33. Simone
Simone
These last couple of weeks have been awful. I’ve been a complete emotional wreck, and I didn’t even have my best friend to help me through it all.
I wanted to be mad at her; I really did, but I just couldn’t. I love her too much to stay angry, especially since I know the pure heart she has under the rough exterior she’s been showing lately.
Still, it would have been nice to have her shoulder to cry on when I found out everything about Tyler.
I’m just glad she’s back and safe. When she was gone, I worried constantly if she was okay or not.
Lani and I never stopped looking for her.
I even called nearby hospitals to see if she had been admitted.
I tried to find out when her classes were to wait for her, but she never showed up. I had no way to know if she was okay.
When she finally came back to the dorm that night, I was so relieved.
Even when I acted angry with her, I wasn’t.
It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders to have her back around.
I wanted to run to her and hug her, but I knew I couldn’t just ignore or brush off the things she said or did. I knew I had to stay strong.
She swears the drugs aren’t a problem, but I’m not sure what to believe. I want to trust her, but I’m scared. I don’t want to lose her the same way she’s lost so many people. I don’t want to see her go down that same path.
All I can do is trust her and be there for her. I can’t force her to talk to me or come to me if she’s in trouble, but I hope she knows I’m always here for her. She’s my family, and I’ll never turn my back on her.
At least I had Lani and Mason. They were exactly what I needed during this breakup. And now I pray this spring break trip will be what helps me get out of my own head.
I hate leaving Lydia behind when I just got her back, but I need this. I have to get away and try to forget all the shit that’s happened.
Ever since the breakup, Tyler hasn’t stopped calling and texting me, begging to get back together, apologizing, and swearing it was a mistake; that he’s such an idiot.
That last part is true at least.
But I’m done with him. I can’t let him draw me back in.
I will never be the girl who allows herself to be treated that way and stay.
Even if I still love him, even if it hurts so badly to walk away, even if I wish we could go back to the happy days we had, before the cheating, before college, before everything fell apart…
we just can’t. We could never go back. It would never be the same, and I refuse to be the girl who lets a boy make me feel that way.
I don’t deserve to be treated like a backup option while he plays the field, then comes crawling back to me because he got bored.
Just thinking about him being with someone else still makes me sick.
We lost our virginity together for fuck sakes.
He’s the only person I’ve ever been with, and I was his first, too.
To know I wasn’t enough for him and to think about him sharing that part of himself with someone else feels like a knife to my heart.
But Mason was right; I get to set my own standards for how others treat me, and I have to protect my heart now. I need to choose myself. I won’t let Tyler think he can wiggle his way back into my life or my heart.
I’m going to start choosing me right now…by getting on this private jet, going to Florida for a week, and having the time of my life as a newly single woman.
I stop for a moment when we reach the tarmac, stunned. “Mason, this is insane.” My jaw drops as I walk up to the plane with him and the other guys. I look at him. “Taking over whatever kind of business your dad owns—”
“Investment,” he replies flatly.
I raise my hands. “Investment, sorry. Going into that doesn’t sound too bad.”
He laughs. “Money can’t buy happiness, remember?”
I wave him off. “Yeah, yeah, I get that, but this is…nice.”
“This is a pawn, Simone. Everything is a pawn in his world.”
“A pretty nice pawn if you ask me.”
He shakes his head and laughs. “Get on the damn plane before I leave you here and make you fly commercial.”
I gasp. “I will never fly commercial so long as I’m best friends with Mason Sinclair.”
He gives me a look and smiles.
“Don’t tell Lydia I said that,” I warn, “I will deny it.”
* * *
The next morning, I wake up to the smell of coffee, sugary pastries…and of course, loud ass music.
I groan, rolling over and shoving a pillow over my head.
“No,” I mumble. “Hard no.”
The music gets louder.
I peel one eye open and see Mason standing at the foot of my bed, shirtless, wearing sunglasses inside, and dancing with two coffee cups and a brown bag in his hands.
I slowly sit up. “What the hell is wrong with you, Sinclair?”
“Morning, pretty girl,” he says way too cheerfully. “Rise and shine.”
I grab a pillow and throw it at him, but he dodges it easily.
“You’re evil.”
“I’m motivational,” he counters.
“You’re gonna motivate me to commit a felony at 6 AM.”
He turns the music down slightly. “You agreed for me to take you surfing this morning.”
“Nighttime Simone was excited by the idea…morning Simone is not too happy with that decision. It’s way too early.”
“It’s literally surf o’clock.”
I groan but swing my legs out of bed anyway.
Thirty minutes later, I’m riding shotgun in the truck he rented with my hoodie pulled tight around me, and the ocean stretching endlessly beside us as the sun creeps up over the horizon.
It’s beautiful, I have to admit.
We have to stop for gas on the way there, and I sink into the seat, imagining still being in bed right now under the covers.
“Don’t move,” he says, hopping out.
I scroll my phone, and when he comes back, he dumps an armful of snacks into my lap—Hot Cheetos, sour gummy worms, and peanut M I’m not looking.
I hesitate at the edge of the water, toes curling into the wet sand.
“You good?” he asks, glancing back at me.
“Yeah,” I lie, forcing myself to follow him in.
The water is colder than I expected, stealing my breath as it hits my calves.
Mason slows so I can catch up, and when a wave breaks harder than the rest, he reaches for me without thinking—hand gripping my wrist, steady and firm.
“You’ve got it,” he says, like he’s not even aware he’s touching me.
I nod, swallowing.
I don’t know if it’s me being newly single or that maybe I’m just paying more attention to the guys around me, or if Mason has just been…more lately, but I’m so aware of everything he does now, especially when it comes to me.
I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it. It’s like a switch flipped on in my brain that said it was okay to start noticing anyone else other than the only boy I’ve ever been with.
That kind of scares the shit out of me.
Out in the shallows, he positions the board and gestures for me to climb on. I hesitate again, suddenly hyper-aware of everything—my balance, my body, the way my heart is beating way too fast—scared I’m going to embarrass myself.
“Relax,” he says, softer now. “I’m right here.”
Mason stands behind me, hands on my waist, steadying the board. His thumbs rest against my bare skin where my rash guard rides up, and I can feel the heat of him even with the ocean between us. His chest is close enough that if I lean over even an inch, I’ll feel it.
“Bend your knees,” he says. “Looser.”
“I am loose,” I argue, then immediately wobble.
He laughs. “You’re stiff as hell.”
“I’m scared!”
Then his voice drops lower. “Hey. Look at me.”
I turn my head slightly, just enough to see the focus in his eyes, the way his smile softens when he realizes I’m actually nervous.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he says. “We can just float here.”
Something about that, about the lack of pressure, the patience he has, helps my nerves.
“No, I wanna try.”
His hands shift, anchoring me. “Okay. Then trust the board.” Then he leans in just a little, his mouth closer to my ear. “Trust me.”
I do.
He helps me stand, and for a perfect second, I’m up.
I feel like I’m flying.
I glance back instinctively, searching for him, and he’s watching me from the water, eyes locked on mine.
Then I fall.
The ocean is cold but forgiving when I hit it. When I resurface, coughing a little and laughing, Mason’s already there, hands on my arms, pulling me up.
“Holy shit,” he says, grinning. “You did it.”
“I did,” I breathe out, wet curls plastered to my face, adrenaline still coursing through me.
Neither of us moves at first, just smiling and enjoying the moment. His hands stay on my arms, and my fingers curl into his forearms without thinking.
The laughter fades, and we’re just left with the ocean rushing around us, completely indifferent to the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings running through my mind.
Mason clears his throat and steps back. “Again?”
I nod quickly. “Yeah. Again.”
* * *