Sneak Peek into Book Three
Lani—Freshman Year of College
The place I came here to run away from.
The person I came here to run away from the memories of.
I’m still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor as I walk arm in arm with Lydia and Simone—my college roommates and new best friends.
I’ve never really had friends before.
Not since…him.
All my “friends” back home were just a bunch of fake-ass people who I constantly craved attention from after he left me behind.
Every last person from that godawful city was out to get their hands on me and break me down in any and every way they possibly could back then.
I absolutely hate thinking about that place.
It feels like my stomach has physically dropped to the floor and stayed there as I stare back over my shoulder at him, and I can’t help but just watch as he stops too, looking back at me like he just saw a ghost.
Staring into those dark, piercing eyes, there’s no doubt—yup, that’s him, that’s the devil in human form, the nightmare that haunts my dreams, the sin I thought I washed my hands of, and the wreckage I’ve never recovered from.
What is he doing here?
I quickly whip my head back around and pretend to laugh at whatever Lydia just said, praying they don’t see how pale I must be right now.
It feels like all the blood in my body runs cold as I shiver at the image of him burned right back into my mind.
I haven’t seen Erik in…two years now. Not since I watched him put his bike into the back of a moving truck and leave, having no idea where he was going.
Does my brother know he’s here?
There’s no way? He would have told me…right?
I can’t believe this.
What the hell is going on—
“Lani?”
My attention snaps to Simone. “Huh? What did you say?”
She giggles a little. “Okay, airhead. Where did you just go?”
I try to shake off the way my brain is completely scrambled right now and give her a coherent response. “Um…no, I was just…thinking about something. Got a little distracted. What did you say before I spaced out?”
Lydia nudges my arm, smiling. “She asked when the last time all of us got any action was. I haven’t gotten laid since a very poor decision I made back in high school, and Simone over here is going through her longest dry spell being away from Tylerrrr.
So…that leaves you. We’re a very TMI friend group, so get used to it. Nothing is off limits.”
“I um—” I clear my throat. “No, yeah, I uh—I last got some with the guy I dated my senior year,” I lie. Then I try to fake laugh. “Definitely a dry spell over here, too.”
That’s actually the farthest thing from the truth. I haven’t been touched like that since…since a time I try desperately to scrape away from my memories.
If I could reach into my skull and carve out that feeling, that image, that person from my brain, I would in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even care about the damage I’d do. Just give me the knife. Please.
Simone groans playfully. “Ugh, I need someone else to be getting some around here so I can live vicariously. I miss dick.”
That makes me laugh, and thankfully pulls me back out of those thoughts I constantly try to avoid spiraling about.
These girls are so different than the ones I was used to being around growing up. I’ve never met anyone like them before, and I just pray they never hurt me the way everyone else I’ve ever gotten close to has.
I still can’t believe one of the worst culprits is here, back in my space, the space I thought I would finally have to spread my wings and become who I’m supposed to be.
Hell, become anyone else other than that girl I left behind in California.
* * *
Erik
I’d recognize that girl in every single lifetime. I don’t care if her hair was pink, blue, orange, or green. I don’t care if she had aged a year or sixty years. I don’t care if she became unrecognizable to everybody else around.
I would recognize her.
Not just by her looks, but by the way our souls have always been connected, by the way they’ve always known each other.
I used to pray that God would put her back into my life. To this day, I still pray that prayer. But what I never imagined was that day coming so soon, so soon after I lost her.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but the biggest mistake I ever made was letting Lelani Perez believe that she was replaceable to me. It’s something I’ll never allow myself to be forgiven for.
I’ve had to do a lot of things I’ve hated in my life, things I didn’t get a choice in, and those things are the exact reason I’m here now, halfway across the country from my hometown—exiled from the only family and life I once knew.
All because of that girl who just walked past me—one I never expected to see again, let alone end up at the same college with, when this was never in either of our plans.
I came here to leave her behind, to let go of her. It was the only way to get her out of my system when I knew I couldn’t have her.
But maybe…just maybe, that’s not true anymore. Maybe this is my second chance.