59. Mason
Mason
I’m standing in…water?
It’s up to my knees.
I don’t know where I am or what’s happening.
I’m so confused right now.
The water is still. There’s no waves or movement at all. It’s just…quiet. The kind of quiet that makes you aware of your own breathing.
The water is starting to rise, hitting my waist now. When I look around again, I see my brothers are here. They aren’t struggling or scared; they’re…playing. Like this is just a pool. Like they know they’re safe because I’m around.
I’m glad they can’t see that I’m panicking as my footing keeps slipping.
For a moment, I’m actually scared.
What am I going to do if it keeps rising? I don’t want to leave them here alone without someone to protect them. I don’t want to drown here and them think I just left them behind.
I wade closer to them, close enough that I can reach them. They’re still playing, splashing, and laughing as if nothing bad can happen here.
The water has stopped rising for a moment, enough that I’m able to grab Asher and lift him up. Then I grab Easton and spin both of them around.
I smile because I don’t want them to be scared. No matter what’s happening here, I want them to know they’re safe. They can be kids. They don’t need to worry about the world around them. They don’t need to fear it.
The water rises some more. It’s at my chest now. It’s cold and heavier than it should be. My arms start to ache. But they’re still smiling at me. They trust me. So I tighten my grip.
The water reaches my shoulders now, and they don’t even notice. I tilt my chin higher, making me glance up. The sky is completely blank. There’s no sun out here, not even any clouds. It’s just white that stretches as far out as I can see.
My legs feel like they’re sinking into mud or something underneath me. I try to shift my feet and lift them up, but they don’t move.
“You’re so strong,” Easton shouts, laughing.
I keep smiling at him so that he won’t know anything’s wrong, but my arms are shaking now, and they’re starting to hurt. Everything is getting more intense from the panic.
The water reaches my mouth, and I have to hold my breath. My ears are covered by water, and it makes their laughter get quieter.
And then…I feel like I can sense something’s behind me. It doesn’t feel like a person. Just this feeling that I am not alone here.
The water finally stops rising, but the pressure doesn’t disappear; it just pauses and gets slightly lighter for a moment. My arms are still trembling so badly that I can’t lift them any higher. I don’t turn around. I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll lose my balance.
Then the water moves away from my face, and I can finally glance down around me. There are bottles floating everywhere around us—empty, opened liquor bottles.
Did they just appear? Or have they been here the whole time? They’re bumping against me, knocking against my elbows. It’s almost like I’m a magnet for them, the way they’re crowding me.
I feel a hand on my back, and my brain wants me to be scared…but I’m not. It feels steady in a way I’ve never felt before. The feeling completely washes away any fear I had.
I can’t explain it, but it feels like a father figure. Definitely not the one I was born with, but one I wish I had.
It’s a little overwhelming—the feeling, the emotion it’s pulling from me. I’ve never felt so at peace and safe in my entire life.
The ground beneath my feet hardens. Not completely, but enough to feel safe, and I adjust my grip on my brothers as the water lowers half an inch, or maybe it’s me who rises up half an inch. I can’t tell.
Finally, there’s a voice that comes from the presence behind me.
“I don’t want you to be afraid, Mason. I’m here with you. I will make you strong enough to handle this and help you through the water. I will lift you up, even when you’re not able to stand on your own.”
When I’m finally able to turn around, I can’t make sense of it because I don’t see anyone.
But I know they’re there.
I even feel their hand as they take mine and pull me away from where I’m stuck.
I wake up, disoriented, and sit up a little, breathing heavily from the overwhelming feeling that’s still washing over me.
I’ve never dreamed something like that before that made me feel such intense emotions, yet I still can’t make out what any of it means.
The dream was so bizarre that I feel around for my phone to text Bash and tell him about it.
It seems weird and stupid as soon as I send the text. I feel dumb for doing it. It was probably just the alcohol and sleep aid I took last night.
No more than ten minutes go by before he texts back. And I was not expecting or prepared for what his message said.
Bash: Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you…I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
My heart drops.
Not in a scared way. In a full-body relief kind of way.