37. Preston #3
And I kind of panic a little, my skin flushing hot.
“I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy ride or anything.
My head is still fucked up, and it’ll get horrible sometimes, so I understand if you don’t want to deal with the hassle, but if you’re willing to be there with me, I’ll try my best, yeah?
I’ll take all my meds on time and see my therapist daily if I have to.
I’ll tell you everything you wish to know and will stop trying to push you away when all I want is to have you close.
I’ll take care of you as well, I promise!
I have so many skills aside from possessing money and being pure entertainment.
I can drive you around, and…well, I’ll learn anything else or make Hayes do it—Marcus?
Say something, I feel like I’m yapping.”
“You’re always yapping, though.” He runs the back of his knuckles across my cheek. “Tell me something, Preston.”
“Anything.”
“Do you love me?”
“I do,” I say without hesitation. “I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time. I loved you when I thought love was pain.”
“Is it? Do you still feel pain for loving me?”
I shake my head once, then lean my face into his fingers. “No, it’s not pain, even if my brain tried to trick me into feeling like it was.”
“Then what is it?”
“Safety and warmth.” I sink my teeth into my lower lip. “I really want to hug you right now.”
“Come here.” He exhales shakily, tugging me into his arms and burying his face in my neck, his low-spoken words brushing my skin. “I thought I lost you. I thought…I’d never see you again. It broke me beyond repair. I was contemplating following you.”
“Oh, Marcus. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’ll never put you through that pain again.”
“Never?”
“Never.” I draw him flush against me, my arms tightening as my fingers weave through his hair. “I’ll never leave, not even if you beg me to.”
He vibrates against me, his body trembling a little, and I hold him through it. I hold him like I’ll never be apart from him.
Because I’ll never be apart from him.
I’m done hiding and running. I’m done hurting the one person who makes me breathe properly.
The one person who makes me feel alive.
I burrow myself further into his embrace, wanting to shield him from the world, but also to fuse myself with him so deeply, we’ll never be separated again.
“I would’ve never forgiven you if you’d left me, Preston.”
“I wouldn’t have forgiven myself.”
“Wouldn’t you? You already forgot me once.”
“Forgot you? What are you talking about?”
“You don’t remember this, but we met for the first time at Dad’s house when we were kids,” he murmurs in my neck.
“We were seven, and I was in the garden to gather flowers for Mom, and you were sitting on this tree looking like a fairy. Then you fell over me, gave me candies, and wished me a happy birthday. I think I’ve been in love with you since, baby. ”
I pull back, my heart pounding so hard, it clogs my throat. “Wait. The kid with the daisy was you…?”
“Yes.” He trails his hands over my cheek and through my hair, touching me everywhere, like he’s trying to sink deeper than my skin. “You forgot about me, didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t. I came back the next day looking for you, but none of the staff recognized you.
I thought you were an imaginary friend, I had lots of those while I was growing up, so I didn’t question it.
Oh! Now I know why your pictures from when you were a kid looked familiar.
It’s because we met before! That’s why you called me fairy prince when we met again during the games in high school—because you thought I looked like a fairy… ?”
“Yeah. I was both annoyed and hurt that you didn’t remember me when I think I’ve been in love with you since then, baby.”
My lips quiver, my heart tightening under the weight of too many emotions until it overflows. He loved me back then?
Marcus? Me?
“I…was your first crush?”
“First love. And the only one.” He smiles. “Mom said that on the way back, I asked her if I could marry you.”
My rib cage is clenching, unable to process just how ecstatic and surreal this all feels. “Maybe I loved you, too.”
“You don’t have to say that—”
“I mean it. I was really sad when no one remembered you, and I still have that daisy in my elementary school book somewhere. It was the first time someone called me pretty but not like a girl. Just pretty. I really liked that.”
“So you do remember me?”
“Of course I do. I told Mom all about you and even named you Daisy…wait! Don’t tell me, the daisy tattoo…?”
He clutches my hand and places it on his thigh, where I know the tattoo is. “Yes, it’s for you, my prince.”
“And here I was jealous of some imaginary girl.” I laugh to myself.
“You don’t need to be jealous of anyone.
” He lifts my palm from his thigh and drops a kiss to the middle, then presses it on his cheek, softly, tenderly.
“You own me, Preston. You have for longer than I was willing to admit. I kept trying to name it—obsession, fixation, the urge to drag you close and keep you where I could see you. But it wasn’t any of that.
Not really. Somewhere along the way, it stopped being about wanting you and became about needing you.
Every day, I woke up with the need to know you’re breathing and still choosing this messed-up thing between us. ”
“I would always choose this thing between us, Marcus.” My lips shake around the words.
“Me too, baby.” He kisses my palm again.
“I used to think I didn’t feel much. Or anything.
That whatever part of me that was supposed to love never developed.
But then you came in so loud and chaotic and slightly broken, and suddenly, everything I didn’t think I had started pulling me toward you.
I look at you, and all I want is to put myself between you and the world.
Not because I’m trying to claim you, though that does exist. But it’s because I can’t stand the thought of anything touching you.
Because every emotion I thought I didn’t have… apparently bleeds for you.”
“Oh, Marcus,” I breathe, brushing my lips to his, coming undone at his words. “You’re so done.”
“Am I?”
“Yeah. I just decided I’ll never let you go.”
“Neither will I, baby.”
And then I’m kissing him deep, and he kisses me back with slow, devastating certainty as I cling to him like he’s the only thing holding me upright.
And maybe he is.
I used to think love only came with pain, but this man showed me just how wrong that was.
He showed me how to love deeply, strongly, even a touch chaotically, until I know I’m not alone in this anymore.
And he’ll make sure I never will be.