Chapter 7 Growing Up Different #2
Principal Watkins nodded.
"I think both boys owe apologies."
Tan immediately frowned.
Terrence looked at him.
"You heard her."
Tan muttered,
"Sorry."
"Look at him."
Tan slowly faced Bradley.
"I'm sorry I hit you."
Bradley rubbed his cheek.
"I'm sorry I said your dad wasn't real."
Tan's expression softened slightly.
"And my mom."
"And your mom."
"And Travis."
Bradley blinked.
"What did I say about Travis?"
"You said he wasn't my brother."
Bradley sighed.
"Sorry about Travis too."
DeAndre, waiting outside the office, burst into laughter loud enough for everyone to hear.
Principal Watkins tried not to smile.
Terrence failed completely.
The car ride home was quiet.
Tan sat in the passenger seat staring through the window.
Terrence didn't rush him.
Finally Tan asked,
"You mad?"
"I'm disappointed."
"That's worse."
Terrence glanced at him.
"My father used to tell me the same thing."
Tan rubbed his bruised knuckles.
"He made me mad."
"I know."
"You weren't there."
"I know."
"He acted like y'all don't count."
Terrence pulled into a small park and turned off the engine.
Tan looked confused.
"We ain't home."
"Nope."
Terrence unbuckled his seat belt.
"Come on."
They walked toward an empty basketball court.
Terrence sat on the lowest bleacher.
Tan joined him.
For several moments they watched a breeze move through the trees.
Then Terrence spoke.
"When I first became a cop, there were people who looked at my skin and decided they knew everything about me."
Tan listened.
"Some thought because I was Black, I couldn't be trusted."
"Others thought that because I wore a badge, I couldn't understand their neighborhood."
"Some people hated me before I ever said a word."
Tan frowned.
"That's stupid."
"Very."
"What you do?"
"Sometimes I got angry."
"Sometimes I argued."
"Sometimes I made mistakes."
He looked at his son.
"But eventually I learned something."
"What?"
"People can hand you disrespect."
"They can't make you carry it."
Tan thought about that.
"If somebody says you aren't my son, does it change what happened in court?"
"No."
"Does it change your bedroom at our house?"
"No."
"Does it erase the vacations we've taken?"
Tan smiled.
"No."
"Does it stop Grandma from calling you every fifteen minutes?"
Tan laughed.
"No."
"Then why give somebody else enough power to make you forget what you already know?"
Tan stared at his shoes.
"I don't know."
Terrence put an arm around him.
"It's because you're human."
"You're allowed to be hurt."
"You just aren't allowed to hurt people because you're hurting."
Tan nodded slowly.
Then he asked,
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever wish I was Black?"
Terrence stared at him.
The question struck deeper than he expected.
"No."
"Never?"
"Never."
Tan searched his face.
Terrence turned toward him.
"I didn't adopt you because I wanted another Black son."
"I adopted Tan Lee."
He touched the pendant resting against Tan's chest.
"All of him."
"Your history."
"Your questions."
"Your culture."
"Your straight hair that nearly gave Uncle Ray a nervous breakdown."
Tan laughed.
"Everything."
Tan's smile faded.
"What if I wanna know more Chinese stuff?"
"Then we'll learn."
"You too?"
"Absolutely."
"You gonna learn Chinese?"
Terrence hesitated.
"I said learn. I didn't promise I'd be good at it."
Tan laughed again.
Terrence pulled him closer.
"You never have to become less Asian to belong in our family."
Tan leaned against him.
"And I don't have to be less David?"
"Exactly."
"Good."
"Good."
They sat together until the bell rang from an ice cream truck across the street.
Tan looked toward it.
Terrence shook his head.
"No."
"I got punched emotionally."
Terrence stared at him.
"You punched somebody."
"Still stressful."
Terrence burst into laughter.
"Boy, get in the car."
That evening, Terrence told Eva what happened.
She listened quietly while preparing dinner.
When he finished, she stopped chopping onions.
"He asked if you wished he was Black?"
Terrence nodded.
Eva's face fell.
"I knew we'd have these conversations someday."
"So did I."
"But knowing doesn't make it easier."
"No."
She leaned against the counter.
"We need to make sure he's learning about his culture."
"I told him that."
"I mean really learning."
Terrence nodded.
"I've been thinking about it."
Eva wiped her hands.
"We could take him to cultural events."
"Find books."
"Learn some of the language together."
"Maybe find families in the Asian community who'd be willing to connect with him."
Terrence's expression became thoughtful.
"That last one might be harder."
"Why?"
He hadn't told her much about his visits to Little Chinatown.
Now he did.
The elderly shopkeeper.
The sudden silence when he mentioned the Lee name.
The way people sometimes looked at Tan's photograph before refusing to answer questions.
Eva listened carefully.
"You think they know something?"
"I know some of them do."
"About his family?"
"Maybe."
"Then why won't they tell you?"
Terrence looked toward the living room where Tan, Travis, and Ella were arguing over a video game.
"I don't know."
"But I intend to find out."
Two weeks later, the David family attended the Mid-Autumn Festival in Little Chinatown.
Tan had never been back since the raid.
The moment they turned onto the familiar street, his cheerful conversation stopped.
Red lanterns hung above crowded sidewalks.
Vendors sold mooncakes, dumplings, tea, and handmade crafts.
Children carried glowing lanterns shaped like rabbits and dragons.
Music drifted through the evening air.
Terrence glanced toward the back seat.
Tan stared through the window.
"You okay?"
Tan nodded.
But Eva saw his fingers curl around his jade pendant.
"We don't have to stay," she said.
Tan looked at her.
"No."
He took a breath.
"I wanna see."
They parked several blocks away.
Travis immediately complained.
"We gotta walk all that?"
Eva gave him a look.
"You have functioning legs."
Ella grabbed Tan's hand.
"Come on."
The five of them entered the festival together.
Tan moved slowly at first.
Memories surfaced unexpectedly.
A red storefront.
A bakery window.
The smell of roasted duck.
A narrow alley.
He stopped.
Terrence nearly bumped into him.
"What is it?"
Tan pointed.
"I remember that."
Across the street stood an herbal medicine shop.
Terrence looked.
"You've been there?"
Tan nodded.
"Grandma."
"Your grandmother took you there?"
"I think."