Chapter 22 Jamaica
“Girl, you know how to cook your ass off? These cheeseburgers are restaurant-worthy.” Peace picked up two fries. “Fresh cut, just as good as Five Guys.”
Lori held her margarita glass up. “I’m loving the single J.”
He scoffed. “You better enjoy, the way Free and Jamaica eye fuck whenever they’re in the same room, I’m surprised I’m not pregnant.”
Some of my peach and raspberry margarita flew out of my mouth. “Stop it. We’ve been focused on co-parenting this whole summer and only had sex once in the last few weeks, and now I’m about to make a mess.” I swiped my mouth and shirt with my hand.
Peace and Lori grabbed hands in agreement and roared with laughter at the unintentional double entendre. “Yes, you are,” they screamed in unison.
We were in my living area, sprawled out, eating and talking.
The two of them had become my support system while going through this separation and divorce.
They would pop by the house at random times and check on me.
Lori and my mother would keep KJ busy when I needed a break.
He’d been clingy and had not wanted me out of his sight.
Being with Kody worked sometimes, other times, KJ only wanted me.
Deciding to break up my family at the beginning of the summer had been a good decision; KJ would have surely failed if he were still in school.
I hoped by summer’s end, he’d adjusted as much as he could since he had just begun school again.
As much as I wanted to keep my family intact, I believe in the end my children would have suffered more.
Kody would’ve eventually cheated again, and I would’ve been tempted by Freedom since he would be a permanent part of our lives.
Being resolute in my decision didn’t make dissolving a long union easy.
It had been harder than I’d even believed it would be.
Kody had been such a part of my life since I was a teenager that I missed his steady presence.
He’d been there, making decisions about our daily lives, and I’d become used to relying on him as he had on me.
Anytime we met up to discuss divvying up the business, our modest assets, and the boys, his regretful gaze would linger on my face.
He wasn’t the arrogant and confident man I used to know.
Kody seemed lost, and only being a father to KJ gave him purpose.
He was determined to be the best father, and their bond had strengthened.
One day, when KJ didn’t need me so much, he would want to live with his father, the way that Jamie lived with his.
At times, I had uncontrollable crying spells because of what my father did, and I recognized that leaving Kody didn’t necessarily mean ending up with Freedom.
I needed to be on my own to determine if I could love Freedom as he deserved.
Peace had read me right that night in the parking lot.
After learning how horrible my father had been to Freedom when he came for me and the depths my father had gone to ruin Freedom simply because he loved me, I no longer knew if I deserved him.
I had judged him then, and now, when he didn’t owe me loyalty.
Freedom Cade worked hard to be considered a good man because he loved me, and was almost sent to prison because of it.
Sometimes, I wondered if deep down he resented loving me.
“Uh, oh, she’s zoning out again.” Peace noted.
Lori tapped my knee. “You good?”
“I don’t know if the journey will end with me and him.
” I flopped back in Lori’s lap, and Peace picked up my feet on the other end of the sofa.
“He’s leaving in a couple of days for his world tour and will be gone until Christmas.
I’ve gotten used to him being a drive away from me, and now he’ll be a thousand miles away.
We’re not on the best of terms to send him off to all those women.
What if he realizes that I’m not worth it?
I can tell he’s already questioning that. ”
Peace squeezed my foot. “My brother loves you, but it’s been a lot of hurtful truths.
And he doesn’t have the capacity to work through what Kody and your father did to him, how he feels for you, his crazy-busy career, and be a dad to Jamie.
Just like KJ is a priority to you. Jamie is to him.
Maybe the tour is happening at a good time.
You can finalize everything with Kody and be able to greet Freedom with a clean slate when he comes home.
That would be the best Christmas gift you could give him. ”
Lori twirled one of my braids on her finger. “I think Freedom needs to kick your dad’s ass and get it all out of his system. Then he’ll be ready to be with you.”
I glared up at Lori. “Really?”
Peace nodded. “That might not be a bad idea. He’s trying to move past what your father did because he’s forever connected to him through Jamie.”
Sitting up, I snapped, “Y’all can’t be serious? Freedom would kill him if my father didn’t shoot him first. My father still carries a gun.”
“Shit, maybe he and Kody can double-team your daddy. I bet Kody would love to get in a few licks, too. He was a boy himself when your dad forced him to betray his friend,” Lori added.
“Record forever scratched. You actually have something nice to say about Kody?” I asked, my indignant disbelief about their solution to the problem subsiding.
She shrugged. “He just looks so pitiful when he comes over to get KJ. In his own way, he tried to pick up the broken pieces that he partially caused by taking care of you and Jamie. Yeah, I’m sure Kody was jealous of Freedom, but why the fuck is a grown man who’s a cop doing that to a kid?”
Peace stared at his half-empty glass. “We were scared the whole time. The only person who didn’t seem scared was Freedom.”
They were right. We couldn’t allow my father’s criminal misdeeds to be swept under the rug. Pushing off the sofa, I grabbed my cell from the table and pushed a number. When his familiar, deep voice answered, I announced, “Daddy, we need to talk. Can you come over tomorrow around six?”
Peace and Lori exchanged confused glances.
“Okay. See you tomorrow.” I clicked off. “He does need to kick my father’s ass.”
“Aw…shit.” They said in unison.
The following evening, I opened the door to a frowning Freedom dressed in a black polo and black jeans.
I could see the scowl through the shades he wore.
“I have last-minute things I need to do before I fly out the day after tomorrow. What was so urgent that you couldn’t wait?
” He looked past my shoulders. “I don’t want to set foot in that door. It doesn’t feel right.”
“This is my house for now. If we’re going to be together, then you have to get used to it.”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t. I have a home that you and KJ are more than welcome to visit at any time. This is the home you made with Kody.”
My father would be here at any moment, and if Freedom remained outside, he would retreat to his car the minute he saw my father. I had to get him inside.
“Baby, come in. KJ and Jamie are with Kody.” School had started again, and Kody wanted to be as involved as he could with both boys since Freedom would be gone for months. He’d committed to taking them and picking them up from their respective schools every day.
His scowl deepened beneath the shades. “I already know that.” He whipped off his glasses. “We’re not having sex in this house.”
My head snapped back. “That’s not why I asked you to come here. You’re about to leave for months, and we haven’t discussed us.”
“And you want to talk right now when you were at the house three days ago picking up Jamie and had plenty of time to talk?”
“Yes.”
He raised his head to the sky and muttered under his breath.
“I know, you’re thanking God that you have such a beautiful woman who loves you.” I teased, and at his crooked smile, I pulled him inside.
Freedom’s shoulders were rigid as he scanned the living area.
Our family portrait still hung on the wall.
We’d taken it two years ago, and we looked happy in the picture.
He stared at the picture. “Did Kody tell you I knocked his pictures off the desk when I visited? Seeing evidence of your happiness with him did something to me. Being in this house, right now, hurts so badly. I don’t want a reminder of all that I lost.”
“Is that why you’re unwilling to talk about a future? One minute you can’t keep your eyes off me, the next you’re being distant and cold.”
He slanted his gaze. “Distant, maybe. Cold, no.”
I walked to him and placed my hands on his waist. “You’re protecting your heart from me, and you don’t have to.”
“Why haven’t you asked to come with me to Paris?” He quietly asked.
“I need to be here with KJ.”
“He spends the weekend with Kody all the time now, and I’m sure he won’t mind keeping him an extra day or two. It’s the opening night of my world tour, and you’ve never asked to be there with me. You can fly in and out. Three days tops. Jamie would love it.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Did Jamie put you up to this? I know he really wants to go.”
“And I want him to be there with me, along with his mother.” He looked at me.
“You still can’t accept me. You want me here with you in your world and have no interest in my world.
You listen to me and my band in the studio like it’s my damn hobby.
This whole bullshit excuse that you would be holding me back is your fear of leaving this world that you’ve been a part of forever.
I get that you’re scared. I was, too, when I was forced away from Dallas.
” Freedom lifted my chin with his finger.
“I’ve been all over this world, and I want to share it with you.
I want to share my world with you. The crazy and the beauty of it. ”