Chapter Twenty-Two #2
And like her cabin knew she needed it, the porch light popped on, illuminating the space beautifully.
Mo laughed deeply, like she was releasing built-up anxiety, so Aspen just shrugged and moved to sit on the steps.
She gingerly placed her coffee and sandwich down to her right before patting the place next to her with her left hand.
“Sit.”
“Thanks,” Mo replied, sitting next to Aspen.
Aspen could feel warmth radiating off Mo and had to resist leaning into it.
Instead, she took a quick sip of her coffee, tickled that Mo somehow got the ratio of sugar and milk correct without knowing it.
Turning to look at her companion, she watched as Mo nervously unwrapped her sandwich, taking a tentative bite.
Aspen swallowed, opening her mouth to say something but deciding against it.
She followed Mo’s lead and dug into her own sandwich.
It was lukewarm now but still salty and well balanced, causing her to let out an approving moan.
“This is totally worth embarrassing myself,” Mo stated with approval. “I’d wake that man up at two in the morning if these were my reward.”
“He’d make you pay a pretty penny, though,” Aspen warned, her heart screaming for her to move on from the small talk. She wrapped up the rest of her sandwich, dropping it on the step between her legs. “Mo, I gotta—”
“No, nope, notta,” Mo interrupted, placing her right hand onto Aspen’s leg. “Let me talk first.”
The motion reminded Aspen of her injury, so she swiveled toward her, reaching out to touch Mo’s arm. “Oh Jesus, I am terrible. I forgot about your shoulder. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine.” Mo pulled away but still turned so their gazes would catch. “I came up here to tell you something, and if I don’t get it out, I’m scared I never will.”
Aspen nodded, wringing her hands under Mo’s determined gaze.
“When I came up to the redwoods,” Mo began.
“I didn’t have an actual goal. My friends begged me, and I half-ass agreed.
They said it was to get over her, to move forward with my life.
It was an idea I cannot fathom even to this day ever accomplishing.
I just…I didn’t know who I was anymore, or where I fit in. And then I met you, Aspen.”
Aspen’s mouth dropped open slightly, her entire body buzzing with affection. Mo reached forward and grabbed her hands, lightly folding them back and forth between her own.
“You, a total stranger, somehow made and executed a plan that pushed me forward. Never once thinking of your own personal cost or if I was even worth helping. Which, with how my attitude was, I am still surprised you didn’t leave my ass on that trail.
And you did it all without making Annie seem less than.
” Mo closed her eyes momentarily before continuing, “That meant more to me than anything. And no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I could ever repay that kindness.
A kindness that you offered almost effortlessly. ”
Aspen’s heart swelled at Mo’s words. She didn’t know how to reply, so she just nodded and hoped it would suffice.
“I say all that to say, if you want our relationship to end at that, it would be okay. You’ve done more than enough for me.
But you didn’t just help me on that journey.
I also started to fall in love with you.
” Mo’s voice wavered, and she squeezed Aspen’s hands.
“You’re gorgeous, funny, and every moment with you feels special.
Falling asleep next to you in that tent was so easy for me because I knew I’d be waking up next to you in the morning.
You occupy all of my thoughts, and even when I don’t realize it, I find myself planning my schedule with you in mind.
I didn’t want to be some little fling. A side of enjoyment. ”
“I—” Aspen began, but Mo squeezed her hands, shaking her head.
“Let me finish. This isn’t some romance movie where I show up in the end and we say we are in love and drive off into the sunset.
We are real people.” Mo slid in closer, her eyes entrapping Aspen’s attention.
“We have real fears, real lives, and we make real choices. And I know what you said. But when I was on the phone with Annie, I told her about how I felt about you. How I was going to shoot my shot. But I let you leave.”
Mo blew air through her nose, and Aspen let her take her time with this, even as everything in her begged her to return her affection.
“I went back to Palo Alto. A place I thought was my home, but it just doesn’t feel like that anymore. I got a therapist. I’ve looked into some remote work. I am going to get my life back on track.” Mo leaned in closer. “But my life doesn’t feel like it’s on track without you in it.”
“Mo,” Aspen breathed, pulling out one of her hands to cup Mo’s face. “I’m sorry.”
Mo’s face fell, and Aspen immediately pulled her in for a soft kiss, hoping to quell any doubt. “I didn’t mean ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel that way,’ I meant more like, ‘I’m sorry I told you to leave.’”
Mo let out a relieved cough, clearing her throat fully of the emotion before sneaking another kiss. Then with a sigh, she leaned back to search Aspen’s eyes. “Good, I was ready to ugly-cry all the way back to Palo Alto tonight.”
Aspen smiled affectionately, her chest feeling fuller but also lighter. “I was just so scared.”
“It took a bit, but I figured that out,” Mo said, tilting her head back and forth for emphasis.
“I—I am still not sure what I feel, but I do…” Aspen took in a deep breath. “I do feel so much for you. I want to try. I want to see if we can make this work.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Aspen nodded. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. Helping you with Annie was second nature and I thought I had a hold on everything, but you turned out to be a whole ton more than I initially bargained for.”
“I have that effect on people.”
“I don’t have experience with this,” Aspen explained. “But I do want to try. If you want to try?”
Mo looked around theatrically before shrugging. “No idea. Not like I just did a full-on monologue or anything.”
“You are so obnox—” Aspen started, but Mo cut her off with a hard kiss, pulling her in close.
Aspen melted into her, slowing the pace and enjoying every second she could of this kiss. But, her body must have betrayed her, as Mo gently pulled away and gave her an inquisitive look.
“Talk to me,” Mo whispered, searching her eyes.
“When I told you what we had was just a fling…I didn’t mean it.
I feel bad that I said that instead of communicating with you.
But—” Aspen drew in a thick breath. “I still don’t know.
My life has been stagnant for far longer than I care to admit.
And you, Mo, you are going places. Seeing your renewal has brought me so much joy, but it also reminded me of how much nothing my life really is. ”
Mo didn’t respond right away, instead using her good arm to push herself up. Aspen watched as Mo maneuvered herself behind Aspen, gently placing each of her feet on either side of her. “Do you wanna lean back?”
“Sure.” Aspen laughed, leaning back into Mo and allowing her to wrap her arms around her. Mo then began to gently rock, causing Aspen’s eyes to close as she leaned into the embrace.
“I know I can’t change that perspective with words,” Mo said slowly, continuing to softly rock. “And while it’s nice to know that you feel something for me, I don’t want to be an added stress in your life. But I do want you to know, there isn’t a thing that I’ve seen that is stagnant about you.”
“I appreciate that, but I’m a thirty-something-year-old woman who lives in a run-down cabin and works at a slow-ass rural bar,” Aspen said, allowing Mo’s motion to relax her. “I’m not really ‘dating’ material.”
“I don’t care about all that,” Mo replied. “And if you feel like you want to change anything about your life, I would support you. In any way possible.”
“Really?”
“Of course,” Mo said, kissing the side of her head.
“I just…I guess I can try?” Aspen finally gave in, her mind still jumbled. “I’m so glad you came back, even after how I acted.”
“Me too.”
“I want to try, but I can’t promise everything will work out.” Aspen opened her eyes and craned her neck to look at Mo. “Is that enough?”
Mo kissed her lightly. “It’s enough. We will take this one day at a time, and before you know it, you may be surprised where you end up.”