Chapter Twenty-One #2
“It wasn’t a fling, was it?” Opal finished for her.
Mo shook her head, then shrugged. With a deep breath, she finally broke. “Not to me…but that’s, like, my fault.”
Opal slid forward at that comment, her eyebrows tilting in confusion. “How is that your fault? I think you are allowed to feel things for her.”
“Yeah, but she made it very clear—multiple times, in fact—that it was no-strings fun.” Mo shrugged again, finishing the last bit of her cider off. She crushed the can in her hand, tilting to set it against the wall of the building. “I just took it too far.”
“How’s that?” Opal probed further, squinting at Mo with interest.
It was a simple question. One that, when run through Mo’s mind, was even more unclear.
“Umm…” Mo took in a deep breath before finally giving in. “I fell in love with her. Or am I falling in love with her? Unsure, to be honest. This stuff is all so foreign to me.”
Mo kept her eyes averted, not looking forward to seeing pity in Opal’s. But it was only a few quick moments before she felt Opal slide her arms under her own, pulling her in for a tight hug.
“That’s incredible,” Opal squealed in her ear, releasing a smile from her face. “I’m so happy for you, Mo.”
Mo pulled back, meeting a thrilled Opal grinning from ear to ear. “It’s something, I guess.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s too early to know.” Mo shrugged and swallowed. “The only thing I do know is that she doesn’t feel the same.”
Opal leaned back into her chair, her face falling to something more pensive than elated. Her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, and she reached into her shorts to pull up her phone and began tapping away.
“She was very clear. Even if I—” Mo began rubbing her palms together. “Even if I wanted her to feel differently.”
“But you’re in love with her?” Opal repeated, her eyes still on her phone.
“I don’t know?” Mo tilted her head back and forth, her body alight with conflicting emotions. “It’s the only word I can think of to encapsulate how I feel. But it’s a big word.”
Opal slid her phone into her pocket, placing her now smug gaze on Mo. “You like her.”
“I adore her.”
“Then you’ve got to tell her.”
“I don’t know about that.” Mo felt uneasy at that thought, leaning back into her chair and crossing her legs. “That sounds…”
“Scary?” Opal offered.
“Insane?” Mo ran her fingers through her hair. “What if she doesn’t feel that way about me?”
“What if she does?” Opal’s eyes glinted like she knew something Mo did not. “What if she pushed you away because she is just as scared as you?”
A flicker of hope lit inside Mo’s chest, catching fire to her nervous system as those words sank in. “How would you know that?”
Opal laughed. “She’s a single lesbian living in the rural redwoods. She is one hundred percent afraid of commitment.”
“Oh.” Mo searched her memory, trying to find anything to support that notion. “She was married.”
“Really?” Opal replied. “To who?”
“A man. And from her stories, he was a traditional man who wanted to claim her more as a trophy than a partner,” Mo gruffed. “Wait, how did you know she was a lesbian?”
“Bud.” Opal shrugged. “The man tells me everything.”
“As he should, honestly.” Mo smiled. “I don’t know. I’m too old and too broken to know if I have a shot with Aspen. And I said something to Annie about it—”
“Annie would want you to try,” Opal interrupted, reaching forward to lightly touch Mo’s leg.
“You deserve to be happy, Mo. Sure, you might be a broken pile of popsicle sticks now. But you’re getting a therapist, you know where you need to improve.
You’ve got the glue in front of you, just put yourself back together again. ”
“I was not the nicest person to her,” Mo said, anxiety building.
“How so?”
Mo didn’t know if she wanted to fully broach that topic, so she changed it. “What if I’m not what she needs?”
“You won’t know until you try.” Opal turned to glance toward the door to the shop before meeting Mo’s eyes again. “I told Bud that we couldn’t push you like we did again, but—you obviously still need just a little convincing. Why don’t you go to your therapy tomorrow, then leave for Orick?”
“Just like that?” Mo was overwhelmed, her mind running a million miles a minute.
“Life is just like that.” Opal shrugged, leaning forward still sporting that smug smile. “I texted Bud. He’s upstairs packing your stuff, just like we did before you left the first time. There are some things in this world that you can overthink, and right now, Aspen is that.”
“I—”
“What happens when you think about Aspen?” Opal cut her off.
“My body kind of…lights on fire,” Mo replied instantly. “Like an anxious, infectious warmth.”
“What happened when you last saw her?” Opal asked, her focus steely.
“I asked her why the sudden change, and she brushed me off. I asked about her birthday.” Mo flinched, remembering how cold Aspen was. “She didn’t want me around. I should respect that.”
“When is her birthday?”
“Uh…” Mo checked her phone. “Day after tomorrow.”
“That’s your chance, Mo.” Opal leaned in, her voice determined. “The worst she can say is no again. But you’ll always know you tried. And that is far more fulfilling than sitting here wondering, isn’t it?”
Opal’s words bounced around her mind like it was a pinball machine, keeping Mo in a perpetual state of what-if. “I don’t know.”
“And that’s okay,” Opal said. “Use that to go find out.”
Mo could only blink. Opal stood, sliding her chair back into its usual position. The sun had already set, dusk finally urging the streetlights to come on. Opal gestured Mo to stand, so she did, watching as her friend put her chair back and grabbed her discarded can.
“Are we going inside?” Mo finally asked.
“Yep.” Opal nodded. “When do you have therapy?”
“The chemistry meeting is tomorrow morning.”