Chapter 2 Jesse
TWO
JESSE
She’s exactly as I remember her, only hotter.
No longer the girl I had to let down easy.
Instead, she’s the woman I could have if given the chance, and make no mistake, I could still have her.
Especially with the way she was eyeing me.
But I have to remember now, this isn’t just my best friend’s little sister. It could have much bigger implications.
Groaning and shaking my head, I go over to where her other suitcase is stacked. It’s not nearly as big as I thought it would be, but I have a feeling there’s more coming. She’s always been high-maintenance, and I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon.
With a grunt, I heft it up and head into the house, stopping when I hear my name.
“Jesse, want us to ride out to the south field?” It’s my brother Carson, the youngest of the bunch. The one who needs the most instruction and micromanaging. He’ll learn how to make decisions on his own at some point. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
“Yeah, go check fences. I’ll come join you later,” I say as I give him a look.
He reads it and nods. “See ya.”
I watch Carson jog toward the barn, his boots kicking up dust with each step.
The screen door creaks as I push through it, the familiar sound echoing through the ranch house.
This place hasn’t changed much since we were kids running through these same halls.
Hell, I can still see the scuff marks on the hardwood floor from when Truett, Aubree, and I would slide around in our socks after Sunday dinner.
Our parents were best friends, and we spent more time here than we did at our own ranch. It still stands that way.
“Upstairs, second door on the right,” Truett calls from the kitchen, not bothering to look up from whatever he’s tinkering with at the table.
Looks like part of the irrigation system from the back pasture.
There’s a small piece bent, and he’s determined to get it fixed.
Up here, people don’t bother him all the time.
I take the stairs two at a time, muscle memory guiding me to what used to be Aubree’s room.
The door’s already open, and I can see she’s started making herself at home.
A few things are scattered on the bed—some fancy-looking clothes that probably cost more than most people around here make in a month.
It’s not like she’s going to be wearing them here anytime soon.
Setting the suitcase down by the window, I can’t help but look around.
Truett kept it exactly the same as when she left.
Purple walls with those ridiculous boy band posters she used to obsess over.
The bookshelf is still packed with romance novels she thought no one knew she was reading.
I knew, though. Caught her more than once, completely absorbed in some story about cowboys and love and happy endings.
The irony isn’t lost on me.
“Jesse?” Her voice floats up from downstairs, and I feel that familiar tightening in my chest. The same one I was fighting all those years ago when she left.
“Up here,” I call back, heading toward the stairs.
She’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me with those green eyes that have haunted more dreams than I care to admit. Her hair’s longer now, falling in waves past her shoulders, and she’s wearing jeans that hug her curves in ways that should be illegal.
“Thanks for bringing that up,” she says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. It’s a nervous habit she’s had since we were kids.
“No problem.” I stop a few steps from the bottom, causing us not to be too far apart. Big mistake. This close, I can smell her perfume—something expensive and floral that’s nothing like the cheap drugstore stuff she used to wear in high school.
“Truett!” The front door slams, and heavy footsteps echo through the house. “That damn cultivator’s acting up again. I need you to come take a look.”
It’s Dave, our foreman of the crop side of things. Good timing, because the tension between Aubree and me is thick enough to cut with a knife.
Truett appears from the kitchen, wiping grease off his hands with an old rag. “What’s it doing now?”
“Same thing as last month. Keeps jamming up on the left side.”
“All right, let me grab my tools.” Truett disappears back into the kitchen, then returns with his toolbox. He pauses, glancing between Aubree and me. “Don’t kill each other while I’m gone. Behave yourselves.”
If only he knew how loaded that statement is.
The door closes behind them, and suddenly the house feels too small. Aubree and I are alone for the first time since she left South Dakota.
“So,” she says, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “This is awkward.”
I laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “That’s one word for it.”
She moves toward the living room, and I follow, keeping what I hope is a safe distance. She settles onto the couch, the same couch where I used to help her with her math homework while trying not to notice how her lips moved when she concentrated.
“What made you come back?” I ask, choosing the chair across from her instead of sitting beside her. Smart move, Jesse.
Her smile falters, and for a second, I see a crack in that polished exterior she’s been wearing since she got out of the truck. “I needed to lick my wounds, I guess. My life didn’t exactly work out the way I envisioned it.”
There’s pain in her voice, real pain, and my first instinct is to comfort her. But I hold back. I’ve learned the hard way that getting too close to Aubree Weber only leads to a hard cock and a feeling of being unsatisfied.
“Maybe you needed to be humbled,” I say, and immediately regret the harshness in my tone.
Her head snaps up, brown eyes flashing. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “Before you left, Truett gave you everything you wanted to make up for your parents being gone. You were spoiled rotten, Aubree. You always have been.”
She stands up so fast the couch cushion bounces. “You don’t know anything about my life, Jesse. You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
“I know you left here to lick your wounds because I turned you down. I know the bright lights of Chicago were way too enticing for you to ignore them. I know you barely called or visited. I know Truett worried himself sick about you for years. He stayed here, along with me, killing himself to make sure you didn’t worry, while he took it all within himself. ”
“That’s not fair, and you know it.” Her voice is rising, color flooding her cheeks.
“I was eighteen years old. I wanted to see the world, experience things. I’d lost my parents, and they weren’t able to take that cruise they wanted to.
They never got to visit New York City. Wanting to make memories before I die doesn’t make me a spoiled brat. ”
“Doesn’t it?” I stand too, and suddenly we’re facing each other across the coffee table like opponents in a boxing ring. “You had everything handed to you on a silver platter, and it still wasn’t enough. We weren’t enough.”
“God, I hate that you think you know me so well.” She’s pacing now, hands gesturing wildly. “You think because we grew up together, because you’re Truett’s best friend, that gives you the right to judge every decision I’ve made?”
“I’m not judging…”
“Yes, you are!” She spins to face me, and there are tears in her eyes now. “You’ve been judging me since the day I left. Hell, you were judging me before I left. I could see it in your eyes that night…that night when I…”
She trails off, but I know exactly what night she’s talking about. Her eighteenth birthday. The night that everything changed between us.
“Say it,” I challenge, taking a step around the coffee table.
“No.”
“Say it, Aubree.”
“Fine!” The word explodes out of her. “That night I kissed you, okay? Are you happy now? That stupid, meaningless kiss that obviously meant nothing to you.”
Something inside me snaps. “Meaningless?”
“Yes, meaningless. God, I wish you weren’t my first kiss. I wish I’d saved it for someone who actually…”
I don’t let her finish. Before I can think better of it, I’m across that distance, my hand wrapping around her throat. Not hard enough to hurt, but firm enough to stop her retreat.
“Don’t.” My voice is low, dangerous.
“Let go of me, Jesse.”
Instead, I take another step forward, backing her up until she hits the wall beside the fireplace. My free hand comes up to brace against the wall next to her head, caging her in.
“You may wish you could take it back,” I say, my face inches from hers. “But you’d never forget it. And neither would I.”
Her breath hitches, and I can feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest where it almost touches mine.
“That kiss,” I continue, my voice barely above a whisper. “Sometimes still keeps me up at night.”
The admission hangs between us like the discharge of a loaded gun. I can see the shock in her eyes, followed quickly by something else. Something that looks a lot like the want I’ve been fighting for years.
“Jesse…” She breathes, and my name on her lips is almost my undoing.
I should step back. I should let her go and walk away and pretend this conversation never happened. Instead, I lean closer until I can feel the warmth radiating from her skin.
“You want to know the truth, Aubree? That kiss ruined me for anyone else. Every woman I’ve been with since then, I’ve compared to you. To that one perfect moment when you looked at me like I was everything you’d ever wanted.”
Her eyes flutter closed, and I can see the pulse jumping in her throat.
“But you left,” I continue, my thumb unconsciously stroking across the delicate skin of her throat. “You left, and you took that moment with you. So don’t you dare stand there and tell me it was meaningless.”
When she opens her eyes, they’re bright with unshed tears. “I never knew,” she whispers.
“How could you? You were so busy planning your escape from this place, from me, that you never looked back long enough to see what you left behind.”
“That’s not…I didn’t leave because of you.”
“Didn’t you?” I search her face, looking for the truth.
“Because it sure felt like it. One day, you were talking about going to college in Rapid City, maybe studying business, so you could help run the ranch. The next day, after that kiss, you were applying to schools in Chicago, and leaving on the off chance that one of them accepted you.”
She tries to pull away, but I don’t let her. “That’s not why I left.”
“Then why?”
“Because I was scared!” The words burst out of her like a dam breaking.
“I was scared of how you made me feel. I was scared that if I stayed, I’d never be anything more than Truett’s little sister who had a crush on his best friend.
I was scared that you’d break my heart, and I’d have to see you every day for the rest of my life.
I was terrified that I’d spend my whole life pining for something that was never going to happen, and I’d end up regretting it if I lost my life in a freak crash with a drunk driver. ”
The fight goes out of me all at once. I release her throat and step back, running a hand through my hair. “So you broke mine instead.”
She slides down the wall slightly, looking suddenly fragile. “I didn’t know. I swear, Jesse. I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do.”
We stand there in silence, the weight of years of unspoken words settling between us. Outside, I can hear the distant sound of machinery, reminding me that the world is still turning despite the fact that mine just shifted on its axis.
“I should go,” I say finally. “Truett will be back soon.”
She nods, not meeting my eyes. “Okay.”
I make it to the front door before she speaks again.
“Jesse?”
I pause, my hand on the doorknob, but I don’t turn around.
“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “For leaving the way I did. For hurting you. I never meant to.”
I close my eyes, fighting the urge to go back to her. “I know.”
Then I’m outside, the late afternoon sun blinding after the dimness of the house. I take a deep breath of fresh air, trying to clear my head, but all I can smell is her perfume clinging to my shirt.
This is bad. This is very, very bad.
Carson’s riding back from the south pasture, and he waves when he sees me. I wave back, grateful for the distraction.
“How’d the fences look?” I call out as he approaches.
“Good. Found a couple of loose posts near the creek, but nothing major.” He swings down from his horse, studying my face with the kind of perception that runs in our family. “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
If only it were that simple.
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just tired.”
He doesn’t look convinced, but he doesn’t push it either. “Want me to take care of Ranger?” he asks, nodding toward my horse, who’s still saddled and waiting by the barn.
“Yeah, thanks.”
I watch him lead both horses toward the barn, then head for my truck. I need to get out of here before Truett gets back and starts asking questions I can’t answer.
But as I drive down the dusty road away from the ranch, I can’t shake the image of Aubree pressed against that wall, looking at me like maybe, just maybe, she wants me as much as I’ve always wanted her.