Chapter 4
FOUR
CRICKET
“Are we expecting company?” I ask Lance, lifting one brow as I unpack the hearty bag of Thai takeout.
“Well, yeah. I mean, who doesn’t follow up a hit with a cocktail reception?” He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
I peer right back. “When you say ‘hit,’ are you referring to Rossi…or tongue-fucking me in the shower?”
He smiles. “Oh, that’s fun. Works both ways, huh?”
“Well, one of those things is definitely worth celebrating.” I flash him a wink. “But in all seriousness, why did you get so much food? Look at this”—I pull out a cylinder container that’s still hot to the touch—“curry and noodles? You got enough to feed an army.”
He clears his throat and holds his hands up. “Okay, fine. In the interest of not starting our relationship with lies… I couldn’t find anything decent, so I snagged it from two doors down.” He nods toward the door.
“You asked our hotel neighbors for dinner?”
He cinches one eye shut and rubs the back of his head. The guilt paints his handsome face. “Um…in a way…”
“ Oh my God, you stole someone’s takeout?”
“I left them a thousand dollars cash in exchange. That more than paid for the meal.”
My jaw drops. “I stabbed a man in the dick tonight, then watched him bleed out. And yet you are still the most deplorable person in this room.”
Lance bursts out laughing. “Because I swiped someone’s takeout?”
“Poor family is probably starving right now.”
He waves me off. “They can snack on all those Benjamins I left them.”
“Shameful.” I mean to scold him more, but he joins me at the counter and unpacks a container of dumplings. My stomach growls. Thai-style siu mai. “Are there any chopsticks?”
He bursts out in laughter. “Powerless before dumplings, huh?”
God, I love Lance’s laugh. You can’t help but smile when you hear it. It’s so hearty and rich. He’s always playful and cheery, especially for an assassin. Lance’s life right before PALADIN was almost as tormented as mine, yet he doesn’t seem to carry the burdens of the past like I do. I want to love life as much as he does. Maybe he’ll rub off on me once he’s my husband.
He grabs a small, round dumpling and holds it near my lips like he’s trying to feed me. I open my mouth, but instead of a tasty morsel, I get his lips in a big, sloppy, wet kiss.
“Tricked you.”
“You monster. Feed me.”
He pops the dumpling in my mouth whole. I’m still smiling as I chew. When was the last time I felt this happy? Surely, when Mom was alive. Dad, too. And Saoirse. Long before PALADIN.
Lance slides me the container with five more pork dumplings. Then he fishes through the bag and hands over a set of chopsticks. “Fuel up, sweetheart. I’m not done with you yet.”
“Oh, ho, ho. I thought you were going to be focused on my needs,” I tease.
“I am,” he responds, completely serious. “You absolutely need my hard cock.”
“Ha. You sure? I’m feeling pretty sated.” I pat my belly, but I’m not talking about the dumplings. It was his antics in the shower.
Lance narrows his eyes and puffs out his chest. “Very fucking sure. You’re a little tease, you know that? All these years—tell me it was all for me, C.”
This is the Lance I know. The way he’s looking at me like he’s about to devour me in one bite. I’ve been so curious all these years why so many women fall in love with the man they can’t keep. What’s the magic spell he puts over them? And why hasn’t he kept any of them around?
Right…because of me. Lance was always meant for me.
“What was for you?” I ask innocently, quirking one brow.
“Your tight little skimpy outfits. That sexy accent you are incapable of ditching. The way you smile at me—sweet but dangerous. Being your best friend has been literal torture, you know that? You have no idea how fucking mesmerizing you are, Cricket.”
“Ah,” I say as he approaches. He takes the container he just handed me out of my hands and sets it aside. “Flattery gets you everywhere.”
“It’s getting me in that sweet pussy. Right now.”
“What about feeding me?”
He winks. “Oh, I’m about to feed you.” Sidestepping me, he makes his way to the bed. After sitting on the edge, he leans forward, planting his elbows on his knees. With his chin on his folded hands, he ducks his head. “Strip.”
I’m not wearing much to begin with. I had the good sense to pack an extra set of clothes before we headed out to NYC. But I packed for comfort, not for seducing my best friend. I’m in a sports bra and boy-cut panties underneath the hotel’s complimentary robe. My sexy lingerie is still blood-stained from Rossi—a definite mood killer.
I drop the robe to the ground and spin around, showing off the outfit that looks like I’m about to get on a spin bike. “This doing it for you?”
“Oh yeah.” He grips his cock through his boxers. I got dressed after the shower. Lance didn’t. Any man with a body like that should be perfectly comfortable walking around with minimal clothing anyway. Lance claims he doesn’t work out, but that’s a filthy lie. When he’s supposed to be at target practice, he sneaks into the gym, working on his physique. He just doesn’t tell anyone, worried Linc will tease him relentlessly for being such a shallow killer.
Right now, I appreciate all his hard work, which produced a body that looks like it was carved in marble by the gods themselves.
“Turn around and bend over. Take your panties off slowly.”
I turn around and touch my toes. But I yank my bottoms off with haste, just to be a little shit. “Like this?”
Lance doesn’t answer, instead he rises and plants a firm smack right on my ass cheek. “Seems you have trouble following directions.” He sits back down, wearing the widest teasing smirk. “Try again. Take your bra off… slowly. ”
Naturally, I rip it off as fast as I can and fling it at his forehead.
“So disobedient. I love it. Now, I get to punish you,” he growls out. My stomach dances with delicious nerves. I like powerful, gruff, take-what-he-wants Lance. It’s such a turn-on. But instead, he reaches forward and grabs my hips gently, pulling me between his legs. He buries his head between my breasts and breathes in deeply before running his tongue around my nipple. He’s not satisfied until both of my nipples are soaked, and his saliva is dripping between my breasts.
“You’re making quite a mess.”
“Get on your knees, baby, please,” he groans.
While I sink to the floor, he pushes off his briefs. His long, thick cock springs free. I shut my eyes and open my mouth wide. But he doesn’t rest the glistening tip of his cock on my tongue like I expect him to. Lance hooks his finger under my chin.
“Open your beautiful eyes.” Then he slides his dick into my cleavage. “These fucking tits… drove me crazy… years, baby. I’ve wanted to do this for years.”
He bridges his hips and thrusts again. I grab my tits, pushing them together so he feels the pressure of my chest, squeezing the life out of him.
“Fuck, Cricket,” he moans.
We stay like that for a while. Me smiling while he fucks my breasts, looking like a man who finally found nirvana. When my knees start to ache, I ask, “Are you close?”
He laughs. “You’re going to learn a lot about my endurance tonight.” He lifts me like a little rag doll and tosses me onto the bed. Fisting his cock, he climbs on top of me. “I don’t have a condom.”
“That’s fine. What would we need a condom for? I want you bare and feeling how wet I am for you.”
His face pinches in anguish. “That might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. But I better be the only man you say that to moving forward.”
I bat my eyelashes and flash him a wicked, teasing smile. “Absolutely. I’ll make all the other guys wear a condom moving forward. Promise .”
He scowls. “Not funny.”
Laughing, I flip over and pop my hips in the air, preparing to take his length from behind.
“What are you doing?” Lance asks.
I stare at him over my shoulder. “Well, if you don’t know, I’m going to go ahead and say you don’t have as much experience as you claim to. Ever heard of doggy style?”
“Doggy style is for my hookups.” He smacks my ass with both hands. “You mean so much more to me than that. Turn over.”
I shake my head and bury my head in the pillow. “No, like this.” I close my eyes.
“I want to see your face. I want to see your eyes roll back into your head when you come all over my cock.” He grabs my hips and tries to flip me over, but I plant my knees, refusing to budge. “Cricket…what is going on?”
After rolling over, I scoot up the bed, away from him. Protectively, I tuck my knees to my chest. “It’s the only way I fuck.”
Eyes closed. From behind. When I can’t see, I can control my reality.
“Why?” Lance folds his arms over his chest, looking thoroughly concerned.
“It’s just what I like.”
He presses his lips together and shakes his head. “Nope. Not good enough. You always have a reason for everything. Tell me. Don’t you trust me enough to tell me the truth?”
I don’t want to. I don’t want to go back to the origin of why I am the way I am. Why I can’t look at a man’s face when we’re fucking. Why every single time I close my eyes, I see ghosts. No matter how many evil men I put into the ground, I’m still drunk with fury, angry about what was taken from me.
How do I explain that there’s a hole in my heart that’ll never be filled? I’m bleeding out so slowly; it’s living torture. I can’t tell Lance that selfishly, I wish with every fiber of my being that Saoirse and I had switched places, and I could be dead and in peace with my family, instead of living every day alone in a lost legacy.
“It’s not exactly pillow talk.” I glance at his erection. “Quite a mood killer.”
“Talk, Cricket. Don’t mind me.” He follows my eyes. “I can wait.” Lance sits on his backside, hiking up his knees, hiding his hard cock from my view.
I exhale. “You know how Vesper found me.”
He nods. “Trapped in that room, left to die as a prisoner after the mafia attacked and killed your family.”
I wet my suddenly dry lips, staring intently at the white comforter. “Know how I survived?”
“Vesper said you were starving and delirious when she and Linc found you.”
“Before that,” I force out. “I lived in that room for almost six weeks. I was only abandoned for six days. He…used to visit once a day. Sometimes more than once a day.”
I briefly look up and see Lance’s jaw clenched tightly. “That part I didn’t know.”
“It’s because I didn’t tell Vesper. I always thought she assumed. But she never made me talk about it.”
“He hurt you?”
I nod. “In more ways than one.”
“And who is he ?” Lance asks.
“Doesn’t matter,” I reply. By tomorrow night, I’ll put this sordid open end to bed finally… with a vengeance. “But the point is, I was a virgin before I got locked in that room. I never allowed myself to look. The pain fades, but the memories…”
“You survived by never seeing his face?”
“Yes. It’s how I learned to fuck. It’s the only way I can.” I am what I am. I can’t let Lance pull at the very thin thread holding me together. I’ll fall apart. “So just… Can you accept that?”
Lance scoots up the bed and pulls my knees down one by one. He runs his warm hands up my thighs. “Look at me,” he commands. Once I’m staring into his light eyes, he smiles. His expression is pitying, but something in his baby blues is dark and menacing, like the ocean right before a storm. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Maybe it’s vengeance, too.
“What?” I fight the urge to look away. I don’t like the eye contact. It feels so chaotic, especially when I’m naked.
“If you like to fuck from behind, that’s fine. But I told you…I’m not trying to fuck you. I’m trying to make love to you. And I need your eyes for that.”
He kisses me deeply. Somehow protectively. The way he cradles the back of my head, so I can rest the weight into his palm. He wraps his other arm around my back, pulling me against him tightly, surrounding me as best he can.
“Give me all the broken pieces, Cricket. I’ll put them together for you,” he murmurs against my ear. “I’m here to make it okay.”
I force myself to hold his gaze even though my heart is pounding out of control. Not in a good way. It feels reckless and dangerous, like I’m walking into a gunfight with a dull knife. I don’t want to be vulnerable and give my heart away…
Then again, Lance already has it. He always has.
I shimmy down the mattress so I’m lying flat, then I hike up my knees. Lance crawls between them, never looking away. Sensing the tension in my legs, he massages the insides of my thighs.
“Just tell me to stop if it’s too much. But no matter what, keep your eyes open. You’re safe. I love you. I just want to make you feel good.”
The urge to run is combating my desire for him. But as his fingers graze my center, tickling my clit, the little jolts of arousal force me to relax. Tepid hesitance is quickly replaced by my hot need. I knew Lance knew how to fuck… I had no idea he’d know exactly how to touch me.
A drop of spit falls from his mouth, landing right on my clit. He quickly wiggles his finger against my sensitive button, making me close my eyes and moan. “ Oh,” I gasp.
“Eyes open, baby. Stay with me. How’s that?” he asks as he slides a finger into me.
“Good… so good .”
He pumps his finger a few times, then pulls out to rotate it under the overhead light. It’s glistening with my obvious arousal. He rubs his finger over my lips, then gently pushes his finger into my mouth. “Taste that? That’s all mine. All for me. Such a good girl. You’re doing so good, baby. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.” By now, I’m drunk off need, and I want him more than I ever have before.
Lance presses both of my heels against his firm pecs and then positions himself. His tip dips inside, and I muffle a groan. His hands trace my shins, up and down, comforting me as he pushes into me deeper and deeper, stretching me until I feel like I’m bursting at the seams.
He takes me with smooth, languid thrusts, at first. He keeps running his hands up and down my legs, as if he’s trying to feel my body’s reaction. No man has ever fucked me like this before. It’s like he’s performing for me, not taking from me.
Sex like this is a novelty. In this position. I can appreciate Lance’s perfect body and the crazed look of pleasure on his face.
He pulls out for a brief moment and replaces his cock with his thumb, coating it in our combined arousal. He flattens the tip of his thumb against my clit, rubbing slick circles as he slides back into me.
“Oh my God, Lance.” I gasp in short staccatos, feeling my orgasm build as he drives into me harder and harder. Egged on by my begging and pleading, Lance’s slow thrusts have turned into bruising slams, taking me like an animal.
“I feel it, baby. You’re going to come for me, so hard. I want you to fucking explode all over me, C.”
I finally close my eyes, relaxing back into the pillow as I tremble around him, bridging my hips, clenching my walls as tightly as I can. I try to hold on to the euphoric feeling of my orgasm. It’s deep and blinding, taking over my whole body, but it dissipates before I’m ready. It leaves me sweating, panting, and already eager for another round.
Lance pulls my legs together, crosses my ankles, and throws them over his right shoulder. It only takes another minute for him to find his release. He pulls out of me, finishing on my stomach and hips. Even when he’s drained, he plunges right back inside of me.
Finally spent, he collapses to the side of me. He cradles my breasts, rolling my nipples between his fingers. A low hum escapes his lips, but he doesn’t say anything more. He must be trying to hold on to the sensation, too.
“It’s kind of sad,” I say.
“What’s sad?” He suddenly looks alarmed.
“We’ll never get a first time with each other again.”
Lance smiles. “Cricket, we’ll never have a first time with anyone again.” He leans down and presses his lips against mine. “I’ll never need one. I only want you.”