CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
‘Sit down.’
He nodded and pulled out a kitchen chair, perching on the edge of it and studying me rather awkwardly. I gave him a stiff little smile and turned to fill the kettle. The last thing I felt like doing was drinking more tea but at least it gave me time to compose myself.
Tea made, I placed the mugs down and we sat opposite each other, a dense silence hanging between us. I stared at a scratch on the table-top, not able to look at him. I had questions I needed to ask him, but for the moment, my mind was whirring too chaotically to make sense of it all.
It felt so weird to be sitting opposite Xander, being forced to face up to the fact that he had a brother he’d never told me about – and that this brother, Freddie, was a criminal who’d threatened the jewellery shop staff with a knife in order to make off with thousands of pounds worth of gems.
The edgiest thing I’d ever done was smuggle a towel home from a hotel – and I’d felt guilty enough about that!
This whole robbery with violence thing was so far out of my comfort zone, I gave an involuntary shiver just thinking about it.
At last, I looked up at Xander. ‘So was that the first you knew of... Freddie... being involved in the robbery? When I showed you the photo in the newspaper?’ I stared at him intently, desperately wanting his answer to be yes because anything else just didn’t bear thinking about.
.. that he could have been concealing his brother’s involvement from me all this time – and from the police as well!
He glanced away with a sigh and my heart sank.
So it wasn’t the first Xander had known...
‘The photo you showed me confirmed what I’d suspected but didn’t know for certain,’ he said, meeting my eye. ‘It wasn’t a great photo but the tattoo was a give-away.’
‘Oh, yes. So Freddie had the same tattoo as you.’
Xander nodded. ‘He loved Auntie Iris and he was devastated when she died. It was actually his idea that we should both get tattoos in memory of her.’
‘That’s so lovely. So Freddie isn’t all bad, then?’
He gave a rueful smile. ‘I suppose not.’
‘But why did you suspect Freddie might be one of the robbers? Before you saw the photo, I mean?’
‘The day after the robbery, police named one of the men they’d arrested in connection with it. He’s called Josh Reeves.’
‘Right?’
He shrugged wearily. ‘My brother’s known Josh since school. They were always making trouble, even back then.’
I swallowed hard. ‘So Freddie and this Josh Reeves are... partners in crime, then?’
He laughed mirthlessly. ‘You could say that. I spent whole years of my life trying to get my brother back on the straight and narrow... trying to make him stick in at school. Then trying to get him into work so that he wasn’t kicking around aimlessly, being tempted down a dodgy route by Josh.
’ He shook his head angrily. ‘Freddie’s bright, you know?
Much more intelligent than I am. He could have been anything he wanted to be.
.. a doctor, a solicitor, whatever – he’s brilliant at maths.
But there’s something in his nature that always just wants to do things the easy way.
.. and he can be really charming, so all his life he’s got away with murder.
’ He gave a bitter snort. ‘Not literally, thank God. At least, I don’t think so. ’
‘What a waste,’ I murmured. ‘It must have been awful for you as his brother, seeing him going down such a destructive path.’
He nodded sadly. ‘I was always trying to encourage him to take the education route. He should have gone to university. But instead, he left school as soon as he could. And since then, he’s made a career out of claiming all the benefits he can get his hands on, supplemented by other dodgy dealings, which I’d rather not know about.
‘He makes money selling weed and thinks it’s just a laugh.
He’d scoff at me for studying so that I could get a good job and a mortgage, saying that I was on a boring treadmill and he was always going to be far happier than me.
’ He shrugged. ‘So in the end, I gave up on him. Maybe I shouldn’t have.
But I knew he’d never change and I really didn’t want to be around to watch him sink even lower and possibly self-destruct. ’
I nodded. ‘I don’t blame you. It’s really sad.’
‘It is,’ he said softly. ‘So you can understand why I washed my hands of him?’
‘I can. You tried your best with him. You couldn’t carry on forever having your best efforts thrown back in your face.’
‘Exactly.’ He took in a long breath and blew it out. ‘So anyway, I’ve been to the police and they’ll be trying to track him down.’
I looked at him. ‘I’m going to have to phone the police myself and tell them I’ve seen him camping out in the woods.’
‘Of course.’
He sighed. ‘Oh, Anika, I’m so sorry... about everything.’
‘I wish you’d been honest with me. But I suppose I can understand why you wanted to protect your brother by not telling me you thought he might be involved...’
Xander shot me a look. ‘ Protect him? You must be joking! No, the only thing I’m sorry about is the fact that his involvement in the robbery was probably instrumental in getting our gran injured – and even worse, leaving your dad in a coma in hospital as a result!’
He was shaking his head, looking so guilty.
‘But Xander, that was nothing to do with you.’
‘Maybe not. But honestly, Anika, you have no idea how bad I felt when Gran told me she’d been to see the daughter of the man who’d saved her life and I realised it must be you.
’ He shook his head, looking pale and so wretched that I wanted to go over and hug him.
‘Ever since I found out that was actually your dad in that hospital bed, I’ve been trying so hard to make it up to you. ’
I looked at him, processing his words... seeing the guilt and remorse written all over his face.
Xander was a good man. Caring. Responsible. Law-abiding. Not at all like his brother, Freddie.
‘There’s no need for you to feel guilty about Dad,’ I murmured, standing up and going over to hug him. ‘All you’ve ever done was the right thing. It’s Freddie who should carry the can, not you.’
‘You really mean that?’ He stood up himself, gazing sadly into my eyes, searching for confirmation that I forgave him.
I smiled up at him, tears in my eyes. ‘Of course I do. You’re a lovely, honourable guy and I’m so glad we... reconnected.’
He nodded, looking relieved. ‘Me, too. It might just have been my best day ever when I bumped into you on the high street after your disastrous no-show date.’
Glad to see the hint of a smile on his face, I gave him a sideways look. ‘Best day ever, eh?’
‘One of my top three, definitely.’ He gave a heavy sigh and ran both hands through his dark hair, making it stand up on end. ‘So what are you doing just now? Have you eaten?’
‘Er, no.’
‘Fancy going over to Carlo’s and grabbing some food?’
I hesitated. ‘Well... actually, I need to phone Lyndsay. She decided to go to the police about the photo, thinking it was you. And I’ve been waiting to hear from her.
’ I shrugged. ‘Obviously, the police will already know the photo is of your brother, not you. And Lyndsay will be as confused as I was. I’m assuming she won’t have known you have a twin called Freddie, either? ’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t talk about him to anyone these days. It’s sad, but there it is.’
I swallowed. ‘So anyway, I need to phone Lyndsay. But also... I’m really quite tired. I think I need an early night.’
Xander nodded and pulled me into a hug. ‘Get a good night’s sleep. And maybe we could meet tomorrow? To talk some more?’
I nodded, breaking away from him gently and smiling up at him.
When I waved him off a moment later, Xander seemed to be in good spirits. I could tell a weight of guilt had rolled off his shoulders because I’d forgiven him.
Not that I thought he needed forgiveness. He’d acted perfectly logically and honourably. Xander truly was a good man.
But... that, in a way, was the problem I was facing just now.
Retreating inside, I shut the door and leaned back against it, a feeling of hopelessness weighing me down.
Xander’s story about his twin brother should have lifted me up, out of the panicky confusion I’d felt when I’d thought Xander himself was a criminal. I should have felt full of joy, knowing Xander was the kind, caring, funny man I’d always thought he was.
But instead, all I felt was this horrible queasy uncertainty.
Xander had said one thing in particular that had made me stop short and think maybe I’d got everything wrong about our relationship.
Ever since I found out that was actually your dad in that hospital bed, I’ve been trying so hard to make it up to you.
Those words kept echoing around inside my head, even as I was still talking to him – and especially now that he’d gone and I was alone and had time to think about what he’d said.
He’d been trying so hard to make it up to me .
I knew Xander liked me, but my own feelings for him ran far deeper than ‘like’ and I’d been hoping so hard that he felt the same.
I’d assumed that all his little kindnesses – treating me to an expensive night at the ballet, driving me everywhere to save me petrol, buying me coffees and cakes – were because he liked me.
Really liked me. It had made sense to me at the time, his overwhelming generosity.
But now I wasn’t so sure.
Because what if they were purely the actions of a man consumed with guilt? Because his brother was the reason my dad ended up in a coma?