Chapter 32 #2
“What now?” Azyric asks, voice cutting through the air sharply. “If our people learn we’ve dragged humans into our lands, they’ll say we care more for her pets than for our people’s families.”
The words make me flinch as a burning inferno of rage stirs in my chest. I turn my head, lifting my face from Ryoden’s shoulder to look at the wraith.
“That’s what you’re worried about?” I demand, the question rising from somewhere molten in my chest. “That your people might be upset? This man—” My hand tightens over Ryoden’s chest, as if I can shield him even from Azyric’s careless words.
“This man who has protected me with his life again and again, who stood between me and your enemies. The man who told them he’d rather die for me than ever carry out another command for them, is dying on the floor, and you’re calculating how it will look in your next council session? ”
Azyric’s expression doesn’t change. His silver eyes are empty, his posture rigid and shadows curling lazily at his feet.
“Just days ago I watched them steer their ships into my waters with the intent to take as many of my people down with them as they could. I saw my people’s bodies floating in my waters while families screamed for the loss of their loved ones.
So, no, I will not pretend to care over a human losing his life when they just took so many of mine. ”
I stare at him, stunned.
I hadn’t known…No one told me.
For a moment I’m hollow, caught between his pain and mine, between the reality that every side is losing good people, no matter what I do to try and stop it.
“He is going to die, Wren,” he says, tone flat, as if stating a weather prediction. “There is nothing in my arsenal that can change that.”
Before I can find words and before I can decide whether to scream at Azyric again or fold under the weight of what he’s just said, another voice cuts in.
“There is a way,” Riven says quietly.
The room goes deathly silent as I look over at him, confused by his words, but desperate for any path forward.
His red eyes are fixed on Ryoden’s face, but when he speaks again, it’s to me.
“There is a way to save him,” he repeats.
My mouth parts to ask how, but not a second later it snaps shut as understanding lands hard and cold in my stomach.
I can’t do that to him.
“No,” I whisper, even as hope flares traitorously bright in my chest. “He’s spent his whole life dedicated to fighting supernaturals. He hates them. Even if he chose me over his people, I don’t think he’d ever willingly choose this.”
Eli’s voice floats through the room, reminding me of his presence for the first time since we crossed through the portal. “He hates the thought of humans dying,” he corrects softly. “He hates what we’ve been told that supernaturals are to blame for. That is not the same thing.”
My lips part as I blink at him. “But, Eli…this isn’t something we can take back. I couldn’t—” my voice breaks and I blink back the tears threatening to spill once more. “I couldn’t live with it if he hated me for this choice.”
Natasa’s hand rubs soothing circles along my back in quiet support.
Eli’s eyes close for a moment as his chest expands with a deep inhale.
When he blows it out, his gaze is trained on me and full of confidence.
“If it were me, I’d want you to do it. I’d want a chance to take down the General, the Admiral, and every other sick fuck that’s twisted our people under their control.
We both still have family living there.”
Riven kneels then, fluid and quick as his hand comes up to Ryoden’s bruised throat, fingers pressing gently against the pulse point at the side. “His heart is slowing dangerously, Wren,” he warns softly.
I flinch and my gaze drops back to Ryoden’s face.
He looks young like this. Younger than he ever did in his crisp uniform and with his impossibly controlled posture.
Without the tension carved into his brow and without the command in his shoulders, he looks almost like the boy who must have signed up for this war, believing in clear lines and righteous causes.
“Wren,” Riven whispers gently, “I need a decision. There is a small window where this will work. Once his heart stops…that is it. I don’t want to force you and I will not do this without your consent, but we are running out of time.”
My breath heaves in and out of my chest, my hands are still pressed to Ryoden’s wound, despite knowing it’s not helping him win this battle on his own.
I can see two threads so clearly in front of me that I almost expect them to shimmer into view.
In one, I let him go. I press my lips to his and whisper goodbye as his chest exhales with his final breath.
I’d tell myself I honored his humanity, and then I live with that choice forever, without him here to help change this world for the better.
The way he thought he was fighting to do his whole life.
In the other, I hand him to the very thing he’s feared and fought. I risk his hatred, his horror, and his disgust if he wakes to find himself a vampire. I risk him becoming the person he loathes the most, while keeping him here to fight with us.
My tears are endless and my fingers tremble as I slide one hand up from his chest to his face, tracing the line of his cheekbone and over the faint stubble of his jaw.
“I don’t know what the right choice is,” I admit out loud, voice shaking with the impossible weight of this decision. “Everything I do lately feels like I’m just choosing a different kind of wrong.”
Riven’s gaze is fixed on me, eyes dark and steady as I look over at him. He reaches out to lay his hand atop mine that’s still pressed to Ryoden’s wound. “There is no right or wrong choice,” he says softly. “There’s only the choice that you feel you can live with.”
His words somehow cut through the endless noise in my head, and in the end, the thought that pushes past all the others is simple and selfish: I’m not ready to lose Ryoden.
I lean back down until my tears drip onto his face.
“Forgive me,” I whisper before brushing my lips lightly against his forehead.