Chapter Twelve
The roar of the Rift faded away as Cassara drifted in and out of awareness. All that remained now was the gentle, rhythmic sensation of being carried.
Her head lolled slightly and she turned into the warmth surrounding her despite the alarm bells going off in the back of her mind. Her cheek pressed into the rough fabric of a training tunic and she felt the subtle press of muscles shifting with each step.
She was drifting towards darkness again when a quiet voice jerked her back to awareness.
“One of these days you’re going to get killed because you’re too stubborn to ask for help.”
It was Gideon.
Her heart skipped and she struggled to focus her gaze, not that she needed to see his face to know what it probably looked like. She’d seen his disapproving frowns often enough that she could see them in her sleep.
Not that she dreamed about him.
She tried to speak, her lips parting, but her tongue felt too thick and refused to form sounds let alone cohesive words. This was not good. Shifting, she tried to say with her body what she couldn’t articulate with words.
“Stop moving or you’ll end up hurting yourself more,” Gideon admonished without looking down at her. She felt more than heard him sigh. “Just… let me help you.”
Help. It seemed so simple, so easy, but reliance on anyone was a weakness she couldn’t afford.
It might not cost her now, but the price would be paid eventually.
The question now was simple. Would it be worth it?
Cassara grit her teeth and finally gave up, allowing the tension to drain from her limbs.
Darkness pressed in again and this time, she let it swallow her.
When she surfaced once again, Cassara found herself staring up at the vaulted ceiling of the infirmary. Runed arches pulsed faintly with soft, calming light. Her ACS rig had been removed and her limbs felt weightless without it.
She tried to sit up and instantly regretted it, groaning as fire lanced through her side.
A chair scraped nearby.
“You’re awake!”
Cassara looked to see Liri leaning over the edge of the bed, face practically glowing with excitement.
“Barely,” Cassara grunted. “What are you doing here?”
“You passed out,” Liri said. sitting back. She was practically vibrating with anticipation. “After you won, after that jump. Gods, Cass, you were amazing and then you went down like,” she mimed a collapsing tower with her hands, “whoosh.”
“I remember, I was there.” Cassara dropped her head back to the pillow. It was worse than she’d originally thought. Everyone had seen her pass out. She groaned inwardly. She could hear it now, the rumors that Cassara Allencourt had fainted.
Verena was going to be insufferable.
Liri beamed. “Oh no, wait. It gets better.”
Cassara didn’t move, she simply stared at the ceiling and braced herself. Better? Somehow she doubted it.
“Do you remember who caught you?”
Her heart began to race. Stop, let me help you.
No, that had been a hallucination, a dream, a figment of her imagination.
“It was Gideon.” Liri said, whispering like it was both a secret and a gift. “He carried you out, in front of everyone. Like some exiled prince out of a trashy romance.”
Cassara closed her eyes. “No.”
“Yup.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Cassara threw her arm over her face, groaning from a place deeper than pain. Maybe she should have just died in the Rift, it would be better than facing Gideon later.
Liri laughed, far more amused by the turn of events than Cassara was.
“You should’ve seen Julian’s face! And Instructor Nareen?
She just raised an eyebrow and let him pass like she was impressed.
” Liri paused for dramatic effect. “Oh, and you’re currently number three on the Crestboard. You’re officially a threat.”
Cassara said nothing. She simply lay there, arm still draped across her eyes, wrapped in pain and mortification and wondering if throwing herself from the overlook would be too dramatic. She remembered, just faintly, the way Gideen’s voice had sounded, how he hadn’t hesitated. Not once.
She should’ve been furious.
Instead, her pulse still hadn’t slowed.
“You want to know the best part?”
“There’s more?”
Liri kept going as though she hadn’t heard a thing. “Verena. I swear to the skies, Cass, the look on Verena’s face when Gideon carried you out,” Liri flung a hand in the air, practically vibrating with delight. “She looked like she’d just bitten into a lemon—”
The infirmary door burst open and Julian came striding into the room. His blond hair was damp with sweat, his cheeks still flushed from exertion, and his ACS rig showed fresh scuffing across one shoulder.
“Are you insane, Cassara? What the hell were you thinking running the Rift with an injury? This is the exact reason your father didn’t want you here. You’re irresponsible, reckless—”
Liri let out a small squeak of distress causing Julian to cut his tirade short. He took a deep, steadying breath.
“I didn’t know you had company. Do you think you could give us some privacy?” he said, his voice low.
She hesitated, glancing towards Cassara.
“I’ll see you back at the dorm,”
Liri frowned. “Okay,” she started for the door, pausing by Julian. “She's hurt. Maybe don't make it worse?” She slipped out, and the door clicked softly behind her.
Hesitating a moment, Julian moved to the edge of the cot. He didn’t sit, he just stood there, his eyes moving over her like he was scanning for damage the healers might’ve missed.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled. I just… when I saw you—you scared me.”
Cassara looked up at him. She always seemed to scare him these days.
“I’m fine,” she said, too tired to offer more than that.
“Fine? You passed out cold, Cass.”
“Does it matter? I won.”
Julian huffed, shaking his head. “Yeah. You did.” He glanced away for a second before meeting her eyes again. She saw the fear there, but she saw something else too, something that went deeper. “And then he picked you up like it was his place.”
Cassara’s brows drew together. Was that what had brought him running? It certainly hadn’t been her well being, he hadn’t even asked her if she was okay, or how she felt. No, it was all about him, how he felt, it was always about him.
“Would you rather he just left me on the ground?”
Julian’s mouth curved slightly, but there was no humor in it. “He could’ve flagged a medic, or an instructor, but no, he carried you. Right through the middle of the field. Slow enough to make sure everyone saw.”
“Why does that matter?”
“Don’t you get it yet, Cassara? Gideon Delvanir is spitting in the face of what it means to be a tamer. Ever since his family fell he’s blamed mine.”
Cassara shifted against the pillow. “You think he did it for you?”
Julian shrugged. “I think he doesn’t do anything unless there’s a motive. So yeah, I think he saw an opportunity to make me look bad and took it.”
She studied him, trying to find the boy she knew lost within the tangle of the man he was becoming. “Maybe he just wanted to help.”
When Julian smiled it was soft, almost sympathetic, and it made her want to slap him. “Cass. You don’t honestly believe he did it out of the goodness of his heart.”
She didn’t answer, so he took that as permission to keep going.
“I get it. He caught you, said the right thing, looked the part, but don’t forget what he’s actually done. He took Verena’s side when she humiliated you in front of the first year cohort. He’s the reason you got hurt to begin with, or did you forget?”
Her throat felt tight, but she maintained her silence. He wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean everything else he said was right.
Julian leaned in just slightly. “Don’t let one act of charity blind you to the truth. Gideon comes from bad blood. I don’t want to see you fooled into believing otherwise.”
Cassara’s eyes stayed locked on the ceiling as she took a deep, steading breath.
“I know this is going to be hard to believe, but not everything is about you,” she said at last.
Julian stilled and the air in the infirmary seemed to press in around them.
“You’re defending him now?” he asked, anger creeping into his voice. “After everything?”
“All I am saying is that maybe it wasn’t as calculated as you’re making it out to be,” She turned to meet his gaze. “Maybe he just did what anyone decent would’ve done.”
Julian let out a short breath, almost a laugh, but not a kind one.
“Right,” he said, stepping back. “Because Gideon is just full of noble instincts.”
Cassara didn’t rise to the bait. She didn’t need to. The sting of her ribs and the heat in Julian’s voice said more than either of them had time to unpack.
Fortunately, the infirmary door swung open again and Nareen strode in like a storm bottled in black leather and restrained judgment. She took one look at Julian and didn’t bother with pleasantries.
“Tremaine, out.”
Julian hesitated. “We weren’t finished,”
“You are now.” Her eyes didn’t even flick toward him. “You can argue about… whatever, later, but if you delay my evaluation, I will write you up and dock points.”
Julian glanced at Cassara and for a moment she thought he might argue. He seemed to think better of it and finally left without another word.
Nareen crossed to the side of the bed and folded her arms. “How long.”
Cassara blinked. “What?”
“How long,” Nareen repeated, “have your ribs been compromised.”
“Since… before the Rift,” Cassara admitted, shifting uncomfortably in the bed.
“That much was obvious. Care to be more specific?”
No, but she didn’t have much of a choice. “Four days.”
Nareen exhaled through her nose. “Gods above,” she muttered, mostly to herself. “Do you have any idea how much worse you could’ve made your injuries running a full trial course like that?”
Cassara opened her mouth but Nareen cut her off.
“Don’t. Don’t answer. I know the answer. You do, you just didn’t care.”