Chapter 19 #2
As my eyes close, I let myself think about Bohdi. The last few encounters we’ve had, how being so close to him riles up emotions I thought were buried and gone. And God, is he handsome. Seeing him aged has done something to me; if I thought he was hot back then, he’s more so now.
My hands thread through my soap-riddled hair, massaging my scalp.
Once all the soap is out, it travels down my arms to my breasts, soaping them and leaving them slick.
My nipples bead with the attention of my hands.
My hands have memories of where Bohdi tattooed his lips on them.
As if the water turned cold on me, my eyes fly wide open.
“Get it together, August,” I reprimand myself.
Immediately, I finish cleaning my body and hop out of the shower.
Standing in the bathroom, drying myself off, I think about the saying, out of sight, out of mind, and how true it is.
Never really understood it until I came back to Driftwood Bay.
Now that Bohdi and I are in the same place, he’s slowly leaking into my mind, overtaking my thoughts, bringing the ghost of the past to the surface. And that scares me.
Saying goodbye to Bay and Kai, I take my time driving back to the cottage, lost in thought. I feel so off kilter, now. My thoughts give me whiplash.
Luna greets me when I open the door, slinking around my ankles. “Hi, baby.” I bend down and pick her up. Giving her little face kisses. She hates it, but I love it.
Exhaustion slowly ebbs in until I realize just how tired I am. With the construction happening, my mind fighting to stay awake, I haven’t gotten a full night's rest since I’ve been back here.
I stop in front of my parents’ bedroom, opening the door. They have already installed the huge sliding glass door, and I’m amazed at how much it has opened up the room. Kai said that in another week and they should be done. Fingers crossed.
I can’t wait to lie in my bathtub and soak, listening to the waves crashing onto the shore.
Kicking off my sandals, I collapse into my bed. I feel like I just drift off to sleep when I jump awake, confused.
My eyes scan the dark room, waiting to hear the noise again.
“What the hell?” I sit up straighter when I hear the knocking.
Padding out of the bedroom, stopping in the hallway, I see the shadow on the other side of the front door. I squint but can’t make out the figure standing outside. Their knock makes me jump.
“Who is it?” I call out, watching the figure hear my voice. They slowly back away from the door. Now, making me curious.
Either I’m stupid or have a death wish; I hurriedly close the gap between the door and myself, twisting the lock, pulling the door open. Their back is facing me, but I don’t need to see their face to know who it is.
“Bohdi?” My word comes out in a whisper.
I watch his head fall back before he turns around to face me. His face is marred with confusion and something else. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I came.”
I stand there, perplexed. “Are you okay?” It’s the only worry I have at the moment, nothing else but to make sure he’s okay.
His shoulders rise and fall as he lets out a huff. “I haven’t been okay in a long time, August.” And there is so much meaning behind those words, but I ignore them.
We both stand there looking at each other in the middle of the night.
Slowly, I open the door all the way. “Come in.” I don’t let myself think; I just say it.
Bohdi’s hand goes to the back of his neck, squeezing it, before he takes a step and stops. Hand dropping, he looks me in the eyes and takes the rest of the step into the house. Trepidation waving through him.
Pushing the door shut behind him, it creaks loudly closed, almost too loudly in the quiet of the cottage. The only sound in this moment. I can feel it. It’s a moment that could change everything. For good or bad. It makes the air heavy.
Walking behind the counter, needing space, “What’s going on, Bohdi?” My eyes scan him.
He stands behind my sofa, in blue jeans and a beige button-down shirt. His blue eyes full of uncertainty, but for what? Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I know he’s fixing to tell me he’s changed his mind about the store. My stomach sinks.
I give him a sad smile. “Just spit it out, don’t torture me.”
His eyebrows fuse together, his face unreadable.
Pushing off the counter, I make my way into the living room, not wanting to look at him.
“I have a two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-dollar cashier's check in my tote, Bohdi. You let me go all the way to the city, waste my time.” Anger lingers in the air. This is bullshit. When I turn to face him, he’s now facing me. His head is shaking.
“That’s not why I’m here, August.”
“Then why are you? It’s late, I’m tired and don’t have the patience for this.”
Bohdi stands up straighter, his face drawn. “There wasn’t anyone else I wanted to talk to.”
Those words are like a punch to the gut, my mind replaying his sentence.
“Bohdi, I’m not the woman you go to; that’s your fiancé.
That’s who you go to.” Turning around, I fumble with the door.
The room is stifling. I can’t breathe. Finally getting it to slide open, the night air invades the living room, letting me take a deep breath before I stand on the deck, leaving Bohdi in the living room.
Walking to the railing, I have to prop myself up against it, needing help to hold me upright. The dark night glittered with stars. The ocean makes her sounds as she dances in the distance.
I can feel him before I hear him. “When I needed someone to talk to, you’re the only person who came into mind. No one else, August.” His words travel on the breeze, kissing my ears, making me dizzy.
My eyes slowly close. “Bohdi, I’m not like you and Molly. I won’t hurt her like you both did me.”
“Molly and I are no more. I can’t keep living a secret. That’s why I left today.” His words are now closer, making me turn around, and Bohdi is right behind me. I inch back, my back hitting the wooden railing as my eyes scan his.
Like a snake striking, his hands cup my cheeks, pulling my face to him. I could fight, but I don’t. His breath teases my lips. We're so close and I feel like I’m spinning.
Our eyes are locked on the other, but mine automatically close when his lips graze mine. “You come back and undo everything,” he whispers to me.
My legs feel like they're made of liquid as he presses his lips to mine, a gentle peck. But I don’t want that.
I want more. I need more. And I don’t let myself think.
I slowly part my lips, letting him know he’s welcome in.
And he takes the lead. Tongue roams over my bottom lip, leaving a wet trail in his wake, gliding it to my parted mouth, inserting his tongue in.
Closing my lips around the tip of his tongue, I suck it.
Tasting Bohdi for the first time in eight years.
A taste that my body immediately recognizes.
“Mmm,” I moan around it. Letting my lips fall open, allowing him fully into my mouth. The slowness morphs into ferventness, as our mouths crush together, drinking the other one down. They mold perfectly.
Bohdi’s hands abandon my face, leaving searing marks as they travel down to my waist, before he pulls my body into his. Everything in me says to give in, to be able to feel him inside me again. God. My hands roam to his stomach before I break the kiss, pushing him a little back from me.
We’re both panting, lips swollen and hungry for each other.
My hand covers my mouth; I don’t know if I’m in disbelief or feeling like I made a huge mistake. “Please back up,” I mumble behind it.
Bohdi takes a few steps back and I get a full view of his strained blue jeans.
I let my mind say what it needs to say. “I can’t do the tit for tat that it seems like you keep doing to me, Bohdi. I messed up, I screwed up royally. I upended everything. I broke you and left you. I get that, believe me, I do, but I feel like you’re trying to break me. To get back at me.”
Bohdi just stands there staring at me. “Scream, yell, get angry at me, but fucking leave it here,” I yell at him, my eyes stinging with unshed tears as I squint through them.
I watch his mouth open and close. “Say it, Bohdi.”
He walks closer to me. “You ruined me. Broke me. Didn’t even give me a chance.” His words clipped, I stand listening. Giving him this moment.
“When you came back, I wanted to make you run again, but.” He pauses, his hands run through his hair, while looking me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t want you to. You’ve made me question everything, making me want to spill truths.
You make me fucking crazy, Goose, and I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
He breathes in deeply and I follow suit.
He tore my heart a little while using my nickname.
“I would implode everything around me, just to build it all around you.”
I stand there unable to move, not expecting any of that out of him. My heart pounds wildly as I watch him. Needing to change the subject, this is all too deep.
“You came here to say something. What was it?” I wipe the wetness from around my lips. Trying to regain my composure. But he looks at me, knowing what I’m doing.
He breathes deeply, turns around, and takes a seat in my patio chair. “Can you come sit?” Bohdi motions to the chair next to him.
Swallowing, I tentatively step across the deck, taking the seat next to him, looking at his profile. His strong nose, chiseled chin, and swollen lips grace my view. The light from my front porch inking around the house silhouettes him perfectly.
Placing his elbows on his knees, hunching over, staring out into the darkness. “I’ve been living a lie these last few years.”
My eyebrows shoot up at those words. “What does that even mean?” I question him.
“Fuck.” He stands, pacing. “Molly and I didn’t know each other before that night at the bonfire. I saw her and needed to hurt you anyway I could. Needed to give you what you gave me. A broken heart.”