Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
I lay in the living room with only the light from the TV illuminating the space. Scrolling through my phone, trying to occupy my mind.
“Ugh.” I drop my phone to my stomach, throwing my hands over my eyes. “Just go to bed, August,” I tell myself, but I know that won’t happen.
Picking my phone back up, I check the time; it’s nine p.m. I sit there for a few moments contemplating my next move, and with no more thinking, I stand up and slip on my flip-flops, grabbing my tote and keys, and locking the door behind me.
“You’re stupid. So stupid,” I tell myself until I’m in my car and driving up the driveway, heading into town.
The two-lane main road has cars up and down it; it’s Friday and everyone is out. Even though we haven’t hit summer yet, people still come out on the weekends for a getaway.
I bite the inside of my mouth, my eyes bouncing all over the place, coming up to Crabby Dan’s, the lit-up crab on top of it a beacon… I keep driving. My anxiety spikes.
“What the hell are you doing, August?” Turning around, I head back the way I came, passing up Dan's. I stomp on my brakes. “Just go in for one drink,” I tell myself.
There isn’t parking for a few blocks, so I finally squeeze into a parallel spot, biting my lip the whole time, worried I’m going to hit the cars. Finally, fitting in. “Hell yeah!” I pump my fist. Proud of myself, but that was nerve-wracking; I hadn’t had to do that since I was twenty-two.
Walking to the sidewalk, my whole body is buzzing with nerves, my mind telling me to get back in my car and go back to the cottage, but my heart tells me to keep walking; this may be the last time you ever see her.
And I keep walking. Passing by little shops, glancing into the windows, trying to see what is new in town.
When I get next to Crabby Dan’s, I see a vacant shop with a for sale sign.
Stopping, I use my phone light to press against the window, but not able to see shit.
“Just keep going,” I chastise myself. Why are we even stopping to look?
I’m greeted by a smiling, braces-wearing hostess in a red shirt.
“Welcome to Crabby Dan’s, just one?” She looks behind me, waiting for someone else.
Panning around her body, I look into the restaurant, seeing if I can pinpoint Bay or Kai. “I’m actually looking for someone,” I tell her.
“Oh, who and I might know where they are.”
My eyes roam, and I still don’t see them. “Kai Westmore.”
She crinkles her face and looks behind her. “I don’t think they’re here.” She gives me a sad smile.
“Oh.” It comes out so quietly. “Okay, thank you.” I turn around and push the door open, running right into someone coming in. “Oof, sorry.”
“Look who’s here!” Kai screams in my ear, making me jump.
“Where are you going? Come inside with us.” He doesn’t give me a chance to say no and grabs my arm, pulling me in.
I look behind me at Baylee, who’s smiling.
Her eyes look like she’s been crying, and that makes me concerned.
No matter how long I’ve been away, that feeling is still there that I want her to be okay.
We pass the hostess, and I smile at her as Kai leads us to a booth in the back. “We come here every Friday night, so we don’t need Brandy to seat us; she knows,” Kai tells me while falling into the booth.
I stand at the table, waiting for Baylee.
“Sit.” She motions to me, and I do. I already feel so uncomfortable; why did I come? Baylee slides next to Kai, and they smile at one another. I divert my eyes, staring at the menu. Feeling so out of place. The last time we talked, it wasn’t that great.
“So,” Baylee leans on her elbows, looking at me, her blue eyes a little red, but she doesn’t look sad now, “when are you heading back to the city?”
Flipping the menu over, “Sunday. I think tomorrow I’m going to get someone to come and pick up all the donations. That way the house is ready once the bedroom is done.”
She just nods her head, and Kai waves down a server.
“Hey, what can I get for the table?” He speaks to Kai but smiles at all of us.
“Let’s do a pitcher of beer, two pounds of shrimp and a side of fries with malt vinegar and fry sauce.”
My mouth waters. “Also, can I get a cup of water, too?” I ask the server.
“I’ll be right back.”
We sit there in silence; it’s so damn loud… The silence, not the restaurant. It makes me uncomfortable. Breathing in deeply, I have to pull the Band-Aid off. “Thanks for inviting me, Kai. I almost turned around and went back home.” I can’t help laughing.
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t. And I know Bay is too.” He kisses her cheek.
I smile at both of them, seeing their rings. “Congratulations on your wedding.”
“Thanks.” Baylee messes with her ring and then uses her other hand to cover it.
I reach across the table, moving her hand. “Don’t. I love that you’re the one who gets to wear it,” I tell her honestly. It was always meant for the first son who got married, and that was Kai, fair and square.
Baylee smiles at me, and I can see a bit of worry evaporate. And I hate that she had to worry about how I felt; I gave it up. She didn’t take it. This is how it was supposed to be.
“Here’s your pitcher, glasses, and I brought a pitcher of water, too.” The server sets it down and leaves us again.
Kai pours three glasses of beer, scooting one to each of us. “A toast,” he raises his glass, “to unexpected house renovations.”
We clink glasses, and I laugh way too loudly. And it feels so good. I don’t know when the last time I laughed like that was, but I cut it short. “Cheers,” I mumble, taking a big gulp, setting the glass down a little too hard. I don’t want to feel anything while being here.
“So, August, where have you been?” Kai asks me, and immediately Baylee’s head snaps to him, her bob whipping around.
“Shut up.” She grunts at him.
Kai purses his lips, “What? That’s the damn elephant in the room, right?
So, let's talk about it and be done with it. Women like making things silently disappear; not talk about it, and it’ll go away.
Well, not me. I want to know.” He brings his glass to his lips, chugging the liquid down, before refilling his glass, not looking at me. “And I think we deserve something.”
My spit lodges in my throat, making me cough. Clearing it, I say, “No, that’s okay.” I force a smile. “And you both deserve a reason.” My finger runs down the glass, collecting the sweat beading on it, needing just a brief moment.
“I wasn’t in a good place after losing my mom.
We all know that.” I look at each of them, making eye contact.
“I was so deep in grief, I didn’t know which way was up or down.
Everything changed by one thing. I changed by one thing.
I tried, but I couldn’t force myself. Driftwood became a place that held a nightmare now. I was drifting away from Bohdi.”
Pausing, my hand slides across the table to Baylee’s, grabbing it.
“And you. Maybe I just really wanted to be seen and not rushed, and you all didn’t make me feel that way; that’s just what my brain was telling me.
Bohdi and I became distant. Because of me.
He tried, and I didn’t. I was drowning. That night was the culmination of the past year.
Maybe I wanted him to save me?” My eyebrows draw up because I don’t really know what I wanted then.
I still don’t. Baylee squeezes my hand tighter.
Telling them my truths feels weird, but they deserve to know, and soon, I’ll be gone anyway.
“I broke his heart on that beach, and I know that, but he did the same to mine when I went back to the bonfire and caught him making out with someone.” Kai’s face grimaces, but I keep going.
“Why did I go into the ocean? I don’t know?
” I shake my head. In this moment, it’s just us three in this restaurant.
“But coming back out of it, I was forever changed. I couldn’t stay here any longer.
And with Bohdi also came you two, and I couldn’t make anyone pick me, so leaving everything behind was the only option.
” I nod while trying to keep my tears at bay.
It all sounds so juvenile now. But then, it was the end of the world; the depression was so deep.
“I hate that I missed everything, Baylee. And I’m so sorry.
Me leaving you with Driftwood Bay wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry. ”
Baylee has tears streaming down her cheeks, which are now turning red under the dim light hanging above the table. She opens her mouth but shuts it. Kai takes her other hand, rubbing the wedding ring. “I missed you. I miss you. I’ve needed you, August.” Her shoulders rise while her head drops.
I look to Kai. “I’m sorry.”
Kai smiles at me, his eyes roaming my face. “You’re forgiven.”
Hearing his words does something to me. I didn’t come here to be forgiven, but hearing that, a little piece of me heals. Biting the inside of my cheek, I give him a tight smile.
“Here we go.” Our deep conversation is thankfully interrupted by the arrival of our food. “Enjoy.”
The smell of the malt vinegar fries reaches my nose, making my mouth water. Baylee and I go to take a fry at the same time, laughing because we know we could eat our weight in them.
We three sit and eat, while Kai and I grab another pitcher of beer. Conversation is happening so easily and effortlessly that it doesn’t feel like eight years have passed.
“What’s your plan once the house is done?” Baylee asks me as she sets her water down. Her eyes showed she was truly interested.
Breathing in heavily before wiping off my hands, I say, “Getting the cottage sold is my first priority. Then, I’m going to let go of my apartment and find a small house where I’m living, which is only forty minutes out of the city.
” I smile, but then let it drop, as well as the words I was fixing to say.
Bay’s blue eyes squint at me. “No, you don’t. Spill it.” Even after all these years, she still knows me.