Chapter 14
Elira
It had been days. Days. And I had hardly seen them.
I hadn’t seen my Shades at all, save for the few moments we ate together at night.
They hadn’t slept in my room. Not once. Not since…
I was trying not to be hurt. But I didn’t understand. Before, they had been everywhere… but now?
I guessed they were busy. Things were certainly more focused as of late.
But still.
Why didn’t they come?
I was staring at my face in the mirror. Pale skin. My wildly messy black curls.
My eyes were too bright—blue like gas flames. Too bright for my face.
Behind me, Maddie lounged across my bed with the easy grace of someone who belonged in dresses like the one she wore.
“Come on,” she whined. “I’m hungry.”
She appeared in the mirror’s reflection, stretching like a cat. Even with the scar on her cheek, she looked beautiful—glowing in soft green, her violet eyes matching the sweep of her braided hair.
I glanced down at my own outfit—new, clean, tailored to fit. It still felt like someone else’s skin.
I tugged at the hem, uncomfortable. Wrong. And next to Maddie… I didn’t look right.
“What are you doing?” Maddie asked me.
I flushed and stepped back from the mirror. “Nothing,” I muttered.
“Elle,” she warned.
“I feel stupid,” I grumbled.
“Why?”
“I was just looking and trying to see if I…” I hesitated.
“If you what?”
“If I was… pretty,” I finished, the word barely audible.
Maddie’s mouth dropped open. “Wait. What?”
I shook my head and turned away. “Forget it.” I turned, heading for the door. Maddie was on my heels. She caught my arm.
“Elle, stop,” she said, pulling me to a halt. “What’s going on? Why would you even say something like that?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters if it’s making you feel like crap.”
I tugged at the collar of my shirt. “I know it’s dumb. I know. But I was just wondering… why—”
She waited.
“Why none of the guys have been around,” I said finally. “Not really. Not for almost a week.”
Maddie blinked. “Wait—that’s what this is about?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Forget it.”
“Oh no, absolutely not,” she said, stepping in front of me. “You’re not getting to drop that bomb and walk away like it’s nothing.”
I folded my arms. “It’s not a bomb. It’s just a dumb thought I had.”
“No, Elle. It’s not dumb. It’s human. But I am going to need you to explain how the girl who literally walks around with shadows at her fingertips and the hottest men in the kingdom orbiting her like moons somehow convinced herself she’s not pretty.”
I looked away. “They’re not orbiting.”
“They are absolutely orbiting,” Maddie said, dead serious.
“Slade watches you like you’re a sword he’s sworn to protect.
Leo can’t go ten minutes without saying your name.
Phoenix sits in your room like a ghost waiting to be let in.
And Thorne—well, okay, he’s currently MIA, but that man would’ve burned a kingdom for you and we both know it. ”
I flushed, but didn’t reply.
Maddie softened. She stepped closer and took my hand.
“Elira,” she said, voice gentler now. “They’re giving you space. Because you’ve been hurting. Because they didn’t want to push you.”
My throat tightened.
“But not because you’re not beautiful,” she added firmly. “You are. You’re stunning. Even when you’re glaring. Even when you’re bleeding. Especially when you’re being your impossible, stubborn, shadow-wielding self.”
I blinked hard. “You’re very dramatic.”
She grinned. “Comes with the scar.”
A pause. Then: “Do you feel better?”
“Not really,” I admitted.
“Want me to go punch one of them?”
I laughed—just a little. “Maybe later.”
Maddie squeezed my hand. “Come on. Let’s go eat. You need food. And possibly cake.”
“And if they’re there?”
“Then you’ll look them in the eye, like the terrifying queen you are, and let them see you. All of you. The messy parts too. Because you’re allowed to want to be loved and looked at, Elle. You’re not a monster for wanting that.”
I didn’t speak, but I nodded.
Maddie slipped her arm through mine. “And if you start spiralling again, I’ll remind you how stupid hot you are.”
I snorted. “God’s help me.”
“Too late. You picked me.”
We headed out to the gardens, where the servants had set up food beneath a wide pergola draped in wisteria. The flower beds were wild with late bloom—soft purples and deep reds curling underfoot, humming with bees and distant birdsong.
The garden had become my favourite place in Shadowmere.
It wasn’t grand like the ballroom or sacred like the cliffs.
It was something else—alive. Chaotic, fragrant, sun-dappled and untamed.
The wind carried the scent of lavender and honeysuckle, warm and sweet.
The light filtered through the canopy in golden patches, like the world was trying to paint me in something softer.
I liked it here. Maybe because nothing asked anything of me.
I stepped off the path and sank into the grass, still dewy in places, and let the peace settle. Maddie flopped down beside me without grace, her dress tangling around her knees. She didn’t care. That was the best thing about her.
“See?” she said, stretching out with a pleased sigh. “Food and flowers. What more do you need?”
“I don’t know,” I murmured. “Maybe nothing.”
Not for the first time, I let myself breathe in the stillness. No guards. No weapons. No war. Just… this.
And then—I heard footsteps.
“Speaking of orbits,” Maddie muttered under her breath, “asteroid incoming, ten o’clock.”
I glanced up.
Caelen was making his way down the garden path—steady, composed, and very much out of place among the wisteria and roses. His shirt was rolled to the elbows, a navy sash tucked into his belt, like even now, he couldn’t quite turn the prince off.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he said, pausing a few feet away. “But… could I have a word, Elira?”
I blinked, lowering my fork. The sun was warm on my shoulders, the food half-forgotten in my lap. Maddie lay beside me, picking at a daisy chain she’d been threading together.
She tensed beside me, her fingers stilling.
I exchanged a glance with her, then slowly stood, brushing crumbs from the soft purple tunic I wore. The fabric clung to the breeze but not my skin. I didn’t hate it. A small win.
“Uh, sure,” I said, not quite hiding the caution in my voice.
Maddie jumped up quickly, touching my arm like she needed the contact. “I’m going to go check in with Lacey,” she said, too casually—but the smile she gave me was real.
A warning and encouragement, wrapped in one.
I watched her disappear through the hedgerow, then turned back to Caelen. The garden felt quieter without her.
He gestured toward the far path. “Would you walk with me?”
I hesitated—then nodded.
“No Shades today?” Caelen asked, looking around.
I forced a smile and shook my head. “No Shades today. Slade’s with the army, Leo’s training the recruits, and Phoenix is off charming the council. Or trying to.”
Caelen glanced around. “Not like them to leave you unaccompanied.”
I felt a pang in my chest at his words. “It’s fine, I mean…I had Maddie. Besides, I’m feeling … better, as of late.” I said, feeling a little awkward.
For a moment we didn’t talk and the silence seemed loaded. I breathed in the scent of the flowers around me and waited for Caelen to get up the courage to say whatever it was he wanted to say.
“I’m really sorry,” he blurted out.
I stopped and turned to him. “For what?”
“For the other day. Breaking your necklace. I didn’t realise it meant that much to you – I’m just sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. It was my fault.” I sighed.
“Ellie?”
I tensed. “You’ve called me that before.”
He flushed. “It’s a habit. It’s how I always knew you, before. I’ll try to stop—if you’d like.”
“It’s okay,” I said after a pause. “It’s not the worst thing you could call me.”
The tension between us settled heavy in the silence that followed.
We walked along the path for a while without speaking.
I was the one who broke it.
“I feel like I should explain my reaction. That necklace… it was given to me by a friend. He died.”
Caelen exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry, Ellie.”
I offered a half-smile. “Like I said, it’s okay. It just—it threw me. Coming here has been... a lot.”
He nodded, glancing sideways at me. “Have you had any more memories? About this place?”
“Some. They flicker in and out.” I tugged on the hem of my tunic, fidgeting.
“Do you remember…” he hesitated, then grimaced. “Me?”
“Bits and pieces,” I admitted. “There was a game… I think. I used to hide in the castle and you’d come find me.”
Caelen lit up. “Hide and Seek. We played that all the time.”
“I think I liked one particular wing, but I can’t remember it now…”
“Your dad’s office was in the west wing,” Caelen said softly. “It burned down in the fire.” He gestured toward the boarded-up stretch of ruined stone at the far end of the gardens.
“Oh.” I stared at it. “His office was there?”
“That, and the private quarters of the royal family.”
“It never got rebuilt?”
“There wasn’t much point. Queen Syrena moved to the other side of the castle, and… no one else was really here. For years.”
I thought back to the dream. The little mouse. The shadows. The cat.
“Did nothing survive?” I asked.
“Not that I know of. But I never really checked,” he admitted. “I haven’t been back there in a long time.”
I gave a short laugh. “Can’t imagine why.” My eyes drifted back to the ruined wing. “Do you feel like exploring it?”
He looked over at me, something wary and fond in his expression. “You want to go into the ruins?”
“Do you think we could?”
I didn’t know why I wanted to see it. Maybe part of me thought I’d find something. Maybe I just didn’t want to feel like a ghost here anymore.
He hesitated. “Maybe. Though I wouldn’t let Queen Syrena find out. She gets a little... strange about that wing.”
I arched a brow. “That sounds promising.”