Chapter Four #2
The only time I’ve ever witnessed my dad cry is when I woke up in the hospital after the crash.
He was sitting by my bed looking rough with his hair sticking up like he stuck his finger in an outlet as he held my hand in his much larger, rough ones.
The second he saw my eyes open, my dad sobbed even worse and told me he was sorry a million times.
Even when I told him he wasn’t at fault and had nothing to do with the choices that woman made, he still carries the guilt on his shoulders and lets it weigh him down instead of just letting it roll off his back and forgetting about the situation.
“Dad, we’ve been over this. You’re not responsible for the choices she made in life.
It’s over and I’ve healed from all the injuries she caused.
My back will always be a source of pain moving forward and we knew this when I was still in the hospital.
No matter how many surgeries I have on my back, that won’t change.
We can’t continue to dwell on something we can’t change and have no control over,” I tell him as the waiter brings us drinks my dad ordered when he waited for me to get here.
I’m a creature of habit and drink the same thing every time we come here for a meal.
“I know, Sheridan. It doesn’t mean I still don’t carry what happened to you with me on a daily basis. Now, are things any different between Axel and you?” he asks me, his voice laced with a hint of anger that’s been there since the day I told him I was pregnant.
My dad and I don’t have secrets between the two of us. I’m definitely a daddy’s girl and idolized him growing up. It’s one of the many reasons I spent all of my time in the garage with him when he was working instead of hanging out at the house with the incubator.
“Things are the same between us. He’s not ready to listen to what I have to say and that’s okay.
We’ll either get through this together or we’ll co-parent our son while living our lives separately as we have for all these years.
He’s angry and hurt right now and nothing I say will change that.
Axel is extremely stubborn and won’t budge until he’s thought things through and replayed our conversation over in his mind a million times.
That’s about the only thing I’m certain of when it comes to our situation.
He’ll be at the appointment as far as I know,” I answer my dad who growls in response before taking a sip of his coffee.
“That’s not good enough, Sweetheart. Axel should be there with you around the clock.
Not just going to appointments with you before he disappears once again to live his life.
I don’t think his parents even know about the baby yet.
I saw Jolene at the grocery store yesterday and she didn’t say anything to me.
Though, I’m also not sure she saw me. She was on the phone with someone as she shopped.
Looked very distracted to me,” he says and I can’t help but laugh a little at that because I would expect no less when it comes to Jolene.
Axel’s mom is always multitasking and doing as much as she possibly can.
The only time something has her full attention is if it involves Axel, Marcus when he was alive, and anyone else she cares about and considers family.
I remember Hammer, Axel’s dad, rushing into the school one day during an award presentation because Jolene shut her phone off.
Axel was due to get an award for the sports he played and Hammer had been out of town for work.
The second he saw Jolene, Hammer’s entire body relaxed and his eyes softened as he gazed at his wife.
That was the second I knew what I wanted when I found a guy of my own.
Someone who would race to his wife’s last known location, ready to burn the world to the ground if she was hurt.
A man who only softens himself for me and our children like Hammer does with his family.
Jolene and Hammer never shy away from showing affection no matter who’s around.
“I’m sure Axel and I will have a conversation soon about everything. When he’s ready to listen to me, I’ll explain everything the best I can. Until then, I’ll take what he gives me because that’s all he can offer me right now,” I tell my dad as our waitress comes over to take our orders.
The rest of lunch, Dad and I don’t speak about the Axel situation.
He asks about my shopping trip with Shelly and offers to help me build the furniture I bought today.
We talk about the next semester since it’s my last one before graduation and what my plans are moving forward since I’ve had to change everything since learning I was pregnant.
During lunch, I get dizzy and my dad almost rushes me to the hospital to get checked out, but I refuse to go.
I’m so used to this happening that I know when I need to worry and when it will pass quickly.
Dr. Matthews isn’t happy that’s how I treat it happening, but she’s quickly learned I can be stubborn and hate going to the hospital for any reason.
When he takes me home after eating, my dad doesn’t leave for a while.
He stays until the furniture is delivered and directs the men to the nursery where I want everything put until I can get up and put it where I want in the room that will be my son’s.
After the deliverymen leave and he’s gotten me dinner from a different diner, my dad finally heads home for the night.
I’m left to myself on the couch as I let myself feel every ounce of hurt over this situation.
One of the reasons I hate living alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to or help me with things when I’m too exhausted to get out of bed or off the couch.
Unfortunately, I don’t see my circumstances changing any time soon.