Chapter 9
Chapter
Nine
“You don’t want to be here.”
It wasn’t a question. The alpha declared it like the cold, hard fact that it was as he closed the cabin door.
At first, I wasn’t sure how to respond.
Technically, a statement like that didn’t need an answer, but my anxiety was sky high, and I felt the overwhelming anxious urge to say something, if only to cut the gut-clenching tension that hung in the air between us.
“You were listening to our conversation?”
He leaned his shoulders back against the wall, letting the back of his head rest against the curve of one of the redwood logs as his eyes locked with mine.
“I wasn’t deliberately spying on you, if that’s what you mean,” he said, his gruff voice brushing against my already trembling nerves. “I’m just constantly aware of you.”
Something about the way he said that word—aware—sent shivers straight through me. Even propped up in the corner, I felt my legs weaken a little…and I had the horrible feeling it wasn’t from fear.
“What does that mean?” I dared to ask.
“It means that no matter how far I walked from the house, I could still feel you,” he answered. “I heard your heartbeat. Felt the rhythm of your breath. Sensed your distress. All of it.”
Holy crap. I raked my teeth against my lower lip. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?
“Oh,” was all I could come up with.
The alpha didn’t blink. I wanted to look away. To break this line of sizzling tension strung between us, but even from across the room, his eyes bored into mine. Hooking me. Reeling me in.
“But you don’t feel those things in me.” Again, it wasn’t a question.
Still, I almost felt bad shaking my head. The already hard lines on his face tightened, and the friction between us grew even stronger as second after silent second ticked by.
Finally, Tauren nodded grimly and pushed himself up off the wall.
“Sit on the edge of the bed,” he instructed. “I need to wrap your ribs before you can rest again.”
I dug my fingers even deeper into the pillow I still gripped. If I pushed them any deeper into the feathery fill, I was liable to rip the thing in half.
“I’m fine,” I tried to tell him. “I don’t think I need—“
“Sit.”
A command—not a request—and one that I was far too terrified to refuse.
I slipped out of the corner and climbed back onto the mattress…at least that’s what I tried to do. But the bed frame was so high off the ground that it was impossible for me to scale on my own. At least not with bruised hips and broken ribs.
After a couple of failed attempts, Tauren’s large hands wrapped around the curve of my waist and lifted me up off the ground. Before I could finish sucking in my startled breath, I was already settled on the edge of the mattress.
He grabbed the jar of herbs and roll of bandages that Calindra had left behind.
“Take off your shirt,” he said, moving so that he stood directly in front of me. The squeeze between the sides of the bed and the walls was already tight, but with the alpha there, the gap disappeared completely.
There was no breathing room between us. His thighs pressed against my knees. His head and torso towered above me, so tall that I had to crane my head back to keep looking at him.
And, God help me, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull my eyes off him.
“I—I—“
Great. Now my mouth didn’t want to work either.
When I didn’t move, Tauren simply plucked the pillow out of my hands before reaching for the hem of my tattered shirt. In one move, he pulled the torn and bloodstained rag over my head and down my arms.
Having a healer examine my wounds was one thing. Her clinical eye helped me see my injuries the same way. But that wasn’t the way Tauren looked at me.
There was nothing detached about the way his eyes zeroed in on the tapestry of bruises and abrasions that ran up my ribs. Any inch of skin that wasn’t black and blue was red and angry. My whole torso was swollen. It hurt just to look at.
Even so, my first instinct was to cross my forearms in front of my firmly fastened bra to cover the tiny sliver of breast that peeked out over the top of the black lace.
Tauren just shook his head at my weak attempts at modesty.
“Don’t worry, Hannah,” he said. “I’m not going to lose control and take you. Not while you’re still injured.”
I didn’t doubt it. Looking down at my body, I wasn’t exactly attractive.
But still, that last bit was one hell of a caveat. Did that mean he planned on jumping me the instant I was healed? The thought sent shivers through me.
Shivers of…fear?…excitement? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“Put your arms up,” he said.
And when I couldn’t seem to make myself move, the alpha simply wrapped his fingers around my wrists and guided me into the position he wanted me in. Then he unsealed the herbs, dipped his fingers inside the buttery mixture, and cupped his hand around the curve of my waist.
I gasped at the shocking sensation of his skin against mine.
I could feel the power radiating out of his hands as his palms swept up my side, coating the side of my rib cage in a fragrant blend of leaves and oils.
But even though my flesh was still bruised and tender, his touch didn’t bring any pain.
If anything, it felt good.
Almost too good.
Everywhere his hand moved, it left behind a wake of warmth and soothing comfort. The feeling was so pronounced that after a few more brushes of his fingertips, I felt myself starting to relax.
My shoulders dropped down. My breathing slowed. And I found myself actually enjoying the sensation of his touch.
After a full minute of silently working the herbs into my skin, Tauren put down the jar and reached for the bandage.
“I heard you tell Calindra your dream.” His voice was so deep and calm that I almost missed the importance of his words. “I understand why you’re afraid.”
Did he? “Then you’ll take me back to the other side of the wall?”
He shook his head. “No.”
That’s what I thought.
He understood, but he didn’t care.
“Because you think I’m your mate?” I scoffed. “Or because you believe I was sent here by ancient gods to save ferus kind? Because I can tell you right now, I’m not either one of those things. Trust me.”
No one, god or ferus, would cast me in those roles. I wasn’t the submissive type. Or the sacrificial kind, either.
“It doesn’t matter what you are,” Tauren responded. “I am your protector, and I can’t send you back into a world where men brazenly attack women.”
“It’s not usually like that.” He was making us sound like savages. “Most of the people where I’m from are nice.”
Okay, maybe that was overselling it. But at the very least, they weren’t violently aggressive.
“Most isn’t enough.” His voice was gruff.
“And you expect me to believe things are any better here?” I didn’t hide my skepticism. “You’ve heard my dream. You know some ferus kills me right here in this forest.”
Some ferus—for the first time, I was willing to admit that it might not be the one standing in front of me.
“That’s not going to happen.” His tone was adamant. So forceful that it rattled my ribs. “I would kill anyone who even tried to touch you.”
It was tempting to believe him. After all, I’d seen the violence he was capable of with my own eyes. I’d watched the blood dripping off his fingers. The same fingers that were now being almost achingly tender as he wound the clean linen strip of fabric around my torso.
But I’d also experienced the same death every night, over and over again, for the last seven years. The fear, the panic, the pain—all of it on repeat until it had become a part of me.
An inevitability I’d never be able to run from.
Still, I had to try.
If Tauren was unwilling to let me go, then I’d find another way to get back over the Wall. I’d do it on my own.
But not today.
If I was going to have a chance in hell at escape, then I needed to be two things—in good shape and in the alpha’s good graces.
I couldn’t let him suspect my plan. I’d need to be totally healed and ready to run at the moment Tauren became distracted.
“Tell me about your dream,” I said, grabbing on to the first thing I could think of to change the subject.
“You don’t want to know.” His voice was tight as he suddenly focused all of his attention on the fabric he was wrapping around me.
“Yes, I do,” I insisted. “I can’t stand the thought that you know something so intimate and personal about me, and I don’t know the same about you.”
My reasoning must have swayed him because, after a moment of silence, his hands went still along my side, and he let out a long breath. His dark eyes closed, like he could see the images in his mind.
“You’re in my arms,” he said. “I’m carrying you through the trees that lead to my door.
You’re wearing one of my shirts and nothing else.
Your bare legs hooked over my forearms. Your hair is wet and dripping down your back, the water cold enough to cause goosebumps spread all over you, but you don’t seem to mind.
You keep your hands clasped around my neck, your eyes locked with mine. ”
He spoke slowly, as if narrating each piece of a scene as it played out in real time in his mind.
“You draw closer, trying to kiss me, but I pull away, knowing that I need to make it inside before I give in to temptation.”
“Wait. Are you sure that’s what I’m doing?” I interrupted him. That didn’t sound like me.
I’d never been overly physical with guys. Not even the fully human ones on the other side of the Wall. There was no way in hell I’d end up the sexual instigator with a ferus.
Tauren opened his eyes, his lips tilting up slightly at the sound of my disbelief.
“Oh, I’m sure,” he said. “Even before we get to the door, you tangle your fingers in my hair. You moan my name. You beg me to take you right there on the forest floor.”
“Bullshit.”
I shook my head. Now I knew he was lying. There was no way anything like that would happen.