Chapter Eleven
Three Weeks Later
The last few weeks have solidified that I am unequivocally in love with Thane and Reid.
Reid is with us anytime he isn’t with another patient.
He still does his work, but he comes back to us as much as possible.
Both have decided that going forward, they won’t be boarding here.
This means they won’t be part of the day-to-day with the six-week programs, but they still lead the program.
I felt guilty at first, but they assured me that they are doing this because they want to be committed to me, and they can’t do that if they’re supposed to lead a patient through a program like this.
We have a routine that follows breakfast and lunch. Thane cleans up and works on his notes while I go to the training room and meditate. I thought it was dumb as hell at first, but I enjoy the silence.
I am on my knees, but sitting back on my heels. I sit with my hands on my thighs, and my eyes closed. I use this time to reflect on my life. I have found a semblance of peace with where I am in my healing journey.
The door opens, but I stay where I am. Thane likes for me to be patient and wait for him to signal me.
A few minutes pass, and I can hear Thane and Reid talking.
I didn’t know Reid would be here, so now I’m curious.
I’m always warned when someone will be here.
Come to think of it, I don’t know what we are even doing today.
Thane gently cups my face, and I look up at him. “Hi,” I say sweetly.
“Hey,” Thane says, returning my smile. “How was meditation?”
“Good, Sir,” I say. “I was thinking about when I first got to the hospital.”
“Oh?” he asks.
“Yes, I remember being anxious about being separated from society, but now I’m anxious about returning to it.”
“Well, we are going to have a test today,” he tells me. “We’ve been working up to it, but we will do an intentionally triggering scene, and then the three of us are going out for dinner.”
“What?” I snap. “Thane, I don’t know if… what if…”
“Breathe,” Thane says softly. “No matter what happens, we can handle it. I promise you will not be in danger.”
“I’ll try to be good. I…”
“It’s not about being good or bad, Ayla. This is about being triggered and still functioning. It’s unrealistic for us to be able to immediately take space. Sometimes we have to cope in the moment to get through. That’s what this is. It’s about learning how to navigate the real world.”
“What if I panic in public?” I ask.
“Then we will be right there with you,” he tells me. “You are not alone, Ayla. I promise.”
“Yes, sir,” I say with a sigh.
“I will push you past your limit today, love,” he warns me. “I won’t go into any hard limits, but I will trigger you.”
“I understand, Sir,” I say with a bit more confidence.
“Alright. Go lay on the table, face down,” he tells me, offering his hand. He helps me stand, and I walk to the table and climb on before both Thane and Reid start restraining my wrists and ankles.
“To add…” Thane says. “As per your contract, I have the right to restrict you from use of your safe word for short periods of time, not including for safety purposes. For this scene, I will not stop with your safe word. Do you understand what this means?”
“Yes, Sir,” I say, relaxing into the table.
“I hope so,” he says. I’m confused, but only until I hear him yank his belt off. It’s like a switch in my head, and the panic is instantaneous.
“Thane!” I scream and start pulling at my restraints. The belt slaps across my ass, and it’s not even hard. It’s fine, but I scream like he’s just sliced me open. He hits me again and again, not even leaving marks. He’s not hurting me, but I keep screaming and thrashing.
“Stop! Please stop. Please. No! It hurts, please!” I cry. When I feel ignored, I do something that even I don’t expect. I pick my head up and slam it back down on the table. I smash my forehead against the surface, and Thane stops.
“No. Keep going,” Reid says, cradling my face so when I do it again, I’m not hurting myself anymore. I scream in frustration, but the next hit is so hard that it shocks me. My ass is on fire, and the next snaps across my thighs, just under my ass.
“Fuck,” I growl.
“Like that. Keep that power behind it,” Reid says, leaning down and stroking my hair as I relax.
Another hit smacks across my back, and I groan.
Another hit across my upper back, and I’m gone.
I’m floating separately from my body. I can still tell what’s going on, so it’s Reid pushing three fingers into my pussy that brings me back.
“Fuck,” I gasp.
“No coming, Ayla,” Thane says. Reid starts fucking me with his fingers, and I moan, realizing these fuckers are about to torture me. Pure fucking torture.
Thane hits me with the belt again, and my pussy tightens around Reid’s fingers, making me moan. “Fuck,” I hiss.
“She’s fucking soaked,” Reid says.
“I guess she likes the belt more than we thought,” Thane chuckles, smacking me again.
They keep going and going, but stop before I come.
The first time they edged me, I just dealt with it.
Even by the third time, I just huff. But then he lets me get closer and closer, making me desperate.
I am hypersensitive, and I’ll do anything to come.
The mix of emotions and memories fuck with my head. It is Thane that is hitting me. Reid is fucking me with his fingers. I know it’s them.
“Don’t come, Ayla,” Thane says as a warning.
“Please,” I beg. He snaps the belt across my ass instead of answering me, and Reid curls his fingers inside me. “Fuck. This isn’t fair!”
“Why?” Thane asks. He hits me with the belt as Reid rubs my clit at the same time he moves his fingers inside of me.
“Fuck, Thane,” I groan.
Anytime he edges me, I fucking melt. Last time, I must have lost my fucking mind because I almost called him Daddy. I don’t know why, but it just felt right. Thane and Reid take care of me, worship me, but they also teach me and lead me toward a better future.
Desperation comes out of me so naturally that when I feel it start to build, I am fucking ruined. “Please, don’t stop. Please!”
“Wait, Ayla. You have to wait,” Thane says.
“Please, please, please,” I whine. “Oh, fuck, I wanna come. Please, Daddy, let me come.”
Reid immediately starts fucking me harder and deeper, still rubbing my clit. The belt hits me hard, and knowing the ticket to getting more from them, the desperation takes over.
“I’m coming. Oh fuck, Daddy, I’m coming. Yes!” I moan. I am abruptly untied, and Thane drags me up and pulls me over to the couch. When he sits, he pulls me onto his lap, and I immediately drop down on his cock. “Fuck!” I moan.
“Come here, baby girl,” Thane grunts, pulling me down to hug me against his chest. When he lifts his hips and starts violently fucking me, Reid matches our pace perfectly and shoves into my ass.
“Fuck, baby. So fucking tight,” Reid growls as they fuck me.
“Say it again, baby girl. Who owns this sweet fucking body?” Thane growls.
“Thane,” I whine.
“Say it,” he grunts.
“Say it, baby girl. Who owns you?” Reid asks more softly.
“My Daddies,” I whimper. They reward me by fucking me harder and faster.
Reid grabs me by the hair and pulls my head back before covering my mouth and pinching my nose closed.
I grab his wrists, but don’t fight him as they fuck me devastatingly hard.
As the world starts to tunnel and my body weakens, Reid whispers into my ear, “Sleep, baby girl. Your Daddies have got you.”
Everything goes dark, giving me no time to think about what I’ve said or why.
I feel the warmth of the blankets around me as I am snuggled in bed. I hear Reid and Thane, so I don’t move so I can hear them.
“She’s not going to handle it well. We gave her no room to process it,” Thane says.
“It’s better if she is rested,” Reid says. “Just remind her that it’s not related to her trauma. She’s not a runner, so we can handle it.”
She’s not a runner?
Is that a stab at my weight?
Surely not…
“Yeah,” Thane says with a heavy sigh. I feel a hand rest on my hip, but I’m pissed. I pull away to move to the other side and swing my legs off the bed to get up.
“Hey, did you…” Reid starts to ask. I don’t give him a chance to ask because I step into the bathroom and slam the door shut.
I just want to shower and relax, so I turn the water on and pull my shirt and shorts off.
They got me dressed after I passed out, so it’s likely Thane’s t-shirt I’m wearing.
It smells like him, and I hate that it’s soothing.
When I step into the shower, they open the door. I know they’re worried, but I don’t care. Why should I? Not like I can run from them anyway.
“Ayla,” Thane says gently.
“What, Thane?” I ask harshly.
“We need to talk. Can we do that while you shower?” he asks.
“You can talk. I’ll listen,” I say. “I have nothing to say to either of you.”
“Ayla, you knew…”
“I knew nothing!” I scream at him, but I’m so worked up suddenly that I slam my fist into the tile wall, and Thane immediately pulls the door open and shuts the water off.
“Out,” he commands firmly.
“Sorry, Sir. I forgot I’m supposed to be a perfectly obedient robot,” I scoff and step out. I grab my towel and wrap up before walking out of the bathroom into what should be my room.
“Fine. Get dressed for dinner,” Thane snaps.
“Stop,” Reid says. “You don’t get to retaliate against her attitude that we created,” Reid says.
“Oh, shut the fuck up, kiss ass,” I say harshly. “Jesus fucking Christ. Just forget it. I’ll get dressed. Dinner out in public. Oh, but don’t fucking worry. I’m not a runner. Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.”
“Ayla. Is that why you’re upset?” Reid asks.
“You called me…” I start to scream, but his voice overpowers mine, and I shut up.
“Ayla, stop it,” Reid scolds me with a booming voice. “You have never been at risk of running away. Some patients literally run away. No one was calling you names.”
“Whatever,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Am I getting dressed or not?”
“No, you aren’t going to breeze over that, Ayla,” Reid says. “You assume instead of asking, and you’re being cruel instead of navigating…”
“Well, fucking navigate this, motherfucker. I’m done!” I yell at him. “The contract says I can leave at any point I want, so I’m leaving. I’m done. Fuck both of you and this stupid fucking program. I was a fucking idiot to think I could be loved by you two.”
“You don’t mean that,” Reid says with hurt in his voice.
“You have each other now. You’ll be fine,” I say, turning to grab my bag from the closet. I start pulling clothes down from the closet and shoving them into the bag when Thane comes over and gently rests his hands on my hips.
I involuntarily sigh and lean into him a bit, but stop and take a deep breath. “Ayla,” Thane says gently. “Don’t move. Don’t even speak. Just listen first before you respond. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“You are triggered right now, Ayla. You are panicking. Scared. Confused. You’re trying to remind yourself that I am not him.
That Reid is not him. And we aren’t. You didn’t say it because we remind you of him.
When you’d wake up desperate to get fucked, you had been dreaming of us, not him.
You were moaning for us in your sleep, not him. ”
“What?” I ask, turning to face him.
“You don’t have night terrors when we are both in bed with you,” he tells me.
“A few times a week, you’ve been having sex dreams, and you call out for Daddy, but it’s us you dream of…
we knew long before you did that it was going to happen.
In fact, I knew the first day I met you that we’d be here one day. ”
“He fucking died inside of me, Thane,” I say tearfully. “I’ve been raped by him more than I’ve had consensual sex. I can’t call…”
“You can, baby girl,” Thane says, cupping my face. I let my eyes flutter shut, and Reid comes over to rest his hand on my lower back. “You aren’t picturing him in us. It’s your desire to be cared for and spoiled.”
“I’m sorry,” I say tearfully.
“No. Don’t do that,” Thane says. “Don’t shame yourself for reacting exactly the way we told you that you would.
The point of this today was to push you to this point because you have to break sometimes to be able to see that breaking doesn’t have to mean it’s the end.
It means you have room for growth, and I swear to God, you will grow and flourish. ”
“I just want to feel normal,” I say.
“Normal is boring, baby girl, and you aren’t boring,” Thane says. I open my eyes, and he smiles sweetly before kissing me. “Talk to Reid.”
I slowly turn, and he immediately wraps me in a tight hug. “Don’t apologize, baby,” Reid whispers. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”
I start crying quietly, but manage to calm myself down. When I pull back, I wipe my face and sigh. “I feel insane sometimes,” I admit.
“It’s the price we pay to navigate trauma,” Reid says. “I feel insane that I wish I had seen Missy die.”
“It was anticlimactic. He kissed me and shot her with a straight face. I think he’s a psycho,” I say.
“You might be right,” he says with a grin.
“Alright. Alright,” Thane laughs. “Let’s go to dinner and come back for a movie.”
“Okay,” I say with a soft smile.
“And Ayla?” Thane asks.
“Yes, Daddy?” I ask with a shy smile. He grins at me, and Reid chuckles when my face turns bright red. “Sorry. I wanted to see how that sounded.”
“How did it sound, baby?” he asks
“Like freedom,” I admit with a smile.