Chapter 36
Graham
Iwasn’t sure how I’d gotten to the hospital.
Everything after the gunshots blurred into one long stretch of panic and flashing lights.
Hours must have passed, maybe more, but time felt slippery and unreliable.
I sat in the waiting room like I was still trapped in the nightmare, except this one was real.
Even after washing my hands twice, I could still see Quinn’s blood on them. I kept flexing my fingers as if the motion would make it disappear, as if that could erase the memory of her collapsing in my arms.
Detective Whize sat across from me, asking questions in that steady voice of his. I nodded when appropriate and answered when I could, though my words felt detached from my body.
My mind was still in that barn.
They’d told me Quinn was going to be okay, but until I saw her myself, I didn’t truly believe it. They still hadn’t let me see her, and the waiting gnawed at me.
“She informed me she often stalked your home, and the bed-and-breakfast, these last few weeks. She said she was afraid for you because she didn’t trust Ms. Carpenter. Did you have any idea what she was capable of?” Whize asked softly.
He had spoken with Mara for a short time not too long ago, and it seemed like she wasn’t denying or lying about anything. She was telling her story to anyone who would listen.
I shook my head, swallowing down a wave of nausea. Mara. I clenched my hands into fists. I should’ve seen that, too. I was still making the same mistakes. Still missing the most important things.
Mara had been my friend. I’d cared about her, and she cared about me, but I’d never thought she was…obsessive.
Perhaps she’d only shown me what I wanted to see. Or maybe she did care about me, and Quinn’s arrival was a trigger point for her.
Even though Mara would physically recover from today, she was going to have a long road ahead of her.
And despite it all, I would miss her. I would miss who I’d thought she was. Who she might’ve been if she hadn’t been subjected to so much tragedy.
“I’m sorry it all went down like this.” Whize shook his head. Sympathy softened his features.
I crossed my arms over my chest, not having anything to say in reply.
Whize let out a long sigh. “I think that’s all I have for you right now. I’ll keep you updated on everything. As you know, things are a bit…intense right now.”
I nodded vaguely. For the last few hours, Amos Anderson had not been at the forefront of my mind. Mara had nearly killed Quinn, and then herself. I’d almost been too late. It was a miracle I’d been able to get the gun away from her before she hurt anyone else.
Jake was injured and in this very hospital, recovering from the gunshots I hadn’t been able to stop.
Whize had already interviewed him, and he confessed to attacking Quinn before.
I still wasn’t sure what was going to become of that, but when Emersyn heard, August was going to have a hell of a time keeping her at the safe house.
Whize left me alone, standing there in the waiting room, and I shoved both my hands through my hair, letting out a heavy sigh.
My chest felt like it was about to splinter and crack from the anxiety and nerves.
I needed to hold Quinn in my arms, to feel her warmth and hear her heart beating before I could even think about relaxing.
My feet carried me to the nurses’ station before I thought about it. I’d been forcing myself to stay away since they told me Quinn wasn’t ready for visitors, but I couldn’t anymore.
A middle-aged woman with long, red hair glanced up at me as I approached. She gave me a smile. I didn’t recognize her, and I wondered whether they’d recently had a shift change. I had no idea what time it was.
“Can I help you?” she asked, her voice steady and sweet.
I nodded and cleared my throat. “Yes, I was just—I was wondering if Quinn Carpenter was ready to have visitors?”
Her forehead creased slightly, but she didn’t drop her smile. I didn’t have time to wonder whether I’d asked something wrong before she stood and said, “Let me go check on her.”
I wasn’t sure why my pulse spiked as she walked away, disappearing around a corner.
She’d be okay. Quinn was going to be fine.
I scratched at the underside of my jaw, waiting. Each second that passed felt like an hour.
When the nurse came back around the corner, both anticipation and dread hit me. I couldn’t read the expression on her face.
It wasn’t until she was within earshot that she looked up at me, and smiled.
“She’s ready to see you now,” the nurse said.
I almost collapsed with relief. The nurse gave me her room number, and I barely stayed long enough to hear her directions before I was hurrying toward her.
The hallway flew by in a blur as I tracked the numbers on the rooms. The closer I got to her, the more my skin felt like it was going to burn right off.
Finally, I slowed.
Her room was open slightly, as if she knew I was there.
I double-checked the number as I approached, my breaths embarrassingly heavy. I hesitated at the threshold. It was quiet inside the room. Almost too quiet. Cautiously, I knocked.
She answered immediately, her voice soft but not weak. “Come in.”
I pushed open the door the rest of the way, and there she was.
She sat on the hospital bed like she’d been expecting me. Her back was straight, almost too stiff as her hand clutched the thin blanket over her waist. Her eyes were bright when they met mine, though. They weren’t hard and icy, but they seemed cautious.
She wore a hospital gown, and the bottom of a bandage peeked out from the right sleeve. Her wrists were bandaged too. She’d been shot, but the bullet had barely grazed her upper arm. If it hadn’t been for Jake taking the first bullet, I’m not sure she would’ve made it out alive.
My eyes burned as I took her in, but I fought the tears. I didn’t want to scare her.
I hadn’t realized how much silence had passed, or that I hadn’t even moved, until she frowned.
“I’m fine, Graham,” she said.
I scanned her bandages again, but didn’t argue. I barely managed a nod. “I know.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Come here.”
I hesitated, though I wasn’t sure why. I wanted to go to her; I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her I’d never let anything else happen to her again.
But that was a promise that I could not keep.
As much as it killed me to admit it, I could never keep her safe forever. She had a life to live, and there’d always be things out of my control.
The only thing I could do was promise to try my damn hardest.
I forced my feet forward, toward her bed. When I was close enough, I reached for her hand. Her skin was warm, and the constricting band that had been locked around my ribs loosened. I took a full breath for the first time in over a day.
A crack splintered through my facade of calmness and the tears welled on their own. I lifted her hand, and so very carefully brought it to my lips. I kissed the back of it.
“I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracking as one tear escaped, sliding down my cheek. I brushed it away with my shoulder, hoping she hadn’t seen.
“Graham,” she breathed, and when I met her pale, beautiful eyes again, there was a deep sadness in them. “This isn’t your fault.”
She turned the hand I held so our palms faced each other and she threaded her fingers through mine. She squeezed gently.
I almost choked on a sob. “I shouldn’t have left you alone. I’m sorry. I—”
She cut me off with a shush. She reached up and touched the side of my face. “Stop. This isn’t on you. I made the decision to stay in the library. Neither of us could’ve known what Mara was going to do.”
I clenched my jaw, but leaned into the heat of her palm. “I should’ve seen it.”
“Stop,” she chided again. “It’s not your responsibility to read people’s minds, Graham. It’s impossible.”
I let out a breath. “I know.”
I did know, but it was still difficult to believe that I wasn’t at fault for this.
“Do you—do you know what happened?” I asked gently.
Her thumb stroked the stubble that had grown out along my jaw. “Basically, yes. Whize answered most of my questions when he talked to me.” Her sharp gaze ran quickly down my body and searched my face. “You’re all right?”
My grip tightened around her hand. “I’m not injured.”
Tension I hadn’t noticed before eased from her shoulders. “When I heard that last gunshot, I was so scared something happened to you.”
“I’m okay.”
She nodded, as if to reassure herself.
“I actually have some questions, if that’s all right,” I said cautiously.
Her brows cinched. She let her hand drop from my face, but I didn’t let go of the hold I had on the other.
“What do you want to know?”
I swallowed, wondering whether it was the best idea to talk about it now, but I wanted to do it while the memory was still fresh in her mind.
“What did she all say to you?” She stiffened, but I continued. “I got a general idea from what Whize told me, but it still doesn’t make sense to me. I would’ve never expected this level of violence from her.”
I shook my head; it was heavy and crowded with all the events that had transpired the last couple of days.
Quinn’s mouth thinned. Some of the hardness started to creep back into her expression, but her eyes were not full ice, just a bit of frost.
“It was you,” she said simply. “She wanted to protect you from me.”
My mouth turned in a hard frown. “I understand that’s what she said, but I don’t know why she’d see you as such a threat.” My teeth clenched. “Jake said she was sleeping with that Preston guy, of all people. I couldn’t have been that important to her.”