Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
TECH
My life had spiraled out of control. Each day that passed, I became someone I didn’t know.
It had been five months since Will completely shut me out.
The way he looked at me when he saw Jenny leaving my room would haunt me forever.
I wanted to kick my own ass. Instead of going after him, I texted him like a coward, too afraid of someone catching us.
Sleeping with Jenny was another cowardly move.
We were throwing a party at the clubhouse, and I had been hammered.
I could barely see straight. When Jenny approached me, I shut her down like I’d been doing since I got with Will.
Then Dice and Gunner started cracking jokes about how I never got with any of the women at the parties anymore, and they were starting to wonder.
Even though they were joking around, fear filled my heart.
Foolishly, I took Jenny to my room. I didn’t plan on sleeping with her.
I just wanted the guys to think so. Once I got her to my room, I gave her a bullshit excuse about needing to rest my eyes for a little bit.
We lay down, and I was out like a light.
I ended up having a dream about Will and one of our many nights together. Imagine my surprise when I woke up without a stitch of clothing. Jenny was equally naked. I felt sick to my stomach.
I couldn’t believe I allowed that to happen.
To add insult to injury, she told me I called her Dimples. After she told me that, I could barely look at her. I told her I had shit to do and she needed to leave. She was thrown off by my harsh tone, but quickly got dressed.
I didn’t know how to describe it, but I could feel Will while I was standing in the doorway. I wanted to die when I looked over and saw him standing a few feet away on the verge of crying.
He was already giving me the cold shoulder.
I knew this would be the thing to push him away for good.
But, still, I had to try. He blocked me as soon as I texted him, but that didn’t deter me.
I changed my number, but he blocked that one too.
We played that back-and-forth game until eventually he stopped blocking me and just settled for ignoring me.
That drove me even crazier. I couldn’t understand how he was probably reading everything I had to say and didn’t respond. I knew I fucked up, but love didn’t just turn off. If it did, it was never real.
And we were real.
Everything about us. I didn’t realize how dependent I was on having him in my life until he walked away from me.
All the encouraging text messages throughout the day were gone.
His bubbly personality and humor were gone.
His sweet kisses and random moments of professing his love were gone.
Holding him in my arms every night after making love to him was gone.
Will had shown me a new way of living, and I didn’t want to be without it.
Being around the guys made it harder. They were claiming their women left and right and making babies.
Living out the life I wanted with Will. I tried not to let jealousy kick in, but I couldn’t help it.
In no way was I angry with the guys, though.
They deserved all the happiness they were receiving.
I questioned myself so many times. Thor and Big Red claiming their women was an eye opener for me. Although we didn’t share the same trauma, they were much like me—haunted by their past and not willing to settle down. But that all changed when their Ol’ Ladies entered the picture.
Both of them are married now. Thor’s Ol’ Lady, Madison, just gave birth to their daughter, Macey. Alice was also seven months pregnant with a little boy they were naming Caleb. Big Red didn’t want to wait for her to give birth to marry her, so they recently tied the knot.
Speaking of their wedding, it was what started this downward spiral I was going through.
It had nothing to do with them. It was Will.
Paul had graciously offered his hotel to Big Red and Alice to have their wedding.
He even reserved two floors and gave everyone a room.
I went to that wedding, excited that I would finally be in the same space as Will again.
All that excitement was killed when he showed up with a fuckin’ date.
I could barely keep my eyes off them during the ceremony. By the time we got to the reception in the ballroom, I had to get a drink. The thoughts running through my mind were so unlike me. If I hadn’t had something to relax me, Will’s date would have ended up lying in a pool of his own blood.
I’ll never forget that night.
“Tech, are you alright?” Gunner asked me as he sat in the stool next to me at the bar.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, taking a heavy swig.
“You sure? You’ve been drinking a lot lately.”
I turned to him and saw the concern in his eyes, but I didn’t care. I was far too gone. “What are you? My mother? I said I’m fine,” I snapped.
Gunner opened and closed his mouth before walking off, shaking his head. I turned to the bartender, lifting my glass for another. She stared at me with a worried expression before filling it.
I shifted my gaze to the dance floor, and I swear, my soul was leaving my body.
Will and his date were grinding and holding on to each other.
He was giving that fucker that perfect dimpled smile that was supposed to be just for me.
I knew I fucked up and was probably coming off as unreasonable, but Will was mine.
The evil thoughts were back. I had to get this guy away from Will before I committed a homicide.
I started making my way over to the happy couple.
I was drunk, but not as much as I was pretending to be when I stumbled and spilled my drink on his date.
That expensive white button-down shirt was now brown.
“Shit, man! This is Versace!” he shouted.
I stared at him, thinking about all the things I wanted to do to him. “My bad.”
“Your bad?! You’re going to pay for this.”
That sounded like a threat. It looked like Will’s date was going to give me exactly what I wanted.
“Are you asking me or telling me?” I stepped forward, ready to let out all this pent-up aggression.
“Not here, Tech. This is Red and Alice’s wedding. Walk away,” Viper ordered.
I knew I couldn’t ignore a direct order from him without facing consequences, so I nodded my head and walked away. I made my way out of the ballroom and to my suite. I knew if I stayed any longer, I was going to lose it.
As soon as I was in my room, I fell on the bed and let sleep take me.
After that night, I had been getting completely sloshed every night.
The guys were afraid to talk to me at this point.
I had snapped at everyone, which really threw them off.
It was like I was outside my body. Like, I didn’t have any control over what I was doing.
I was drowning, and I didn’t know how to get out of this pool of lies.
Like any other day, I was in the cave with a bottle of Jack, chugging it while surfing through the pictures I had of Will and me. For the first time in thirteen years, I was about to shed tears. I was that broken little boy all over again.
The sound of the cave door opening prompted me to hit the power button of my phone before burying it in my pocket. I knew it had to be either Cara or Sara. No one else could get in unless we buzzed them in.
I turned my chair around and watched Cara waddle to her desk.
I almost laughed. She was currently five months pregnant with another little boy.
I swear, at this point, I didn’t think Viper could pull out of a parking spot, let alone her.
He kept Cara pregnant. This was baby number five, and he was still talking about how he couldn’t wait to have another.
Cara took her seat, placed her hands on her belly, and watched me intensely. She didn’t say a word. I was starting to get uncomfortable. I’d seen her do this one too many times. She was analyzing me. She might have been a retired government agent, but she still carried those skills to this day.
“Can you stop looking at me like that? It feels like you’re looking into my soul.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “My nana always did say a person's eyes were a window to their soul. They will tell you everything you need to know about someone.”
Chills ran down my body. Against my better judgment, I asked, “And what does mine say?”
“Someone hurt you in the past. You experienced more heartache and pain than one person should. Then Will comes along and offers you some sunshine, and now that he’s gone, you’re back in the rain.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. She knew.
My chest rose and fell erratically. I was panicking on the inside. If she knew then who else did? Were the guys aware, too?
My hands shook and my palms were sweaty. I needed to get away.
“If you’re thinking of trying to bolt, don’t. The safety lock is in place.”
I clenched my jaw, knowing I wasn’t getting out of here. Cara and Sara had a lock installed in the system that made the door impossible to open from either the inside or the outside. The only way you could open the door was if they entered their code.
“Cara…” I choked out.
“Talk to me, Tech. This is what I do.”
“Huh?”
“Come on. You know. At some point, I have to come talk some sense into you all when you’d rather self-destruct than face your problems head-on. First it was Bear, then Thor, Big Red, and now you.”
Now I saw where she was going with this. Cara had given all three of them a wake-up call when they were ruining their relationships or wallowing in self-pity. But my story was different from theirs.
“First, I need you to tell me how you know?”
Despite how I hurt him, I didn’t suspect Will at all. He had a heart of gold and would never do something like that to me. He was always protecting me, even when I failed him.