Chapter 7
The crackle of the parlour fire is welcoming, though the noise from the various guests is not, especially when I'm still dealing with the revelation from my mother about what the ball is going to be.
Artie and Solana are sitting by the fire, though they're being quiet as Solana works on her embroidery and Artie reads a book. Not so quiet are Veronica and the Duchesse de Mountnoir, who are playing a game of cards along with the Comte d'Orrivier and one of our other guests.
I could go join them, but I'm no good at cards and would probably just be in the way. I'm truly superfluous in this after-dinner engagement, and I really don't see the need for me to stay.
I get to my feet and head over to where Mama is talking with one of her ladies, and dip into a curtsy. "May I retire for the evening, Your Majesty?"
Mama gives me a disapproving look that there's no misinterpreting. "Our guests are still here. Your Highness will remain."
I nod and turn around to head back to my seat, dropping down into it and trying not to let my emotions show on my face. I let out a sigh and pull my book to me. At least I can read about baking, even if I'd rather be down in the kitchens with Nate making something.
A sound catches my attention, and I look up to see Kathryn beside me. "Is the other seat taken?" she asks.
I shake my head. "How are you feeling?"
"I'd rather be in bed," she admits as she sits down and lets out a sigh. "But the doctors have proclaimed me well enough to walk about, so I'm here. Thank you for my quiche, I really appreciated it."
"Nate said that you requested more."
"I did." She gives me a small smile. "Did you make that one too?"
"No. Just the first one. Nate made the second one, he just told me about it."
"Of course he did."
I frown. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing, Evie," my older sister assures me. "I know you're close with Chef Matthews, so I assumed he told you, that's all."
"Do you think it's a problem?" I blurt out.
"That he talks to you about his work? I'd consider it stranger if he didn't, considering that you're friends." She gestures for one of the servants to bring her a drink, and they set down a glass of water in front of her.
"That I'm friends with him."
Kathryn laughs. "What does it matter what I say? You're going to do what you want to do."
"You make me sound unreasonable."
"You're not," she assures me. "But you're very sure of yourself. I envy you for that."
I frown and look down at my book. "I don't feel very sure of myself. Sometimes, I can't even understand my own emotions. Veronica has to help me."
"I don't think it's that you don't understand your own emotions, it's that you don't have names for them. And you're not the only one who feels that way. I've had moments like that. I think most people do," she says.
"I feel like that more than most."
"How many people's inner thoughts are you aware of?" Kathyrn asks.
"Only my own, how would I hear anyone else's?"
"Precisely. You're only aware of your own experience of life. Others are dealing with the same things you are, even if you don't know it." She coughs a couple of times and presses her hand against her chest. "Sorry." She picks up her glass and takes a sip of water.
"You should add honey and lemon to hot water," I say. "It will help your throat."
She raises an eyebrow. "How would you know that?"
"Betsy told me about it the last time I had a cough," I respond.
"I think one of the servants who came to Falhaven with Solana told her about it.
" I look over to where my brother's wife is still doing her embroidery and looking like the perfect princess.
No doubt that's the kind of person Mama wants me to marry.
"Is something bothering you?" Kathryn asks.
"No, why would it be?" I lie.
"Because you just looked at Solana and Artie and let out a sigh."
"Oh. I didn't realise I did that." I pull my attention away and look around to make sure that no one is paying attention to us. "Mama has taken it upon herself to insist that I start considering suitors."
"Ah. I'm not surprised."
"You're not?"
"She started doing the same for me when I turned twenty-five," Kathryn responds.
"She did? But you're not married."
"Yes, Evie, I am aware of that. I haven't found anyone that I want to marry. Mama's not going to force you. All you have to do is talk to the people she's suggesting, and spend more time with one of them if they do catch your attention."
"And if they don't?"
"Then Mama will keep trying," she responds. "But she won't force you to go to the temple and go through the ceremony, that's going to be your choice. But I would expect a lot more visits from nobles like this one." She gestures over to where Veronica and the Gaullessian guests are playing cards.
"They're here to be suitors to you?" I blurt out.
"I'm not entirely sure if that was Mama's original plan. I would say that the Comte d'Orrivier was certainly meant to be a suitor for me. The Duchesse might have been aimed at Veronica. Or even if she wasn't, Veronica is the one who has her attention." She drinks some more of her water.
"I had no idea."
"It isn't the kind of thing we've talked about before," Kathryn points out.
"I'm sorry for not noticing."
"It wasn't for you to notice, Evie." She smiles at me. "But I can tell you the kind of thing to say to keep Mama happy. She won't stop suggesting suitors, but at least it'll help."
"Thank you," I respond. "Though I don't really understand why all of this is necessary. If I tell Mama that I don't want to be married, shouldn't that be enough?"
"Do you really not want to be married?" Kathryn asks.
"It's too early to think about that."
"Too early in what?" It almost seems like there's a curious note in her voice.
I clear my throat. "Nothing."
"Your baker?" She takes a sip of her water.
"He's not my baker, he's the castle's pastry chef."
"You know what I mean," Kathryn responds.
I frown as I try to work out if that's true. "He doesn't belong to me. He's his own person."
"I know that."
A loud shout comes from the card table where it seems like Veronica is winning.
Kathryn leans over the table. "When someone says he's your baker, they mean emotionally."
"Oh. I mean, I suppose I do know that, but I don't really understand how it makes him mine. He's still his own person."
"It's just what people say, Evie. I think it's a way of trying to show how important someone is to you. So when I say your baker, I mean that he's special to you," she says.
"That's true." When she says it like that, it makes a certain amount of sense, and I can see why Veronica keeps insisting on calling him that.
"So, if he's special, is he the reason you don't want to entertain suitors?" Kathryn asks.
"No." I frown. "Yes? I don't know."
She laughs. "That was a clear answer."
"I don't think I know what the answer is," I respond. "I know how I feel, and I know how he feels. But even if I didn't, I wouldn't want to entertain suitors, it seems like a terrible way to find someone to marry."
"Why? They're all just people. If your heart wasn't already taken, you might find someone that you like."
"You haven't."
"No, but that doesn't mean I've stopped hoping to meet the right person," she says. "I take it you're not ready to tell Mama about Chef Matthews?"
I shake my head. "Please don't tell her?"
"Of course I won't, but you might consider doing it sooner rather than later. She's going to find out from the servants gossiping at some point. And you know she'd rather hear it from you."
I grimace even as I think about it. I know she's right, I just hate that.
"But in the meantime, you just need to smile, make small talk, and occasionally dance with the suitors Mama picks. If you can work out who her favourites are, that's even better."
"Prince Francesco is her favourite," I say.
Kathryn seems to flinch, but I can't for a moment understand why.
"And Lady Elizabeth Warson," I add.
Kathryn nods. "All right. So spend some time with them when they arrive at the castle and get to know them. That will keep Mama happy."
"Why would I get to know them if I have no interest in marrying them? It's dishonest."
"Because you never know when their friendship might be beneficial to you. I'd tell you just to make sure you don't flirt with them, but I don't think that's a problem."
"Veronica says I don't know how to flirt."
Kathryn looks over to our sister briefly before turning back to me. "Maybe not in the courtly way, but that doesn't mean you can't flirt," she responds. "It just means that you need to be with the right person to flirt with."
"That doesn't make any sense," I murmur.
"Then don't worry about it. And if you need any other pointers about dealing with Mama, then you can ask your pastry chef to send us a tray to my room and we can talk." She gives me what I think is a reassuring smile.
"Thank you." I sit back in my seat, my mind whirring from all of the things she's told me, even if I don't fully understand all of them.
It is nice to feel as if my sisters are on my side, even if Mama doesn't seem to be.