Chapter 57
fifty-seven
FINN HAS CHANGED THE NAME OF THIS CHAT TO “OFFICIAL VIOLET brYNN FANCLUB”
GIDEON HAS CHANGED THE NAME OF THIS CHAT TO “OFFICIAL VIOLET VARMA FANCLUB
Gideon
Duh, Finn.
Finn
Good call
Gideon
Speaking of which: If anyone bothers my omega and my alpha today, I stg.
Ryker
10/4
Finn
chill, pipsqueak
we know you want your alpha to get laid while we’re out of the house
tbh I’m shocked they’ve made it a whole week without banging.
someone else must have been hogging her…
Gideon
Shut your yap, jackass
Ryker
I mean, he’s not *wrong*
Gideon
As if you two are any better!
Finn
if you think we’re all bad now… wait until her heat starts.
Gideon
You guys will be bad. *I’ll* be perfectly clear and able to help her decide which knots she likes.
So you better start kissing my ass now.
Ryker
Your hair looks nice today.
Finn
seriously Ryker?!
Ryker
What?
It’s worth a shot.
Finn
…
that’s a great shirt you have on, Gid.
“No one can find out about this,” the deep, calm voice rumbles. I pause, straining to hear the small purr that replies.
It sounds like my omega and my alpha are in Atlas’s newly unboxed study together. My cheeks ache as I grin, the muscles sore from how much I’ve smiled this week.
I home in on Gideon’s quiet rattle, slipping from the Omega Suite as silently as I can, hoping to sneak up on them.
My odds aren’t good. All of the men have been fanatically overprotective since my pre-heat symptoms started.
Ryker’s taken to feeding me six times a day, piling every plate like I’m a linebacker.
Finn has taken my physical prep very seriously, introducing a series of toys to make sure I can take knots every which way I want them…
He’s also been to every nest store in Crenmore, purchasing more supplies than we could ever need. Because of his efforts, Gideon and I have spent hours every morning working on our nest, as he calls it.
We chose a color palette of soft whites and periwinkle, then took turns deciding on things like lighting and bedding.
In the midst of all our nesting, Atlas insists on two sessions in the small, rounded room per day.
He’s strict about it, making sure he and Gideon treat my lingering touch-starvation with massages, cuddling, and—most days—me on Gideon’s cock.
Atlas and I have taken things slower. There’s been a lot of touching and brief, careful kisses—always aware that each moment between us feels like a precious gift from Gideon.
The two men have also insisted I sleep in their bed every night since the big storm. They claim it only makes sense, given how small the guest bed is. Yesterday, they even made room for Finn. Ryker is still wary about sleeping around me, so he rested in the nest with the door open.
The guys unanimously decided I need extra snuggles and a nap each afternoon, too.
Ryker was the one who spooned me to sleep today.
He still seemed stiff when he settled onto the Omega Suite’s extra-wide mattress, surrounded by Gideon’s perfume.
Cozying up to me seemed to help. Still, I wasn’t surprised to wake up alone.
When I noticed the storm brewing on the horizon, I tried to go back to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t settle. It looped through the last week’s events, retracing each pack conversation.
We’ve discussed what my heat will look like a dozen different times, but the options never improve.
Because Atlas is their pack leader, completing our bond automatically means forming a pack bond with Finn and Ryker…
but, because pack bonds can only run through one omega, that would leave Gideon out.
If I refuse to exclude Gideon, I can create individual links with Finn and Ryker… but then Atlas will endure the long-term effects of remaining half-bonded.
The more research Gideon and I have done on what that would look like for our alpha, the more we recognize it isn’t really an “option” at all. Neither of us could bear to watch him suffer like that—especially if I’m going to be here, living with them, every day.
At this point, Gideon basically refuses to hear my protests on his behalf. As far as he’s concerned, the matter is settled. The man has all but barked me into submission, demanding I complete bonds with all my alphas and promising we’ll find a way to make sure he doesn’t feel left out.
I can’t imagine how, though. And, after watching me agonize over all the insufficient ways to untangle this mess, each of my alphas have individually assured me they don’t need me to bond with any of them to be happy. Which means I might end up with as many claims as I have now.
Zero.
One thing is certain: I’m running out of time to make decisions. I’ve never had a heat before, but I’m fairly sure it’s edging closer every day.
Case in point—my Omega is sort of… insane.
She listened to my anxious mental meandering, nudging me harder and harder with every pang of guilt or uncertainty.
I tried to ignore her, but her shoves got so frantic, I jumped out of bed and wound up here, lingering on the threshold of the Omega Suite, listening to the small purr and our pack leader’s deep, smooth baritone.
At this point? I doubt I could stay away even if I wanted to.
Besides, each time I’ve wandered into their space lately, Gideon and Atlas both seem genuinely delighted to see me.
So I tiptoe across the corridor, peeking into Atlas’s study to make sure I don’t interrupt anything important between them.
Gideon isn’t there, though. Just our alpha.
With my kitten in his lap.
Oh. My. God.
Atlas frowns at Pascal as he scratches under the cat’s chin, tutting, “I have a reputation to uphold, you understand. If anyone knew I had allowed this, they might get the wrong idea.”
Pascal mews at him. The big alpha sighs. “Yes, I suppose that’s fair. It isn’t that I have a problem with you, specifically, but if the others thought I was amenable to pets, this place would be a zoo within the year.”
My kitten huffs, kneading Atlas’s tan sweatpants as he bleats another meow. “Well, I can see how that would be confusing,” Atlas replies. “But Maximus is a highly trained emotional support animal.”
Pascal purrs louder, and Atlas’s own chest begins to rumble, drawing my attention to his bare pecs and the rich, dark skin stretched over his muscles. He cups my kitten against his sternum, regarding Pascal’s fuzzy face with furrowed features. When the cat headbutts the alpha’s chest, he chuckles.
The image is so comically adorable, I reach for my phone and swipe the camera open. Once I’ve secured photographic evidence that our pack leader is a total softie, I knock on the doorframe.
Our half-bond stretched immediately sweeps open. A rush of rueful amusement and—dare I say—adoration froths into my middle.
“Hello, omega,” Atlas tsks. He quirks a scolding brow at me. “Have you been eavesdropping on our conversation?”
I know he’s teasing, but the stern expression on his handsome face sends quivers to my core. My pre-heat perfume winds into the air, brighter and sweeter than the aroma I’m used to.
Everyone else may be fully on board with our new arrangement, but my first instinct is still to hang my head. When I peek up at Atlas from beneath my lashes, his dark eyes soften. A steadying beat of pure approval gilds our tether.
He sets Pascal on the floor, then opens his arms for me. A smaller, more sincere smile warms his features. I hover awkwardly, glancing around, as if Gideon will suddenly pop up from behind one of the bookshelves.
The sad fact is, without him here? I don’t really know how to be around Atlas.
The alpha feels my anxious confusion and meets my gaze.
“Gideon went into town with Finn and Ryker. They intended to get you heat presents. And they wanted us to have some alone time.” Singular intensity wells in his eyes as he sits forward.
Projecting that maddeningly steady dominance. “I wanted us to have some alone time.”
Alone time.
The words clatter inside my head, not quite sinking in. Atlas feels my disbelief internally and smiles again. A blend of mild chagrin and white-hot happiness swirls over our tether. “Gideon also insisted,” he goes on. “I’ll spare you the details of what he said we should do, but…”
I can guess. Gid has been whispering dirty thoughts to me all week, encouraging me to experience our alpha’s “impressive skill set” for myself.
More slick slides from my clamping core. I bite my lip as embarrassment warms my cheeks. Atlas sobers completely. His earlier intensity returns, then deepens. Gentles.
He opens his arms. “Will you come to me?”
He’s truly asking me. I feel his uncertainty in our half-bond, along with a glowing thread of hope.
I’m beginning to understand why everyone was initially so worried about keeping me away from Atlas during my heat. Even if I wanted to resist his offer, my Omega wouldn’t allow it. She lurches me into motion, guiding me straight to his side.
Triumph and relief sing through our connection, all gilded in gratitude. Atlas pulls me into his lap, arranging my legs on either side of his.
He’s careful, but firm. Effortlessly in control, yet infinitely gentle. An exhale quivers out of me as I settle, pressing my damp center over the hard length tenting the front of his sweats.
Atlas keeps his bottomless brown eyes trained on my face. When I let some of my tense muscles unwind, his quads and abdominals relax. He waits, letting me work my gaze over his carved chest and the strong column of his throat. When it finally settles on him, he stares back.
Emotion wells, overflowing from his chest to mine. Longing deep enough to wind me; lust hot enough to burn my blood. But also… regret. Remorse.
I try to swallow around the lump it lodges in my airway. My bleary brain replays every interaction we’ve ever had—and I realize… despite all my apologies to Gideon—and the dozens I’ve given Atlas for other, silly things—I never told this alpha how sorry I am for biting him in the first place.
“A-Atlas,” I whisper, “I—”
He must sense what I’m about to say, because he growls quietly, cutting me off. Fervent pleading glows deep in his eyes. “Please,” he rasps, just as hushed. “I can’t bear to hear you say you’re sorry about this. Because I’m not. Perhaps I was, at first, but…”
He shifts, sliding me forward, bringing my body flush with his while his other hand cups my cheek.
“The more I learn about you, the more I believe you never would have chosen to cause any of us pain—if you’d had the power to decide.
You didn’t, though, Violet. You were too frail and neglected and traumatized to know what you were doing.
And none of that is your fault. None of it ever was. Do you understand me?”
A bolt of grief sticks itself in my gullet. I try to choke it down, but a whimpered whine escapes as tears gloss my eyes. “I still hurt you. I still hurt Gideon. If we complete this bond, you two are going to be stuck with me forever, and—”
“And it will be our privilege,” Atlas husks, so vehement it’s nearly a snarl. His other hand joins the first, framing my face as he gazes directly into me. “You are the loveliest mate anyone could ever ask for. Knowing the universe deemed me worthy of you… It’s an honor.”
Infinite sincerity swells over our broken bond. Awe fills my heart until I think it might burst. Atlas’s fingers tighten on my cheeks.
“If you sense my remorse, it’s only because I owe you an apology,” he murmurs, leaning his forehead against mine.
A thud of disbelief echoes in my middle. “Y-you do?”
Atlas shuts his eyelids, nodding slowly. “Yes.” He presses up, underneath me. “For not doing this sooner. For not being honest with you about how much pain I’ll be in after your heat if we don’t bond.”
My stomach twists. His endless eyes flicker open, glowing as he concludes, “For not being honest with myself about how much I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you.”
Blurry images swirl through my mind. This strong, kind man looming over me. Leaning into the one shaft of light in that dark room. I see you, he said. I’m here.
Thin tears trickle over his fingers. “You were?”
Atlas roughs out a shaky exhale. “I didn’t know what to do with it,” he admits, remembered guilt and dismay scraping his stomach.
“But I could see that every single thing about you was perfectly tailored to me—to all of us. And even though I had every intention of keeping my promise to Gideon… I could have been more forthright with both of you about how much I’ve cared for you all along. I’m—”
This time, I cut him off. Gently pressing my palm over his sculpted lips. I swallow hard, shaking my head the same way he did. “Don’t. I’m not sorry for anything you did or didn’t do. You were thinking about Gideon. I never would have wanted you any other way.”
We let that bittersweet truth soak into the tether stretched between us. Neither of us could have done any better, but it still hurt. We each sacrificed our connection—and how horribly, wonderfully natural it feels—to protect Gideon’s heart.
We came so close to losing this. And we would both do it again, because we love him.
I lean into Atlas, my lashes fluttering shut as I realize: We’re the same.
Not outwardly, or even just below the surface. But deeper, at our cores. In the bottom of our souls. Almost as if destiny carved us as mirror images, knowing we would find our way back to one another.
To this moment.
Electric adoration flashes across Atlas’s expression. His throat works as he pulls me closer, scent-marking my forehead. Leaving us eye-to-eye.
Atlas gazes back at me, echoing all the emotions I pour into our strained tether. And even though I can’t hear his thoughts, for a moment, I swear they align perfectly with mine.
Because, yes, we almost lost this, but…
The truth whispers across our bond, just before he seals his lips over mine.
Now we can have it.