38. The Heart Knows #3
“Fuck, Raya,” I groaned, gritting my teeth to hold back from shooting my load down her narrow throat. I wanted to have sex with her. I needed to know what it felt like to be inside her. What noises I could tear from her soul. I needed to hear her whimper my name as she came on my cock.
But in a cleaning closet? Was I that desperate to take any piece of her I could get?
Yes. Yes, I bloody was.
I released the belt, forcing her back on her feet and picked her up.
“I need to fuck you. Now.”
Our mouths collided, messy and fast, and she wrapped her legs around my hips.
With one arm around her waist and the other on her arse, I lifted her until the head of my cock was in line with her pussy.
We broke the kiss to stare at each other as I let her sink down on my length, the feel of her vice-like grip on my dick better than anything I’d ever imagined.
“Maddox, oh my God. I’ve missed the way you fuck me,” she gasped against my lips, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as I lifted her again, pressing her back against the wall. I thrust my hips into her, my dick sliding deeper into her tight pussy, and she moaned loudly.
“How do I fuck you?” I growled, my fingers digging into the soft skin of her arse as I eased my dick in and out, filling her up a little more each time until she was taking all of me.
“Like I belong more to you than even myself.”
I groaned, devouring her lips as I began pounding into her, no longer believing I could ever hurt this woman. I knew I’d rather die.
Her downward bounce met my upward thrust, and we devoured each other’s moans.
Nothing was enough. I could do this all day.
I imagined this was exactly what we’d spent six weeks doing, because there was no way, once I’d been inside this woman, I would have been able to stop touching her.
I couldn’t go deep enough. Hard enough. I needed this. I needed her.
I slammed into her, driving us both to the edge of pleasure as her nails raked through my hair and across my shoulders.
“Cazzo, I’m going to come,” she whimpered, screwing her eyes shut as her body started shaking against mine. Her pussy clenched my dick and I threw my head back, groaning as I bit my lip to hold on a little longer.
“Look at me,” I commanded, and pretty hazel eyes met mine. I shook my head. I’d considered myself cursed my entire life, but that… that look right there made me feel like the luckiest bastard alive. “Kiss me.”
She slammed her lips against mine as the orgasm crashed through her, injecting more ecstasy into my veins than any high of Raw Mercy.
I grunted, my body tensing as my dick pulsed inside her.
My body shuddered, hips twitching, getting in the last few strokes of the most intense release of my life.
Or was it? It wouldn’t surprise me if every time with her was that mind-blowing.
She buried her face in my neck, clinging to me as I tried to catch my breath. I closed my eyes and rested my head against her shoulder.
“Shit, you came inside me,” she breathed. “We can’t be this reckless, Maddox. Olivia’s going to have to get me a morning-after pill.”
I ground my jaw, possessiveness rearing its ugly head once more.
I was so close to telling her not to bother.
Let her get pregnant with my baby. Then the Russian wouldn’t want her.
But that was so selfish on my part, so I kept quiet.
My silence seemed to upset her even more, and that’s when I realised her body wasn’t shaking as an aftereffect of the orgasm. She was crying.
I tried to pull her from my neck to look at her, brushing her curls from her face. Panic took over. Had I hurt her? Had I been too rough?
“What’s wrong?” I choked as she disentangled her limbs from me. I held her face in my hands, the big, fat tears rolling down her cheeks, eating me alive.
“I love you,” she cried, pressing her hands to my chest. “I love you so fucking much. I know it’s unfair of me to say, because you don’t remember, but I can’t—”
I froze. It felt as if someone had wrapped a fist around my heart and squeezed. She loved me?
“We can’t keep doing this. It will kill me.”
I frowned, my lips parting as the fist let go and my heart pounded violently. “Doing what?”
“This.” She pushed at my chest. “What are we doing, Maddox? You don’t remember us.
And if you do, it will be too late. I’m marrying someone else.
I’m risking my family’s safety by sneaking around with you.
We can’t be together. We’re pretending the little time we have is enough, but it’s not.
It’s not. You came here for revenge against Sean, not for me.
Tell me you aren’t planning to hurt my family once you’ve used them to kill him. I know how your mind works.”
I swallowed. She nodded, grabbing her dress from the floor and wiping her nose.
“I’m not even mad,” she whispered, more tears falling.
She pulled her dress over her head. “Or surprised. You deserve to hurt the people who hurt you, Maddox. But hurting my family won’t bring yours back.
It will only destroy me. So please…” She dropped her head against my chest, unable to look at me.
“Kill Sean. Then leave. Move on.” A sob wracked her body, and my hands dug into her arms.
“Raya—”
“No. Please. You are not what he made you. You have a chance to rebuild the life he stole from you. I hope you don’t remember us, so we both don’t have to bear the pain. I made a choice, and I have to live with it forever. But you can move on. Find peace and happiness. That’s what you deserve.”
She pressed her trembling lips to mine. “For what it’s worth, you’ll always own my heart. Time, distance, even another man’s name won’t change that.”
When she stepped back, I reached for her, pulling her back into me. I couldn’t let her go. Not like this. Not after what we’d just done.
“Don’t go.”
Her watery eyes gazed into mine. “Don’t make me stay. It hurts too much.”
My chest tightened so violently that breathing hurt. She was right. The pain in her eyes, the brokenness, and the knowledge that I was the cause were enough to make me drop my arms.
She yanked open the door and darted out, letting it close softly behind her.
My chest heaved as I gripped my hair and paced the small square room.
A roar tore from me, and I punched my hand through the plaster wall before sinking to the floor, knees bent and elbows resting on them.
The chest pain was crippling. It felt as if I were being crushed alive.
I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall. I knew then that I loved her, even if I didn’t remember falling. It turned out that the heart didn’t need memories. It knows love without them.