Chapter 15 Monroe
MONROE
The house was too quiet, so much so that I could hear the hum of the fridge and the slow tick of the clock above the fireplace as it approached midnight.
Lila had finally left about fifteen minutes ago.
She’d offered to stay, but I wanted to be alone.
After analyzing every situation possible and checking my phone a thousand times, I couldn’t talk about Jace anymore.
I needed to put him out of my mind. Yet here I was on the couch, the throw blanket twisted around my legs, and the wine bottle standing guard on the coffee table in case I needed that extra push to fall asleep.
I swore I was done crying, done beating myself up, and done worrying about someone who didn’t care enough to call me.
Instead, I was scolding myself for falling apart over a man I’d known for two weeks.
A man who grieved for his dead brother, a man who had gone through a G-LOC and almost killed his WSO and himself.
A man who was taking hold of my heart faster than the speed of light.
The wind whipped around outside, rattling the windows.
Then the heater kicked on. I burrowed under the blanket, my eyes heavy, swollen, and I was beginning to get drowsy.
Maybe sleep would help. Maybe I would feel different in the morning.
But I didn’t want to go to bed. If I did, I would break down again, thinking of the night Jace and I had learned each other’s bodies, reliving every touch and kiss, and remembering the words he’d spoken.
I closed my eyes, stretched out on the couch, and tucked a pillow under my head when three sharp bangs had me sitting up faster than the speed of light. I stilled and listened. Maybe one of the rocking chairs on the porch slid against the house from the wind.
The doorbell rang, and I was on my feet. Lila must’ve forgotten something.
“Monroe, open up.”
“Jace,” I whispered, stumbling to the door, rubbing my eyes, smoothing my hair. I had to look like death worn over.
My mind screamed to make him sweat, but his voice sounded off, like the world was ending.
When I opened the door, it felt like my jaw hit the foyer floor. His hand was red and bloody. His cargo pants were dirty, and his hiking boots were crusted in mud.
“Please tell me you didn’t go rock climbing,” I said in a rush, thinking back to the day he’d almost fallen off that cliff.
A strong wind ruffled his brown hair as the cold air swept past me. “Can I come in?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “That depends. Are you about to give me some bullshit story on why you stood me up?”
All I could think about was Ryan and his myriad of excuses as to why he didn’t come home when he’d said he would.
“Sunshine, do I look like I have a bullshit story?” He held out his wounded hands.
How could I protest when it was clear he had wounds to prove otherwise? Not to mention, he had remorse written all over him. But I was as moody as hell and pissed.
I stuck my hands on my hips. “Don’t answer a question with a question.”
“Aren’t I letting the heat out?” he asked with a smirk, throwing back my own words from the night I’d invited him into my house.
I moved out of the way, pursing my lips, although inwardly I was relieved that he wasn’t seriously hurt.
Once he was inside, I slammed the door a bit too hard. “I’ve been worried sick.”
He took off his boots then his windbreaker. “I’m so sorry.” He flashed those puppy dog blue eyes like it would solve his problem.
In a way it had because the butterflies inside my stomach were having a party.
“I know it’s late,” he continued, “but I had to apologize. I had to make sure you didn’t think I stood you up. Hear me out?”
I stomped into the living room like I’d done in high school when Ryan got under my skin. “I’m listening.”
Resuming the warm spot I had on the couch, I tucked my legs underneath me, my pulse racing.
He blew into his hands as he went over to the fireplace, his back to the fire. “After the centrifuge test, I went to Devil’s Hollow to clear my head.”
My brows flew to my hairline. “So you did go rock climbing?”
“No.” His voice rose in pitch. “I have flaws, but I don’t climb without a partner. I started at Devil’s Hollow but then decided to go to Eagle’s Trail. That place is better for hiking.”
And where husbands take their mistresses.
“Anyway, I dropped my phone halfway up a steep trail. I hiked down a ways to see if I could retrieve it, but I couldn’t. By the time I got back to my SUV, it was five thirty. I was speeding back to Pine Valley when my tire blew. I went off the road and into a ditch. With no phone, I was screwed.”
I believed him. But it still stung that he hadn’t shown.
He raked a hand through his hair. “Please forgive me. If I had your number memorized, I would’ve asked the nice couple who’d called the tow truck for me to use their phone.”
“I texted you today to see how your centrifuge test went. Did you get that message?”
“No. It must’ve come in after I dropped my phone.” He came over and sat on the edge of the couch and faced me. “I failed the test. Blacked out. I was a mess after that, and I needed to get my head straight before I saw you. I have to fly again, Monroe.”
There it was. The military came first for him, as did hurt and anger for me.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like waiting for someone in uniform, wondering if they’re alive, if they’ll show?
” I tangled my hands together. “I can’t do this again.
” Needing some distance from him, I rose and paced on the other side of the coffee table.
“I’m relieved that you’re okay. But you need to go. ”
He flinched as though I’d slapped him in the face. “That’s it? You’re giving up. Shit happens, Sunshine, and sometimes it’s out of our control.”
I hugged myself, still wearing a hole in the carpet. “I don’t want to risk my heart again.”
He circled the coffee table toward me then backed up. “So you don’t feel a thing for me?”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel, Jace.” I poked a finger in my chest. “I’m choosing me this time. I’m choosing to make sure no one will hurt me again.”
He took one step then two. “Then you’ll never find love, will you?”
“And you have?” My voice shook.
“My answer doesn’t matter.” He sounded like someone who was done hiding behind his ghosts. “You’ve already made up your mind.”
Inches separated us, and I wanted to throw myself at him.
I clenched my teeth. “I have to protect myself, Jace.”
Before I could blink away tears, his cold hands were on my arms. “Protect yourself from what? From feeling something real?” He was the calm in my storm as we locked eyes.
“I know you’ve been hurt by a man who wore a uniform.
But I’m not him, Monroe.” He tucked hair around my ear.
“I’m not leaving. I can’t walk away from you. ”
I swallowed down so many emotions that I couldn’t decipher which one was stronger—the fear, the anger, or the love. All of it was churning inside me like an out-of-control car with no brakes. How could I feel this strongly for a man I’d just met?
“You say that now. Until orders come in.”
He barely flinched, as if I was right. “The military is my job, and I’m not going to apologize for that. I love what I do. I love being in the cockpit.”
“I would never ask you to give up flying,” I whispered.
Silence hung over us as he opened then closed his mouth like he was struggling with words.
“What is it?” I asked. “Say your truths. Isn’t that what you told me in this house one week ago?”
He set his jaw. “I’m afraid to tell you what I’m really feeling. Afraid I’ll lose you.”
“I might be scared, but if you were going to lose me, it would’ve been long before now.”
His features softened as he cupped my cheeks. “We fit, Monroe. You make me feel like I have another purpose. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m truly in the cockpit, flying across the sky. I want that feeling to last forever.”
I trembled. “I hear a but coming.”
“No buts. I love your strength. You’re funny. You’re beautiful, and I want a life with you.”
“Aren’t we moving too fast, too soon?”
He placed my hand on his chest over his heart. “Feel that? The heart doesn’t care about time. That myth is all in our heads. I’ve fallen for you, Monroe.”
Damn him. I sure as hell hadn’t seen that coming. But I couldn’t deny that my heart was beating probably faster than his. That my stomach was somersaulting like a gymnast on speed.
I licked my dry lips. “You make me crazy.”
“Likewise.” He grinned that sexy grin I so loved. “I’m not asking you to promise forever. I’m asking for a chance to show you the man I am. One who doesn’t walk away. One who will love you to the day I die. And one who will always have your back. You have my heart, Sunshine.”
I broke away and sat on the couch or else my weak legs were about to betray me. “I’m… I don’t know—”
He knelt in front of me, placing his large hands on my knees. “I don’t want to spend another night afraid that I’ve lost you. I know you feel the same way I do. Tell me I’m lying, and I will get up and walk out of here and never look back.”
Pain spread through my chest at that thought.
I gently rubbed his scraped knuckles. “You should clean that.” That had nothing to do with the topic of discussion, but I had to take a minute to think and dig up the courage to say what I was really feeling.
“They’re surface wounds. Nothing to worry about.”
“You scare me, Jace,” I said on a sigh then gave him a weak smile.
“I feel too much too soon, just like I felt when I laid eyes on Ryan in high school. Though this feeling is stronger, different.” I shuddered.
“It’s not love at first sight like it had been with Ryan.
It’s more…” I paused, trying to find the right words.
He climbed to his feet, sat on the edge of the coffee table, and leaned his elbows on his knees, watching me fidget with the throw blanket.
“With you,” I continued, “I’m falling for who you actually are.
The cocky fighter pilot who’s honest about being scared, who trusted me enough to share his pain about losing his brother.
You don’t hide behind a mask. I always know where I stand with you.
” I swallowed thickly. “I trust you in a way I never trusted Ryan, even if the military part scares me. But you freaked me out tonight.”
He rose and tugged me gently to my feet. “Let me prove I’m worth the risk.”
I studied him and found nothing but love and sincerity washing over him. I reached up and touched his strong jaw. “You think words fix everything?”
He circled his fingers around my wrist then pressed a kiss to my palm. “No, but actions do and also love.”
That last word hit like a boxer in a ring throwing a knockout punch at me. I hated and loved that he was so sure, so certain of what he wanted.
“Love, huh?” I asked.
A soft laugh escaped him. “Yeah. I love you.”
All the fear I had about falling for a man in uniform didn’t stand a chance against the honesty in his voice.
If he were jerking my chain, he wouldn’t be pleading with me.
He would’ve walked out already, and even if he did, my feelings wouldn’t change.
As frightening and overwhelming as it was, I had to take a chance.
“I’m trying not to fall for you.” My voice cracked. “But I can’t stop it even if I tried.”
His lips brushed my temple. “Guess we both failed.”
I pressed my hands on his chest and couldn’t believe what I was about to say. “I do love you, too, Jace Callahan.”
Suddenly, I felt freer than I ever had. I felt like this huge weight had been lifted, and I could finally breathe again.
His blue eyes widened. “You mean it?”
“I’m frightened out of my mind, but yeah.”
He feathered his mouth over mine before he kissed me—slow, steady, easy, and deep. The kiss was a promise written in breath, warmth, and tenderness. A tear leaked out—a happy one, for sure.
We broke apart, and he rubbed his nose over mine. “Didn’t think the night would end up like this.” Grinning, he squeezed me to him. “I’m never letting you go.”
I burrowed into him. “Ditto, big guy.”
For the first time, love felt different, deeper, stronger, and real.
Jace gave me a sense of love that was wild, free, and alive with more possibilities than I’d ever dared to imagine.
I was ready to take that step with him, all the way into a future filled with risks, challenges, and the unpredictable.
Something I thought fear would never let me do again.
“I love you, Jace,” I whispered against him. “I really do.”
He chuckled, low and warm. “I believe you, Sunshine.”
I laughed softly. “I just had to say it again.”
“I love hearing it. So never stop.”
The fire flickered in the fireplace, painting the room in amber light, and for a fleeting moment, everything was still.
Despite the lingering fear that love with a man like Jace came with its own kind of turbulence, I was ready for whatever was thrown our way, so long as he was the one holding on to me.