39. Chapter 38
Austin - The Present
“Me, too! Me, marry Daddy, too.” Grace tugs on the pant leg of my rented tuxedo as I stand in front of Raegan in our church. Her green eyes make me weak. Our wedding is unconventional, seeing as our daughter is right here with us, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It feels so right.
There were times that I wanted to rush forward to this day, just skip all the prep and the marriage counseling.
But I know that time with Coach and Pastor Thompson was important.
I want to be the best husband that I can be.
Married life as a MLB player won’t be easy, especially not when I leave for spring training two weeks after our wedding, but if Raegan and I have learned anything recently; it’s that we can lean on God and our family, and through our trials we can grow.
Raegan smiles up at me, it’s one of those no teeth smiles, where her eyes do all the talking.
They're talking to my heart. And now there are tears in them. I sure hope they’re happy tears.
There’s even some doing their best to escape from my eyes.
They started the minute Raegan appeared at the back of the sanctuary.
Her dress is a lacey frilly thing, and her cowboy boots peeked out from under the long skirt with every step she took.
I don’t have words that can describe what it was like to see her.
Instead of holding a bouquet of flowers she held Grace’s hand, who tried to drag her down the aisle.
She was, no, is radiant. Her dress is elegant but simple, showing off how beautiful she is, but her heart is shining too.
Her sweetness, the way she cares about others, always sees the best in them, goes out of her way for them.
We’re both nervous, but we’re ready. Ready to jump in with both feet.
Grace is wearing a white dress as well, a simple purple ribbon accents the waistline, and a small bouquet dangles from her wrist. She doesn’t understand what a wedding is, but she’s thrilled about doing something with both of us.
And she’s in her frilly dress phase. Which I had no clue a one year old could be in, but if it’s got lace she wants it. And even more so if it’s pink.
I don’t want to let go of Raegan's hand, but I do so that I can pick up Grace.
She sits on top of my arm, and I reach out and grab Raegan's hand again.
Grace snuggles into my neck and pops her thumb into her mouth as she rests her head on my shoulder.
Behind Raegan, Chrissy and Jaimie lift their hands to cover their giggles and awws. Grace is definitely stealing the show.
I take a quick glance out at the wedding guests.
Mom and Dad are sitting together, and they’re holding hands.
Carson and Coach are behind me as my groomsmen.
We don’t have too many guests, we kept things small.
And, if I had to guess, I’d assume that Ms. Rosa might have asked God to let her watch from up in heaven.
I take in Raegan's simple makeup, before locking onto her eyes. I hope she can’t feel the sweat on my palms. If she does, she doesn’t seem grossed out by it, or just isn’t showing it.
Why are my palms sweating anyway? This isn’t a major league ball game.
It’s just a ceremony, where I’m making a covenant with the woman that I love, committing my life, my body, and my soul to her for the rest of our lives. Okay, this is bigger than a game.
Do I have some fears? Sure. Fears that I won’t be enough.
Fears that I might end up injured in a game, or on the way to or from a game, making me unable to provide for my family.
But I have zero doubts. This is the right thing.
This is the best thing for me. For Raegan.
Raegan is the one for me. She’s it. Forever.
I’m pledging my life to her in front of our friends and family.
“Austin?” Pastor Thompson leans toward me, and gently nudges my shoulder. I stare into Raegan's eyes for one second longer, before turning to Pastor Thompson. “Are you ready to read your vows?” He asks.
I nod and swallow. As much as I treasure holding my daughter, I have to hand her off for this part, and of course for the kiss, too.
I look toward Chrissy, standing behind Raegan on the little platform of Clear Creek Baptist. “Can you hold Grace for this part?” Grace gives me a poochy lip, but I need both hands for my wife.
I pull the paper with my vows from my pocket.
With my other hand, I pull Raegan just a little closer and smile down into her eyes.
I clear my throat. “Raegan.” –No, no tears– “I wasn’t sure what to say, when you first said we should write our own vows.
Should they be simple, or should they be eloquent?
I finally settled on honest, simple, and heartfelt.
” Raegan's eyes remain focused solely on me, and even though I haven’t dug into my feelings yet, there’s already a teardrop perched on the edge of her eyelashes. I reach up gently and wipe it away.
“When I moved to Clear Creek… I had a chip on my shoulder. I didn’t want to be here.
And when I met you…” My face starts to heat up.
“I didn’t intend to make any attachments, but there was an undeniable pull, and God had other plans.
Thanks to you, and Carson, and Coach, I was able to let go and let God do it His way.
” I drop her hand and cup her cheek. “And God’s plan was better.
My plan was to leave here and never look back, but being here, with you, with our daughter, is better.
It’s where I belong.” I swallow, willing my voice to remain steady.
“I will love you forever. Whether we’re healthy or sick, if we’re rich or if we’re poor.
With God as my witness I will be yours, faithful to you forever.
I’m not perfect, but with God’s grace, I’ll lead you, and our family, spiritually, setting the example of a man who serves God. ”
Based on the tears running down her cheeks, my honest and heartfelt vows were the right choice. Raegan wipes away some of the tears and sticks her wet hand back into mine.
Pastor Thompson turns to her, “Raegan, you may now say your vows.”
“I memorized mine, hopefully I can remember everything I wrote.” She giggles and sniffles.
“Austin Jay Thomas, we both know that I don’t believe in love at first sight, but it was definitely attraction at first sight.
” The smile lighting her face takes me back to that day in the gymnasium when my life changed.
“I wasn’t sure how God would work it out, or if He would even let me have you, since you didn’t know Him when we first met.
There was even a time, after you came to know Him that I still wondered if He would let me have you.
” She starts to tear up again, the big tears this time.
I wish I could wipe them all away, and make sure she never has to cry ever again.
“I wasn’t sure if I deserved anything good from God.
Not my beautiful daughter, not you, not even the ability to breathe. But Ms. Rosa-”
Tears race down her cheeks and I grab the tissue in my pocket and gently dab them away.
“Thank you,” She whispers. Pulling herself back together with a deep breath she continues.
“Ms. Rosa reminded me that I need to see myself, and you, through God’s eyes.
Through Scripture. Free. Forgiven. Filled.
Those are the three words she wanted me to remember.
We are free, free from sin, because we’ve been forgiven by God, and He has filled us with His Spirit. ”
I smile at her. Her words sink down into my heart. Reminding me that God orchestrated all of this. He’d used the good and the bad moments to draw us closer to Him. I owe every minute for the rest of my life, for the rest of this marriage, to God.
“Things didn’t go on the timeline I planned, but on God’s timeline.
And I’m so glad that He put you on my timeline.
I promise to be yours, only yours, for always and forever.
Whether he gives us health or sickness, if we’re rich or if we’re poor.
I will do my best to be your helpmeet, to obey you and let you lead”–she leans closer–“But that won’t be easy, I’m selfish, so God will have to do some work there. ”
We’re both selfish, I want to tell her. This is a new journey for both of us.
“I will remain faithful, through the good and the bad, always your wife, forever.”
I tug her close. There’s not even an inch between us, and I’m losing myself in her eyes, ready to press my lips to hers.
Pastor Thompson chuckles and interrupts my intentions. “Hang tight, Austin, let's do the rings, and then you can get to the kissing.” I bite my lip, and glance down at Raegan's pink cheeks and the teasing glint in her eyes.
“Keep going, pastor. I want to kiss my wife.” I say without taking my eyes off Raegan.
“Austin, do you have a ring to present to Raegan?”
I fish a simple band from my pocket that matches the engagement ring that I gave her back in September.
Pastor Thompson tells me to repeat after him, “With this ring, I covenant myself to you. To love you, to cherish you. To serve God with you, until death parts us.” In a whisper I add, “Which I hope is never.”
“Raegan, do you have a ring for Austin?”
Jaimie hands her a simple silicone band, perfect for a ballplayer. This way I’ll never have to remove it for games. No matter where I go, everyone will know that I’m a married man.
Raegan says the same ring vows, and to the end of hers adds, “And God, please let us be married in heaven too.”
“You have covenanted together before God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to live together in marriage. By the power vested in me by God, and the state of Texas, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” And before Pastor Thompson can say the final words of, “Austin you may kiss your bride,” my lips are devouring hers.
She’s mine, and I’m kissing her as often and as much as I can.
One of her small hands cradles my cheek and the other pulls on the back of my neck, until there’s no space between us. Her fingers play with the curls at the back of my neck.
The wedding attendees clap and cheer. I pull back a fraction of a centimeter. “I love you Raegan Marie Thomas .”
Raegan presses another kiss to my lips. “I love you too.”
“Ladies and gentleman, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Austin Thomas.” We turn and face the congregation, lifting our intertwined hands and smiling, as Pastor Thompson speaks.
“Mama,” Grace yells from her spot, reaching for Raegan. Raegan gladly takes her from Chrissy. Then, with ease, I scoop up both of my girls and carry them down the aisle and out to the foyer of the church.
Raegan
This evening after the reception I snuggled Grace tight before handing her over to Mom.
Leaving her for a week for our honeymoon is harder than I anticipated.
She and I have never spent a single night apart.
I know she’s safe and loved with my parents, but I can’t help the shiver of anxiety that ripples through me every now and then.
“She’ll be fine. Right?” I whisper to Austin as we drive to a bed and breakfast in Tyler for the night. Tomorrow we’re headed for an all inclusive resort.
“You know how much she loves your mom, she’ll be just fine.” He gently squeezes my knee, before taking my hand. “I know you’ll miss her,” he clears his throat, and his lips turn up in a smirk, “but, I’ll keep you busy.”
I’m not the innocent girl I once was, but my cheeks still color at his implication.
My stomach even flips at the thought, as I think of things I’ve tried my best not to think of for so long now.
I have no reason to be nervous, we have done this before.
But this time it’s different. This time it’s pure and right, and God-honoring.
“I know you will.” I giggle. “Austin?” I turn so I can see his face better.
He glances over quickly, then turns back to the road. “What’s up, Rae?”
I chew on my lower lip. “I’m nervous.” I squeak the words out before covering my face.
His hand draws lines back and forth just above my knee. “Oh, Rae.” He swallows. “I’m a little nervous too. Even though we’ve done it before.” I grab his hand and squeeze. “Either way, we’ve got the kissing part down. We’ll figure it out. Right?”
I sigh and interlock my fingers with his. “You’re right. And there’s more to life than sex, right?”
“Would it help to talk about something else?” He squeezes my hand reassuringly.
“You think that’ll help?” I raise my brows and laugh. “I can’t think of anything else, Austin. I’ve pushed it from my thoughts for so long, and now I actually can think about it.”
“Rae of sunshine.” He brings my hand to his lips. “I would say let's talk about baseball, but that’ll make you think about my butt. ‘Cause you know baseball and my butt go together.”
Oh, this man. I’m so glad he’s mine. I laugh, the tension in my chest easing. “That is true.” I lean back, watching the scenery pass as the sun sets on the western horizon. “How are you feeling about our plans? You’ll be okay with driving from cowtown after every home game?”
“I think it’s important for you to be near family, to finish your schooling, and work at the café.” He chucks my chin. “Sure, it’ll be a long drive, but I know it’s worth it. The drive won’t be that long, knowing that I’ll be coming home,” his voice deepens, “to you.”
Warmth courses through my body as I tug his hand into my lap. “I’m more than ready to have you come home to me. Just wish it was every night.”
“Some day, Rae, some day.”
I want him to have a long and good career in baseball, but there’s a sheen of jealousy that comes over me at the realization that I have to share my husband with the MLB.
Austin slows the jeep and pulls to a stop at a quaint B&B, located at an old vineyard and horse farm. “Ready, wife ?” He asks me, his eyebrows bouncing, as he opens my door and helps me out of the car.
“I’m ready,” I stand on tiptoe and press my lips to his, “ Husband .”