Chapter Ten #2
Before Summer can even get the word out, I turn and find Dan. “Where’s the bathroom?” I ask him, embarrassed but having no choice. I can’t wait.
“Through there.” He gestures toward the main part of the house, where the bedrooms must be. “Down the hall, first door on the left.”
“Thank you.” I walk very quickly in the direction he pointed and find the bathroom door closed. I hear someone moving around inside, so I lean against the wall to wait.
I breathe in deeply, counting in and out, forcing myself to concentrate on anything other than throwing up or the very real possibility that I might be pregnant. Or what I would do if I am.
Suddenly the sound of male voices reaches me from the room right next to where I stand. I glance in that direction. The door is open, but I can’t see inside, but I recognize the voices.
“And I’m wondering what’s going on with you and Mia,” Ben asked.
A pause and then, “If I was going to get serious about anyone, it would be Mia. But…” Austin trailed off.
My stomach cramps, which is not good for my current situation. As wrong as it is, I stand rooted to the spot, listening.
“You’re still fighting the inevitable. I remember those days well. I got it,” Ben said.
I hold my breath.
“I can’t let myself get serious again. I can’t risk Bailey getting attached and me deciding it’s not working out.”
“You’re certainly very protective of Mia, considering you brought her here when you could have just had someone watch the house.” Another pause and then Ben goes on. “I’m telling you, all the fighting you are doing with yourself? It’s not worth it. You could have a real family, you know?”
“I’ve done the family thing once, Ben. Not doing it again.”
Now my stomach lurches and luckily the bathroom door opens. Ava Talbott walks out. “Hi, Mia.”
“Hi. Excuse me.” I make a beeline around the other woman and run into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Long after I throw up and clean up, I remain in the bathroom… heart pounding, head throbbing, and heart hurting at Austin’s words.
I’ve done the family thing once, Ben. Not doing it again.
Clearly I have a lot of thinking to do. Of course, I have to be certain before I can make decisions. And to do that, I need a pregnancy test. Austin hasn’t let me out of his sight but I do have an idea to get one.
I calm down, pat my cheeks for color, and walk out of the bathroom.
We don’t stay at the party long. Austin takes one look at me and knows I got sick again. He is obviously used to my just-vomited look.
Once we are in the car, I turn his way. “I’m really sorry. I could have stayed.”
He shakes his head. “I’d rather you rest. You have a busy week coming up.”
I nod. “Can I ask a favor? Can we stop by a drugstore on the way home?” I place my hand over my purse in my lap.
“Sure. I’ll run in for you.”
I shake my head, having anticipated this gesture. “It’s okay. It’s, umm… that time of the month and I need a few things.”
“Got it,” he says with a grin.
Half an hour later, I run into the drugstore by myself, take care of the things I need, and return to the car.
“Got everything?” he asks when I let myself back inside.
“Yes. Thank you,” I say, shaking the plastic bag full of sanitary napkins and tampons I more than likely don’t need.
Unless the two pregnancy tests tucked safely in my purse show I am panicking for no good reason.
* * *
Mia
I decide to take the tests separately. I don’t know why or what good it will do, but I convince myself two separate urine streams would yield the right results.
It doesn’t matter that I am being completely irrational.
The fact is, I slept with Austin the first time over a month ago, and though we used protection, it does have a fail rate. I could very well be pregnant.
I watch the first stick, waiting endlessly… then finally turn away. A watched pot and all that. I pace the bathroom, which is all of a few steps in one direction, another few in the other, rubbing my arms with my hands. This time my stomach churning has everything to do with nerves.
Knowing enough time has passed, I turn around and glance at the stick on the counter and my knees buckle at what I see. Apparently no matter how much you prepare yourself, finding out you are pregnant by a man who doesn’t want forever with you is a punch of gut-wrenching reality.
I lower myself onto the closed toilet seat and put my head in my hands. “Okay, okay, think,” I say to myself.
First, I have to testify. I have to put that mess behind me. Austin will protect me, and I’ll get through that this week. Then, before he brings Bailey home, I’ll tell him that I’m pregnant.
I have to pull in deep breaths at the reminder.
I won’t trap him. He doesn’t want a future with me, and I don’t want him because he feels obligated.
He’s been in that situation once before, and was cornered into marriage.
I won’t hide the truth from him, but I won’t accept him marrying me out of guilt, either.
I can raise this baby by myself. How, I don’t quite know the details yet. But plenty of women manage, and I’ll do the same thing. Just not as Bailey’s nanny. The thought of leaving the little girl hurts, but there is no way I can stay on. And there is every chance Austin won’t want me to.
I have a healthy savings account thanks to room and board being part of any previous employment, and I’ll be able to rent an apartment somewhere. Maybe the city, where I can get a job within walking or subway distance and not need a car.
See? I can do this. I just have to survive this week of the trial and then telling Austin I am pregnant with his baby.
* * *
Austin
Something is up with Mia, and damned if I can figure it out.
Things were bad before we went to Dan’s, but afterwards, she totally withdrew into herself.
To my knowledge, nothing happened there that would upset her except that she obviously got sick.
I am damned sure going to make certain she sees a doctor once she finishes testifying, because I am beginning to be concerned.
I plan to bring my daughter home by Friday, once Mia’s testimony is over and there is nothing her ex-employer can gain by going after her.
The damage will be done by then. But I miss her like crazy and want to take her for pizza and ice cream tonight.
I also thought Mia would enjoy getting out of the house, but she insisted on staying at home.
“You need time alone with Bailey,” she said.
“But Bailey wants to see you, too.”
A wistful smile pulled at her lips. “I’d like that, too. But I think it’s more important for you to have father-daughter bonding time.”
Which is why I sit across from my daughter at an old-fashioned pizza parlor. My parents joined us, and we ordered two pizzas, one plain and one with pepperoni.
“Did Grandma tell you I want a fish?” Bailey asks after she swallows a bite of her food.
I nearly choke on my pizza. “No, Grandma didn’t mention it.”
My mother grins. “She actually wants a puppy, but I managed to talk her down to a fish,” she says, her eyes glittering with mischief.
I suppose I am lucky my mom didn’t encourage my daughter’s desire for a dog… although I really am giving it thought. I just won’t mention it to Bailey in case I decide against it.
Bailey pushes herself up on her knees on the booth bench. “Yeah, I wanted a dog, Daddy. But Grandma said you’re too busy working. But I told her Mia takes such good care of me, she could take care of the dog, too.”
As if Mia needs another thing to care for. “I think we’d have to talk to Mia about any pet you get, honey.”
“Does that mean maybe a dog? Can we go to a puppy store? Please?” Bailey squeezes her hands together like she is praying.
I blink, uncertain how we went from fish back to puppy in the blink of an eye. “First of all, if we did ever get a dog, we’d adopt one.”
“Connor in my class is adopted,” Bailey says. “His mommy said he’s extra-special because she picked him. I think I’m extra special because you’re my daddy.” She picks up her pizza and takes a large bite, smearing grease across her cheeks and not caring.
I wipe her face with a huge lump in my throat because this child means so damned much to me. It doesn’t matter to me how I had her, it only matters that I do.
“You are extra-special, Bailey Button.” I meet my father’s, then mother’s gaze. Both their eyes are filling, too. “Okay, should we take the leftovers home?” I ask.
“Yeah. Would you give some to Mia?” Bailey asks.
“Sure thing.”
“How is Mia?” my mother asks. “I was hoping she’d come for dinner.”
I frown at the question because I really don’t know how Mia is. “She’s… she hasn’t been herself. She was sick and it’s lingered. I think it’s got her all out of sorts.”
“Maybe you should talk to her and find out what’s going on,” my mother suggests.
“I asked if she’s okay. Beyond that, there isn’t much I can do. I’m sure she has a lot on her mind, what with testifying this week.”
“Hmm. Well, I hope she feels better.”
“Me, too.”
And it isn’t like there is anything more I can do for her, I think, because Mia certainly isn’t communicating with me.