Chapter 46
Mariyah
M y last full working week passed by quickly and in the same fashion with Shehryar picking me up or dropping me off to work, or us going to the gym together.
Except the he made dinner turned into we made dinner. The time he spent over grew longer with more banter, endless soft pecks, a lot more touching, and lingering gazes that led to “ I like looking at you ” confessions.
And the kisses? The actual kisses? Those officially became multipacks of long, deep, slow moments of intimacy. They turned into my ultimate weakness and addiction that tortured me at my own hands. Because the afterquakes of desire and longing were tearing me apart.
By Friday, I had no idea what I was doing anymore.
Shehryar’s idea of grovelling and proving himself was the kind of seduction I had never planned or anticipated for. The deadliest kind; question what I was even angry about kind.
He flirted, but he respected my boundaries. He was arrogant but patient to a fault. Was stubborn but so meticulous with the way he paid attention to me. Nothing about what he did or said screamed never to be trusted again. It was more like “ can I just jump him and forget this ever happened” instead.
I was beginning to feel like I was digging my feet in for no reason. But at the same time, I still questioned whether letting it go so quickly was going to assure me he’d never do it again.
It was on my mind constantly, so on Saturday, when my older sister, Lily, and her family stopped by Mum and Dad’s place for our bi-monthly family lunch, I was grateful for the distraction.
“So…” Lily said, passing me a plate from the sink. “Does the fact he’s here mean you’ve worked things out and forgiven him?”
Or not…
I should’ve known Lily wouldn’t have been able to stop herself from pointing out the fact I’d brought Shehryar home after I’d told her what had happened in Touma. I hadn’t told anyone he’d shown up outside my apartment one night, so they’d all been surprised to see him.
Dad had been a bit wary, Mum had given me a pleasantly surprised look, and Drew, Lily’s husband, had been the cheery one who clapped Shehryar on the back in greeting. Lily, though, hadn’t stopped throwing amused, questioning glances in my direction the whole afternoon.
She was nine years older than me, so I’d confided in her a lot throughout my childhood and teenage years, but her hardcore motherly instinct also meant I’d received more lectures from her in my lifetime than I had from our mum and dad combined. The most recent ones were about Shehryar. She was the reasonable “be the bigger person” to my vindictive “no, I’m gonna be a bitch.”
Dad and Drew had cooked lunch, Mum had made dessert, Shehryar had helped with teas and coffee despite Mum’s insistence for him to make himself comfortable, which left Lily and I on cleanup duty in the kitchen. And she’d decide to take full advantage of us being alone.
“Not exactly, no,” I answered, lining the plate in the dishwasher rack with the others.
“What? Why not?” She passed me a glass, her blue eyes narrowing.
“Because,” I said, slotting the glass into the top drawer.
“Mariyah.” My older sister leaned her hip against the worktop to face me. “Answer me. If you haven’t forgiven him, what on Neves is going on?”
I huffed out a breath and straightened from my bent over position, wincing at the way my lower back creaked. “He’s grovelling.”
“Grovelling?”
“Yeah. You know, apologising with actions—”
“I know what grovelling is, Mar. But usually, you bring the guy home to meet the family after the grovelling has been done. Not during it.”
I shrugged. “He didn’t have anything else to do. And he knows everyone already.”
Lily stared unblinking, then a slow, amused smile lifted her mouth. “So, the grovelling is done.”
I scrunched my face. “You still got baby brain? Because I just said—”
“Oh, I know what you said.” She pointed a finger at me. “But I know you too. And he”—she directed her finger towards the door in the corner—“wouldn’t be here if you were still angry.”
Telling heat coloured my cheeks as I rubbed my teeth together. “Yeah, well, I’m not angry anymore,” I admitted aloud for the first time. “But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven him yet.”
“Why not?”
I threw a hand out. “Because it’s just about been over a week since he showed up and apologised, and that’s not long enough to prove he regrets what he said and will do better.”
Lily shook her head in disappointment. “I can’t believe you’re telling me you haven’t forgiven him just because of that. Does the length of time really matter that much?”
“Yes,” I said a little harshly and grabbed a plate before bending over the dishwasher again.
“Mariyah,” she said with a sigh. “How long he grovels for doesn’t matter. He could be doing it for months and not actually prove he won’t repeat the same mistake again. What’s important is that he’s shown you he’s sorry and that he genuinely cares about you and wants to make it work with you.”
I grabbed another plate and silently shoved it into the dishwasher. And another. And another.
As I put the last plate in the rack, Lily said, “He already has, hasn’t he?”
My hand stilled before the front of the drawer. “No,” I said as I pushed the dishwasher rack back into place, but there was no conviction in my tone.
“And yet you still won’t forgive him? Why? Because that’s not even petty, Mar. That’s just silly.”
I glared at my older sister. “Why is that silly? No one can prove themselves in a week.”
She glared back. “Your opinion of him changed in a week. After five years.”
“Yeah, well…” My voice faded as I failed to come up with a counterargument. “Maybe I’m just not convinced he’s proven himself yet.”
“Okay, fine.” She tossed her hands up and widened her eyes. “What has he yet to prove?”
I opened my mouth…
Nothing. I came up blank.
“Has he not spoken to his dad about what happened?”
I rolled my bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it, stubbornly staying quiet.
No, he’d done that. And he hadn’t flashed it in my face like a “ get out of jail free” card, trying to use the fact he’d come to a middle ground with Andrew Platmon to win me back.
“Has he not apologised?” He had. “Not told you he cares about you?” Multiple times. “Doesn’t he want to work things out? Has he shown it to you through his actions?” Check and check. “I mean, you said he’s been here for over a week. What has he been doing the whole time?”
“Fine,” I bit out. “He’s been doing everything you said and more. But Lily, in comparison to the five years he’s been an ass to me, one week of apologies isn’t really much when we only just started trying something new and it blew up in less than a day. How do I know he’s not gonna change his mind every few weeks and we just end up falling out over and over again?”
Lily’s blue gaze softened, and she moved towards me. “I understand. But be honest—did you or did you not play into his bad opinion of you?” I pursed my lips together, and her mouth curled. “Exactly. But now that his opinion has changed, I doubt it’ll go back. Shehryar doesn’t seem like a back-and-forth kind of man. And if he does mess up again, you are a force to be reckoned with, Mariyah, and are more than capable of telling him to sod off.”
“Sod off?” I echoed with a raised brow.
She rolled her eyes. “I have three impressionable kids and a baby who will soon be impressionable, so I can’t exactly swear the way you do. But you know what I mean.”
I huffed out a chuckle, and Lily wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me from the side. “Look…I can say all this, but at the end of the day, it’s your choice what you do.” She leaned into me, our similar height bringing us eye to eye. “I do, however, think you already know what you want to do in your heart. Voicing that sooner rather than later isn’t going to take away the value of it, nor is there anything wrong with a bit of fear. It just means you care, and in this situation, that’s a good thing.”
“Hmm,” I hummed, thinking over her words.
“I love you, Mar.” She smacked a kiss to my cheek.
I glanced across my shoulder, pulling a mock awkward face. “Don’t get all mushy on me.”
“Oh, please.” We both grinned as she released me. “Come on, let’s finish loading this thing.”
I finished slotting in the last of the small bowls and spoons that Lily passed me, then I turned the dishwasher on, and we left the kitchen and headed to the living room.
Lily walked straight to the sofa her husband, Drew, was sitting on, while Mum and Dad shared the other, and my sister’s eldest three kids played a board game on the floor.
Their new, three-month-old, Zoya, was not however with Mum or Dad or Drew.
She was cradled in Shehryar’s arms, looking tinier than ever, as he sat in the armchair. She gripped on to the tip of his index finger and shook it around as he watched her with an adoring smile on his lips. So content and happy and relaxed.
Fucking gorgeous.
My ovaries exploded and cried like an overzealous fan of a rockstar. My pulse ran away into the horizon without a single glance back. And my heart constricted so painfully at the sight.
“Mariyah.”
I snapped out of my trance and glanced at Lily. A hot blush smacked across my face at the shit-eating grin she wore. She knew exactly what seeing Shehryar with my baby niece was doing to me.
“Aren’t you going to sit?” she asked in a tone that didn’t quite hide her amusement.
Gritting my teeth to avoid sneering, I sauntered over and sat down on the other side of her. “Not. A. Word,” I whispered for her ears only.
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” she muttered back laughingly, and then turned around and said, “She really seems to like you, Shehryar.”
It took my panicked heart a second to realise she was talking about the baby and not me.
Shehryar lifted his smile to Lily. “She’s beautiful.” His voice was so soft and raw.
Ah fuck…
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!
I dissolved. Melted. Puddled. Turned to putty. Knees weak. Heart a mess. Expired. Over. Deceased.
Lily knocked her elbow into my side in a rapid succession of sharp jabs.
Yeah, yeah, I know!
I knocked her back just as Shehryar aimed his gaze at me. Nothing about it overtly changed, but for some reason, it felt like his smile penetrated my soul and left behind an imprint of his name.
Okay, fine, fine fine, fine. So fine…
And I was so gone for him.