Chapter 8 #2
"No, just lived in. Out there you have stuff because it's necessary, in here, you’ve made it your home."
"I won't deny that. Sit down, I'ma play some shit for you and I want to run something by you."
She settled onto the sofa then pointed toward her feet. "You mind?"
"Nah, get comfortable. I plan on holding you hostage for a while.
" He winked and heat crawled up her neck but she pushed the feelings of attraction aside and kicked off her sneakers, bringing her feet up and crossing her legs at the ankles.
She watched Asao move across the room to the small space that held his equipment.
After hitting a few switches, low bass with a nineties R&B feel to it crawled through the air followed by his voice.
Everybody talking about life forever after
I push that shit aside and push my world a little faster
Chasing dreams, chasing paper, chasing fame, paper chaser
Seems like I’m moving but the world is standing still
My heart don’t have time for the emotional turmoil or thrills
Never been a liar so I keep it on the low,
Never want to feel the pain, that lives in the hearts of most
So fuck love, get money, it’s better to be free
Fuck love, get money I’m just out here doing me
The track continued to play, there wasn't anything but shifts and beats then his eyes were on her.
"What?" She frowned.
"Tell me what you think?"
She grinned. "I think you're telling the world that you don't want to be in love and that's too cliché for a rapper and it's also sad. Being in love is a beautiful thing."
"You in love, Samari?"
She tensed at the thought. Her ex came to mind and she felt a rush of anger. "No."
"But you have been," he confirmed.
"Yes."
"What happened?" Asao was curious about how somebody had fumbled her fucking heart.
"He loved the idea of me more than he truly loved me.
It was one-sided." No matter how much time passed, she still felt the vise grip of pain that lingered in her chest from losing not only her career but a piece of herself. She always assumed she would be smart enough to survive the seediness of the industry but sometimes shit happened and she had to accept that no matter how safe she’d tried to be, the dirtiness can still touch her.
It wasn’t that deep, Mari. We were just doing some industry shit. Making a name for ourselves. I know you didn’t think it was more than that…
The words hurt more than they should have and also caused Samari to question everything about the time they’d spent together. He had betrayed her in the worst way. What she thought was real, he thought was for likes and comments on social media.
"He broke your heart."
He broke my spirit…
"He made me realize that all I have is me."
No one knew about that night. She barely remembered it, even after she’d found the proof on her phone a few days later.
"Nah, that's not true. What did I tell you the other night?" Asao’s eyes were intense and she felt her stomach drop then tighten. She simply stared at this beautiful man, not speaking, because what he told her were just words. There was no way she would allow herself to believe in fairytales again. That wasn’t what this was.
"Samari, what did I tell you last night?"
"That I had you."
"Aight then." His expression relaxed.
"Sing something for me."
She smiled, shaking her head. "No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't feel like it."
"Yes you do. I see it all through your damn body. You want to run your verse about why you feel like fuck love, do me. I want to see how it feels with my verse. There was something missing from this track. I think you can make it right."
He turned and ran it back, watching her as she listened to his verse.
"Play it one more time."
He did and she closed her eyes, listening to his voice and lyrics. When his track ended, she adlibbed a few riffs and ran her verse when the next sequence of bass started.
Niggas got it twisted, love the way they got us misted
All I need is honesty, don’t care much about the money chase
Wish he understood, I’m a hustler so I’m good
Want a man to stand by me, hold me down, love me deep
He’s always moving fast, never seeing what he passed
If he can’t see me, then I say fuck you
Live life to the fullest, life rotates without you
So fuck love, get money, it’s better to be free
When she opened her eyes, he was staring at her, expression hard. She frowned back and he smiled, shaking his head. Asao leaned back, studying her for a minute before he said what was on his mind.
"I knew you had what I needed to make this shit complete. You're on this track."
"What, no. I can't."
With a slow nod, he appeared unbothered. "You can and you will. So if you're saying no because you think that contract means something, fuck that shit. I'ma handle it."
"How?" she questioned, hating how hopeful even a small possibility of getting her life back made her feel.
"Don't worry about all that. You want out?"
She nodded. She did, so fucking bad. She just wanted her life back.
"What are you willing to sacrifice to have control again?"
She didn't have to think about it. The word rushed out.
"Everything."
"Good because that's probably gonna be what it takes," he asserted.
"What do you mean?"
"I have to map this shit out. Can you give me a few days?"
She sputtered a laugh. "If it means I have control of my music again, I'll give you whatever you want."
Something flared in his eyes and he lifted from his chair, crossed the room, and leaned over her. The tips of his fingers brushed down the side of her face then over her lips. Her body trembled from his touch but his words had her shifting.
"Be careful about making random ass promises. I'm the type of man who will come to collect."
She swallowed thickly and her eyes lifted to his. He smirked and stepped back. "Let's run this shit. I think we have something dope."
Her body hummed with the possibility of recording. It had been so long. A little over three years and she’d missed what it felt like to fall into a rhythm and let go.
"Well?" He lifted a brow and she nodded.
"Okay but you can't release it. Cobra will sue me."
His expression turned dark. "Let me worry about all that. Close the door and come on."
He tossed his head to the left and she unlocked her legs, closed the door, and joined him near the mic.
"You need time to think about your verses?" he asked.
"No, I can vibe off what you say."
"Bet, because I plan on just running some shit to see how it feels. Let's go."
He handed her headphones and pointed toward the mic. After he lifted a second pair of headphones and plugged them in, he ran the track back. This time, instead of his voice on the track, it flowed through the microphone when he leaned in close, keeping his eyes on her while he ran his verse.
She felt him and she liked the way he had a hold on her.
By midnight Asao and Samari were done recording and she felt electrified.
Something in her spirit was hopeful, which allowed her to feel at peace.
The other part of her euphoric state was the man whose long body stretched out on the floor below where she’d curled up on the sofa.
She was on her side, with her knees pulled into her chest, one arm wedged beneath her head,.
and he was on his back, long legs crossed at the ankles.
With both of his arms folded behind his head, he stared at the ceiling.
"How did music become your thing?" His voice was low and lazy. Like he was tired or the late hour affected his tone.
"My mom, I guess."
He turned his head, offering her a clear visual of his handsome face. His hooded eyes were serious and focused on her. "She an artist?"
She shook her head. "No, my mom's a teacher and I don’t know my dad.
Just normal everyday people though. When I was a kid, I was always making up songs.
Sometimes the lyrics didn't make sense. I would just sing random stuff.
Like we would be at the grocery store and I'd make up a song about apples.
I was young as hell back then, like maybe five or six.
The older I got, the lyrics began to come together.
They weren't songs but my mom bought me a notebook and told me to write them down. I've been doing that ever since."
“I know she’s proud as hell then.”
Samari’s expression dropped as she shook her head. “I wish but that’s a story for another day.”
Asao wanted the story now. He wanted every piece of her but sensed Samari wasn’t ready to share all her secrets ,so he moved on. "So the lyrics became a passion to sing?"
She laughed, shaking her head again. "No. My words were personal. Nothing I ever considered sharing until my best friend told me I needed to try. She always said how good I was but she's my best friend."
"So you didn't believe her?"
She shook her head, frowning. "No, I mean I knew I could sing, but everybody can sing."
"Nah, that's bullshit, and if they can, they don't have your voice. That shit is something special. The highs, the lows, the way you control your tone and deliver. It's not just a voice. Shit is sex, happiness, and love."
"You make me sound like a fantasy or something tantric."
"Because you are. You don't think so?"
"I do, I'm just, I don't know…"
"Too damn modest, but I fuck with that. It will keep you grounded." His eyes hit her again. "How did you get caught up with Cobra if singing wasn't what you wanted?"
"Lyrics and Love."
The festival hosted by Cobra was well known but bullshit. No one ever came up but the label and those willing to sell their souls. He grunted his disapproval and her eyes lowered to his. "You know about it?"
"Yeah, industry trap. They set up shop, bring in a bunch of hopefuls, and sell them a dream, only to make them sign their life away. I know a couple artists who are talented as fuck but ended up…"
"Like me," she huffed and he narrowed his eyes her way.
"Nah, worse than you. At least you got your album out.
Did a tour, got to experience what it feels like to be on that stage.
It's some shit you can never really understand.
But them, all they got was signed to a label that locked them into unreasonable expectations where Cobra made money and they saw pennies. "
"I'm not much different than them. If I can get away from Cobra, I'll basically be starting over."
"Starting over isn't all that bad, Samari. Sometimes it works out better because you've experienced how to navigate things to get what you want, not what you have to."
"Your career is good though," she said, knowing he had room to talk. She didn’t.
"It is, but that's not what I mean. I started over.
The life I had before I picked up a mic gave me the patience and understanding about what I wanted for my future.
What I came from isn't a place I want to return to.
What I'm living now, how I eat, how I live?
This is what I want. Back then, the life I had, how I ate, how I lived was based on circumstances.
Dealing with Cobra was a circumstance. Letting me help you find your place, one that you own, is a choice. "
He lifted and moved toward her, turning her onto her back. When he lowered and the weight of his body met hers, she exhaled all of her tension. "I want to be your choice, Samari."
A cocky smile tugged at his lips before they connected with hers.
His dominance took over with every swipe of this tongue.
He explored, tasted, and teased, enjoying the way her soft lips felt while he devoured her mouth.
His dick came to life with the optimism of joining the conversation but that was shut down when Asao found his damn sense.
When he pulled away and extended to his full height, she almost protested. Samari wanted more and would have given more if he offered. Instead he extended a hand, helping her sit up.
"It's late. I need to get you home."
"I drove."
"Yeah, you did, but again, it's late, let me take you…"
She shook her head. "No, I can drive. I don't live that far and it doesn't make sense for you to drive me when I have my car."
"It doesn't make sense for you to be out there alone either."
"Asao, I'll be fine. If it means that much, you can walk me down and I'll let you know when I make it home." He looked like he was going to object again, but she shut that down. "I promise I'll be fine."
He reluctantly agreed and walked her to her car. Her entire drive she kept replaying the evening and his words in her head.
"I want to be your choice, Samari."
She refused to mix business with pleasure again. Her past had proven that was a mistake but she was hopeful Asao would be the one to help her get back some of what she’d lost and that would be good enough, even if she already knew she wanted more. She wanted him…