19. Chapter 18 #2
Jared turns and smiles, nodding and giving us a thumbs up. He hops down from his spot on the fence, and makes his way toward us.
“Milkshakes tonight?” He asks with a twinkle in his eyes. From his figure it’s obvious this guy enjoys his milkshakes. If I had to guess I’d say that we’re the same age. But I’ve got inches on him when it comes to height and he’s got inches on me when it comes to width.
“Yep. We’ll bring Austin into the milkshake club.” Josh pats Jared on the shoulder as he gets up and heads back toward the fence. “We’ll work out the timing once the game is over.”
“I’m Jared, obviously.” The bench shifts, and he settles his large body next to me. His hair is perfectly styled, I’m amazed that he doesn’t have hat hair. He smiles and I feel like his eyes are dancing.
I raise my hand in a greeting. “I’m Austin.”
“New to the team, obviously. Glad to have you, man. We’ve got some awesome players, and some great coaches.
” He nods toward Josh. “Josh is the best. We love finding the best milkshake in every city we visit. We also have a little Bible study going on. You’re welcome to join us.
” He shrugs his shoulders, “and if that isn’t your thing, no worries. ”
A tingle runs down my back. What are the chances?
Did God bring me back here for a reason?
“Yeah, that’s cool. It’s been a little while since I’ve been to a Bible study.
” I look away. I haven’t cracked open my Bible since that night.
Coach gave it to me after I came to Christ. I’ve looked at it.
Run my hand over it. But I haven’t picked it up and read it.
I don’t feel like I’m worthy of reading it.
Raegan's face pops into my head. Her smile wide across her kissable lips. I push the thoughts away. I need to focus on baseball. It’s not like she won’t join me in my thoughts as I lay in bed tonight… Just like she always does.
The night has gotten more humid, and I’m glad that I don’t have my baseball pants and jersey on still. They cling when it’s humid or I’m sweating. Either option is uncomfortable.
Josh, Jared, and I are sitting outside a place called CowTipping. They supposedly have the best milkshakes out of all the cities Josh and Jared have been to together. They haven't been to Clear Creek and tried a shake at Freddie’s yet. He’s got CowTipping beat for sure.
I’d gotten along with my teammates on the Bottle Caps, but I’d never hung out with the guys like this.
The guys preferred to party when possible, which I had tried to do, but that didn’t turn out.
And no one ever mentioned a Bible study, or anything about God other than to use His name as a swear word.
I’m starting to think that this is what I need.
True friendship, and time in the Bible with other guys.
Just like it had been with Coach and the guys back in Clear Creek.
Is this what I need to make the guilt disappear?
Who am I kidding? I know this won’t make those feelings go away.
Getting right with God is the only way to fix those feelings of inadequacy and guilt.
I want to fix things. I want the ache in my heart to go away. I want to talk to Raegan. Know that she’s okay. It’s like I need to reach for the fire alarm, but I’m not ready for my ears to be pierced by the siren. I’m not ready to face the possibility of Raegan not wanting me back.
“So, Austin, what do you think of Frisco?” Jared leans forward, his spoon shoved into his large Brownie and Cookie D’oh. I opted for a small milkshake instead, going with the Berries and Cream flavor.
If only the strawberry hadn’t made me think of watermelon. And of course, watermelon makes me think of Raegan.
What’s she doing tonight? Does she know that I’m only about two hours away now? If she comes to a game will I even know? What would I even say if she does show up? And worse, what if she’s moved on and comes to a game with another guy? I hate these doubts. These uncertainties.
I shake my head trying to remember what Jared had asked me. “Sorry, got lost in my thoughts.” I focus on Jared and notice that he’s nearly finished with his dessert. I really zoned out there for a while. “I forget what you asked me.” My cheeks color with embarrassment.
“No worries man, I could tell your thoughts were somewhere else.” Jared scrapes the bottom of his ice cream dish and shovels the final bits into his mouth.
“Just wondered how you liked it here. Josh mentioned that you’d lived in Texas at one point.
” He motions with his spoon. “Heard you’ve got a five year contract.
Don’t know where you plan to live, but I’ve got a room. ”
Amazingly, I’d gotten out of my lease in Atlanta fairly easily. So far I’ve been living in a hotel, casually looking for an apartment here.
“Wow, man. That’s a really generous offer. I’ve just been staying at a hotel.” I shoot him a grateful grin. “I’ll come take a look at it for sure.”
Josh smiles at the two of us. “I’m glad we could do this.
I do need to get home soon, but Jared,” he turns toward Jared, “we’re on for Bible study in the morning, right?
” Jared nods in agreement. “Austin, you’re welcome to join us.
We usually do a quick Bible study before we start on our training for the day. We’d love to have you.”
“Thanks guys. God and I have been a little distant, but I feel like God’s telling me to join ya’ll.”
Josh claps me on the back. “Holy Spirit at work! Well I’ll see you in the morning. I’m home to see the missus now.” He taps the brim of his cap and leaves.
Jared and I trade numbers and he leaves as well. My hotel is walking distance from here and the stadium, so I slowly meander back for the night. I’m ready for sleep, but not for the guilt and longing that consume me as soon as my head hits the pillow every night.