Chapter Nineteen Drea
As I started down the dimly lit path with Audrianna, silence echoed heavily around us.
Each time I turned to say something, the words stuck in my throat.
There was no easy way of explaining what she’d just seen, but I knew I had to.
It wasn’t that I feared her telling our parents.
It was more about the look of disappointment in her eyes.
When we got to the clearing before the tent, she grabbed my arm. “Your lips are all puffy,” she proclaimed.
I gasped in horror. “Seriously?”
She nodded. “And your hair is a mess.”
“Fuck,” I muttered as I tried smoothing down my hair.
“Maybe you should just pretend you and Rafe were making out,” she suggested.
I snorted. “Like Father would believe that.”
With a roll of her eyes, she said, “You could always say you mouthed off, and he hit you.”
“While that would work with any other mafia man, Father knows Rafe doesn’t believe in hitting a woman.”
“Shit. Here he comes,” Audrianna said in a panicked voice.
And then the perfect lie hit me. But one Audrianna couldn’t be a part of. “Go on. I’ll handle this.”
“But D–”
“Go!”
After she narrowly missed crossing paths with Father, I braced myself for his wrath. Father narrowed his eyes on my face. “Where were you?”
“I was sick.”
“Sick?”
After bringing my hand to my stomach, I gave him a knowing look. “I had to run into the garden to throw up.”
When a look of disgust came over him, I knew he got my meaning. “You look awful.”
Forcing a truly repentant look on my face, I said, “I’m sorry.”
With an agitated grunt, he threw up his hands. “I certainly can’t have you walking around the party looking like that. Not that Raphael would get a say in it, but for the others to see you looking like damaged goods would be too much.”
I bit my tongue to keep from replying that God forbid I don’t look like I just stepped out of a Vogue photo shoot for the sake of the fucking Famiglia. Instead, I suggested, “Maybe you can say I retired early to get my rest for my wedding night?”
Father tilted his head. “I could make that work.”
“If anyone can, I’m sure it’s you.”
My stomach then rolled for real for how thick I was laying it on for him. Apparently it wasn’t too much because Father didn’t doubt my sincerity. Instead, he stroked his chin in thought.
A few moments passed before he replied, “Fine. Go on to the house and whatever you do, don’t be seen by anyone except the guards or staff.”
For once, I did exactly what Father told me to without an argument. After practically sprinting along the pathways, I entered the side door and then escaped up the back staircase. When I entered my room, I made a beeline to the bathroom.
Desperate to wash away my indiscretions with Leo, I tore off the dress so fast I ripped the zipper off the track. After shedding my underwear, I got into the hottest shower I could bear.
I turned my face to the shower stream and let the water wash away my sins. I don’t know how long I stood like that. I didn’t even bother using any soap or cleansers. I steamed myself for so long that my skin looked pink and wrinkled.
After getting out, I threw on a set of short pajamas before collapsing into bed. As exhausted as I was from the day’s activities, I expected to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I lay there, staring up at the ceiling. I’d like to say sleep was evasive because of all the pressure I was under with the baby and my marriage to Rafe, not to mention Father’s latest threats.
But it wasn’t.
It was all about Leo’s kiss.
My lips remained swollen and fiery long after I’d gone to bed. I lay there for hours just rubbing the back of my fingers over them as I relived every moment between us.
The warmth of his mouth.
The slide of his tongue.
The way I’d never felt more connected to anyone in my life.
It wasn’t just the kiss. It was our proclamation of love.
Although it felt so right in the moment, I don’t know what the hell we were thinking.
Despite thinking Leo cared for me, it was mind-altering to learn the depth of his feelings.
There were no more guessing games or thinking it was just infatuation.
It was pure and true.
But like all star-crossed lovers, it wasn’t meant to be.
My thoughts were interrupted when my door creaked open. Rising up on my forearms, I peered at the doorway. With her head tucked to her chin, Audrianna came tiptoeing into the room.
When she reached the side of the bed, I flung back the covers for her. Once she had snuggled against me, she lay her head against my chest. “Can’t sleep either?” I asked softly.
“No,” she murmured.
Guilt immediately flooded me at the thought that it was because of my actions tonight. After lying there in silence for a few moments, I turned my head on my pillow to look at her. “Audie, we need to talk about what you saw.”
She raised her head to look at me. “I’m not going to tell.”
“I know that.” I brushed the hair out of her face. “It’s more that I’m sorry you saw that.”
With a roll of her eyes, Audrianna said, “I’m thirteen, not three. I’ve seen people making out before. I’ve even done it myself.”
“I know, but–” I blinked my eyes at her. “Whoa, wait a minute. Who have you been making out with?”
“None of your business.”
“As your older sister, it is very much my business.”
She snorted. “Considering you were just making out with your future brother-in-law, I don’t think you need to be lecturing me.”
With a groan, I countered, “Leo and I…it’s complicated.”
“It didn’t seem so complicated when he had his tongue down your throat.”
I wrinkled my nose at the description. “Way to make it sound sleazy.”
“He was seriously eating your face off.”
A laugh burst from my lips at the absurdity of the moment. “That’s what happens when you spend a year wanting to kiss someone but can’t.”
“A year?”
“Pretty much.”
“Jesus, D.”
With a grin, I replied, “Trust me. I know.”
“What are you going to do about Leo?”
My amusement faded. With a resigned sigh, I said, “I’m going to marry Rafe tomorrow.”
Audrianna’s brows furrowed. “But you were kissing Leo.”
“It’s complicated.”
With a snort, she countered, “That’s a bullshit answer.”
“Yeah, well, it’s the truth.”
“I would think kissing your future brother-in-law would make it even more complicated.”
“So does loving him.”
The moment the words left my lips, I clapped my hand over my mouth. I couldn’t believe I’d let it slip.
“Oh my God, you love Leo?” Audrianna screeched.
Now it was her turn to get a hand over her mouth. “Shh, you can’t ever say that sentence out loud again.”
When she nodded, I took my hand away. With a thoughtful look, she whispered, “Does he love you, too?”
“Yes. He told me tonight.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Besides the fact I’m marrying his brother?”
“Why can’t you just marry Leo instead of Rafe? I mean, he’s a Neretti, so the alliance wouldn’t change.”
“I wish it were that simple.”
“Seems like it to me.”
“Made Men don’t go back on deals, especially ones that have been signed. And after everything Rafe has put Father through, he wouldn’t get to punish Leo like he does Rafe.”
“Fuck him. You can’t marry someone you don’t love, D.”
“You didn’t seem too concerned about my feelings when I signed the contract,” I mused.
“It’s one thing not to be in love with Rafe. But it’s a whole other story to be in love with Leo.”
“Audie–”
“You just have to keep fighting, D. You can’t let Father do this.”
Although I wanted to shield her as much as I could, I knew I had to be as truthful with Audrianna as possible.
Taking her hands in mine, I stared into her eyes.
“Sometimes things look like they’re fixable, but they’re not.
I have to marry Rafe. Father has made that very clear even to the extent of hurting people I love if I don’t follow orders. ”
So many emotions flickered in her expression. Horror. Fear. Anger. The very same emotions I’d experienced. “Who?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. Did he threaten me?”
“No, Audie.”
“What about Adamo?”
“Not him either.”
“Then who?”
Knowing she wouldn’t stop until I satisfied her fear, I replied, “Vittoria.”
Once again, that range of emotions played out over her face.
Finally, after a few moments passed, Audrianna slowly shook her head back and forth. “This world is so fucked up.”
Instead of chiding her on her language, I merely nodded. “The sooner you understand that, the better off you’ll be.”
“I might accept it, but I don’t have to like it.”
“No. You don’t.”
As she nibbled her lip, Audie appeared lost in thought. “Maybe we should try to get some sleep?” I suggested.
Nodding, she rolled over beside me. I’d just closed my eyes when she murmured, “So how does it end? As stories must when love is denied: with tears and a journey."
Turning my head on the pillow, I asked, “What are you talking about?”
“It’s from this old movie our teacher showed us clips of how the Elizabethan theater was. I kind of liked the story, so I rented the movie off .”
“And?” I prompted.
“Anyway, that’s what is said in the end when the two lovers can’t be together. That there are tears and a journey.” She gave me a knowing look. “That’s what is happening to you and Leo. Except you’re not going to the colonies, just New York, which also means you’re still going to have to see him.”
Staring up at the ceiling, I replied, “Thanks for reminding me.”
“Maybe you could convince Rafe to stay here in Philly. Then you wouldn’t have to be around Leo.”
“There’s no way that’s going to happen, Audie. Rafe’s entire world is in New York.”
“But your life is here with Adamo and me.”
“Just like everything in our world falls on the woman, I’ll have to live in New York.”
Tears glittered in Audrianna’s eyes. “It’s not fair. I don’t want you to leave."
Cupping her cheek, I said, “Aw, sweetheart, I’ll only be a short plane or train ride away.”
Sniffling, she countered, “It’s not the same.”
“I know. I’m going to miss you, too.”
“Maybe you could ask Rafe if Adamo and I could come live with the two of you?”
I bit down on my lip to keep from laughing. Regardless of how easygoing and kind Rafe seemed, I’m pretty sure there was no way in hell he would let me move the twins in. “We’ll see.”
After swiping her eyes, Audrianna proclaimed, “I hate this fucking family.”
With a mirthless laugh, I said, “So do I.”