17. Tavia
Chapter 17
Tavia
T he day passed by too quickly. Before I knew it, the sun slipped below the horizon and I stood next to the road outside Sapien, waiting for the roar of an approaching motorcycle.
“I’ll text you as soon as I get home.” Amy and I had been attached at the hip all day, and while she waited with me for Cyan, I crushed her in another hug.
“Home, huh?” Amy grumbled against my shoulder.
I had no response, and didn’t even realize I had said it. Sapien had never been a home to me, not really. Had I really found home, and everything that word encompassed, among the vampires?
“You better text me every day,” Amy warned, squeezing around my waist.
“You better count on it, short stack.” I shook my head clear of the meanings of home, resting my cheek on top of her head as I’d done since we were children.
Amy was quiet for a few moments while we held each other. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” she whispered.
I hugged her a little tighter. “You could come with me.”
Her head shook, her hair tickling my nose. “I can’t live with the vampires. I’m not strong like you.”
“Shut up.” I pulled back to look at her straight in the face. “Are they leaving you alone?”
She shrugged and tilted her head from side to side. “More or less.”
“Amy.” Her name left my mouth in a low hiss. “You don’t have to deal with this shit. You don’t have to come with me, but you can leave. Go to the human world if you don’t want to be among the vampires.”
“If I don’t stay, people will starve,” she argued. “No one will take proper care of the animals. No one else will make big batches of soup in the winter when sickness is going around. People could die, Tavi, and it’ll be my fault.”
“So?” I was too pissed off to be surprised at the vitriol in my own voice. “It wouldn’t be your fault, because their lazy, entitled asses shouldn’t put all that on you, anyway. And even if it was your fault, they were going to cast you off to the vampires anyway. Fuck them, Ames.”
She kept shaking her head, hearing my words but not really listening. “I can’t do that, I don’t have it in me. I can’t just say, fuck you all and walk away. This place is all I have.”
“You have me,” I reminded her.
“You left.”
“I’m right here!”
“And I’m so fucking thankful for that, you have no idea.” She forced a smile, which she was always better at than me. “But you’re not really with Sapien anymore, are you? You’ve never been happy here. I’m not really surprised that you jumped at the chance to leave.”
“What the hell, Amy?” I took a few steps back. “I volunteered to go for you . Everyone thought being the blood pet was certain death. I saw it as giving my life for yours. I didn’t know I’d be basically moving into a new community.”
“I never asked you to go in my place. In fact, I didn’t want you to. I was devastated that you made that decision for me. I was scared as hell, but I was willing to make that sacrifice because my fellow humans asked me to. If it kept our kind safe for fifty years, I was willing to do it.”
Now it was me shaking my head at her. “Humans are not better than vampires, Ames. You would’ve been discarded by people who didn’t give a shit about you. Chances are, the vampires would treat you a lot better than our own kind have.”
“I guess we’ll never know.” A strange coldness entered her voice. “Because you threw yourself on the gauntlet in my place.”
A sigh deflated my chest. “I love you, Amy. I just wish you loved yourself as much as you loved these ungrateful assholes.”
“I love you too, Tav.” She turned to look at the settlement behind us. “I just don’t see it that way. It’s more important to me that humanity lives on, that our culture is preserved for future generations. Especially in a world of supernaturals who live ten times longer than we do. If I can contribute to preserving our future, that will have more impact than my own, individual wants. If I abandon our people, then I’m contributing to the erasure of humans.”
My lips pressed together in a thin line, fighting the urge to argue. Amy was repeating the same mantra that the council drummed into us since we were old enough to remember. As if humans were some precious, dying out species. There were seven billion of them in the human world. A small handful of them stumbled into Shyftworld every decade or so. Humans weren’t going anywhere. And the individual was just as important as the collective. She was important to me. Everyone else could fuck off.
A few moments of tense silence passed before I heard the telltale rumbling of a motorcycle. A single headlight floated down the road, growing larger as it raced toward us.
“Your arranged husband arrives,” Amy cracked with a smirk. Just like that, we were done arguing.
“Shut up,” I grumbled back, trying to ignore the onslaught of nerves.
After a full twenty-four hours apart, I didn’t know what to expect from Cyan. Would he continue to ice me out? Or be the warm, flirtatious friend? The stress of not knowing what side of him I’d get sat like a brick in my stomach.
Approaching footsteps had me turning to see Robin and Heather approaching from the settlement.
“You’ve decided to stay,” I observed.
Heather looked much better than she had that morning, with washed and brushed hair, a clean set of clothes on, and a refreshed, hydrated glow to her skin.
She shrugged and the gesture looked like she was trying too hard to be casual. “How could I miss an opportunity to see a real-life vampire?”
Robin smiled at her overly sarcastic tone before approaching me for a hug. “Don’t be a stranger, now.”
“We’ll chat when Amy and I get on the phone,” I said, returning her embrace. Quieter, into her shoulder, I whispered, “Thanks for taking care of her for me.”
Robin patted my shoulder in response and then released me just as Cyan pulled up. Before I could think any better of it, I decided to make introductions.
“Hey Cyan. I don’t think you were able to meet everyone before,” I said over the motorcycle. “This is Amy, Robin, and Heather. Everyone, this is Cyan of Blood 'til Dawn.”
“Good evening, ladies.” Cyan dipped his head and flashed a quick, polite smile, which was enough to catch a glimpse of his fangs.
“Uh, hi.” Amy blinked in wide-eyed fascination.
All vampires were interesting to look at. The differences between them and humans were subtle, but noticeable enough that most people couldn’t help themselves. They had a dark ethereal quality that drew one’s curiosity.
But Cyan was an especially fine feast for the eyes. Those red eyes, prominent cheekbones, and full lips were on full display in the dim security lights. His long legs straddled the machine under him, hands wrapped around the grips in full, calm control, torso leaning forward slightly. Even though he was relaxed, friendly, he looked like a predator in wait.
I glanced at Heather, whose wide-eyed stare was one of utter disbelief. Her mouth hung open in shock. She didn’t start arguing about red contacts or fake fangs because she knew on a deep, instinctual level that Cyan was not human.
Maybe vampires had been feeding on humans since we were little more than primates because our instincts always knew before our eyes and cognitive abilities did. There was something in our DNA that threw up a big CAUTION sign whenever they were around. And you couldn’t explain away your deepest animal instincts with hoaxes and brainwashing.
“I’ve heard a lot about you, Amy. It’s good to finally meet you.” Cyan’s eyes flicked to me before returning to her. “As a friend of Tavi’s, you’ll be welcome any time at our compound. I understand how hard it is for two close friends to be apart.”
Did my ears play tricks on me or did his voice choke a little on that last sentence? Was he talking about Kalix? Also, why was he being so friendly when he’d been so cold to me earlier?
“Oh, um. That’s very nice of you to offer.” Amy’s smile at him was tense. “I’ll definitely consider it. Thank you for the phone as well.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Cyan’s ruby gaze returned to me and settled there. “Are you ready?”
I nodded and gave one more hug to Amy and Robin, then a wave to Heather, before climbing on behind him.
Cyan’s whole body stiffened as I wrapped around him, like my touch was the last thing he wanted to feel. I’d bet anything he’d go right back to freezing me out the moment we were alone.
And I was right. Two long hours later, we pulled into the Blood 'til Dawn garage where he parked, shut off the bike, and waited for me to dismount without a word. Once we both got off, he hurried toward the door leading into the great room. I knew he’d go right back to avoiding me the moment he had the chance, so I called out before he could head inside.
“Cy, wait.”
He flinched like the sound of my voice in the echoey garage pained him, but he did stop. “Yeah?”
I tried to swallow the massive lump in my throat, hating that he was facing away, refusing to look at me.
“I’m really sorry if I did anything to piss you off. I feel like I did some massive vampire taboo without realizing it. If this is because of the hug or the…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word kiss , not when I was already grasping to find a shred of the connection we’d had before any of that happened.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Tavi.” His voice was rough, still facing the door.
Hearing him say that made me immensely relieved but also confused. If that was true, then why the cold shoulder?
“I’m sorry you ended up with me,” he went on. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll release you from being my blood pet. Just say the word and it’ll be done.”
The words felt like a slap. “What? Cy.”
This time, he did ignore me and went inside.
I realized two things the moment that door closed. One, I was desperate to find out the real reason why he didn’t want me as a blood pet. Why he insisted on not blaming me, but continued to push me away so cruelly. I thought he was open to being friends, but now he couldn’t even look at me.
Two, I realized with bone deep certainty that I wanted to be his blood pet. I wanted to give him my blood, to nourish and sustain him in that way. Ever since he drank from that wound on my hand, it felt like a hidden part of me had unlocked. My blood could do good things for him. I could be good for him.
And I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted the pleasure and connection that felt both magical and tangible at the same time. I wanted to feel him ground me before I floated away. And it wasn’t even about all the physical sensations. I wanted his smiles and jokes, the warmth and respect in his voice. I wanted the care he displayed when he offered to let Amy and I see each other, and I wanted the fierce vampire warrior who sent that drug dealer running with his tail between his legs.
I was not sorry at all that I ended up with Cyan of Blood ‘til Dawn. And I would make sure that he knew that.