Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
ROWAN
“I thought I saw you walk in.”
At the sound of the familiar voice, I come to an abrupt stop in the produce section of the local grocery store, my cart loaded with everything I need for the dinner I’m planning to make with Presley later.
Today seems like a day to celebrate. Then again, in my humble opinion, we should celebrate every day. But it feels like a good day to make a big Mexican feast.
So after taking Jemmy to the library for story time, I stopped to pick up some things I’d need.
The last thing I expected was to run into Joshua.
Truth be told, I haven’t thought about him once since he dropped me off Saturday night.
Every spare inch of mental space has been consumed by Hayden.
The way he looks at me.
The way his smile brightens his face.
The way he touches me like he’s rediscovering something he thought he’d lost.
The way I feel when I’m with him.
I quickly push down the thought, devoting my full attention to Joshua. He looks like he just stepped out of a catalogue of small-town book boyfriends — flannel shirt, slightly messy hair, faded jeans tucked into a pair of work boots.
“Oh, hey. Sorry. I didn’t notice you. I was distracted trying to choose the perfect…” I trail off and pick up the closest vegetable.
And when I see what I end up with, I’m horrified at the double meaning.
“You got distracted looking for the perfect eggplant?”
“Sure did.”
“I can understand that. Finding the perfect…eggplant is definitely important.”
“It certainly is.”
In more ways than one.
We stare at each other for several seconds, the eggplant still in my hand as Jemmy babbles at all the different foods he sees, naming them the best he can, although he’s come up with quite a few interesting nicknames.
Tom-toms for tomatoes. Yummies are grapes.
But my personal favorite is probably broccoli, which he calls mops because they remind him of a mop.
“Well…” Joshua clears his throat, “I just wanted to say hi. I’m picking up a few things for Holley Ridge, but I need to get back.”
“Okay. Well… Hi.”
He steps closer, his eyes trained on me. “Hi.”
I swallow hard. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Jemmy interjects, waving a hand in Joshua’s direction.
“Hey, Jemmy.” Joshua shifts toward him. “High five?”
He slaps his palm against Joshua’s with dramatic enthusiasm.
“Wow,” Joshua says, shaking his hand, feigning pain. “You’re getting strong.”
A week ago, I would have swooned at how great Joshua is with little Jemmy.
That was before I knew what it was like to be wrapped up in Hayden’s arms. Before I knew exactly how his body felt against mine. Before I knew what kind of inferno his touch could ignite inside me.
Joshua turns his attention back to me now that Jemmy seems pre-occupied with listing off the produce once more. “I had a lot of fun Saturday.”
“I did, too.”
It’s not a complete lie. I did enjoy my time with Joshua.
It was easy. Comfortable. Safe. But it was forgettable.
“What are you doing this Saturday night? Are you free?”
My expression immediately falls.
While Hayden and I aren’t exactly in a relationship, I still don’t feel right stringing Joshua along. Like I’ve repeatedly said… Life’s too short to waste on mediocrity. And Joshua doesn’t make my heart race.
Not like Hayden.
“Listen, Joshua…,” I begin.
“That doesn’t sound good,” he says with a self-deprecating laugh.
“I’m sorry.” I wince, worrying my bottom lip.
I’ve always hated breakups.
It’s probably why I never broke up with Landon when I wanted to. When every voice in my head told me he wasn’t the right man for me. That I deserved someone who’d scale mountains to be with me. Who wouldn’t cut bait at the first sign of trouble.
“I really like you. And I had fun. But I don’t think it’s fair to keep going out with you.”
“You’re friend-zoning me,” he says gently.
“I guess I am. Maybe if things were different…” I shake my head, pushing away the thought. “But the truth is I only agreed to go out with you because I was trying to…forget about someone else.”
He studies my face carefully. Not defensive. Not angry. Just…curious.
“Did it work?”
I slowly shake my head.
Not even close.
If anything, going out with him made the truth I’d been fighting crystal clear.
“Me neither,” Joshua admits on a long exhale.
My brows knit in confusion. “What do you mean?”
He runs a hand through his dark hair, a sheepish smile tugging on his lips, revealing those adorable dimples.
But they have nothing on Hayden’s.
“There’s this girl. Well, girl isn’t exactly the word. She’s…” He huffs a laugh. “She’s older.”
“How much older?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
“Old enough that she used to babysit me.”
“Wow.”
“I wasn’t in diapers or anything,” he adds quickly, stealing a glance at Jemmy.
“But she grew up next door. I had the biggest crush on her when I was little. Thought it was just an innocent childhood infatuation. But she came home for the holidays after learning her husband’s been cheating on her.
I guess seeing her again has made me realize it wasn’t just an innocent infatuation. ”
“And you thought going out with me would help you forget about her,” I say, all too familiar with his thought process.
“Terrible strategy.”
“It is,” I agree with a sigh. “I’ve learned the heart wants what it wants and doesn’t care about reason or circumstance.”
“You’re right about that.” He stares into the distance for a beat before returning his attention to me, extending his hand. “Friends?”
I push out a sigh and place my hand in his. “Definitely.”
“Good.” He leans in and presses a chaste kiss to my cheek.
“Kiss, kiss,” Jemmy says excitedly. “Kiss, kiss.”
We break apart, laughing.
“Sorry, bud,” Joshua says to him. “Didn’t mean to steal your woman.”
“These Lawrence men can be extremely possessive,” I joke, then immediately wish I could take back my words.
“Is that right?” Joshua arches a brow.
“I, uh. I didn’t… That came out wrong.”
“It’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.” He winks, then leans closer. “Although I’m not sure how much of a secret it is, considering it looked like Hayden was ready to murder me just for talking to you last weekend.” He steps back, flashing me a smile. “See ya around.”
Then he disappears down the aisle, leaving me speechless with an eggplant still in my hand.
I don’t even need eggplant.
But I take it as a sign and put it in my cart anyway.