs behind her shoulder straps. “And no one is owed you just because they helped you in some way.”
“Stop.” Aspen bit her lip again, looking away as she blushed. “I don’t have any fancy backpacking food as payment for all these compliments, ya know?”
Mo let her off the hook with a mock scoff. “What? I thought this act would get me a steak dinner.”
“Steak, huh?” Aspen returned, moving to walk again. “At least ask for something fancier.”
“Like what?”
“Caviar?”
“I’m gonna be honest,” Mo said. “I like a lot of different fish eggs, in a lot of different ways. But caviar of the traditional Eurasian variety is overrated.”
“Especially at that price,” Aspen added, leading Mo sideways down a steep but short cut in the path. “I’m not really into a lot of fancy stuff.”
“Me neither. You can teach me about the different forks and spoons, but I am most comfortable somewhere where I can put my elbows on the table.”
“Hear, hear!”
Conversation naturally died after this, and Mo found herself relaxed, even with all the physical exertion the trail required.
Her back and feet hurt significantly less today.
Aspen’s help with her pack and the high from making amends that morning had kept her soreness to a minimum.
The lack of pressure, the winding trail being her only adversary, was leading Mo to just feel things as they came instead of actively trying to avoid them.
Her hands languidly dropped into her pockets, causing her to remember the existence of Annie’s treasure. Unable to resist pulling it out, she felt the coolness of the cylinder against her palm, watching as the metal seemed to almost twinkle in the sun.
“You wanna hear more about Annie?” Mo asked suddenly.
“Are you pulling my leg?”
“I thought you wanted to hear more about her.” Mo tilted her head, pocketing Annie’s treasure before Aspen could see it.
“I did, I mean, I do. I don’t know, I guess I didn’t expect you to just…” Aspen waved her right hand dramatically out in front of her. “Give in?”
“I am full of surprises.” Mo shrugged, trudging past Aspen before pointing ahead. “I found the bridge.”
“Yep, there it is.”
Mo strolled right up to the front of it, admiring its construction.
The bridge was basic, just horizontal redwood boards placed along a strong base.
They were held in place by wood columns that were installed every four or so boards.
A rope was strung from these columns on either side, giving the appearance of an old-style rope bridge.
Mo turned and grinned at Aspen. “Looks pretty sturdy.”
“If Betty had anything to do with it, it is. Just watch where you step. It’s over deep water in the middle.”
Mo tested the bridge’s sturdiness with her foot, feeling no give. With confidence she stepped on and strode across easily, enjoying looking down into the clear water. “Are there fish in here?”