30. Michael
I wait for Rachel just outside the auditorium at our previously-discussed meeting spot, feeling like crawling out of my skin.
With the subtlety of a bulldozer, I turn around in place looking for Diana, not sure whether I want to talk to her or avoid her altogether.
Sure, last night and this morning before everything happened was amazing, but something about her reaction to Rodrigo’s ill-timed arrival told me not to bet my life savings on everything going to plan.
We’re supposed to go out to dinner together at the restaurant tonight right after the show.
But are we even going out now that this tool was here, or was she going to cancel?
Diana wouldn’t do that to me, right? Or to Rachel?
Or her daughters? She wouldn’t abandon our plans last minute for an absentee piece of shit father who decided to show up only because he felt threatened, right?
Rachel saves me from spiraling any further when I catch her running towards me, beaming like I’ve never seen her before—at least not since her mother passed. “Dad! Did you see? Did you see how cool we were?”
The way she calls me Dad will never stop feeling incredible to me.
“It was amazing, kid!” I tell her, squatting and wrapping her tightly in my arms, needing to feel her support likely more than she needs to feel mine now.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and relish in this love I never thought I would have or even want.
It’s horrible to think it took Jessie dying to get this, but I know she’d be happy that what came out of it was this amazing relationship Rachel and I have.
“You looked incredible up there! Taylor Swift herself would’ve been so proud to see the dance. ”
“And people were singing in the audience! Did you see?”
“I know,” I say with a laugh. Even I can admit the song is a banger. “It was amazing.”
“Are we headed home first to change, or going straight to dinner?” she asks, practically bouncing with glee.
“Because I know the restaurant is kinda-fancy-but-not-fancy but I really don’t want to change from our costumes because, like, when else are we going to wear them, you know?
And I loooooove my sparkly sneakers.” She looks down at her pink rhinestoned shoes with as much adoration as I feel for her.
“You’re my kid and that’s my restaurant. You can dress however you want, and so can the girls.”
She beams up at me. “Awesome! I’m gonna go tell Cami and Emi that we can leave them on, then!”
Rachel starts to loosen her grip on my hands to turn and go in search of her friends but I stop her, pulling her back to face me.
“Um, wait. Are… are they with their mom? And dad?” I try not to wince.
Rachel’s previously glowing expression fades, her smile drops. “I don’t know if their dad is with them… Are you guys breaking up?”
I stand, every muscle in my body tense. “Breaking up? No, I— But— The thing is—” I stop stuttering for a second and take a deep breath. “You knew? That we were together, I mean?”
Rachel rolls her eyes at me—something Diana warned me I should get ready for before she enters her teenage years—and laughs once. “Dad, it is so obvious you guys, like, love each other.” She gags. “I mean, it’s kinda cute but also kinda gross?”
“I…” I shake my head, not knowing what to say. She knew? And… love?
“Wait, are you not dating? I’m confused.”
“No. I mean, yes. I mean, I think so.” We were. We are. We fucking spent almost the entire summer together. Her and I. And the girls. Us.
And last night…
“You think so?” She frowns, hands on her hips.
I sigh once. “Grown ups are complicated, Rach. But I think we are.”
She hesitates before smiling once more. “Okay, well that’s great, then. Right?”
“Yeah?” I sigh, relief flooding my system. “You think that’s great?”
“Yeah! Diana’s the best. She was super nice all summer. And I love Cami and Emi. And, like, it would be so cool to have sisters, you know? Because I don’t have any and—”
“Whoa, hold up. Sisters?” My heart begins a strong gallop, my breathing grows fast and shallow.
Rachel’s face falls. “Well, that’s why people date, right? To get married? And if you get married, wouldn’t that make Cami and Emi kinda like my sisters?”
“I— People don’t necessarily date to get married.
Some people just want companionship, others believe that marriage isn’t necessary to make a life-long commitment to someone so they just stay together as partners.
There are a ton of reasons not to get married, and a ton to get married.
Everyone is different.” This is not how I thought this conversation would go and the topic of marriage is not something I thought I would be discussing with my daughter until much later in life—at least not until the whole birds and the bees thing needs to be addressed (god save me when that time comes).
Rachel pauses and carefully thinks my words over. “Okay… But, then, what do you want? Do you want to get married?”
“Whoa, okay.” I take a deep breath and stand, running my fingers through my hair.
“I—” I hadn’t really thought about it lately, but until recently I lived my entire life finding the idea of me married almost hilarious—at least marriage in the conventional way.
Committing to one person for the rest of my life?
Having to think of someone else’s needs other than my own?
No, thank you. I was always far too focused on my career and making my own life for that.
But now that I’ve slowed down, that I’ve seen what it’s like to have a family, that I’ve met someone I really care about…
The idea of belonging to someone—to many someones—sounds almost utopian and euphoric.
“I don’t… think… I mean, I don’t know if that’s something I can answer right now. ”
Rachel frowns, her brows pulled together. “But… don’t you think it’d be so nice to be, like, a family together?”
“A family?” Now my heart is on a full sprint, running for its life.
“Rachel!” Cami calls out to my daughter, (thankfully) interrupting our conversation, thereby successfully avoiding a full-blown panic attack.
Rachel pulls away from me and gleefully runs over to her friends, leaving me crouched in the grass, mind racing so fast it could rival the best Formula 1 driver.
And as the seconds tick by, the thought of it—of all of us together—transforms from a nebulous cloud of ideas of what a family would look like into a surprising amount of clear visions of what it could be for us.
What it practically has been for us over the summer.
Always together, always having each other’s back.
Always there to care and protect the other, to make sure our children are well and happy.
“Hey, Rach! You were amazing!” Diana’s voice cuts through my blissful daydreams and realizations, and suddenly all I want is to tell her that I’ve finally got it.
She and I and the girls—that’s what we are, what we’ve become: a family.
And there’s no fucking way I’m going to let some fucker who doesn’t care about his kids come and destabilize that.
And how could he, anyway? We’re solid. Nothing has changed since we spoke this morning other than his arrival.
Our lives are still the same. We’re staying together despite the distance and will find a way to make it all work.
With a smile so wide my cheeks almost hurt, I walk quickly over to Diana, determined not to let anything stand in our way.
When she sees me walking toward her, her breath catches, eyes widening as if bracing herself.
And by the way I looked at her earlier and how I completely avoided her, I can understand the expression in her eyes. But she has nothing to worry about.
When I finally reach my love, I lean down and press a kiss on her cheek, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her flush into my side as I inhale her signature scent of peaches and summer and absolute perfection.
“Don’t worry,” I whisper in her ear. “I know I was upset before, but I was just jealous you kicked me out over him. But it’s okay, I get it now. He’s their father, and you had to deal. We have our whole lives to be together.”
I move to meet her gaze, expecting to find the same love and adoration I currently feel overwhelmed by. Instead, her shoulders are hunched inwards, brows pulled together as she looks up at me with apologetic eyes.
“What?” I whisper again, hoping the girls don’t catch on to our distress.
“What’s wrong? God, is it Rodrigo? Did he do something?
” I look around, desperately trying to find him.
When I catch him a few feet away flirting with a counselor ten years his junior, I make to confront him for whatever he did to upset Diana.
But she holds me back, wrapping a hand around my bicep.
“Stop. He didn’t do anything.”
I take a beat, studying her expression. “Then I’m confused. Why do you look like a puppy died or something?”
“I… I’m—” She looks around us as if searching for help, but I keep my eyes on her, ignoring the hustle and bustle of parents congratulating children on their performances.
“I’m just stressed, you know? With their dad here?
” she says only loud enough for me to hear before glancing at Cami and Emi. “It’s kind of left me rattled.”
“Do you want me to ask him to leave?” I really wouldn’t mind kicking that guy to the curb.
“No, it’s fine. The girls should spend some time with him. Even though he seems to be preoccupied with something else at the moment,” she says, looking over her shoulder where Rodrigo is currently performing the “wall lean” for an entirely different counselor.
“Yeah, well. Then we should invite him to dinner, right?” See? I can play nice. Look at me being all mature, putting what I want aside for the needs of Diana’s girls. Because even though I hate to admit it, having Rodrigo here is what’s best for them after months of nothing but crickets.
“You’d do that for me?”
I nod. “Of course. But if I’m being honest, it’s mostly for Cami and Emi. I care about them, too, you know? I hate to admit it, but they should spend time with their dad. Even though I think he’s a dick and he’s only chosen to show up now, after all this time.”
Diana shakes her head, a small smile on her lips. “Michael,” she whispers.
For some wild reason, I’ve never wanted to kiss her more.
Maybe it’s because everyone knows we’re together now (kind of) or that I got the green light from Rachel.
Or maybe it’s just the high of standing here with a whole future ahead of us.
Sure, there’s still so much to figure out, but that’s the exciting part.
Because there’s no bone in my body that’s telling me that this isn’t right.
“I want to kiss you wildly,” I confess in a low voice, “and it’s taking everything in me not to.”
This makes her laugh once, her cheeks flushing.
“Not gonna lie, I’d love that. But it’s a pass for obvious reasons.
” She nods towards the girls who are still talking about the dance, about coordinating another one as soon as possible.
“I still haven’t had the chance to really address what we are with them.
And given that Cami was the one to tell Rodrigo about us…
I need to proceed with caution. But yeah, I want that, too. ”
I sigh, a bit frustrated, a bit thrilled.
“What’s the plan now?” Rodrigo’s voice comes up behind us, his entitled tone grating.
I control my features, though, since all three girls follow close behind him.
The tension between the two of us is obvious—especially when Diana pulls away, breaking herself free from my hold.
I try not to take it personally, to feel hurt, however…
It’s easier said than done. But I get it.
It’s obvious the girls know about us now, but we still haven’t discussed what a relationship together will look like or how they feel about it.
“Well, we were going to go to Michael’s new restaurant to have an early dinner,” Diana tells him.
“You have a restaurant?” He raises a brow as if he needs to see it to believe it.
“I do, actually. Just opened it yesterday.”
“You opened it yesterday, and you can just take your second day off like that?”
I grit my teeth. “This is an important day for the girls. I wasn’t going to let anything come between me and my family.”
Rodrigo doesn’t like my answer, hearing every single layer of subtext I managed to include in that statement.
“You already knew about the restaurant. I told you this morning,” Diana hisses at him.
Clearly he’s just trying to get a rise out of me, but I won’t let him win.
“You should come,” I tell Rodrigo, trying to be the bigger man, lightening the tone of my voice when I see Diana tensing beside me.
“Yes, Papi, come!” Emi cuts in.
Rodrigo scoffs. “Of course I’m going to come. I’m here to see my daughters.” Ironic, since he doesn’t even address them when he speaks. Instead, he keeps his narrowed eyes on me. “The real question is whether we’re going to accept your plan or not, not the other way around.”
“We? Excuse me? Going to dinner after the talent show was something Diana, the girls, and I agreed upon weeks ago. Before you even got here. So, yeah. It is this way. You may join us.”
“Papi.” Cami tugs at her father’s hand, but he barely acknowledges her.
Diana puts a hand on my chest, her eyes pleading when she says “Michael, please. The girls,” she whispers glancing nervously at where Cami and Emi stand, their faces devastated.
Immediately, I feel like shit. Because I care about them, and they don’t need to see me and their father argue, they don’t need to see their mother caught in the middle.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, we haven’t even sat down as a family to discuss what me dating their mother means, and we’re already fighting.
I need to reel it in, even if Rodrigo is a total asshole.
Filled with irritation, I take a deep breath, slap a smile on my face, and state “Let’s go eat, then.”