Chapter Three Drea
Whoever said that time heals all wounds could go fuck themselves. Regardless of the time that had passed since Marco’s murder, the gaping wound in my chest continued to fester. It took sustenance from the guilt that ate at me.
While I might not have pulled the trigger, I’d killed Marco.
My rebellion and my selfishness had caused his death.
I’d taken a son from a mother.
And caused Vittoria–the woman I loved more than anyone in the world–tremendous agony.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her for weeks. Every time I did, I expected hatred to be reflected back at me in her eyes or for her to lash out by calling me a murderer.
But finally one night when I couldn’t sleep, I crept into her bedroom. She wasn’t asleep either. Instead, she sat up in bed with her glassy eyes staring ahead.
When she’d caught my pleading gaze, a moment passed before she beckoned me with her hand. After climbing into bed, she wrapped her arms around me, and we cried ourselves to sleep.
I’d like to say it got easier after that, but it didn’t. Reconciling with Vittoria thawed some of the emotions that had frozen the day of Marco’s death.
Then came screaming nightmares that forced me to take nightly sleeping pills.
There were sobbing spells where nothing could calm me but the injection from our family’s doctor.
There were days when everything I ate came straight back up.
For four months, I’d lived in a hellish fog. A shell of the young woman I’d once been.
Then I started college. When I was forced to focus outside my trauma, tiny pinpricks of light began to burst through to my darkness.
For the first time in my life, I tasted true freedom, and it was fucking mind-altering.
Because of what had happened with Marco, Father didn’t bother sending a bodyguard with me to school.
The smug son of a bitch knew I was too grief-stricken to do anything wild.
Of course, he still kept a tracker on my phone and cameras in my dorm.
Although I hated to admit it, he was right. I didn’t need the hulking shadow of a bodyguard over me to make me toe the line. All I had to do was think of Marco. Occasionally, I allowed my new friends–ones who were outside the underworld–to talk me into a party or two.
Although I cut loose a little, I never lost control. I kissed a guy or two. Maybe a graze of my ass or a grope of my boob, but that was it.
Part of me wanted to go positively wild. To have my pictures end up in the newspapers. I gleefully imagined what Father’s face would look like as he read of my drunken exploits.
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
As the end of my freshman year drew to a close, dread began to seep in. I would be returning home. I hated the idea so much that I tried to register for a summer class, but Mother wouldn’t let me.
In the end, I said goodbye to my roommates and got into the blacked-out SUV waiting outside my dorm to take me back to hell.
The only thing good about coming back home was my brothers and my sister. The moment I entered the house, I was mobbed by them, which caused warmth to spread through me.
At twenty-three, my brother, Antonio, was Father’s heir and right-hand man. He was home for the summer from graduate school at Brown. Tall with blonde hair and blue eyes, he was constantly in and out of relationships despite the fact that his marriage had already been arranged.
Antonio’s twin in looks and personality, Aurelio, was eighteen. When we were younger, I’d pretended he was my baby even though there were only two years between us. Since he’d become too much like Father, I’d distanced myself from him in the last few years.
My true babies were the twins–thirteen-year-old Adamo and Audrianna. I loved spending time with them. We were all athletes at heart–hiking, swimming, tennis, and even a little tag football.
After hugging each of them, Vittoria stepped forward. Tears immediately pricked my eyes. “It’s so good to have you home, Drea,” she proclaimed with a loving smile.
Without a word, I dove into her arms. “I’ve missed you,” I whispered into her ear.
She chuckled. “Even though we texted and Face-timed all the time?”
“It’s not the same as feeling your arms around me.”
Vittoria squeezed me tight. “I know just how you feel.”
As soon as Vittoria released me, I turned around to find Mother staring disapprovingly at the two of us. Ignoring Vittoria, she narrowed her eyes at me. “Your father wants to speak to you.”
That simple phrase triggered emotions I’d managed to bury for several months. But just hearing the words on her lips caused me to feel raw and exposed. “I just got home. Can I at least freshen up and unpack?”
She shook her head. “Now.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Vittoria patted my back. “I’ll have your things taken upstairs and start unpacking for you.”
“Thanks.”
“When you're done talking to Father, come swim with us,” Audrianna suggested.
I forced a smile to my face. “I’ll try.”
As I started out of the kitchen and down the hall, I drew in a ragged breath.
Since Marco’s death, I’d avoided Father’s study like the plague.
Every time I swept through the door, phantom gun smoke mixed with blood assaulted my nose.
Not to mention the agonizing images of Marco’s lifeless form, or the warm, sticky rush of blood splattering across my face.
To my surprise, his door was open. “Father?”
Without raising his head from his iPad, he said, “Come in.”
Instead of taking a seat, I lingered in the doorway. When he noticed, Father hissed, “Sit.”
The chair Marco was slaughtered in hadn’t been replaced. Instead, one of the maids had been forced to clean the blood and brain matter off of it. A slight, dark stain peeked out from a new rug that had been placed in front of Father’s desk.
It felt both comforting and somewhat ghoulish that he’d been gone for almost a year, but a small part of him remained.
Steering clear of both the chair and the stain, I eased cautiously down into the other chair. Since I had been perfectly angelic, I knew he wasn’t about to yell at me for any bad behavior.
No, I knew exactly how the conversation was going to go–I was going to learn who my future husband was. And that thought caused my stomach to twist so tightly I feared I might vomit all over that stain.
“I have to say I’ve been very impressed by your repentant behavior this past year.”
Gritting my teeth, I muttered, “Yes, sir.”
“Thankfully, the details of your transgressions didn’t leak to any of the other families.”
“Lucky me,” I muttered before I could stop myself.
Father’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, it’s very lucky considering it has enabled me to make a very advantageous match for you, Andrea.”
I stared him down for a moment. I wanted to tell him he could fuck his “advantageous match” along with himself. I wanted to say I’d rather die than marry any man he found worthy.
But I didn’t.
The peripheral view of Marco’s chair was the only thing keeping me from letting all the grief and anguish and frustration come pouring out of me in venomous barbs.
Although he wanted me to break first, Father finally said, “His name is Raphael Neretti, and he’s a future capo from New York.”
I perked up a little at the reference to a different city. The only redeemable factor of all this bullshit was the possibility of putting distance between myself and my parents. As long as I was in Philadelphia, Father would always have his claws in me.
Father tossed a photograph across his desk at me. Although I desperately wanted to see my future husband’s face, I feigned indifference. “When do I meet him?”
“He’ll be arriving in the morning to stay the weekend with us to get to know you.”
I swallowed hard. “So soon.”
“While his Father and I have been in talks for months, a development has pushed the engagement contracts forward. However, we will still be adhering to you coming of age before the actual ceremony.”
I had the possibility of a year before being shackled into marriage. One more year of college. One more year of believing my artistic dreams could become a reality.
“I see,” I replied.
“In light of this past year’s maturity, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you to be on your best behavior.”
“Yes, sir,” I muttered through gritted teeth.
He narrowed his eyes. “I mean it, Andrea. We need the Neretti’s ports and territories just as much as they need ours. Do not fuck this up.”
“I promise to act like the perfect mafia princess I was before I sullied myself,” I retorted.
Father’s palm slammed down on his desk. “Don’t play me for a fool, you little cunt. I know you haven’t changed. You live to defy me and the rules of the familia.”
Rising out of his chair, he stared cruelly at me. “If it takes killing people you love to have you toe the line, don’t think I won’t do it again!”
A shudder ran through me at his words. Since I couldn’t bear losing anyone else, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, and I understand,” I replied hoarsely.
“You sure as hell better.”
Desperate to get away from him and his venom, I said, “It’s been a long day, and I’d like to go to my room. I’ll need to go to bed early since I’d hate to see Raphael not looking my best.”
“Go,” Father grunted.
I practically leapt out of my chair and rushed out the door. Blowing past Aurelio, I barely managed a hello before taking the stairs two at a time. I didn’t breathe easily until I was finally in my bedroom.
When I skidded inside, Audrianna lounged on my bed chatting with Vittoria. At the sight of me, Vittoria dropped the laundry in her hands before closing the distance between us.
She stared intently at me. “Is it what I thought it would be?”
Nodding, I replied, “I’m promised to Raphael Neretti of New York. He’ll arrive tomorrow to sign the contract.”
Vittoria’s face fell. “New York? That’s so far away.”
With a laugh, I countered, “You act like he’s marrying me off to someone in the old country.”
She sighed dejectedly. “It might as well be.”
“It’s barely an hour flight, not to mention a two hour drive with traffic.”
Cupping my cheek, she lamented, “As long as you’re not in this house, it’s too far away.”
Audrianna rolled her eyes. “It’s not like she hasn’t been away from the house at college.”
“But I knew she would be coming back.”
Ignoring Vittoria’s response, Audrianna asked, “What do you know about your husband?”
Shrugging, I replied, “Nothing really.”
Her eyes lit up. “Let’s Google him.”
“I don’t know…”
“Don’t you want to be prepared before you have to meet him?”
“There’s a part of me that fears what Father has brokered for me.”
While Vittoria gave me a sympathetic look, Audrianna wrinkled her nose. “Like he’s old or fat and balding?”
With a nervous giggle, I replied, “Yeah, something like that.”
“How about I look?”
“How does that help anything?”
“If it’s bad, I won’t tell you,” Audrianna reasoned.
“Then I’ll be even more curious,” I countered.
“You’re impossible,” Audrianna huffed before slipping her phone out of her pocket. As her manicured fingernails flew over the keyboard, Vittoria and I exchanged a look.
“Oh my,” Audianna murmured.
“What is it? What’s wrong with him?” I demanded.
A cheeky grin curved on Audrianna’s lips as she held out the phone. “He’s a huzz!”
I didn’t bother asking what the hell she meant. Instead, my gaze narrowed on the screen to take in the ridiculously handsome face of my future husband. All I could mutter was, “Fuck.”
“With a face and body like his, I’d sure be doing a lot of that,” Audrianna mused.
While I burst out in laughter, Vittoria’s eyes widened in horror. “Audrianna!”
She shrugged. “Just calling it as I see it.”
“That was a completely inappropriate comment to make about your future brother-in-law,” Vittoria chided.
“Don’t you think he’s fine as fuck?” Audrianna asked.
Holding up my hands, I teasingly said, “Easy now. That’s my future husband.”
“I just hope Father gets me one that hot.”
I nudged her playfully. “Maybe he has brothers.”
She wagged her brows. “Sign me up.”
Vittoria pointed her finger at me. “You need to be a better influence.”
“How am I to blame for her mouth?”
“Because you never regulate yours, and she looks up to you.”
At Audrianna’s laugh, Vittoria turned her wrath on her. “You need to watch your mouth. The last thing any of us needs is for your mother to hear you talking like that.” Her lip curled in disgust. “Or God forbid your father.”
With a groan, Audrianna slapped her hands over her ears. “Don’t bring that buzz kill up right now.”
“I’m serious, ragazza testarda.”
Grinning, I teased, “Watch out, Audie. She’s breaking out the Italian.”
Vittoria rolled her eyes. “Fine. I wash my hands of the two of you,” she huffed.
“You know you love us too much to do that,” I protested.
“That’s the only thing that stops me from running from this house screaming,” she mused.
“I feel the same way.”
“Ditto,” Audrianna echoed.
After clapping her hands together, Vittoria said, “All right. We need to get out of here and let Drea get her beauty sleep.”
She kissed me on the cheek before staring intently at me. “Raphael has kind eyes.”
“You think so.”
Nodding, she replied, “This marriage could be a blessing.”
Since I didn’t want to shatter her hope, I merely nodded. “Maybe it is.”
There was a small part of me that wished that maybe it would be.