Chapter 14
fourteen
DANTE
Ikind of dread coming home, not because I don’t want to see Cielo, but because I have to tell him about my appointment.
Putting it off is making my nerves flare worse than they already are.
I know my pain doesn’t come entirely from stress, but it sure as shit doesn’t make it better because I can already feel it starting to swell under my skin.
When I push the door open, Cielo is there, right in front of me, his tail wrapping around my waist, pulling me toward him and into a hug. But right before I’m pressed against him, I catch a glimpse of items on the kitchen counter and something on the stove.
Did he cook for me?
Oh god, he’s so fucking cute.
“Dante,” he says softly, and I can’t help but drop my satchel and lean up on my tiptoes to kiss him. Our tongues tangle, and I let out a soft moan at the taste of him.
Fuck, I want to peel us out of our clothes and use that toy on him again, or feel his tongue up inside of me, but it’s not fair to do that when I have a clinic appointment looming.
He needs to know.
“Wait,” I breathe, pushing against his chest. He pulls off of me reluctantly and meets my gaze.
“Dante,” he says once more, and my heartbeat triples.
“I have to tell you something, okay?”
He cocks his head, and his tail tightens around me. Fuck, I hope he still does this to me after I tell him. I’m going to be really pissed if he gets angry with me and stops touching me altogether.
“Come on. Let’s sit.” I don’t know if this is necessary, but I need somewhere to plant my ass so I don’t faint.
We head to the couch, his tail still wrapped possessively around me. I use both my hands and my voice to communicate, hoping to give him a little something of myself.
“So, I have something to tell you, and I know I can’t control how you feel…”
“Feeeel.”
“Yeah, but I would really like you to know that I don’t want to do this.”
His brow furrows, and his ears flutter nervously.
“I have to go to the clinic tomorrow. They called me.”
He stills, his tail tightening around me before suddenly loosening.
‘You don’t want to go?’ he signs.
‘I don’t want to, but I have to.’
His face falls slightly, and his ears droop. He looks so fucking upset, and I hate it. I almost wish he were angry. Then I’d have something to latch onto. This is breaking me bit by terrible bit.
“Say something.” I finally utter, and he turns his gaze away from me. “Are you angry with me?”
‘No. I feel…sad.’ The way his open hands travel down his face makes that break almost seem like a chasm.
I tap his shoulder, and he peers over at me, something not unlike hurt in his eyes.
“If I could cancel, I would, but…I have to go. It’s government-mandated. I can’t afford the fine if I miss it, and I can’t call out…I’m really sorry.”
‘Same,’ he signs, and then his tail slides away from me completely.
I want to bring it back, to wrap it around me, but instead of doing that, I fold my hands in my lap and watch as Cielo stands up, his ears still drooping, the tail I want so badly around me now wrapped around him. Like he’s hugging himself.
When he turns, there’s a smile on his face. It doesn’t look real, though. It seems forced. I swallow roughly and watch as he says, “Food. I mayyyyykkkk.”
“Oh, yes. I saw!” I hop up, my voice a little too shrill. He stares at me longingly, but then turns and goes to the kitchen.
“Brohhhdeeee teeachhh.” His tongue wets his lips, and he tries again. “Coooohhk. Dante lyhhhkkk?”
I nod and step forward, wanting to reach out and touch him, but I’m afraid to upset him if I do, so I tuck my hands under my armpits and walk into the kitchen with him.
There is something bubbling on the stove, and a bunch of vegetables and fruit chopped up on the counter. And I’m pretty sure that’s chocolate.
Cielo stares down into the pot, and his brow furrows.
It looks a little like sludge, but I don’t say that; just wait for him to say something else. When he doesn’t, I ask, “What is it?”
He peers over at me. “Suuuuup.”
“Oh, I love soup. What kind?”
His lips pinch, and then he sweeps his hand toward the counter. Oh. Oh. He made it just by throwing these things into the pot. Oh god.
Am I going to have to choke this down? The answer is obviously yes.
“It looks amazing.”
He makes a face and puts a finger directly into the pot, making me cry out. I quickly pull it toward me, instinctively pulling it into my mouth. His nostrils flare as I suck, his ears fluttering wildly.
God, that tastes so bad, but I don’t say anything. I swallow the liquid down and slowly remove his finger from my mouth, feeling sheepish. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to do that.”
He stares at his wet finger and then tucks his hand behind him. ‘That’s okay.’
I nod, my eyes stinging slightly. Fuck, why do I want to cry? Is it because I feel like I’ve failed him somehow, even if I didn’t mean for any of this to happen? Perhaps I’m getting too attached.
He reaches up into the cabinet and brings down a mug, and I don’t even bother to correct him. I let him put the sludge into it and hand it to me, and I take it with a churning stomach and offer him a small smile.
“Thank you. This is going to be so good.”
His lips quirk up, but then immediately fall. Fuck, I have to drink this. I don’t want him to be any sadder. I don’t want him to feel worse. I hold the mug up to my lips and blow, hoping it takes forever to cool down.
Cielo watches me, and I hold his gaze.
“Did you try any of this stuff?” I ask, nodding to the fruit, vegetables, and chocolate.
“Yessss.” He picks up a carrot and pops it into his mouth. “I lyyykk.”
“Oh yes, those are good. Those are carrots.”
“Keeeriit.”
“Yes. They’re really good for you. They help with eyesight. Or so I’ve been told.” He nods, and I ask, “Anything else you like?”
He shrugs and points to a grape. Oh god, is that what’s inside the mug that looks like eyeballs? He makes a face and shakes his head.
“Oh, you don’t like those? Grapes? Those are my favorite.”
“Yuuuukkkk.”
I can’t help but laugh softly, but my mood shifts as I see a flicker of sadness cross his face once more. I know it’s my fault. Well, not really my fault, but I can’t stop the inevitable. “Cielo. Are we okay?”
The question startles him slightly, and he stills for a moment before nodding. ‘Yes, you are not mine, even though I feel like you are. I understand you must go to the clinic.’
Those signs are so fluid, it makes my eyes well up with unwanted tears. I glance away and force myself to take my first sip of the sludge.
Oh god, it’s even worse than I imagined. I gag slightly, but valiantly swallow it down. “Love it,” I rasp as it burns its way down my esophagus. “Amazing soup.”
“Yesssss.”
I set the mug down and reach for a cup, filling it with water from the sink and taking a big swig. “Thirsty from a long day at work.”
Cielo nods and then turns his back to grab another carrot, leaving me to debate dumping this into the sink, but I decide against it. Instead, my penance for the clinic and hurting Cielo’s feelings is to drink the entirety of it and suffer.
So I do, my stomach roiling. It pleases him that I’m doing this, and that makes me happy, even if my stomach cramps at the end.
I force myself to keep it down as I clean up the kitchen, putting the items he chopped up into containers and placing them in the fridge. Cielo attempts to help me, but I shoo him away.
“No, you cooked, I can do this.”
He moves toward the couch and lowers himself onto it. I’d been thinking about coming home and maybe using the toy on him again. But I don’t know if I can do that now. I don’t know if I deserve to touch him the way I want because this whole clinic thing feels like such a fucking betrayal.
I allow the silent chasm to grow between us, widening into an irreparable rift.
A rift I never wanted.
Fuck.
“I’m gonna go work on the spare room again and then shower and go to sleep…” Cielo’s gaze bores into me, and I shiver slightly. “Unless you want to watch a movie or something?”
His phone rings next to him, and he glances down at it. His lips turn up slightly, and a pang of jealousy moves through me.
“You got it to work?”
He nods. “Broooohdeeee…Tyyyyleerrr.”
“Oh, awesome.” I force the smile to stay on my face when his long finger taps the screen, and I hear a loud whoop from the other end. I guess they helped him work it.
It should have been me.
“Heeeelllooooo.” His grin widens, and I shift on my feet, feeling suddenly out of place in my own home.
“Hey, bro! Wanted to call you on your new phone! How do you like it?”
“Lyyyyk.”
“Fuck yeah. Hey, show us around your place. I wanna see.”
Cielo glances up at me, and I nod, not wanting to stop him from making friends.
But I also feel upset that he’s talking to someone other than me.
It’s irritation and something I need to nip in the bud.
He deserves to be loved by everyone. It’s just hard when I want to wrap around him and hiss at other people, reminding them that he’s mine.
It’s a very inhuman feeling, but it’s not something I want to think too hard about. I’m trying my best with these newfound feelings, and I’m not sure they’ll ever make sense.
“Dante,” Cielo says, and then angles the camera toward me.
I wave when I see Brody on the screen. He’s hot in that gym bro kind of way. Not my type, of course. Apparently, my thing is Vyastil with tails and claws and long tongues. I manage a smile and lean toward the phone.
“Hey, thanks for helping him figure this thing out.”
“Anytime, my man. He’s so cool. And really smart.”
“Of course he is,” I say and meet Cielo’s gaze. He’s flushing a cute purple, and I force myself not to reach out and touch him. “Anyway, I’ll let you two chat. I’m going to go work on that room.”