Chapter 30
Tank – Six Days Later
“Alright, the run was successful—over one point five million has been spread between the ten hospitals each club picked. The next run, in five months, will raise money for underprivileged sports centers and help keep delinquents off the streets,” Dirty reads off his laptop.
“And our club accounts are well in the green, so we can upgrade the diner.”
The brothers bang on the table in celebration, and I grin widely.
The fun run was fucking amazing, and the fact that my girl could be there with us… Damn, it was everything.
Don’t get me wrong, she called dad several times, which he didn’t mind, and she was continuously worried, but it was still good to have that time with her, bringing her into my world, a world she couldn’t be a part of six years ago because of her family, well, more her mother, anyhow.
She wore my cut the whole time, letting me claim her. Now, I just need my ring on her finger. But before that, we need to talk about her not trusting me, my lingering resentment, but I don’t know whether we’re ready for that.
We’ve been back for two days, and I did promise her, but I just, fuck…
Old wounds don’t always heal, I guess, and I’m scared she’ll run.
“Tank,” Doc says, getting my attention, and I look his way as he confirms, “You’re back at the hospital this weekend?”
I nod and confirm, “Three nights in a row, five days off, then three-day shifts in a row. I’ll help Dirty during my five days off, but expect Jasmine to be with me on those days, Dad said he’ll watch Aisling until Jas is ready for her to go back to school and ballet class, which hopefully will be soon. ”
“Have you two spoken yet?” Ace asks, and I wince and shake my head.
“What are you afraid of, brother?” Stone asks, and I huff, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe her leaving me again, and not just taking my heart that she finally glued back together and my daughter, but also our unborn child?”
“She wouldn’t, Tank,” Trigger states, and I look down, not believing him, but he continues, “She loves you. You can see it in her face, brother. Every time she enters the room, her eyes look for you. If you come out of church, she physically relaxes. She won’t leave you again.”
“He’s right,” Doc chimes in, “she feels guilty, Lo, that is clear as day and don’t get me started on her trauma with her mother and what she had to do, but where you are concerned, she’s struggling with the guilt of not trusting you, of not coming to you when the threats first took place,” Doc gives me a soft look, “She knows if she’d just spoken to you, then everything that had happened, from giving birth alone and struggling to make ends meet for herself and your daughter to your mama trying to harm her and her mama succeeding in harming Aisling would never have had happened.
She’s scared you’ll run away when you realize you’ll always resent her for not believing you could keep them both safe, for taking your home from you in her and not giving you a chance to be a dad for the first five years of your daughter’s life. ”
I look down again and mutter, “I don’t… I mean, yes, there is a little resentment.
But I don’t think I’ll always resent her.
Right now, it hurts, but I know there are still some firsts I’ll get with Aisling.
I also know I’ll be there every step of the way with this pregnancy, and with any after that.
I love her, and I want to make her my wife.
I just need her to fight for me, for us… ”
“She is,” Anchor says. “Her being here, bringing Aisling to meet your family, leaving your daughter with your father so she could ride with you—she’s proving she’s fighting for you. If you’d seen her content resting against your back, you’d know she isn’t leaving.”
I nod, my throat tight with emotion, and choke out, “Thank you, all of you, for never giving up on me when I gave up on the club.”
Doc snorts, “You didn’t give up on the club, you just needed a little R and R, though Thunder continuously trying to hurt himself was kind of hilarious.”
The brothers chuckle, and I grin.
“The fucker is lucky he didn’t do any permanent damage to himself,” I remind Doc, and he shrugs and says, “I say it’s payback for hitting my girl with a bat.”
I laugh this time because, yeah, now that time has passed, that day was fucking funny, and Thunder looked ready to piss himself which just made it even better.
Doc shakes his head just as the church door bangs open—my laugh cutting off—as Caleb rushes inside and Vincent follows, looking pissed while holding his junk, and I raise a brow, shifting from amusement to confusion.
“He went between my legs, but because he isn’t short, his head hit my dick,” Vincent growls and Caleb winces and whispers, “Sorry Vinny,” using Aisling’s nickname, and the man melts on the spot, and I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing.
Hook, line and sinker, where Caleb is concerned, fuck, all the brothers are trying not to laugh at how quickly the prospect folded.
“Caleb, what’s going on?” Dirty asks with concern, knowing he wouldn’t have come into church unless it was an emergency, but anger soon radiates from him when his son states, “I invited Ms. Robins and Lyra for dinner, we need to go now so you can make your chili!”
Oh shit.
I wince at the look on Dirty’s face while the brothers all look elsewhere, knowing he's about to blow, something he rarely does with his son.
“Come on, Dad!” Caleb whines, the now seven-year-old not picking up on his dad's anger, and I clear my throat.
“Brother?” I question, and he vibrates.
“Caleb Scott Lee!” he snaps, his voice sharp and Caleb’s blue eyes widen in shock as he takes a step back. “I have told you several times, it was a no for you to invite them over. What on earth were you thinking?!”
I wince at his tone. Shit.
Caleb, despite the tears in his eyes, lifts his chin. "I was thinking I wanted my friend around for dinner with my teacher who you haven’t even bothered to meet! So get off that chair and come on! They will be here at five!" he replies.
That said, Caleb turns on his heels and storms out of church, and my eyes widen at his gall.
Damn, the kid is seven going on seventeen.
“Alex?” his blood brother Ace says lowly while Dirty vibrates next to him and demands, “The gavel, Doc!”
Uh oh…
Doc clears his throat and says, “Church tomorrow afternoon to finish going over the business's finances, church dismissed,” and bangs the gavel before Dirty’s chair scrapes, and he storms out of church.
“Oh shit, Caleb’s done it now,” Ace mumbles, and we all nod in agreement watching him leave with shock while Stone says, “We’ll jump in if Caleb gets too big for his boots, Tank, go get your girl,” and I lock eyes with him.
I give him a nod and stand before saluting the brothers, then I leave the church and head for the front door, knowing Jasmine kept Ais at home so she could figure out what she wanted to do with her life now that she’s home, and I ignore everyone in the common room, my focus – getting to my girls.
***
I walk through the front door five minutes later and, as I hang up my cut and drop my keys into the bowl near the door, I call, “Buttercup?” but frown when I don’t get an answer.
I walk into the living area, and worry hits me seeing the room empty, and just as I’m about to head upstairs to check the closets and Aisling’s room, instantly believing she’s run making my heart pound with fear, I hear a squeal from the backyard, and I sigh, my body relaxing.
“Fuck me, we really do need this talk…” I mutter to myself as I walk through the open living area, kitchen and dining combo, and go straight to the sliding kitchen doors.
I notice Jas sitting on the steps while Aisling swings, the dogs staying close by her and I smile as I envision our second child in Jas’s arms.
I could get used to this, I really could.
I open the door and walk to my girl and Aisling squeals, “Hi, Daddy!”
I grin and wave before taking a seat on the steps, wrapping my arm around Jasmine and pulling her close. Her head on my shoulder melts me as we watch our daughter play on her new, expensive outdoor set, which was worth every cent.
“Where’s your cut, buttercup?” I ask Jas after a few minutes of hearing Aisling, and she replies, “In the wash, Ais accidentally got paint all over it…”
I chuckle and kiss her head, making her sigh and grip my tee.
She knows we need to talk, and, just like me, she’s reluctant. But to move past everything, she needs to hear how I felt, and I need to hear how her mind was back then.
“Six years is a long time, Logan,” she whispers, and I hum because yeah, it is.
“I love you, Jasmine,” I say. “I love you so much, I want my ring on your finger and three kids with you, as we planned. Am I hurt you didn’t trust me?
Yeah. Am I hurt that I missed Aisling’s milestones?
Fuck yes. I resent you a little, but you need to give me some leeway, buttercup.
It’s been two and a half months, and you act as if I’ll never get over this. ”
“I don’t mean to be,” she whispers, “I’m trying, Logan, I really am, but all I can think about is the hurt I put you through, the disappointment Granny must have felt,” she looks at me, her eyes teary, “I really thought I was doing the right thing for you, for our daughter. I knew my mother would have tried to not only kill our child but to bring your club and you down but I was still thinking, ‘I need my Logan, I need his help’. Then your mother came in with the threats and even though she thought I miscarried, she still decided to explain what she would have done if the paper still said pregnant and I panicked. We never spoke of our childhoods or what we were put through so I didn’t know that there was hate with your mother, I didn’t know she tried to make you a girl then force a woman on you, because you never told me, so in that moment, when I sat in that hospital bed, I really thought I was doing the right thing at that moment in time and the reason why I never came to you is because I knew I would change my mind instantly. ”
I sigh as I press my nose against her head, our daughter’s giggles flowing around us while Coby and Simba bark playfully, so I know she’s now playing with the dogs happily.
“I never should have left,” Jas whispers, “I regret going, heck, I regretted it as soon as I got in my car and drove.”
“Then why did you stay away for so long?” I finally ask the question that has been on my mind for so long.
“Because the longer I stayed away, the more I was convinced you moved on and that I needed to let you go even if it destroyed me,” she chokes, “It got harder to be able to come back, even when I was struggling and barely eating just so Ais got what she needed, I didn’t think I could come back.”
I gently run my fingers through her hair as I place my lips against her head.
“It won’t change overnight, buttercup,” I rasp, “I’ll probably struggle, I will most likely resent you for a while, especially when I find out new things about Ais, and sometimes I’ll close myself off, but that is just me processing everything.
I hurt for so long Jas, so fucking long because you didn’t just take our child, you took my home within you away from me and I was living through the motions and I just need you to bear with me, to see that I do in fact love you.
I just want time and I want you to see that you are my forever, and to fucking trust me. ”
Jas moves her head, and we lock eyes, and nothing but love shines back at me as she swears, “I promise that I will always trust you, that I’ll fight for you, for us as you did six years ago, and I promise to never take you for granted. I love you, Logan.”
I nod as I cup the back of her head and pull her towards me before pressing my lips against hers, sparks instantly flashing before me.
Then I murmur, “We’re going to be alright, buttercup,” and she nods before pressing her lips back against mine, and I lick the seam of her lips, which she opens instantly, before our tongues touch and fuck me, I’m home.
I tilt her head and deepen the kiss before we hear, “Daddy,” and I grin against Jas’s lips at our daughter's giggle, and my girl smiles in return, and I know deep down, the past, the shit with her mother, what she had to do, we’ll heal, together. We are going to be okay.
I know we’re going to spend the rest of our lives building love and trust, and within a few months, she’ll have my ring on her finger, and in a few years, we’ll have another baby on the way while she’s working with her uncle at family law, and my resentment will be gone.
Mark my fucking words, life without Jasmine Williams is no life at all. I’ve already learned that over the past six years.