Chapter 10 #2
Gideon would never allow me to go through that.
But I made a vow.
I promised him a mate wouldn’t change the way I feel about him, or my plans to be with him for the rest of my life.
This is the moment where I keep that promise.
And every single second afterward.
“Is there”—I grind my molars and exhale through my nose, refusing to feel the incredible sensations swirling up my arm, arrowing straight for my groin. When my knot doubles, I grunt. Mortification colors the rest of my croak—“no way to help the pain?”
The doctor winces. “I can give you some specialized rut-blockers that were recently developed for half-bonds. They’re supposed to dull the symptoms to a livable degree, but there’s little proof they work long-term.
They won’t do much good if she’s in heat or having a spike, though. Otherwise, they may help a bit.”
“I’ll write up a sedative to help you sleep, too,” she goes on. “And something to settle her stomach if it gets upset when you reintroduce regular foods. Try giving her liquids first and go from there.”
The woman pauses, pinning me with a stern look. “You understand, of course, that you’ll need to stay close to her? Physically?”
God, how can I do that? Bring her home? To Gideon’s home?
Seeing me pale, the doctor intensifies her steely glare.
“Because she bit you—instead of the other way around—she will be incredibly susceptible to your rejection. You will have to remain within reasonable proximity to her until her heat, at least, assuming she has other alphas to bond with by then. Separating prior would be as emotionally torturous for her Omega as the half-bond currently is for your Alpha. If you were the one choosing to leave her, rejecting her openly… That would be unbearable, for most omegas.”
I gaze down at Violet’s face. It smooths a bit more every second she spends latched on to my skin. A horrible, solid sort of certainty sinks into my center.
I can’t hurt her more than she’s already been hurt.
What kind of monster would knowingly cause such a delicate creature more pain?
“How do I take care of her?” I whisper. “While we’re… like this?”
She tsks. “Staying nearby, as I said. Brace yourself—she’ll have more severe heat-spikes than an average omega.
It shouldn’t be a problem for her”—the doctor nods at Finn—“because any other alphas in your pack will likely experience increased arousal and attraction, beyond that of normal mates. But you might find it a lot more difficult to allow them to ease her than you imagine.”
Ease her.
My stomach flips. Holy hell.
The doctor’s pager beeps, and she snaps to, standing straighter.
“If you have any other questions, you may want to reach out to an expert,” she dismisses.
“In the meantime, I’ll get your discharge papers started.
The nutrient and hydration boosters we gave her are very potent—they should last thirty-six hours, which is more than enough time for her Omega to recede.
After that, start her on broths and crackers before working up to a normal diet. All the details will be in her packet.”
I feel half a dozen questions vibrating at my center, jostling to break free, but I don’t get a chance to ask any of them. The alpha female turns on the heel of her sneaker, only pausing to toss me a final warning look.
“She’s severely touch-starved, you know. If you’re not going to help her with that, you’d better find someone who will.”
Christ.
She didn’t have to tell me, I realize when she disappears beyond the curtain. My Alpha already knows. Hence the reason I can’t seem to stop petting her lank, shiny hair.
This poor baby girl probably hasn’t had anyone touch her with genuine affection since she was ripped from her former life. Certainly never an alpha.
I loathe how deeply that calls to me. But the fact that she needs a lifetime of tenderness and affection moves me. Much like Gideon’s deep-seated desire for approval.
I can already sense how compatible Violet and I are—and it hurts. The knowledge that, were it not for Gideon, I probably would have bitten her back already…
I hate it. Nearly as much as I hate myself for not being able to give that to her.
Violet’s eyes have fallen shut. Sleepy contentment rolls over our frayed link as she gradually drifts back into unconsciousness. I hope—now that she’s tended her bite—she’ll wake up as herself, whenever she has the strength to rouse again.
Her lips finally release my wrist, but it’s harder for me to pull my arm away than it should be. For a long moment, I simply stare at her.
After the life she’s had, Violet deserves a mate who can give her everything. All of this is as unfair to her as it is to me and my prince.
But the fact remains: I love Gideon. He’s my omega. The pieces of me that this sweet little one needs are already spoken for.
I have to let her go. It’s the best thing for all of us, surely.
As if to prove me utterly incorrect, Finn suddenly sloughs out a groan. “Fuck me.”
He must lie there, remembering what happened, for a long beat because his scent begins to rise before he does.
When the expensive vapor of lemon verbena reaches Violet, her nose twitches in her sleep.
I feel her arousal and longing through the half-bond, but neither are enough to wake her now that both the woman and her Omega have clocked out.
Finn grunts as he pushes up on his hands, lifting his torso from the mattress and whipping his head in my direction. Groggy anxiety fills his face. “Wha—what did the doctor say?”
I’m not sure why that’s the moment it hits me. But sitting there, alternating between Violet’s slack features and Finn’s hopeful ones… A choice materializes in my mind.
I can tell the truth about this half-bond and what it will mean for me once she moves on… or I can omit several details to try to eliminate her guilt and avoid obligating Gideon.
If he knows sending her away means lifelong suffering for me, he’ll never stand for it. But I can’t be the reason his deepest fears become reality—and watching me complete the bond with Violet would kill him, even if I only did it to save all of us grief.
Though, if I’m honest with myself…
I gaze at Violet’s face, the truth echoing behind my ribs.
That wouldn’t be the only reason.
Which is unacceptable.
Bonding her would hardly solve everything, anyway. While it might eliminate my physical pain, Gideon would be in hell every day, knowing Violet and I had a connection he and I didn’t. If I had to watch him suffer, I would be in agony all the same.
Now that she’s bitten me, he can’t take the bond from her—and we can’t add another. In all my years of research and teaching, I’ve never heard of an alpha bonded to two omegas. It wouldn’t be possible, given a pack bond needs one omega to run through. A central point.
Besides, even if I could ask him to join our bond… that seems equally insensitive, bordering on cruel.
Why would he ever want to share me? Why should he have to?
None of these options are fair to him, but surely, having her leave after her heat is the best of the unjust choices laid at our feet.
I would send her away sooner—and avoid troubling Ryker with her presence altogether—but I won’t purposefully torment her, either.
Which means she’ll have to stay until her first heat is over.
That’s bad enough. I won’t make it worse by burdening Gideon with my own well-being. Or lack thereof.
“I’ll be fine,” I lie, clearing my throat to hide the way my voice nearly cracks. “They have pills that will help with my pain. We just need to keep her close until the end of her first heat, when she can get a bond from you. Then our half-bond will dissipate, and she’ll be free.”
I’ll be miserable. But that’s not her problem. Or my prince’s.
I repeat the rest of the doctor’s explanation, editing the truth with purposefully vague words. Close. May start to. Possibly.
Finn accepts them easily, nodding. “So, I can still—I mean, if she wants me, then…?”
A flinch of pure agony—and flaming envy—sails through me. I force a nod. “Yes. It would be best for her if she bonded with you during her first heat. Best for all of us, really.”
Fear slithers into his blue eyes, but there isn’t time to question him.
Our nurse reappears, bearing a bag of medication for me and a sheaf of discharge paperwork.
It’s littered with vague instructions on omega-easing and how to treat touch-starvation.
As she begins to unhook their IVs, I hand the relevant portions to Finn and try to figure out how to keep my nausea from seeping into Violet’s stomach.
Finn barely even notices the woman pulling a needle out of his arm. His brows furrow as he reads the pages at lightning speed. Eating up the information, despite the anxiety souring his scent.
Under different circumstances, I might be proud of him. Instead, all the misery seething inside me ratchets up. Our half-bond pulls viciously, ripping at the very middle of my being.
I saw out deep breaths, reminding myself that physical pain is just that—physical. I can endure it.
My Omega has already endured more pain than I ever will.
My Alpha thinks the words, not bothering to indicate whether he’s referring to Violet or Gideon. I give a hopeless internal chuckle, asking, Which one?
But he doesn’t understand the question.