Chapter 26 Wes
Rose and I take the scenic route to get to her home. The sky is cloudless and already feels like it will be a warm day, despite it still being relatively early. We’re both quiet, watching the pine trees roll by and the sight of a boat coming down the coast.
The air feels light, breezy, and I know it will be a gorgeous day at the park. The scent of the trees sneaks in through the windows, and I close my eyes for a brief second. I can’t remember the last time I felt so at peace.
“Rose, I know we talked a lot this morning already about how we’re feeling, and you shared that you want to see where this goes. I guess . . . I’m just wondering if you can explain what you mean by that a little more?” I reach for her hand, wanting to make sure she knows I care and I’m not trying to force her into something she doesn’t want yet. “I know you said you wanted to be friends before, but what does our relationship look like after last night?”
“Oh, sure.” She pauses and I love that she thinks through what she wants to say, but god, it’s giving me a heart attack right now. “I guess I was thinking we’d be together, maybe dating? Is that what you were thinking?” She gives me the cutest smirk and I lean over to her for a kiss.
“That would be more than alright. I’d love that. I told you that I’m here for you and I meant that—whatever that means or looks like for you. You’re working through things that I can’t begin to understand and I just want to support you.” She furrows at my words, drawing her hand away from mine.
Rose looks thoughtfully out the window, seemingly thinking through things for herself. “I do want to keep things slower, but things just feel right with you. I’m not sure how to explain it. I still feel nervous about the memories that come flooding in, and the resulting anxiety, but I’ve decided that I want to be with you. Explore where this goes.” She turns back towards me, her hair falling slightly over her eyes in a way that screams to be touched. After brushing it out of her face, she asks, “Does that make sense?”
I nod my head. “Of course. Just know I’m here and that you can always talk to me, even about things that don’t make complete sense.”
“I know, I think it will just take some time to work through things, but the anxiety already seems to be getting better with time spent together. It’s just when the memories come flooding back that it feels like too much.”
At that, my heart breaks. I know she went through something hard— is going through something hard—but god, I didn’t know how hard. I look down at her. She’s in one of my flannels, hair up in a bun, head balanced on her knee, and I just want to kiss her everywhere, all over again.
“I know that this isn’t all about what happened with us, but I just want to say, if I could go back and change how I handled things, I would. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was just me, dealing with my own stuff in a misguided way.” All of my guilt and fears of coming back here wells up within me and I have to look back out the window—my eyes suddenly blurry. I scan the horizon, looking for something, anything to focus on. This is the hardest part. I know I hurt her, and my coming back is causing her more pain, but I’m not sure how to move on from that.
“I know, you were dealing with your own crap, and I definitely get that. But I appreciate you owning your part, and I think we can move past it. I’m ready to, at least.” Looking down after her words, I rub my eyes as she smiles up at me. “But you have to forgive yourself, too.”
“I’ll try,” I whisper.
“Last night was wonderful, we have so much good going for us. I feel safe with you and completely cared for. Even when I was having a panic attack at the station the other day, you were calm and helped me through it.”
Reaching for her hand, I give it a soft kiss and we sit in silence for the rest of the drive.
Too quickly, I pull up to her door and she slides out. Her apartment building is small, only a couple tenants, but it overlooks the water and is near the Bookery, so it’s convenient. Looking up, I see some gauzy white curtains and a plant in the window of one and instantly know that’s hers.
“Call me later?” She bats her eyelashes at me. I can tell she’s trying her best to flirt. I blink again, cementing this image of her in my mind.
“Of course, and I’ll see you after you get back from your trip to Duluth tomorrow?”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” Her eyes are suddenly wide and she runs into her building while I sit, dumbfounded, in the car for a full five minutes, laughing to myself.
What a night.
Dropping Rose off at her apartment feels like one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Ending on that conversation made things feel even more difficult. There is still so much to talk through and learn about one another. But now that I’ve found her, and we’re officially back together, I don’t want to let her go. I sigh, wanting to drive back and be with her right now. But we must work and have lives, I suppose. Although I do have one stop in mind before heading home to clean up.
As I drive towards the store, my thoughts can’t help but stay on Rose and our amazing night together. She was incredible and all my feelings feel deeper after talking and spending more time together.
I walk into the jewelry store on Main Street and talk with the owner. Together we find the perfect piece for Rose. She boxes it up, wraps it, and I add my own little note before leaving it with Lucy at the Bookery. I know Rose will be in soon and ask Lucy to give it to her from me. I can’t help but feel a little giddy about the gift. I hope that she loves it and isn’t freaked out that it’s jewelry.
Despite some of our talk this morning, I think we’re in a good place right now. She’s feeling comfortable, but I can’t help but wonder if this might take things one step too far for her.
We’ll see.