Chapter Fifteen Drea
As I sat in an uncomfortable chair, my legs bounced with nervous energy. With a hoodie on my head, I kept my eyes on my lap, ignoring the others in the waiting room.
I don’t know how long I’d been sitting there, trying not to lose my mind. Each time the door opened, I’d jump out of my skin.
“Judith Leyster?” a nurse questioned.
I snapped my gaze off my lap. When no one stood up, she repeated, “Judith Leyster?”
Shooting to my feet, I started across the waiting room. When I reached the nurse, I forced a smile to my face. “I’m Judith.”
“Follow me,” she replied.
There was only one reason why I would be at a Planned Parenthood across town and using an alias–one I’d chosen from a Dutch Golden Age Painter
My period was a week late.
For someone who had been like clockwork her entire life, it was an unimaginable hell. I’d tried reasoning with myself that stress caused missed periods, and God only knows the stress I’d been under in the last month.
I hadn’t dared to risk taking a test at home.
Even if Vittoria smuggled it in for me, I ran the risk of it being discovered.
There was also no way to take one out side the house considering how ever since the bombing at Inferno, Father had my bodyguards practically on top of me.
In the end, Vittoria had arranged the appointment for me by calling from the landline at her house.
I’d made it to the appointment by hiding in the back of our cook’s car when she went to the grocery store and then taking the bus.
After the nurse ushered me into a room, the world around me slowed to a crawl. My gaze pinged around to take in the exam table and the posters on the wall. I’d never been to the gynecologist. Even after I’d been with Marco, Mother said we would wait until closer to my marriage to go.
When the nurse handed me a cup to pee in, it felt like I was outside of myself watching the events unfold.
Someone else slipped into the bathroom.
Someone else felt the prick of a needle as they took my blood.
It certainly was someone else when an image appeared on the screen, and the doctor pointed out something called a gestational sac.
At the sight of the confirmation, I bolted upright and scrambled off the table. After jerking my pants back over my hips, I threw open the door. The doctor kept calling for Judith, but I was the one running away.
As much as I wanted the tears to come, they didn’t. Instead, there was an odd sense of calm. If I was pregnant, I couldn’t marry Raphael. That thought filled me with relief.
Maybe this baby would be a blessing in disguise. Maybe it was the key to being with Leo.
Do you honestly think Leo is going to want to be with you when you’re carrying another man’s bastard? One who was conceived when you were bound in a marital contract to his brother?
He will never, ever forgive you.
Only then did the tears start to flow.
***
After Ubering home, I went straight to Father’s office. To my surprise, Mother was inside as well.
“Father, may I speak to you?”
“Yes, yes. Come in. I was just about to summon you.”
Fear radiated through me. “You were?”
Nodding, he waved me inside to close the door. After I’d taken a reluctant seat, I stared expectantly at him.
A self-satisfied smirk curved on his face. “Raphael has finally seen the light and wants to proceed with the wedding.”
My lip curled in disgust at the reference to Rafe seeing the light.
I knew exactly what Father had done to force Rafe’s hand.
Just when I thought he couldn’t sink any lower after the bombing, he sent men to Dublin.
After breaking into Maeve’s apartment, they’d mutilated her precious dachshund, Murphy.
The message Father sent had been clear–there wasn’t anywhere in the world where Maeve couldn’t be found, and the next time, it wouldn’t be a dog that was killed.
Despite all that, he was willing to keep fighting for the woman he loved.
But it was Maeve who had left him a note before disappearing.
She pleaded with him not to pursue her and instead do his duty by marrying me.
She couldn’t bear to be the reason behind a war that might take the lives of her brothers.
Of course, Father hadn’t told me anything. After hearing gossip among the servants, I’d called Caterina, and she’d told me everything.
When I didn’t respond, Father cocked his head at me. “Andrea, didn’t you hear me?”
“I can’t marry Raphael Neretti.”
Father rolled his eyes with a frustrated grunt. “Not that bullshit again.”
“It’s not bullshit,” I protested.
Jabbing his finger at me, Father said, “Just as I told you a year ago, you will marry Raphael.”
“This is not about my feelings about him.” Tears welled in my eyes. “I can’t.”
“What possible reason could you have?” Father demanded.
Before I could answer, Mother’s hand flew to her throat. “Oh God,” she muttered.
Father glanced between the two of us. “What is it?”
As Mother continued staring at me in horror, I whispered, “I’m pregnant.”
Tension coiled tightly in the air at my declaration. “For your sake, I hope you’re lying,” Father snarled.
“I swear on the saints I’m not.”
He slammed his hand on his desk. “You fucking whore!”
“Edoardo–” Mother began.
Jabbing his finger at me, Father demanded, “Did I not make myself clear enough when I took care of Marco?”
My chest clenched at the mention of his name. But I wouldn’t give Father my tears. Instead, I jerked my chin up and stared indignantly at him.
With a sneer, Father asked, “Did you spread your legs for another soldier? Or was it someone higher up this time?”
“I don’t know who the father is.”
“Don’t lie to me, Andrea. I will find out, and it won’t be quick like with Marco. I’ll string him up for days.”
Horror echoed through me at his cruelty. “I swear to you I don’t know who he is.”
“But how is that possible?” Mother asked.
“I met him at a party. We didn’t exchange names.”
“Andrea,” Mother muttered in disgust.
Father shook his head. “After everything I have been through, I will not let your whorish behavior ruin this marriage contract.” Waving his hand at my stomach, he pronounced, “Get rid of it.”
My eyes bulged in horror. Although I fully believed a woman had a right to do whatever she wanted to with her own body, it wasn’t something I could ever do with mine.
Shaking my head furiously, I countered, “No. I can’t.”
Father stormed around the side of his desk. “After everything you’ve already done, you continue to disobey me? Your father and your capo?”
I held my hands up pleadingly. “I’ll do anything else you ask of me, but please, please don’t ask me to do this.”
“I’ve told you to marry Raphael Neretti, and that is what you’re going to do!”
“But–”
Father’s palm cracked against my cheek. “Don’t you dare open your mouth to defy me again, or I’ll do what Alessio Neretti failed to do with Caterina! But I’ll do it with my own hands!”
I shrank back in horror at his reference to Rafe’s father ordering one of his men to beat the baby out of Caterina. Thank God for her, Callum and his brothers had arrived to save her and in turn, the baby.
But no one would come to save me.
As agonized pain ricocheted through my cheek, Mother placed a tentative hand on my shoulder. Glancing between Father and me, she said, “Perhaps there is another way for Andrea to honor the engagement and still keep the child.”
Since I couldn’t possibly see a way through this, I questioned hoarsely, “What do you mean?”
Mother stared questioningly at my abdomen. “How far along are you?”
“The doctor said it wasn’t more than five weeks.”
As Mother’s eyes lit up, Father growled, “Tell me you weren’t stupid enough to use one of our doctors?”
Hiccuping a cry, I replied, “I used an alias at the Planned Parenthood on Locust Street.”
With a mirthless chuckle, Father replied, “Maybe you’re not worthless after all.”
Mother cupped my cheeks in her hands. “You’re barely pregnant, which means we can work this to our advantage.”
“How?”
“Because of Raphael’s behavior, your Father moved the wedding up.”
Swallowing hard, I asked, “When?”
“Ten days.”
Bile shot into my throat. “That soon?”
“Yes, and thank God for that since it’s the answer to your problem.” Even though it was just the three of us in the room, she suddenly lowered her voice. “Married women get pregnant. Some even get pregnant on their honeymoons.”
I jerked away from her. “You aren’t serious.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? Women trap men all the time to get married. What’s so different about what you’re doing?”
“Because I would be deceiving him.”
Mother waved a dismissive hand at me. “Like Raphael would really care as long as he has a son to carry on his name.”
Shaking my head, I challenged, “Yes, he would. He told me he didn’t care if I remained faithful to him, but only after we’re finished having children.”
A shudder ran through me as I remembered Rafe’s words and tone. “He said it wouldn't end well for me.”
Father grunted. “After the shit he’s put me through in the last few months with that Kavanaugh girl, he deserves it.”
As desperation rose in my throat, I cried, “I can’t pass off another man’s baby as the heir to the Neretti family!”
“If it’s a girl, it won’t matter,” Mother countered diplomatically.
As I glanced between the two of them, I felt like I was traipsing around in the Twilight Zone. Considering their backgrounds, I’m not sure why I was surprised. Lies and deceit were daily occurrences for them.
“I…can’t,” I murmured.
“If you’re planning on keeping this child, I suggest you get on board.”
Trying to find a way out of it, I countered, “But what if he wants me to get on birth control?”
Scoffing, Father replied, “He’s just been made capo after his father’s death. He needs an heir now more than ever.”
Mother nodded. “Even if he does want to wait, you don’t have to actually take the pills or get the shot.”
Although it mortified me to even discuss such things in front of them, I countered, “What if he uses a condom?”
“They’re not one hundred percent effective. And women get pregnant all the time while taking it,” Mother replied.
I knew then it was futile to argue anymore. If I wanted to keep my baby, I would have to lie to Rafe.
“Fine.”
Father huffed out an agitated breath. “Good. This conversation doesn’t leave this room.” He gave me a pointed look. “No one is to know.”
Without speaking her name, I knew he was warning me from telling Vittoria. But that ship had sailed the day I missed my period.
“Yes, sir,” I lied.
“Good. Now get the fuck out of my sight before I change my mind.”
When I exited Father’s study, Vittoria came rushing down to the hallway, her face etched with worry.
I don’t know what I would’ve done without her support.
While she’d cried when I confessed to her about the pregnancy and not knowing the father, she never yelled or told me she was mad at me.
Instead, she was the shoulder I desperately needed to lean on.
After giving me a once-over, Vittoria’s gaze honed in on my red cheek. “I feared it would be worse.”
“So did I,” I whispered.
Dragging me down the hallway, Vittoria then ushered me up the stairs. Only when we were in the confines of my room did she speak again. After doing the sign of the cross, she asked, “Please tell me they’re not forcing an abortion on you.”
“No. I can keep it.”
Vittoria’s blue eyes popped wide. “You can?”
Nodding, I replied, “But only if I pretend it’s Rafe’s.”
Vittoria's mouth dropped open. “Dio mio,” she murmured.
“I know. How can I do such a thing?”
“Drea–”
“Despite his underworld background, Rafe is really a good man. I mean, he’s going to let me finish school and have a career.” I sank down onto my bed. “I can’t bear to deceive them like this.”
Vittoria tilted my chin up to meet her gaze. “Them?”
At my slip, I quickly corrected myself. “You know, the Nerettis. What I do to Rafe happens to them as well.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re keeping something from me. I’ve felt it for a long time now.”
My chest ached so tightly I feared it would burst. “Oh, Vittoria, it’s such a mess.”
And although I’d promised Leo not to speak about that night on the dance floor, the truth spilled from my lips. I unburdened myself of everything. While Vittoria knew about the stranger in the alley who had gotten me pregnant, she didn’t know what had led me to do something irresponsible.
Once I finished, I dissolved into sobs. “Oh, cara mia,” she murmured as she sank down beside me on the bed. Drawing me into her arms, she rocked me back and forth.
“I’m so sorry, mi amore,” she crooned into my ear.
“Help me, Vittoria. I can’t bear this!”
Brushing my hair out of my face, Vittoria shook her head. “More than anything in the world, I wish I could. But I can’t–no one can. Just like Raphael, you’re trapped.”
“That’s your words of comfort?” I angrily demanded.
She gave me a sad smile. “There is no comfort in our world, especially for women. We get sold and bought and abused and raped. Then the only happiness in our world, our children, go through the same vicious cycles. Our sons get planted in the ground before they even get to live.”
By the time she’d come to work for our family, Vittoria’s children were in their twenties. She’d had a son she rarely talked about who had been killed during one of the wars with the Bratva when I was a little girl.
And then she’d lost Marco.
“Life is never easy. You have to take the broken pieces and try to make something from them.”
With a mirthless laugh, I countered, “I’m in love with my fiancé’s brother and pregnant with a bastard. My pieces aren’t broken–they’re shattered.”
“You have more strength than you realize, Andrea.”
More than anything in the world, I wanted to believe that.