16. Diana
“Okay, Diana. So, I’m going to need you to send our client the addendum for them to review,” Edgar says over our daily morning Zoom touch base. “Max prepared it, but you have such a good eye and attention to detail, I’d prefer to have you take a final look over it before we send it.”
My eyes widen. “You want… me to review it?”
He smiles over the screen. “Yes. You have a problem with that?”
“I just… I mean, shouldn’t you be the one reviewing it? Making sure that it was done right?”
“Well, Max is an associate, so in general I shouldn’t be checking his work at all, should I? But alas, he’s proven to be… somewhat useless at times.”
I wince at his blunt words, but he isn’t wrong. Sometimes Max actually creates even more work than necessary.
“You understand the basics, you’re a quick learner, and have natural instincts for this type of thing, so I want you to review it. Plus, I think it will be a great learning activity for you.”
I bite my lower lip and open the attachment in my boss’s latest email, quickly scanning the first paragraph.
“If anything, you can check it for typos and grammar,” he adds.
A broad smile stretches across my face, my heart shining from Edgar’s encouragement. He believes in me, trusts in me, and every day that passes, I grow to love the law more and more. But with it also comes the disappointment that I’ve missed my shot.
“Okay. Yeah. I’ll look it over this morning and have it back to you with notes by the end of the day.”
“Perfect. I think that’s all we need to review for today’s to-do. Is there… anything you’d like to talk about besides work?”
I sit up in my chair, feel the color disappear from my cheeks. Does he know? “Um… no?”
Edgar sighs, and crosses his arms over his desk. “I want to talk to you about Mr. Bloom.”
“Oh? I thought we were.” I play dumb.
“Not about his business, and I think you know it. In retrospect, I should’ve started this morning’s conversation with this, but I got distracted.”
“And… what is it that we should be talking about?”
Edgar takes a deep breath. “After Max left early for the hotel, Mr. Bloom approached me at drinks. About you. He mentioned he asked you out on a date? And I just want to make sure he didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.
If so, I can speak to him as I don’t think that was appropriate behavior.
I told him, I didn’t condone that. He assured me he tried to be as respectful as possible, but I wasn’t pleased.
This client… Please know that you can tell me if you felt uncomfortable.
We can figure something out, pull you from the case or limit your contact with him. We can even—”
Mortified, I hold a hand up to stop him.
“Mr. Porter—Edgar. Please don’t worry. Yes, he did ask me out, but…
but he never made me feel uncomfortable or…
or harassed or anything. He was super respectful, even when I said no because you’d probably find it a conflict of interest or something.
You’ve been so generous with me in giving me this opportunity and I don’t want to do anything to risk my position with you—”
“Did you want to say yes, Diana?”
“I—” I stutter. “I already kind of did. I’m sorry, because I should’ve asked. But we never really solidified our plans, so I can just—”
Edgar raises a brow and cuts me off with a nod.
“I was there during your divorce, in case you forgot. So I know everything you’ve gone through—at least in that sense—and I know what kind of man your ex-husband is.
I’ve known Jonathan since before he hired us, and I must say, I can assure you he is nowhere near whatever your ex-husband was. ”
I snort. “Well, of course. Rodrigo isn’t a billionaire and—”
“That’s not what I meant, though that’s certainly something to consider as well.
No, I meant that Jonathan is definitely one of the good ones.
I suspect that the reason he’s still single has nothing to do with who he is as a person, and more to do with the fact that he has little time to give to a relationship—which is why him asking you out surprised me.
But even still, the fact that he asked for permission…
Even if it was after the fact.” Edgar shakes his head with a smile on his face.
“It just proves he’s always trying to do the right thing.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay on the off chance he was inappropriate—you never know these days.
The nicest people can end up being the worst devils.
But if you were interested in going out with him…
Well, I’m not going to stand in your way.
I’m not going to encourage it because of how it might affect our business, but I’d turn a blind eye. ”
I smile, my cheeks blushing. “That’s very nice of you, Edgar.”
Thumbs hovering over my phone screen, I chew on my lip as I try to formulate the right thing to message to Jonathan.
The right way to say I’ve thought about it and am willing to let him take me out.
It should be simple, right? Just a hey or hello maybe, add in a I’ve thought about it and would like to go out. But somehow it feels disingenuous.
Maybe because deep down you know he’s not the one you really want to go out on a date with?
Rubbing my forehead, I sigh, hesitating. After an hours-long conversation with Rosie (I couldn’t help panic-calling her), I decided to go for it.
She had whistled over the phone. “Oh, man. I just googled him. He is… something else.”
“Of course he’s devastatingly attractive,” I told her. “But that’s not everything, is it? That’s not all I should be looking for in a partner.”
“Well, duh. But is that what you’re doing here? Looking for a partner? I’m so confused.”
I groan. “I’m confused, too.”
“Do you like him?”
I shrug, throwing myself on the couch, switching my phone from one hand to the other. “He’s fine.”
There’s a silence over the phone. “Is this about Michael?”
“Um…”
“Did something happen between you guys?” she says, her voice brightening.
“Um. Maybe. Yes. We… kissed. But just a little bit!”
“Oh. My. God. Are you serious? And you’re just telling me now?”
Sighing, I close my eyes and roll onto my side, pulling a blanket over my legs. The girls are still at camp, and I couldn’t be more thankful. It gives me the chance to openly talk about this. “I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s… it’s not something I’m used to.”
“But you told me about Jonathan.”
“Yeah. So?”
“So you can tell me about this guy but not about the one you made out with?”
I clear my throat. “I never said I made out with him.”
“But you did?”
I sigh. “Yes, of course.”
Rosie laughs once. “Of course?”
“Can we get back to the topic at hand? Or, you know what? Better yet, let’s forget about the whole thing. I’ll just figure this out on my own. Tell me about California. How are things?”
“Oh, abso-fucking-lutely not, sis. Tell me what happened.”
Truthfully, I considered telling my sister off, but I found myself in no position to handle this alone.
It was evident I was in new territory. So I did.
I told her all about Emi’s crisis, how amazingly Michael handled it.
I told her about how the tension had been building since he came over to cook, but even before that.
I told her how we ended up making out on a lounge chair by the pool, under the stars, and the amount of unanswered texts he had sent me over the past twenty-four hours, asking to meet, to discuss what had happened.
“Okay, so it’s clear you have some feelings for the guy. And he has feelings for you.”
I sniffled, on the verge of tears. “Maybe.”
“Do you not want to maybe, I don’t know, try?”
A tear runs down my cheek, but I quickly wipe it away. “I don’t want to ruin things. I don’t want to end up hating each other. He’s been… such an amazing friend. And a big support. Losing that…” I shake my head. “I can’t afford it, right now.”
“You know… Asher and I are together, but—and bear with me, because I know it sounds trite—we’re still best friends.
And I swear to god it makes for a better relationship, I think.
Because no matter what, we’re friends first, which I think adds an entire layer to our relationship that regular relationships don’t have.
It’s like… we’re partners first and lovers second.
So no matter what’s going on between us, we’re never going to stop being there for each other or stop considering our feelings.
So sure, you might be risking a friendship.
But also, you might be gaining the best relationship of your life. ”
“I just don’t see it working. What’s the point? He lives here; I live back home in Colorado.”
“Then what’s the point of dating the rich guy if you’re in the same situation?”
I take a beat. Think it through. “He’d act as the first pancake, maybe? Just… rip off the Band-Aid for dating in general. I can be honest with him, tell him I’m just looking for fun, and just… hang.”
“When have you ever been the type to have a casual relationship?”
“Maybe that’s the point. I never have been that type of person because I married so young.
Because I was so eager to have my own family.
Maybe now is my time.” I pause. “You know what? Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.
I’m going to text him and tell him he can ask me out again if he wants.
And then, at dinner, I’ll tell him the truth. ”
“This is… a horrible fucking mistake, Diana.”
“I don’t think so.” But even as the words leave my mouth, my stomach rolls, filled with doubt.
“You know what I think? I think you’re freaking the fuck out over your feelings for Michael and want to go out on a date with this billionaire dude to distract yourself from it.”
“I think you can fuck right off.”
Rosie gasps, and so do I. I’m not one to curse, and we both know it. But I’m upset and she’s not wrong.
Sigh.
“Dee—”
“Thanks for your advice,” I say, embarrassed by my outburst. “I’m gonna text him now.”
“Dee, I really think that you should reconsider. This sounds like a bad idea.”
I groan, kicking my legs on the couch. A little bit childish, but this whole situation is throwing me off. “You’re the one who suggested I get a special friend at the beginning of summer!”
“Yeah, but that was before you caught feelings for—”
“I—I didn’t catch feelings. I—” I sigh in frustration. “I’m hanging up now. Talk later.”
Which is how I find myself now, determination wavering. Should I listen to Rosie? Is this a mistake?
But then just as I delete the few words I’d managed to type out, I get a banner notification of another text from Michael:
Michael
Diana. We can’t keep avoiding this. Can you please call me? Send me a text? Smoke signals? This isn’t right.
You can’t avoid me forever.
Fine. I’ll see you at drop-off.
The tightness that was building in me reaches its limit, which is why I decide to push through my doubts and text Jonathan. I cannot continue whatever this is with Michael, and maybe going out with another man will help. Somehow.
Diana
Hey, Jonathan. You mentioned something about a date?