Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
LANCE
Eden’s door is open as per usual. I stomp down the hallway, making my way to her office, but I haven’t prepared what I’m going to say. Vesper, Cricket, and Vienne left together to return the First Lady to that big, white prison she calls a home. Vienne was to brief Cricket on her new assignment, which she was to start immediately.
I’m furious for a multitude of reasons. I’m mad at Cricket for blindly hating me for no good reason. I’m angry with Vesper for sitting idly by, doing nothing to repair what ultimately, she broke. Last, and probably least, I’m pissed at Eden for shoving my girl into the arms of another man.
Knock, knock. I tap my knuckles against the doorframe. “Busy?” I ask.
“No.” Eden looks up from her computer monitor and rolls her chair away. “Just doing more research on Lochland.”
“What’d you find?” I ask.
“Vienne undersold him.” Eden shows me an apologetic smile. “This guy is flawless. He seems to spend half his fortune reinvesting in his company in the form of excellent employee benefits and over-the-top bonus structures. The other half, he donates to worldwide charity causes. With as much money as he’s given away, it’s hard to imagine there’s anyone left living under the poverty line.” Eden lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s hard to believe he has anything to do with an organization like Aeon…and there was just something off about Vienne, you know? Genuine, but scheming, like she was only telling ninety percent of the truth.”
I keep my demeanor statuesque, not agreeing with or elaborating on her concerns. Eden folds her hands together. She sighs again, this time softer. “You’re mad at me,” she says.
“How could you do this to me?”
“Do what?” She tilts her head to the side, studying my eyes. Her lips relax into a small frown.
“Push Cricket right into the arms of the world’s most eligible bachelor. He’s smart, handsome, and I bet he’s charming as fuck.”
“He also might be the world’s most dangerous terrorist. You’re not. So…you have that going for you.”
“Funny,” I mutter. “Admit it, though…even you think he’s hot, right?”
“Oh, Lance.” Eden stands and crosses her office in a few quick strides. She wraps her arms around my rib cage. The top of the little shrimp’s head doesn’t even touch my collarbone. She squeezes with all her might, and I’m powerless but to hug her back. That’s Bambi’s—my favorite nickname for Eden—superpower. Kindness, love, and tenderness. She brought humanity back into our team. In a way, I think I became ready for more with Cricket because Eden and Linc set the example.
Eden pulls away, but keeps one hand fastened around my forearm. She looks up into my eyes. “I don’t know if Gabriel’s attractive. I only see Linc. Just like Cricket only sees you.”
I breathe out heavily. “She sees me as a target board.”
“No, she sees you, and she feels a lot of things, Lance. That’s all. I think she’s overwhelmed by you because she already loved you so much, then, in New York, you added a whole other layer right before—”
“I didn’t betray her,” I cut in. “If that’s what you were going to say.”
Moving her hand to my wrist, Eden leads me to the sitting area in her office. She sits me on the black leather couch, which crunches underneath me when I sit, indicating its newness.
“That’s loud,” I murmur as Eden takes a seat in the chair opposite of me.
“It should fade. You know, Cricket used to nap in here until I got these new couches. She complains that they are too loud and stiff to get comfortable.”
I shift in my seat, and it makes another awful crunching sound. “I can’t say I disagree.”
Eden crosses her legs before folding her hands in her lap. “You know, I used to specialize in team morale and employee conflict. I would be called in to get to the root of the issue and help create a harmonious work environment.” Eden rolls her eyes. “It all seems so silly now after everything I’ve learned about the world since coming to PALADIN, but some lessons I learned remain true.”
“Such as?”
“Anger is usually the first reaction to grief. In my experience, more often than not, when employees were having severe issues with each other, they were using one another as emotional punching bags as an outlet for an entirely different issue.”
“I can see that.” All I knew before PALADIN was anger, and it was absolutely caused by grief. All the tragedies that I sat back and watched, powerless to do anything but absorb the suck. Eden’s right…I grew angry. That’s the reason I picked up a gun and learned to shoot.
“When my dad died, I was so distraught. I needed to be angry at someone.”
I remember Eden’s dad died of heart failure. From what I remember, she really didn’t have anyone else in her life, seeing as she had no siblings and lost her mother at a young age. “Who’d you pick? His doctors?”
Eden shakes her head. “No, I picked myself. I was awful to myself, riddled with guilt. Every time I was in front of a mirror, I reminded myself I was a selfish, over-driven workaholic. I wasted precious time with the best dad in the entire world”—she half-smiles—“obviously, I’m biased. But the point is, I hated myself because I knew I could take it.”
“What do you mean?” My brows furrow in confusion. I try not to move any other muscles to evade the awful crunch of the couch.
“The very thing I hated myself for was also my superpower. I was a workaholic. So, my self-deprecation had a limit. I knew I’d have to put on my business suits, slap on a smile and power pose, and get back to work. Onward and forward. I think I was more brutal to myself because deep down, I knew I was strong enough to take a beating and come out on the other side. That’s why Cricket’s doing this to you. She’s grieving, angry, and desperately needs a punching bag. You, Lance, are the only one she trusts enough to be able to take it.”
“So, in a twisted way, she hates me—”
“Because she loves you,” Eden finishes. “Yeah. At least in my opinion. But I’m no expert.” She winks at me. It’s ironic because literally, Eden is a people expert. She has about umpteen degrees in business ethics, philosophy, and management. People are her superpower. And anyway, I like her narrative better than mine.
According to myself, I’m losing Cricket.
According to Eden, Cricket loves me more than she loves anyone else.
“So, what do I do?”
Eden exhales. “I hate to say it…but wait it out.”
“And do nothing?”
“Well, not nothing. You can continue to be good to her, even when she doesn’t deserve it. You can be there for her when you shouldn’t be. Love her beyond all reason.” Eden leans forward, holding out her hand. The distance is too great for her to touch me, but her floating hand is still comforting. “Don’t worry too much, Lance. She’ll come around. It’s impossible to miss what was always meant to be yours.”
I smile. “You know what, Bambi, I’m a little less mad at you now.”
She chuckles. “My mission accomplished.”
“I really need you to be right, though, because it’s been almost ten years. I don’t know how to function without Cricket in my life. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t even be part of PALADIN. Did she ever tell you that? What she did for me the night Linc brought me home?”
Eden lifts her brows. “No, actually. All I know is Linc stopped you in the nick of time from killing your abusive brother.”
I rub my forehead as the memories come into clear focus. “That’s the more macho version, I suppose. The truth is, I would’ve never pulled the trigger. I was too much of a chickenshit.”
“Well, if your brother was violent, that makes sense.”
I press my lips together and shake off the notion. “No, I wasn’t scared of him. I was scared of not having someone to boss me around. I never really had to think for myself up until that point. I was good at following orders. I couldn’t kill my brother because what’s a sheep without a shepherd, you know?”
Eden nods. “That doesn’t make you weak. Soldiers can be very strong. Not everybody wants to be in the control seat.”
“Except, had I stepped up, my mom might not be where she is today. She’s sick because I was scared. Maybe my brother would’ve hurt less people. Maybe I would’ve been the one to put my dad in his early grave.”
Leaning back, Eden settles deeper into her chair. “I’m sorry, Lance. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about your family before and the details surrounding how you ended up with PALADIN.”
“Linc didn’t mention it?” I ask.
Eden shakes her head. “I never asked. I like to get to know my friends straight from the horse’s mouth.” She smiles. “I’ve always been curious about how you got into PALADIN. Vesper mentioned she was reluctant because she thought you could have a normal life.”
“Yeah, her first answer was no.”
Eden’s lips turn down. “What made her change her mind?”
I smile, remembering the first time I met Cricket. A memory that I’ll treasure until my dying breath. “Cricket did. Here, I’ll tell you the story…”