Chapter 76
Seventy-Six
THEN | SISK
“Can I take this thing off now?”
“Not yet,” Jax says, his hands steadying me as I swing my leg off the bike.
“I can’t see anything.”
“That’s the point of a blindfold, smartass.”
His hand finds mine, his grip firm. “Hold my hand,” he says. “I got you.”
I barely hear him because of all the barking, a chorus of panicked yelps and deep angry growls. When I hear the rattle of a chain-link fence, I rip the blindfold off.
“No way,” I breathe. I turn to Jax, my eyes wide, searching his face for some kind of joke.
The yard stretches out in rows of cages, dogs everywhere: some pacing in frantic circles, others pressed silently against the fence, a few barking like they’ve forgotten how to stop.
Most are too thin, some with patches of missing fur.
I notice a tiny terrier mix limping while the pit bull next to it has an eye clouded over like spoiled milk.
A faded sign on the gate reads: City Animal Holding.
“This is a shelter?” I ask.
“More like the waiting room before the end.”
A worker walks past with a bucket of water and I notice a small brown dog pressing its nose through the fence, whining softly.
“Why are there so many?”
“People can’t afford to keep them,” Jax says, his eyes sweeping over the dogs. “They lose a job, they get evicted, suddenly the dog food is too expensive. It’s all the same shit in the end.”
I swallow.
In one cage, three puppies are curled together as if trying to stay warm, while the cage next to it sits empty except for a broken leash.
“Most of them get a week,” Jax says quietly.
“A week to get lucky?”
He nods toward the back row. “Come on.”
We walk past cage after cage. A big shepherd barks like it’s begging us not to keep walking. A skinny pit mix just watches us with quiet, patient eyes. My chest tightens.
“Jax…”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you bring me here?”
He stops. “You said we needed a dog.”
“I said you needed a dog.”
“Okay, friend,” he says, the word dripping with sarcasm as he gestures down the row of cages. “Help me pick a dog.”
We walk past many barking cages, and at the end of the row, Jax stops suddenly and I almost walk into him. He’s staring at one cage in particular. The dog inside is a massive mountain of fur. It lifts its head slowly when it sees us.
“Why him?” I ask Jax.
Jax studies the paper clipped to the cage for a moment. “Because this one’s out of time tomorrow.”
The dog pushes itself to its feet slowly.
Jax scratches the back of his neck thinking.
The volunteer steps closer. “This one bit a guy last week.”
“Well that seems… relevant,” I say, instinctively taking a step back.
“He was beating it with a broom handle,” she says, her eyes on the dog.
My heart gives a painful lurch.
I kneel slowly and the dog watches my hand carefully. It inches forward, its movements stiff and pained. After a long moment, it presses its giant, wet nose into my palm.
Behind me, Jax lets out a breath. “Guess that settles it.”
I glance over my shoulder, my hand still resting on the dog’s head. “He’s huge.”
“He’s coming home with us,” Jax says, his voice leaving no room for argument.
I blink. “Us?”
Jax coughs, looking away. “Me.”
“You can’t put a dog that size on the back of a bike, Jax.”
“You can take the truck,” the worker says from behind us. “Leave your bike, and sign the paperwork.”
I glance back at the dog, my hand still buried in his thick fur. “Does he have a name?”
“Don’t know,” the volunteer says. “Nobody’s claimed him.”
“Scotch,” Jax blurts out.
“What?”
He shrugs like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “That way he’ll remind me to stop chasing a wild rabbit.”
I look at him but he doesn’t look back. He just rubs the dog’s head slowly while the giant animal leans into his leg like it’s known him forever.
* * *
6 MONTHS LATER
“How’s Millie doing?” Jax asks as I climb onto the back of his bike.
“She’s doing better. The nurse said she should be out tomorrow.”
I wrap my arms around his waist, the familiar motion a small comfort in the sea of shit my life has become.
“I’m so sorry, Sisk,” he says quietly. “This really sucks.”
“It does.” I sigh into his jacket. “I wish there was actually something I could do. I don’t know how to help her. She won’t listen. Doesn’t even want to try.”
“What did my father say?”
“That she needs to stop before it’s too late.”
Jax nods.
“Still up for this tonight?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Yeah, I guess.” I shrug. “Lou insisted. I’ve been a horrible friend lately. I’m just… tired.”
“He’ll understand if you don’t feel up to it.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say. “Thanks for coming along. He’s been so weird about this party. I think he repeated ‘it’s a surprise, don’t tell Andy’ a hundred times.”
“That’s what friends are for, right?” he says.
Friends. It’s been six months of this shit.
Of being his friend. It’s not going perfectly, but I’ll take the scraps he’s willing to throw me.
He’s been opening up, even if it’s usually after a few drinks and a blowjob.
He even told me about his mom. I still can’t believe she left with Ronny.
I didn’t see that one coming, but Jax just shrugged.
Said they were probably seeing each other forever since his dad was never around, so he wasn’t surprised.
I know he took it as a betrayal, though.
There’s so much about him that feels like a mystery, but also so much that is still Jax, the boy who saved my life, in more than one way.
I haven’t told him everything either. Not even that I came back here for him, but he probably knows that.
And no, I didn’t think I could fix him and turn him into a husband.
I just couldn’t stand the distance anymore.
The tar didn’t make it easy either, constantly reminding me of my bargain.
One day I’m going to have to tell him about that too, but I know it will push him away when I do.
He’s going to retreat and say it’s for my own good.
To protect me. So until I figure out a way to make sure he stays close, I’m keeping it to myself.
I don’t like keeping secrets from him, but I’ll do whatever it takes to not lose him.
Even if I have to pretend I’m fine with an occasional kiss and fuck.
I’m obviously not. I would do anything to spend the day together, to do more than just share a drink or two when I stop by the bar.
He’s the only one who doesn’t notice though.
Matt told me once how Jax doesn’t really have anyone serious.
It’s all been me, besides random girls that try to fill the void.
I’m not certain he was being honest or just trying to make me feel better.
For now, I’m trying to be patient, give him time to figure out whatever demons he’s fighting, and hope he makes his way to me eventually.
I’ve pretty much given up on forgetting him; it’s pointless.
I love him too much. Love him to the point of hating him for all it hurts.
Love him to the point of madness, of giving everything back to keep him.
It’s probably unhealthy to want someone this badly—that you’d ruin a promising career and return to a cursed city that’s lurking around, just waiting for me to hand over my first child.
Yeah, something is definitely wrong with me.
But it’s not love if you’re not losing your mind, right?
And yes, of course, I should be terrified about his dark magic—he hates when I call it that, prefers ‘powers,’ like that doesn’t say everything about him.
It’s fucked up that it’s a gift from the tar, but it doesn’t frighten me.
Not that I’ve seen much besides things bending and moving on their own.
Jax tries everything to not use it, hates when I ask him to do something with it.
I’m curious, but he shuts it down. I get it.
All of this is so fucked up. But I hate seeing him act like he’s a monster.
I can’t even say the words ‘full moon’ lately without him shutting down completely.
The markings show up and he’s a different person.
Told me I’m forbidden to come around during it.
Like that’s going to stop me. I told him before, I’m already damned, so I might as well be damned under him.
He didn’t laugh, just looked at me with his beautiful red eyes and bent me over the bike.
I learned that night that the price for damnation is a lot higher than I thought, and I was more than willing to pay it.
I really am doomed because I love the way it hurts when he fucks me like that, all angry and losing control. That day he even slapped my pussy like that was a thing. If it is, I didn’t know.
He can bite my clit, pinch my nipples, pull my hair…
he tries to show me how he’s bad for me, and all it does is make me want him more.
He thinks he’s scaring me off, but he’s just showing me how well we fit.
So he can keep trying to push me away with his monster and his fury.
I’m not going anywhere. In fact, I think I’ll just stay right here and wait for the next time he decides to teach me a lesson.
When we arrive, Jax pulls over across from a building that looks more like an abandoned storefront than anything else.
“This is the place?” I ask. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” Jax says, checking the address again. “Pretty sure this is it.”
I look at the broken windows. “Okay… we go in slowly then. Don’t want to give anything away in case Andy’s already here.”
I push the door open.
The lights flick on.
“Surprise!” Lou jumps out from behind a stack of boxes with a ribbon in his hands and I swear my soul leaves my body.
“Pitfire—!”
“Oh no!” he says immediately, running toward me. “Don’t die! Don’t die!” He throws his arms around me in a hug, nearly knocking me over. “We worked too hard for you to have a heart attack before you even see it!”
“What the hell is going on?”
Then I notice Jax is leaning against the doorframe with a smug look on his face.
“You knew,” I say.