Chapter 22
ASH
After the emotional roller coaster and subsequent need to be out without a clear identifier for my gender yesterday, I decide that no matter what, I am not letting a single fucking person misgender my ass today.
The halter top sundress is one of my favorite pieces to wear because it shows off my narrower shoulders and the flared skirt definitely accentuates the fact that I inherited my Mama’s ass.
Not willing to risk another fall, I forego my usual wedge platforms and go with the ballet flats today.
My arm isn’t hurting anywhere near as badly as I thought it would be this morning.
With how I acted last night on the pills that the doctor had prescribed for me, there is zero chance I am willing to take one if we are going to be out in public.
I’m thinking it will be a night time only pill, and I will make do with some ibuprofen for during the day.
Clipping my hair back into a partial ponytail, I am thankful that it was not my right arm that got hurt.
At least I can still do my makeup. I don’t do much – just some glitter eyeshadow, mascara, and lip gloss.
It’s enough to avoid confusion for the rest of the world without me needing to point at the pin on my chest all of the time.
It gets exhausting. Unfortunately, it is still necessary. Yesterday proved that. My chart says “they/them” and “Mx.” all over it, but not a single person at urgent care even attempted to even verify my pronouns.
Then it had to be the bitch working the pharmacy, and she regularly ignores my pronouns, even with dressing according to the gender I am feeling that day.
Although, it was somewhat hilarious watching a sixty-year-old woman getting lectured on respect by a hangry eight-year-old.
Then again, she shouldn’t have ignored him correcting the first five times she misgendered me.
The van starts up outside, so I pack my makeup into a shoebox to make it easier to take next door after we get back.
Jace and Theo are going to be moving over the rest of my clothes and personal things later.
I swear I am not actually moving in. It’s temporary…
just until my door and hot water tank get fixed.
Last night was…
Fuck, it was amazing from what I can remember. The details are a bit fuzzy as to how I ended up living out my doll owner fantasy with Jace on the floor, but the delicious aches I woke up with were enough confirmation that it wasn’t just a dream. Would it really be so wrong to see where this can go?
Reality crashes in with the slam of the van’s sliding door and Jace grumbling while locking their back door.
Jace needs to be focused on his little brother, not on a regular hook-up partner.
They need to find their way together, not having me in the way.
A few weeks should be enough for the repairs to be done here and then I can move back – put the space between us that we all need.
If I can find a job…
Wolf Bacon Construction. The name has both Gerry and I dissolving into giggles in the small lobby area while Jace goes off with his client to discuss his work.
“Ash? Why doesn’t Jace ever let me see him work?”
After making sure the receptionist isn’t paying us any attention, I turn to the kid to respond.
“You know how your brother makes art and furniture, right?”
He nods, so I continue.
“Well,” I pause, trying to figure out where it makes the most sense to start. “Remember how I told you about grownup toys versus kids toys?”
He stifles a giggle and nods. That was an embarrassing conversation to have when he overheard Eric say he needed my help to pick out a new toy.
One thing I will always appreciate about my dad is that he taught me things I never knew I needed.
In all the years I lived under his roof, he never shied away from a topic.
He is a huge believer in the idea that if a question is asked, there is enough curiosity to reach a wrong answer, so you never brush off a genuine question.
It’s better to give an age appropriate answer than to allow a child to search on their own and come into contact with information that is absolutely not age appropriate and possibly unsafe.
“Jace sometimes makes adult furniture and art. And sometimes people like Mister Cas, who he is talking with now, want something extra special that Jace can make just for them. It’s like he’s making them a special edition of their very own.”
Gerry bites this thumbnail while he processes my answer, and I notice that the receptionist wasn’t as oblivious as I previously thought. Her gentle smile reassures me, though. The last thing I need is to get kicked out or reported for talking about kink furniture with a kid.
“So Jace isn’t hiding his designs because he is gonna get rid of me?”
The sip of water I just took goes spraying across the room before my brain even finishes processing what the kid just asked. What in the actual fuck?! Where the hell did Gerry ever get the idea that Jace would ever get rid of him?
At my incredulous look, he shifts uncomfortably on the plastic seat and tries to explain his question. The more he talks, the more I start to understand.
“Everyone knows about what my brother does all day except me. Everyone knows him except me. I thought…” He sniffles and lowers his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought if I gave him a nickname like Jackson did that he would really be my brother too.”
The logic of an eight-year-old…
I pull him onto my lap for a hug and let him pretend he’s not crying while we wait for Jace to be done.
To her credit, the receptionist mostly leaves us be.
Her only interruption is to set down a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table next to me with two new bottles of water.
I wish every office had someone this considerate behind the desk.
“Stop by the workshop with Fred and I can show you both some sample pieces for you to get a better understanding of the materials you’d like incorporated.”
Jace’s voice precedes him coming into the room, but it still isn’t enough warning for Gerry to completely hide his little breakdown.
Just the fact that he is still in my lap is enough for Jace to realize something is up.
The man he was meeting with seems to be able to sense something as well because he leans over to have a whispered conversation with the receptionist.
“Jace, why don’t you use the conference room for a few more minutes?” Cas offers after a moment. “It would be a lot more comfortable than your car, and it looks like the little guy needs to get some things off his chest.”
They both look at me like I am the one who has to decide for them.
Fuck, I think I love them both for it. Without hesitation, I gently push Gerry off my lap towards his big brother.
When Jace looks back at me, I wave him off.
This is a conversation they need to have with just the two of them.
While I love that I get to be on the sidelines of their family dynamic, at the heart of it all, they are the brothers.
They are the ones who need to figure out where they stand with just the two of them.
As soon as they are out of sight, I slump over in the chair in exhaustion. I’m not ashamed of the fact that I stuff a cookie into my mouth whole and then moan obscenely at the deliciousness. Whoever baked these is a dessert genius. Foodgasms are definitely something I seek out whenever possible.
“Thanks for the compliment,” Cas laughs and sits next to me. “My baby girl has started teething and I discovered my love of baking from making some homemade teething biscuits. The cookies are because Fred refuses to admit he has a sweet tooth, so I make sure that I keep both offices stocked up.”
There is zero doubt that my ears are bright red judging by the chuckle I get from the two other people in the room.
“If I could be supplied with baked goods like these cookies, I would work here in a heartbeat,” I joke, but the two of them don’t laugh.
Instead, they seem to be having a silent conversation with their eyes.
It’s humorous to watch their expressions shift while still being annoying that I am left out.
“What exactly do you do for a living?” the receptionist finally breaks away from their apparent telepathy to ask me.
“Right now? Nothing.” I take a bite of another cookie to bring my mood back up from the fucking basement my employment situation sent it to. Cas motions for me to continue when the silence starts to drag on.
“I was working for a title insurance company before they shut down a few months back. Before that, I was an office administrator for a geological survey company. I’ve also done temp office jobs for accountants, scrap yards, lawyers, and even a screen printing company.
But that was before I decided to stop hiding all of this.
” At the last part, I waved my hand over my whole body.
“Before my last job, I was always masc presenting at work, but being able to work from home allowed me to be the fluid being that I truly am, so I am not willing to go back into hiding just for a paycheck… at least, not until I have no other choice.”
Cas leans in and puts a hand on my shoulder to turn me to face him. “What if you didn’t have to? Do you know anything about invoicing work orders and making travel arrangements?”