Chapter 21 – Andie
ANDIE
It had been hard not seeing Morgan for the past few days. Not just because I hadn’t seen him, but because I wasn’t going to see him anymore. He had texted but I hadn’t replied.
As far as I was aware, our friends with benefits agreement had ended.
We had been together for months and I had started to care for him a lot.
I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but at the same time I didn’t want to lose him.
I hadn’t texted back because I didn’t know what to say to him. It was better that we cut ties now.
When he’d punched the photo of us, I saw the pain and hurt in him. I had done that to him, and it was killing me that I couldn’t make it right. I hurt, too, and I missed him more than I thought I would. I wanted to just rock up at Kate’s and have an all-day gaming session like we used to.
I was late getting to the club that night.
I hadn’t been sleeping well and had slept late, but Lauren was there with Betty to make sure all was okay.
I made my way to the VIP section when I saw Morgan was there at the side of the dancefloor, with a girl whose hands were all over him.
It felt like a sucker punch and I stumbled a few steps before righting myself.
His eyes met mine, I forced a smile and pointed that I was going up stairs before giving him a little wave, which he returned.
The rest of his friends were sat in my booth again with Lauren and Betty.
Betty and Lawson were still going strong.
They were snuggled at the back deep in conversation.
They greeted me loudly, already tipsy and poured me a drink.
My nose stung, my eyes pricked with tears and my chest ached as thoughts of him with that other girl flooded my mind.
I tried to focus on what was being said, but I couldn’t think straight.
After a few minutes Morgan joined us and, of course, the only available seat was by me.
He slid into the booth, his thigh and knee touching mine.
I wanted to run my hand up his thigh but remembered he wasn’t mine anymore, we were just friends, no benefits.
He was already dancing with other girls.
There was a lump in my throat that just wouldn’t go no matter how much I swallowed.
Things had quietened down on the table, all eyes seemed to be on us.
“Uh, I’d better get to work. Please can I get out?” I looked at him, but he didn’t budge.
I climbed over him, at one point straddling him and remembered all the times I had straddled him with his cock inside me, his hands on my arse guiding my movements as our moans filled up the room.
I looked down into his face and by the way his eyes had changed colour, I imagined he was having the same thoughts as me.
“Fuck it. I want you,” he growled.
His hands gripped my waist like they used to, and he pulled me down on his lap.
His lips claimed mine before I could think about it and for a few seconds I was lost in him, tasting him with my lips as he moved his hips and ground his erection against me.
Until my senses came back, and I remembered we’d spilt up, it was for the best. I pulled away, got off him and looked around the table, I was met by some shocked faces and some happy faces.
“Uh, forget you saw that, okay? Free drinks all round. I have to get to work.” I spun and started to walk away.
“Always the fucking same with you. Work, work, work. One day, Andie, you may find something that means more to you than work and I hope you realise it before you lose it.”
“Well, I’ve worked hard for what I have, and I have a lot of fucking work to do.” I spun back towards him.
“Yeah, and where do I come into the equation? Just when you want a quick fuck? Do you want to go to your office now? I’ll fuck you fast and then you can get back to work?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I fumed.
“What’s wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re like an ice queen. All fuck, no feelings!” he yelled at me.
The heads at the table moved between Morgan and me like one would at a tennis match.
“Follow me!” I gritted out through my teeth as I stalked back to my office.
He stormed through the door I held open for him and sat in the chair opposite mine by the desk. I took a deep breath, straightened up my shoulders and walked to my chair, sitting down, and staring at him.
“I want more, Andie. I want you back, but friends with benefits isn’t enough for me,” he demanded. He looked up at me, his eyes glassy.
“We’re over, Morgan. You ended things. You know I don’t want a relationship. I’ve told you this from the start. I’m just not ready for that. We need to go back to just friends.”
“You did, but I was hoping that would have changed. We were together for months. Things were good. You know I have feelings for you.” His voice had turned softer.
“Yeah, you showed me how much you care for me by allowing a girl to be all over you on the dancefloor in front of my face!” I spat, slamming my hands down on my desk.
“Look.” He met my eyes, they were tear-filled and mirrored how I was feeling. “I’m sorry about that, it was supposed to just be a dance, and she did get handsy, but I stopped it. Andie, do you care about me?”
I couldn’t answer him. I did have feelings for him, how could I not? He was perfect, but what was the point? I didn’t, no couldn’t, have a relationship. My divorce wasn’t final, and I was sick of it all.
“Morg…I…” I broke off and swallowed hard.
“I guess I’ll see you around.” His voice broke he moved to the door and just stood there for a few moments, his one hand on the door handle.
“Please don’t leave like this, Morgan.” My heart was breaking, my body shook.
“I have to, don’t you see? This is killing me. I’m not happy anymore.”
“What? So, you’re just going to walk away altogether, not even friends?” Morgan nodded. “You’re a fucking asshole. You agreed, sex, nothing more. Now you’re cutting all ties and walking?”
“Just like you, huh, Andie. But you don’t walk away, you fucking run.
For months we’ve been having sex, spending time with each other, texting non-stop.
When I wasn’t working or with Charlie, I was with you.
You made me feel like you had feelings for me, but it was all just a fuck for you, wasn’t it? ”
I was at a loss for words. He was hurting and I wanted to make it better for him, I just couldn’t give him what he wanted.
“If you don’t want a relationship then I will find someone who does.”
“You know what? Go fucking do it then. Plenty of girls down on the dancefloor!” The anger took over when I thought of him with someone else.
The pain in his eyes was too much to bear, so I swung my seat around to face the back of the office. The door slammed, I counted to ten and spun back around. Tears filled my eyes, and I was more hurt than I cared to admit. I gave myself five minutes to feel before I shook it off; I had work to do.
I got up on shaky legs and made another drink, downing it in one, feeling the warmth of it fill my stomach. I could do this. I just needed to get through the next couple of hours then I could break down when I got home.
I made my way down to the bar area to check in. All was going well, the club was packed again and things, business wise, were great. I turned to watch my patrons drinking, dancing, and flirting when my eye caught sight of a familiar figure to my left.
Morgan was at the end of the bar with a different girl holding onto his arm. He smiled at her and laughed at something she said in his ear. Then, she kissed him and started to pull him to the back of the club where the toilets were. I couldn’t watch any longer as my whole world crumbled around me.
I knew it was my fault; I’d pushed him away consistently since we had started sleeping together.
Never giving myself to him completely, but always just giving him enough to keep him interested until he wasn’t anymore.
He deserved better, I knew that, but I was selfish enough to keep him dangling because he was good for me. That way worked for me.
“Aria?” I called out to the bartender.
“Yes, boss?”
“Top shelf, please. Make it a double.” She nodded and got to work making me my drink whilst I tried to calm my breaking heart and jealousy. I couldn’t stop thinking of him back there with that girl, fucking her in my club. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
I downed the drink Aria placed in front of me. “Another, please.” She poured me another, which I also downed. “Another.”
“Boss, are you okay?” She looked worried.
“Yep, everything is peachy. Just leave the bottle.” The words sounded right, but the tone wasn’t.
Aria eyed me up and took the bottle with her.
I stared at the empty space where he sat with another girl and downed my third drink.
I turned and saw Aria on the phone, probably calling Lauren or Jonathan, but I was past caring.
I waved to her and pointed to my empty glass.
She smiled, put the phone down and poured me another. I downed that one too.
When I looked back to the end of the bar, Morgan and his new girl were back and talking, though she was not as close to him anymore.
His eyes caught mine, his face full of guilt.
I sucked in a deep breath, biting my lip hard to try to keep the pain there instead of reaching its way into my chest. I tapped on the bar and Aria handed me another drink.
I went to get up. I needed to get out of there, but my way was blocked by a large body. An arm circled my waist, and I felt hot breath on my neck. I smelt him and knew instantly who it was before he opened his mouth.
“I’m sorry, it’s not what you think. I didn’t, I couldn’t.” His voice cracked.
I turned, looking up at his bright blue eyes. I quickly looked away and over his shoulder. I couldn’t break down in public. I couldn’t let him see how hurt I really was. It was for the best. Rather me get hurt this way than him.