Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
KAYLEE
Emma is never going to forgive you.
It's the only thought in my brain.
No matter how hard I try to focus on Brendon's smooth sheets, or the way his scent is lingering in the bed, or the mirror I can use to watch him fuck me, or even that he's about to come in here and—
I don't know what he's going to do.
Only that I trust him to steal all my other thoughts away.
Emma is never going to forgive you.
Thoughts of my wrists tied to this bed, of his palm on my ass, of his hand around my throat—
Nothing can stop that angry voice in my head.
This is your fault.
You ruined everything.
You begged him for this.
He said it couldn't happen and you begged him.
You're ruining his relationship with his sister.
With the only family he has left.
You really think he'll forgive you for that?
That either one of them will?
Grandma is gonna die and Mom is gonna find out about this. And then you'll have nothing. You'll come back to LA and you'll be alone.
He steps through the door.
He's still in the same outfit. Skinny jeans. T-shirt. Bare feet.
He has the same dark hair and dark eyes.
The same sleeve tattoo.
But he's different than the Brendon of a few minutes ago.
He's demanding. In control.
And that look in his eyes, the one that screams you're mine and I'll do whatever I want with you—
It sucks up all my attention.
It's exactly what I need.
His eyes fix on me. "You wore that skirt to drive me out of my fucking mind."
It's a minor infraction compared to everything else I've done, but it's enough.
"Answer me."
"Yes."
"You knew I couldn't touch you in front of Em."
Her name is a dagger to my chest. I push up the walls around my heart. Something, anything, to stop that guilt from flooding my body.
"Kaylee. Answer me." His voice is stern. It's a promise. An answer me or you'll regret it.
"Yes."
He takes a seat on the bed next to me. His hand rests on my thigh. It doesn't stroke or tease. It just sits there. "What did you want to happen?"
"I don't know."
"You do."
I shake my head. I really don't.
"Did you want me to fuck you?"
"Yes?"
"To drag you to the alley and split you in half?"
"Yes."
"What else?"
"I don't know. I just want you. It's all I can think sometimes."
"How?"
"Huh?"
His hand knots in my hair. He turns me so we're eye to eye. "Tell me how you wanted me. You were staring at me all night. You were thinking about me."
"I was."
"How?"
"About you bending me over the counter. Or the chair. Or ordering me onto my knees."
"And coming on those pretty, pink lips?"
"Yes."
"You like to tease me, angel?"
"Yes."
"You have to pay for that."
I nod. Yes. Please. I need to pay for... for everything.
He presses his palm against the back of my head to guide my body over his. So I'm bent over his knee, my stomach against his thighs, my face against the bed, my ass in the air.
Brendon rolls my skirt up my thighs. Over my ass.
He traces the outline of my thong. "You wear this to torture me too?"
"Yes."
"Bad girl."
I nod.
He rubs me over my panties.
"You want to hurt, angel?"
"Yes."
He brings his hand into the air.
I squeeze my eyes closed.
Sink my teeth into my lower lip.
I've never.
I mean, I've thought about it. Fuck, how I've thought about it.
But I've never...
What if I can't...
His hand comes down hard on my ass. It stings. I feel the slap in my sex. In my nipples. In my fingers and toes.
Fuck, that hurts so good.
He does it again.
Again.
I cry out. It's not a word. It's a yes and a no. A please and please make this stop. And then just a please.
He spanks me again.
"Brendon," I breathe. "Please."
"Tell me you need this, angel."
"I do. Please."
"Tell me why."
"I ruined everything. Us. Em. Just... everything."
"No."
"No?" Anything but no.
He traces the line of my thong over my ass, my sex, my clit, my pelvis, then back again. "Tell me exactly."
"You told me no. That this couldn't happen. But I begged you."
He brings his hand into the air then brings it down hard on my ass. "No, Kay. Tell me how it really happened."
"But it did. You did, and I did, and—"
He spanks me again. Harder this time. Hard enough it hurts as much as it feels good.
"I..." I'm not sure what I'm asking for. Only that he'll give it to me.
"I wanted you. I was desperate for you. I still am. This is on me too."
"Oh. But I... I lied to Em."
He brings his hand down hard on my ass. "What else?"
"I... I don't know. I kept so many things from everyone. All this time, and I... I'm here and not in New Jersey, and—"
He spanks me again. Hard.
Fuck, that hurts.
"I ruined everything. Everything." That dam breaks and guilt floods my body. It's in every pore. In every molecule.
"You need to hurt."
"Yes."
He brings his hand into the air then brings it down against my ass. "I'll tell you when it's enough."
"Yes."
He spanks me again.
Again.
Again.
I get lost in the smack of his palm against my flesh.
In the rush of pain and the pleasure that follows.
My sex is aching.
My skin is screaming for more and for less.
For everything.
He spanks me again.
Again.
Again.
"Please. I... I need you." It's the only thing I know.
"Tell me you deserve it."
"What?"
"That you deserve my fingers in your cunt."
"I..."
"That you deserve to come on my cock." His hand comes down hard on my ass.
"I don't know."
Again.
"I... please."
He holds his hand in the air. "Tell me, Kay. Tell me you deserve to feel good."
I don't know. I want to believe that. But my head is still a mess. "Again."
He presses my body against his with his other hand. It's like he's reminding me he's in control. That he's got me. That I'm safe.
Not just my body. But all of me.
"Tell me, Kay." His voice is equal parts stern and caring. "Tell me what you deserve."
"To hurt."
He spanks me again. "And then?"
"I don't know. I want to believe it. I do. Please... just please."
His palm comes down hard on my ass. "Tell me."
"I deserve..." This. I deserve hurting. But then I...
Smack! "Tell me."
"I..."
"Repeat after me."
"Okay."
"I deserve to come."
All my breath leaves my body as his palm smacks against my flesh. "I deserve to come."
"I deserve you."
"I deserve you."
"Good girl." He brings his palm into the air. "Last one."
"Please." There it is again. I still don't know what I'm asking for, only that I need it desperately.
Smack! His palm comes down hard on my ass.
Then he's pushing my panties aside.
Teasing my sex with one finger.
Two.
Three.
"Please."
"Beg me."
"Please."
He teases again.
Again.
Again.
"Please what?" His voice is low, demanding.
He teases again.
God, my sex is aching.
I feel so empty.
So incredibly desperate to be full.
"Please, I want to come on your hand. Please."
He pushes a little deeper.
"Please. More."
Deeper.
"Please."
There. He drives his fingers into me.
Then he's pulling them out.
Another thrust.
Another.
My body relaxes. He's giving me what I need. Exactly what I need.
He fucks me with his fingers.
It's rough. Hard. Fast.
And it feels so fucking good.
"Brendon," I breathe. "Please."
"Say it again, angel."
"Brendon."
He drives his fingers into me. Again. Again. Again.
All that tension in my sex knots.
Almost.
Almost.
There.
I groan his name again and again as all that tension unwinds. An orgasm rocks through me. It pushes every last inhibition from my brain.
He throws me onto the bed on my stomach.
Peels my panties to my knees.
I hear his zipper undo.
Then his hand is around my throat.
And his body is on top of mine, his chest against my back, his cock nudging my thigh.
Nudging my sex.
There.
With one swift movement, he drives inside me.
I get the full force of him.
Fuck.
It's intense.
But it feels so fucking good.
He goes deeper.
Harder.
Again.
Again.
His grip around my neck tightens.
He has me pinned.
I can barely move my legs—my panties are around my knees. And he's between them.
I'm completely at his mercy.
But there isn't a single part of me that's scared.
He drives into me again and again.
It's overwhelming, that sense of being full.
Or being held down.
Of being under his control.
He nips at my neck, holding my body against his as he drives into me again and again.
Fuck, he feels so good.
And the way he groans against my neck—
I do believe I deserve this.
That I have done penance.
That everything is going to be okay.
He keeps me pinned to the bed as he fucks me.
That last bit of guilt fades away. Until my body is nothing but pleasure. But the ache of desperately needing to come.
I clutch at the sheets.
I buck my hips against his.
He pins me harder.
Tightens his grip around my throat.
Almost.
He drives harder.
Deeper.
My eyelids press together. "Don't stop." It's all I can get out.
He drives into me with those same steady thrusts.
Again.
Again.
There.
The tension in my sex unfurls. I'm pulsing so hard I can feel it in my fingertips. I'm sure I'm going to push him from my body.
But he keeps that same steady thrust.
Keeps me pinned to the bed.
His lips find my neck. He groans my name against my skin as he thrusts through his orgasm.
His cock pulses as he spills inside me.
He's giving me everything he has.
I feel so full, so whole, I can't stand it.
Once he's spilled every drop, he collapses next to me.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls my body into his.
His lips find mine.
And he kisses me like he's never going to let me go.