Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
TECH
My mind was all over the place. I couldn’t believe someone had done this to Will.
The timing couldn’t have been worse. Last night, I finally felt I was ready to come for him.
I spent the entire night calling and texting his phone.
I knew he wouldn’t respond easily to me, though.
I was fully prepared to work for his love again.
A part of me wanted to go out and find him, but I was too afraid of what I might have discovered.
I wasn’t an idiot. I knew Will had been entertaining other men.
I didn’t know how far things had gone, and I didn’t want to know.
As much as therapy had made me a better man, I would still kill any man Will thought could have him.
Yes, that was irrational, but it was how I felt.
I also knew I couldn't blame Will for trying to move on. It was his right after everything I put him through. Still, I held on to hope that I could win him back. I just needed him to give me a chance to prove that I could be the man he deserved.
When Red called me this morning, informing me about Will’s attack, my soul left my body. My feet moved before I could fully comprehend what he was telling me. I flew like a bat out of hell to get to the hospital.
Once I finally laid my eyes on Will, I wanted to set this world ablaze.
Somebody had violated him, which meant they had violated me.
Will’s soft, beautiful face was covered with bruises and cuts.
His lip was split. I could tell he was in a lot of pain.
Any time he breathed too hard or moved too much, he would wince.
But the worst was that fuckin’ cast on his arm.
Somebody was going to pay.
I couldn’t even begin questioning Will about who had done this because of his family. Over the years, Will told me how they always mistreated him, but seeing it up close made me want to strangle Elliot. There was no way his mother was blind to the disdain her husband had for Will.
I was glad Will’s face was buried in my chest when they walked out.
To see his mother grab Elliott's hand and let him lead her away without a backward glance broke my heart for Will. He loved his mother despite her flaws. I knew a lot of that was him holding on to the past. I couldn’t force Will to fully walk away, but I wasn’t allowing disrespect from his family anymore.
As Will’s sobs turned into whimpers, he pulled away from my chest. He stared at me in confusion, his head whipping between me and the guys.
“What’s going on? Why are you here?” he questioned.
“Someone attacked you. Why wouldn’t I be here?” I palmed his cheek, and he gasped.
His brows dipped, and he scoffed, removing my hand from his face. “Ohhhhh, I get it. It took someone trying to kill me for you to finally tell them?”
His words stung, but I couldn’t blame him. I hid him for a long time. I was sure there was a part of him that resented me. I was fully prepared for him to lash out at me. My therapist had already warned me that this might happen.
“Will,” Alice groaned in an admonishing tone.
I turned to her, shaking my head. “No, Alice. He has every right to say what he feels. I did this.” I turned back to Will as he looked at me with uncertainty. “But to answer your question, no, I didn’t tell the guys because you got attacked. They’ve known about us for the past couple of months.”
His mouth opened, and then he closed it. He glanced around. Viper, Bear, and Red nodded their heads, confirming what I just said. Will whipped his head back in my direction, searching my eyes.
“W-why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I wasn’t ready.” I grabbed his hand, but he pursed his lips and snatched it away. I took hold of his chin again, forcing him to look up at me. “Not like that, Dimples. This wasn’t me trying to be secretive again.”
“Let's give them the room so they can talk,” Viper suggested.
Will opened his mouth to say something, and I knew he was going to protest. “Please just give me five minutes. If you still want me to leave after I explain everything, I will.”
That was a lie. I would leave his room, but I wouldn’t be leaving this hospital.
After a few moments of silence, Will nodded. As everyone made their way out of the room, I took a deep breath. The time to finally tell him my truth was here. I was ready to get this off my chest, but it wasn’t going to be easy.
As soon as the door shut, Will adjusted himself in the bed. “Talk.” His voice was stern and cold.
“So, about four months ago, Cara came to me. She told me she knew about us. I was out of it, Will. I was literally drinking from sunup to sundown. During the conversation, she suggested that I get therapy. My past had been weighing me down for a long time.”
“Your past that I still know nothing about. Tech—” Will started, but I cut him off.
“Dimples, I’m trying to get to that, if you just let me get it out.” Will pressed his lips together and nodded. “Okay, so you know how I told you that my father was controlling and homophobic?”
“Yes.”
“What I didn’t tell you is that I grew up in a cult.”
“What?!” he shouted. His face balled up in pain immediately. He clutched his head, taking slow, short breaths.
“Will, calm down. You can't overexert yourself.”
“I didn’t mean to. You just shocked me with that confession.”
After taking a moment to calm down, he refocused his attention on me. I asked him if he was ready for me to continue, and he said yes.
“My entire childhood, I could never connect with my father's teachings. Nothing about that place felt right. I was never allowed to call my father ‘Dad’ or anything. I had to address him as Sire, like everyone else. When I was thirteen, I couldn’t shake this gut feeling I was having. So, I started hacking into Sire’s computer.
Technology was forbidden on the compound.
Sire was the only one with a computer and a TV in his office.
Once I started my research, I learned what we really were.
“I also started looking into what it meant to like someone of the same sex. For as long as I could remember, Sire always taught us that being with the same sex was an abomination. That we would rot in hell after suffering whatever punishment he felt we deserved. I started to have feelings for my best friend, Cody. I tried fighting them off for as long as I could, but then Cody started doing things that made me think he felt the same way.”
I closed my eyes as they filled with tears. Will grabbed my hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb. When I opened my eyes, I saw his were brimming with tears as he watched me.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.
“One night, I decided to take Cody to this lake and tell him how I felt. He ended up telling me he felt the same way, and he didn’t want to fight it anymore.
We ended up sharing our first kiss. I was so happy.
It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Cody, feeling the same way, made it much better.
But my happiness was short-lived when we heard Sire’s raised voice. ”
I looked away right as the tears trailed down my cheek. I wiped them away, but more soon followed. Will reached up and palmed my cheek as we silently cried together.
“What happened, Jacob?”
I shook my head and wiped my face again. “Sire ordered his disciples to attack Cody.”
Will sucked in a breath and frowned. “Disciples? What do you mean by attack Cody?”
“The disciples were a group of men who had followed Sire for a long time. They were his most trusted members in the cult, and they did whatever Sire told them without question. Cody’s father was a part of the group.”
Will covered his mouth as he wept for a boy he didn’t know.
My past was fucked up. Cody didn’t deserve what happened to him, and neither did I.
That night haunted me for a long time. It didn’t matter if I was asleep or awake.
I would never be able to get the visuals of the last time I laid eyes on Cody.
I thumbed away Will’s tears, ignoring my own.
“As they beat him, I tried getting to him. I tried so hard to...... save him.” My voice cracked.
“I fought against Sire, begging and pleading for Cody’s life.
That only enraged Sire. He punched me so hard I nearly blacked out.
The last thing I remember before I went unconscious was hearing Sire tell the disciples to get rid of Cody. ”
Will’s eyes widened. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head slightly.
“When I woke up, I was strapped to the wall in a basement I was too familiar with. Sire only brought people down there when he felt they deserved a lashing.”
“Lashing?!” Will hissed. He was still crying, but his face had morphed into an angry scowl.
“I got my first lashing at eight. After a while, I had become accustomed to them. But that night was by far the worst. Sire was relentless. I passed out twice, but he didn’t stop.
If it wasn’t for the doctor telling Sire he was about to kill me, he wouldn’t have stopped.
I spent two weeks in the infirmary. When I got out, Cody was nowhere to be found.
The disciples were tight-lipped about Cody’s whereabouts, but I overheard a few of the women whispering that Sire had ordered them to kill Cody.
“I don’t know why Sire didn’t kill me as well.
I was shunned among the cult, and I was often mistreated.
I took many beatings over the years. They used me as an example for all the other children so they could see their fate if they decided to follow in my footsteps.
Once I turned eighteen, I figured out how to get out of the gates and ran away. ”
I sat in the bed next to Will and took him into my arms. His shoulders shook from how hard he was sobbing. He wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me just as tight as I was holding him.
Will buried his face in my throat. “I’m so sorry you went through that, Jacob.” He pulled away to look into my eyes. “Can I ask you something?”
I bobbed my head vigorously. “Anything.”
“The lashings? Is that why you don’t allow me to touch your back?”
I was stunned silent. I didn’t know he had realized that. Will was always open and honest, so I didn’t understand why he didn’t say anything if he knew. “How… How did…”
“I noticed early on. Anytime I went near your back, you would grab my hands. Not in an aggressive way, but I could tell that touching you there was some kind of trigger. I figured it had something to do with your past, but I also knew you didn’t like talking about it.
I let it go until you were ready to tell me. ”
I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment. “I mean, I guess you can say it’s somewhat of a trigger, but the main reason I didn’t allow you to touch my back is because of the scars Sire left behind.”
I bit my lip before removing my cut and then my shirt. I grabbed Will’s good arm and maneuvered his hand around me. Once his hand was on my back, I dragged it down, allowing him to feel. Will gulped as tears flowed from his eyes like a river.
“I know I don’t deserve you, but, Will, I swear to you, if you give me another chance, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
After a few minutes of silence, Will soothingly rubbed my arm. “I’m not going to lie. You really hurt me after sleeping with that woman. I know we were broken up, but you swore you would never do anything like that.”
“I know, and I’m not making excuses, but I was trashed, Will.
I was still trying to hide who I was. The fear of the guys kicking me out was the only thing keeping our relationship a secret.
But, during therapy, I realized I don’t care if I had the brotherhood or not.
I can't live without you. Nothing else in my life matters if I don’t have you.
So, please tell me I can at least try to earn you back.
I love you, Will, and I am nothing without you. ”
Will swayed his head from side to side before a small smile tugged at his lips. “We can take it one day at a time. But, Jacob, if you hurt me again—”
“I swear on my patch, I will never hurt you again.”
Will leaned forward, and I met him halfway, lightly pecking his lips. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling like I could finally breathe again, now that he was in my arms. After nine long months, my life finally felt right again.
“Now, I need you to tell me who did this to you.”
Will broke our embrace to sit back against the bed.
“I really can't remember much. I was hit from behind, and I didn’t get a good look at their faces. The only thing I remember is the voice of one of the men. It was so cold and dark. He said something like, I would pay for my sins, and Jesus prevails. That’s all I can remember. Are you okay?”
Will stared at me with concern when I snatched my hand away. “Did he say, tonight, you will pay for your sins. Jesus always prevails.”
Will’s mouth dropped open. “H-how did you know that?”
I took a deep breath, willing myself to calm down. “Because… that’s the exact thing Sire used to say to me before he gave me a lashing.”