14. Monica
Monica
A couple days later
M e: What are you doing?
For the last twenty minutes, I’ve been staring at my message that wasn’t delivered. Ever since that night that Joker blocked me, he hadn’t removed me and it was pissing me the fuck off. Every day, I sent him a message to see if it would deliver and got the same reaction. I was trying to give him some time to calm down and come to his senses. That’s the reason for the space I was giving him. After popping up on him the last time and he branded me, I knew that nigga wasn’t in his right mind and didn’t want him to do anything else to harm me. I still hadn’t told Candice the shit he did. She’d think I was crazy as hell to still want to be with him. Hell, I wasn’t even sure of my sanity anymore.
“Ugh.” I tossed my phone onto the bed alongside me and picked up the remote. I was off work today and had been lying around the house for the most part. I’d watched damn near everything I wanted to see and was getting bored as hell.
My phone began to ring. Reaching over, I grabbed it and saw it was Candice. Swiping to answer with my index finger, I placed the phone on speaker. “Hey,” I dryly answered.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” I lied, not wanting to tell her that I still hadn’t heard anything from Joker.
“Have you taken a test yet to see if you’re pregnant?”
“I don’t think it works that fast, Candice. It’s not even time for my period yet. I still have a few more days.”
“Oh. Did you feel like coming out for a late lunch? I’m starving and I was kinda wanting some crab cakes.”
“Fine. Pick me up?”
“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour.”
Pressing the red button to end the call, I tossed the covers back and climbed out of bed. I put my phone on the charger before going into the bathroom to handle my hygiene. Grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste, I squeezed the toothpaste out on the toothbrush and ran some water over it before placing it into my mouth. My mind quickly went back to Joker. I wasn’t sure how he was gon’ react if this shit really worked. All I can hope is that it finally makes him come to his senses and I don’t end up having to raise this child by myself.
Rinsing out my mouth, I put my toothbrush back and turned on the shower. Since I didn’t know if I was pregnant or not, I was gon’ use this opportunity to gulp down some liquor. Candice wanted crab cakes, which only meant she was about to go to Lotus. It used to be one of my favorite restaurants ’til I had that altercation, and now I hated the place. Every time I went there, I saw that lousy ass waitress. What pissed me off even more was her fucking mouth. Had it not been for Joker, her ass would’ve been fired.
Stripping out of my panties and bra, I stepped over into the shower. The water beat against my frame. My fingertips grazed the brand Joker placed on my chest. It was starting to get a scab on it. I’d been putting all sorts of stuff on it from Neosporin to cocoa butter. Whatever I needed that I thought would help it heal properly.
Once I was done with my shower, I got out and wrapped a towel around me. Exiting the bathroom, I went into my walk-in closet to find me something to wear. It was just lunch. I didn’t need to dress all up for it. My hand stopped on this black bodycon dress that I purchased from Fashion Nova a few months prior. I never wore it, just tossed it into the closet. It was simple and cute.
Removing the dress from the hanger, I took it back into my bedroom and tossed it onto the bed. I lotioned my body down and then got dressed. Gripping my silk scarf, I removed it from my hair and took the clips out. My curls dropped to my shoulders. A couple days ago, I had gone and got a new wig installed. Joker used to fuck with me every time I did because he had yet to see what my natural hair looked like. I wasn’t bald, I just didn’t like combing my shit. It was thick as hell. Growing up, I broke damn near every comb that tried to tackle my head. I rather just braid it down and cover it up than to figure out what to do with it every week. Wigs were the best thing they could’ve come up with.
Sitting down at my vanity, I did a light beat on my face. That’s another thing I wouldn’t leave the house without—makeup. I have grown so accustomed to doing it that when I didn’t, I felt naked. Joker hated all the makeup I wore on my face, but it was my body and I could do whatever I wanted with it.
Once I was done, my phone began to ring. Getting up from my bench, I grabbed my phone off the charger and answered, “Yeah?”
“I’m outside.”
“I’m coming out now,” I told her and ended the call. Grabbing my Birkin off the dresser, I exited the room. I stayed in a one-bedroom loft downtown. It was just me, but if I planned on having a baby, I needed to find somewhere else to stay, that’s if Joker doesn’t allow us to come and stay with him. If he were to buy us a house, I just know that it was gon’ be beautiful.
Stepping out the door, I saw Candice parked at the curb. I strolled in her direction and climbed into the passenger seat.
“Hey, girl,” she said soon as I shut the door.
“Hey.”
“You sounded like you needed to get out the house, that’s why I invited you out,” she told me and pulled away from the curb.
“It’s just Joker, man. We’re into it again. I can’t stand when we’re at each other’s throats.”
“You know I understand that all too well. I miss fucking with my nigga, but we gon’ be alright.”
Candice and her boyfriend Nick had broken up two months ago and she was still fucked up behind it. The nigga ain’t have a lot going for himself, so I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just move on. Shit, she made more money than he did. I felt like he was nothing but a leech and using her, but when I brought it up, she ain’t want to hear it.
Candice pulled into the parking lot of Lotus, just like I knew she would, and parked the car.
“You act like it ain’t nowhere else to eat crab cakes.” I frowned and unfastened my seat belt.
“What’s wrong with Lotus?”
“Their customer service is trash.”
“You have one bad experience and want to blame it on the whole restaurant. You had that same waitress the last time we was here and didn’t have any issues. She might not even be in there today. You really need to stop allowing people to get underneath your skin and affect how you live. It’s not healthy,” she replied and got out the car.
Rolling my eyes, I pushed the door open and got out behind her. We treaded toward the entrance just when two elderly women were coming out the door. Candice caught the door for them and held it open. She did that a lot whenever I was with her. Even for men. I tried to tell her to stop doing that shit. She was too fucking nice.
We entered the building and was met by the hostess. “Two?” she grinned at us and asked.
“Yes,” Candice responded.
The hostess gathered the menus and said, “Right this way,” and then stepped from behind the podium. We followed her to a table that was next to the window. I pulled my chair out and took a seat, facing the kitchen. She placed a menu down in front of us and said, “Your waitress will be with you shortly,” and then left the table.
I ate at Lotus enough to know what I liked off the menu, but today, for whatever reason, I wanted to eat something else. Picking up the menu, I skimmed it to see if there was something else on there that I eat and wanted to try. When I looked up from the menu, I saw the rude ass waitress emerge from the kitchen. She removed a pad and pen and trotted in our direction.
“Here comes this bitch,” I said underneath my breath.
“Huh?” Candice looked in my direction.
My eyes went back to the waitress. Her hair was in one French braid to the right side today. Her clothes were clean as if she’d just taken them out of the dryer, letting me know that she probably hadn’t been here long. She was pretty, and that’s what pissed me off even more. She got inches away from our table. I took a deep breath, preparing myself to deal with her bullshit today. She stopped at the table in front of us, sporting a smile. I’d never understand how she could be so chipper, not making shit from this job.
“Are you ready to order?” she asked the older black couple that sat there.
“Monica?” Candice called my name, breaking me from the trance I was stuck in.
My eyes connected with hers. “Huh?”
“I asked you what you said.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” I lied. I didn’t want her to know just how much this bitch’s presence was bothering the fuck out of me.
“Are you ready to order your drinks?” I looked up and this white chick stood at our table. I guess she was better than the other girl.
“Yeah. I want the red wine. I’m also ready to order my food too.” The chick placed her pen against the pad, waiting for Candice to tell her what she wanted to eat. “I want the crab cakes and rice.”
“And you?” She focused her attention on me with a warm smile.
“Let me get the parmesan lamb chops with the loaded potatoes and broccoli. Oh, and I want a lemon drop to drink.”
“I’ll be right back with your drinks.”
When she left the table, I pulled my phone out and went to Joker’s name. I pressed dial and it went straight to voicemail just like I knew it would. The crazy thing is, this man fucking branded me and now didn’t want anything to do with me. He could’ve just let me go on about my business that night. Ain’t no other man gon’ want my ass after that shit.
“I’m so sick of Joker’s ass,” I said and placed my phone down on the table. The other waitress’s head snapped in my direction as if I was speaking to her. Nah, that bitch shouldn’t even know what the fuck my man’s name was. “Aye, excuse me,” I called out to her and beckoned.
“Me?” She poked herself in the chest as she eyed me.
“Yeah, you, come here.”
She slipped her pad and pen into her apron and stepped to our table. “How you know Joker?”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t act slow. You just looked at me when I said his name, so I know you know him. How the fuck do you know my man?”
“It ain’t none of your business how I know him, but it ain’t on no personal level. I was just surprised to hear you say his name since he swears he ain’t dealing with nobody.”
Tilting my head to the left, I squeezed my eyes shut and bared my teeth before I flipped this whole got damn table over. Releasing the breath I was holding in, I faced her again. “Do you not know that a nigga will tell you anything, especially when he wants to fuck. You’re just as stupid as the rest of those bitches. Get the fuck on before I get yo’ dumb ass fired.” I shooed her. She rolled her eyes before leaving the table.
“Did you really have to talk to her like that? She probably ain’t even fucking him,” Candice spoke up.
“You taking her side?” My head cocked to the side.
“I’m not taking anyone’s side. I’m just… you know what, never mind.” Candice slumped in her seat and pulled her phone from her purse. I still wanted to know how the hell that ho knew Joker’s name.
“Here’s your drinks. I’ll be back with your food,” the waitress said as she set our glasses down on the table in front of us.
Candice and I quietly sat and sipped on our drinks as we waited for her to come back with our food. “You know what I just realized?” Candice blurted.
“What?”
“You do know they have early pregnancy tests. I think we should go by the drug store and grab one after we leave here.”
“Honestly, I’m scared to even take one, especially now that Joker is treating me like shit.”
“You still need to know if it worked. We’re going. I don’t want to hear nothing else about it,” she said as the waitress placed our food onto the table.
I picked at my food with my fork. My nerves were all over the place. That conversation should’ve been something she had after we ate our food. After we were done eating, I ended up having to get a to-go plate because I’d lost my appetite but wasn’t about to waste my food. We split the tab and left the waitress a tip then got up from the table.
I passed the rude ass waitress on the way out the door. If my mind wasn’t already scattered all over the place, I would’ve tripped the shit out of her.
Candice and I got into the car, and she pulled out the parking lot. There was a Walgreens that wasn’t too far away. She stopped by there on the way back to my house. We both got out the car and went into the store. I nipped my lower lip as we searched for the feminine products aisle.
“Here it is,” Candice said and stopped in front of the pregnancy tests. As I stood there, eyeing the different brands, my heartbeat kicked up a notch. This was really happening. I was finally about to find out if my hard work paid off. I’d worked so hard for this, but how come I didn’t even want to know anymore? I was beginning to think that this was a mistake—something that I hadn’t fully thought through before doing. It was done now, and I needed to know what my next move was going to be.
Stepping to the shelf, I grabbed one of the Clearblue tests and took it up to the register. The line was kind of long. I held the test to my left side out of view of everyone as I waited. I didn’t need anyone to see what I was in the store getting and it got back to Joker before I was able to make it home and take the test. That man would probably kick my fucking door in and shove a hundred Plan B’s down my throat.
I stepped to the counter and slid the box onto it. The cashier graced me with a light smile and swiped it. “Did you find everything okay?” she asked as she placed it into a bag.
“Yes,” I quickly replied and whipped my card out. I swiped it, waited ’til she printed the receipt, and got the hell out of there.
Candice took me home. When we got there, she sat in my bedroom while I went into the bathroom. I placed the box on the counter and lifted my dress and then shoved my panties down before taking a seat on the toilet. Ripping the box open, I pulled the test out and stuck it between my legs. The pee flowed effortlessly onto the stick. The liquor ran straight through me.
Placing the stick on the counter, I got up, washed my hands, and left out the bathroom.
“Whatever it says, it’s gon’ be just fine,” Candice said soon as I took a seat on the edge of the bed next to her. “If it’s negative, it just wasn’t meant to be and that might be your sign that you need to move on.”
My leg bounced. I wanted to rush back in there and see what the results were, but I was trying to wait the three minutes. My heart felt as if it was about to burst right out of my chest.
“Has it been three minutes yet?” I finally spoke.
“It should be ready. Go check it.”
Slowly, I lifted from the bed and went back into the bathroom. My heart dropped to the depths of my stomach soon as I saw the test sitting on the counter. With shaky hands, I reached out and grabbed it and then brought it up to my face.