38. Chapter 37
Raegan - The Present
How do people do it? Balance having a family, going to school, working a job, going to church?
I slam the textbook closed and bang my forehead on it a few times.
Ugh, maybe I’m not cut out for school. Sure, the baking was fun, and I’m learning new techniques, but sitting in class again, as a mom, as the girlfriend of a major league baseball player…
It’s tough. And I’m so tempted to quit. I feel like I fall into bed, exhausted, every single night.
Grace has been such a champ so far. Spending her days partly with a babysitter until the café is closed for the day.
Then staying with Mom, whose name she can finally say, “Gamma.” Thankfully she decided to take a good nap today.
She’s going to have a busy evening. I didn’t open the café today knowing that I wouldn’t have time between homework and Austin’s game.
Instead I’m at my parent’s place, attempting to study.
I shove the textbook into my book bag. It will have to wait.
I know that my brain won’t retain any more information today.
I stare out my bedroom window at my parent’s house for a few minutes before I pull on a pair of jean shorts, and layer some tank tops in the Lariat’s colors, deep red and tan.
I pull Grace’s onesie out of her diaper bag.
It’s the same colors, and I’ll dress her once she’s up from her nap.
In two hours, I’m leaving to see Austin play for the first time as a Fort Worth Lariat.
That might have something to do with why I can’t focus right now.
If it’s possible I might be more nervous than he is.
The plan is to get there early, take pictures with him and meet the other wives and girlfriends before heading to the family seating section.
I don’t know what’s expected of the girlfriend of a MLB player.
So many of them are so polished, so perfect.
They’re model thin with highlights and perfect makeup.
And I won’t ever be any of that. I’m a mom for starters.
I don’t have time to worry about my size, and makeup has never been my thing.
I need to stop worrying about it, and just focus on being who God made me to be.
Is my look too over the top? Do I need to add more makeup? This is a question for the girls.
I pull out my phone and tap Chrissy’s FaceTime contact info. She answers on the first ring, “Raegan!” She shouts my name. “Are you ready? I hear they call the wives and girlfriends ‘WAGs.’ Are you ready for your first game as a major league WAG?”
I laugh in response. “I’m kind of rethinking it right now.” I close my eyes and shake my head.
Chrissy reads my mind though. “Let me add Jaimie in, we’ll get you looking perfect.”
Jaimie answers just as quickly. It’s like they both knew I would need them. Usually both would be studying, if not in class at this time of day.
“Set that phone on the dresser and show me what you’re wearing.”
I obey Jaimie’s instructions, and let them see my outfit from head to toe. They both hmmm at me, and tap their chins in unison.
“Okay, y’all are up to something.” I plant my hands on my hips. “You’re keeping a secret from me.” I wag a finger at them.
They both laugh, but neither one tells me anything.
“I would just change out your second tank top. Go for white maybe. Don’t look like you’re trying to match him too hard. But most people will know this is his debut, so it’s okay to match him today.”
I sigh, but grab the recommended white tank top from my bag. It’s a good thing I brought it.
“Now, let me check the makeup.” Jaimie gets real close to the camera, “come closer my dear.” She cackles in an old ladies voice.
I roll my eyes as I laugh, but I comply.
“I think she’s perfect. Her very-little-makeup look is her style. She doesn’t need to look like all the other WAGs, she needs to look like her.”
I blush at Chrissy’s compliment. We chat for a little longer before I tell them I’ve got more things to do before the game. They’ll be there with me in the WAGs section, while my family is getting their own tickets.
I wish I had a jersey, but the custom jersey that Austin designed won’t be ready until tomorrow. I’m excited to wear the number twenty-six and match both Austin and Grace. Austin’s gear was ready hours after he signed his contract. He won’t let me see the design though.
Should I make a sign for Austin? For one thing, he’ll never have another MLB debut, these memories can’t be made twice. And shouldn’t the world know that he’s taken? Mom has the supplies to make one.
With the baby monitor in my pocket, I head downstairs to check the craft closet.
After shuffling some things around I find a piece of poster board.
The markers are in their usual drawer, and just below are pom-poms, glue and other scraps and tidbits.
I gather them all up and carry them into the dining room.
“Watcha making?” Rob looks up from where he’s working on his homework.
“A sign, for Austin. Gotta let the whole stadium know that he’s mine.” I sound so juvenile saying that, like I’m marking my territory. But I also want Austin to know how proud I am of him.
“Please don’t make it all mushy and embarrassing.” Riley rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
“You’re not even sitting with me in the family seating, so there’s no chance of me embarrassing you.
” I roll my eyes at him and stick out my tongue; being the model big sister that I am.
“And when have I ever done anything to embarrass you before?” I prop a hand on my hip and wait.
Though my brothers have annoyed me at times, I honestly can’t think of any time when I’ve embarrassed them.
“Well, you did go and get pregnant before you got married.” Robert freezes after the words leave his mouth. His face turns white. “Sorry, Raegan. I shouldn’t have said that.” He ducks his head and stares at his schoolwork.
I pull out the chair next to him. “Rob?” I set a hand on his shoulder.
“Sorry, Raegan. I know Grace doesn’t reflect on me. But it wasn’t cool, the weird looks other guys at church would give me once everyone knew you were pregnant.”
“I was pretty embarrassed myself. I knew better. I’ve felt guilt and shame over it for a while.
” Walking into church before people knew had been one thing.
It was like I was carrying a heavy secret.
But after they knew… I’d wanted to slip in quietly, sit in the back, or just not go at all.
“It wasn’t easy, walking into church, knowing that the consequence of my sin was on display.
But I wouldn’t trade Grace for anything.
And because of Grace, I understand God’s forgiveness and grace more than I did before. ”
Ms. Rosa and her encouraging words come to mind. “Ms. Rosa told me three things to remember when I feel that guilt. Free. I am free from my sin, because of God. Because He has forgiven me. And because of that forgiveness, I’m filled with the Holy Spirit. Free. Forgiven. Filled.”
Robert looks up at me, a smile on his face. Riley watches thoughtfully from his spot on the other side of the table.
“I’m so sorry that you had to face dirty looks because of me.” I wrap an arm around Robert’s shoulder.
“I forgive you, Raegs. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, and it’s taught me some lessons.
And I sure do like having Grace around. She’s a lot of fun.
” He squeezes me back, but quickly extricates himself.
I remind myself that most fourteen-year-old boys aren’t big into hugs, especially ones from their older sister.
Turning from my brothers I get back to my poster board project.
I tilt my head, and eye the poster board, contemplating what it should say.
A simple ‘congrats Austin’ isn’t good enough.
And like the boys said, I don't want it to be too mushy. But I want it to have meaning, something he won’t easily forget.
And ‘Austin, the man, the myth, the legend’ is absolutely dorky.
I lean back in my chair and buzz my lips.
“Can’t think of anything that isn’t embarrassing?” Riley smirks.
I fold my arms over my chest and glare at him. “No, I just don’t want it to be cheesy or dorky.”
Rob starts laughing, and Riley and I give him the stink eye. “I got it.” He wheezes out another laugh. “Don’t you wish your boyfriend played baseball like mine?” He says it like it’s a song, you know, the one about some guy's girlfriend not being as hot as you.
I laugh. But you know, the more I think about it. I think it could work. I tap my chin as I tilt my head to the side. The boys look at me like I’m crazy. “I like that one. I mean, it’s slightly cheesy,” I shrug my shoulders, “but it’s not like a crazy fan sign. Everyone will know he’s mine.”
The boys roll their eyes.
I know they each have a girl they're crushing on, and dating isn’t too far off for them, but at times they still act like girls are gross. “You’ll both be dating before long. Don’t laugh at me.”
Robert says nothing, but I can see that one corner of his mouth is lifting in a grin. But once he realizes that I’ve noticed the smile, his face morphs into a glare instead. “Go make your sign, Raeg.”
I chuckle, but don’t say a word.
Finely polished wood covers the walls surrounding the players' cubbies in the Lariat’s clubhouse. Leather sofas along with coffee tables accent the center of the room. No wonder every guy wants to be a major league baseball player.
I texted Austin the minute that I walked into the stadium, but he isn’t in here yet.
With Grace on my hip, I stare into the clubhouse from where I stand in the family room, a cozy room with the same sofas along with fridges stocked with sodas and a coffee machine.
There’s even a toy box in one corner, tempting me to set Grace down so she’ll stop pulling strands of hair from my braid.